boyfriend and his babies' mother

Irma - posted on 12/27/2013 ( 13 moms have responded )

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should I be mad if he does favors for his kids mother

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Stephanie - posted on 12/27/2013

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Just depends. The way I see it if it benefits the children then it should be okay but If its favors only for her then maybe he just pity's her or worse still cares for her. Look at it both ways. Have a one on one talk with him.

Jodi - posted on 01/03/2014

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Her clothes, or the does it include the kids clothes?

You don't live together? Nope, I'm not seeing what is to be upset about. It isn't really any of your business.

Jodi - posted on 12/27/2013

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No. A happy mum makes for a happy child. I'm assuming the favours somehow benefit his child, in which case, I think you need to accept it.

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Chrisha Rae - posted on 01/03/2014

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Well I would be upset If my man was going over to a different woman's house to do these things but if he took his kids to his house and took some clothes in bags I would not be upset but I am a very jealous person, after two years you would think that you two would be living together maybe you should really try to understand if you are uncomfortable in the relationship and if he is comfortable maybe it is not working out maybe you don't trust him. I trust my man but I am stubborn and have lots of self-esteem issues, maybe that is your problem but a father or mother that does not love their children are cruel i'm sure you don't want a man who would not care for his children no matter how horreble the other women might be.

Jodi - posted on 01/03/2014

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It was mostly his kids clothes.....why would you be mad? I think it's very selfish of you.

Leela - posted on 01/03/2014

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Depends on the favors. The children's mom is ILL and he's washing HIS children's clothes. I find it to be small minded of you that you're raising this as an issue. Now if he's paying her hairdresser bills I could see the problem, but this just seems to be him trying to work with her. Gotta say if this upsets you, you're going to have a very hard time in this relationship.

Irma - posted on 01/02/2014

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well we just got into a big argument because she was ill, and he was suppose to watch his kids, so him being a nice guy he asked her do you want me to wash some of your clothes, I didn't know about this I happened to find it in his phone, while looking for a phone number.he dont have a problem with me looking through his phone. was I right by getting upset about this?? we have been dating 2 years, and we don't live together

LalaBoom - posted on 12/30/2013

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Don't lose sight of "best interests of the child" because if he's doing favors for her to accomodate his child (not her), then no you shouldn't be mad.

Having said that, I'd be very clear about boundaries and about what you can/can't accept.

For example, BM gave my husband an ultimatum: visits will happen at her house only. I also gave my husband an ultimatum: visits will happen at a neutral location OUTSIDE BM's home. I have never accepted my husband visiting his girls at their mom's house. I'm not a jealous woman, there were factors that invited such boundaries. The choice was easy for my husband. I was not blocking or hindering visitations, I had my boundaries and my relationship to protect so I presented my case and he simply reconciled his responsibilities to his kids and to me as his wife. Until visitation was settled through the courts, he'd simply pick them and take them out.

However, for example, BM couldn't pay her electricity bill. We got wind of this. Sure he didn't want to pay for "her" bills (neither did I), but we both know his children need that electricity so we happily paid for it. This is a "favor" that really isn't a favor in all because the kids need the electricity in their home.

My point is, make sure you have a clear concept about what his responsibilites are and don't confuse them for "favors."

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