Can he not return my child?

Sadie - posted on 11/27/2012 ( 32 moms have responded )

3

0

0

I stay in fl & father stays in ga. He didnt sign the birth certificate but she has his last name & he is involved in her life. We dont have court ordered visitation/custody or child support but I do let him come get her from time to time. If he decided not to return her & keep her with him how would i go about getting her back?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

B. P. - posted on 11/30/2012

65

1

15

Get a lawyer and get a custody agreement immediately! Do not let him take the child out of state until you do. You are asking for a giant mess if you do not. Once a child crosses state lines the legal issues become 1000 times more complicated. He could potentially file for custody in his state and you would then have to fight for custody in his state and get a lawyer there too. It doesn't matter tht he didn't sign the birth certificate. All he has to do is get a paternity test while the child is with him. Once paternity is established without a court order it is not kidnapping if he does not return her. Without a custody agreement signed by a judge you have no protection. Do not wait. Do it now! The number one mistake people make us not having that legal document and just trusting their exes.

Sarah - posted on 11/29/2012

65

0

0

In California, where I live, if there is no custody agreement, then both parents have equal right to the child and one can take the child for as long as they wish. But, the laws are different in every state, so it's important to do research on what the laws are in your state (actually, the state the child lives in most of the time is considered the state of record whether it is your state or his). I think in general it is always safer to have a custody agreement in place so that you know what is expected of you and of him and have resources if he were to do something unexpected!!

Deborah - posted on 12/14/2012

18

0

1

Be nice and work with him. Once you involved the courts, the father's rights movement will destroy your lives! STAY OUT OF COURT, STAY ON GOOD TERMS WITH THE FATHER. Be fair and share, if he takes her, you will think you are fighting the entire world to get her back... Google MOTHERS WHO WANT OUR CHILDREN BACK, and learn the truth...

Connie - posted on 07/24/2013

1

0

0

my son has been with his dad for about 3 weeks from now and i spoke to him over the phone about when will i get my son back he says im not getting him back. we have court order papers but i misplaced them what can i do about that issue. so i say at the end of this month if he still won't give me back our son what should i do.

Stefani - posted on 12/17/2012

24

39

1

the most likely thing that would happen if you accused the father of kidnapping is they would take the child to a foster home while BOTH parents do a DNA test to determine parentage. Then what would happen is the states would tell you that you have to come to some sort of custody agreement, which should have been done when you knew that you weren't going to be with the father but wanted to allow him visitation. Believe it or not HE has rights too as her father. Whether you are getting child support or not. The court will look at the fact that he is trying to have a relationship with his child and will consider that. So the answer is complicated. You would have to go through a lawyer and all kinds of stuff since technically NEITHER of you have custody of her. The best thing would be to get a custody agreement done before there is a problem.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

32 Comments

View replies by

Amy - posted on 10/04/2013

4

7

0

Most of these post are from moms and i meanno disrespect. Just was wondering.....my son who was engaged to his childs mom before being sent overseas is now fighting to see his son. He is trying to work things out of court but she wont budge on one issue. She is pregnant by new boyfriend. This man had police record of drug abuse also failef drug test during cps case. My son wants no contact between this man and his child. Cps case involved this man pulling two chunks of hair out of his head. Charges were dropped but she moved and stopped all contact. Would judge allow this request

Alicia - posted on 05/21/2013

53

25

0

here in canada what we do is to phone the police in both places and let them know the situation and then go get the child with the police present then there is a record that the father didnt want to give up the child so when is refused the next time there is a report on record for kidnapping charges.

Christine Elizabeth - posted on 12/30/2012

27

0

3

you can Call the police about it and Report him for it. IF he does not have legal rights to her then he does not legal rights not to return her to you

Erin - posted on 12/18/2012

5

1

0

Like most others have said it depends on the state. In NH the fathers name has to be on the birth certificate and if you 2 agreed for him to take the child (in writing) then it's parental interference.

Shauna - posted on 12/17/2012

105

5

12

These responses may be right but like Amy said even if he is not on the birth certificate she has his last name which you gtave her which basically states he is the father and he does not have to return her if he chooses not to. You need to get to a lawyer and get an order into progress and get it taken care of if you don't want him keeping her. The police will not do anything about it without that paper. Trust me I have been through this. If you were afraid of him not bringing her back then why did you let him take her and why don't you have something like that already in progress. But most of all you need to think about your daughter. Why keep her away from her father? You could be limits on him I guess if you want but you could eventually end up hurting your daughter in the long run. But if you don't want him to keep her away from you then you need to see a laywer.

Kayla - posted on 12/16/2012

11

0

3

Protect yourself! Get a custody agreement or sit with your child father in front of a mediator and write out a visitation schedule. If he decided not to return your child outside of this agreement, CALL THE POLICE. Always have the papers kept safe and keep a copy on your person at all times. You can never be too careful.

Deborah - posted on 12/14/2012

18

0

1

please search for CALIFORNIA MOTHERS Call to Action AND SHARE YOUR STORY THERE, we are MOTHERS WHO WANT OUR CHILDREN BACK and we have members worldwide... we all learn from each other and support each other, but we are losing our children to FOSTER CARE, FORCED ADOPTIONS and our ABUSERS every day... so, please join us and help us stand up for our rights and get our children back. thank you for reading,

EVERYONE who still believes that the courts will help, are living in the dark ages... the courts ONLY COST YOU MONEY AND DESTROY YOUR LIVES... they are NOT TRYING TO HELP, and their perception of BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD destroys ALL CHANCES OF REUNIFICATION WITHOUT A FIGHT AGAINST THE COURT... please read, learn, share, join us as we LEARN OUR RIGHTS AND FIGHT FOR OUR CHILDREN.

those of you who have happy homes, please be eternally grateful and support mothers who have been destroyed by the tax dollars used to steal our children... TITLE IV-E funds... pay for the trafficking of children through foster are and into forced adoption and the children are miserable and their mommies are crying for them every night... we need help, and there is no where to turn... thank you all for all you do, protect your children with your lives, and STAY OUT OF COURT if you possibly can...

Valerie - posted on 12/07/2012

61

2

1

if the both of you lived in California, I would say he absolutely could not return your child if he wanted to. I just finished posting about this in another forum. My daughter's father decided that he didn't want to "give her back" one day out of the blue when I went to pick her up. I went to the police station and was told that since we were not married when she was conceived (nor at that current time) that neither one of us had custody, and he was lawfully allowed to keep her as long as he wanted to, as she (our daughter) had just as much of a right to stay with him as she did with me, even though she always lived with me up until that point. Sorry for the run-on sentence.

Ashley - posted on 12/05/2012

316

12

47

get a lawyer and file for custody before he does. you have to file in the state she lives in.

Jodi - posted on 12/04/2012

3,562

36

3907

He could have the court order a paternity test if he chose to. Why would you want to deny him the right to a relationship with his child? And why would you want to deny your child a relationship with his father? As others have said, go to court and get a custody/visitation order in place, and then it won't be an issue.

Ev - posted on 12/04/2012

8,375

7

919

If he has her with him for the time frame, he could take her in and get it done and you would not know. Then he could file for custody then.

Sadie - posted on 12/04/2012

3

0

0

Thanks ladies for your replies but i was under the impression that i automatically have custody since he isnt on the birth certificate. I was inquiring due to him living out of state. And can he prove paternity without my consent? i thought both parents & child had to do dna testing to prove paternity. i

Ev - posted on 12/04/2012

8,375

7

919

You need to research the laws in both states. If he does not bring her back, he can if its the law keep her and file for custody no matter what you have done in the past since there is no custody order in place now. You should have done this at the beginning.

Tracy - posted on 12/04/2012

12

14

0

I live in Oh, and that is considered parental kidnapping here. Check your state laws, in Oh, an wed mother has ALL rights to her child once its born, the father has to take her to court to get any.

Lauren - posted on 11/30/2012

10

2

0

I live in Ga, if there is no father listed on birth certificate then she legally has no father here no matter whose last name she has. But you do need to get a court order for visitation/support. Also if he does take her and keep her you will have to file charges for kidnapping because that is what it is.

[deleted account]

IT DEPENDS ON THE STATE YOU LIVE IN!!!! Some states say yes like Oklahoma but others say no its joint. I would sit down with him and make a yearly schedule out when you both have the child that year and BOTH sign it.

Ashley - posted on 11/30/2012

218

35

62

Without his name being on the birth certificate or having a paternity test proving he is her father then it would be kidnapping... If there is a paternity test showing he is the father, then you need to get a custody agreement established as well as a visitation schedule set up.

Megan - posted on 11/30/2012

4

20

0

Please listen to these suggestions! Try legal aid, get an agreement in writing. Be fair to your child! How will they feel if they never get to see one of you again. Don't risk it! Tell the father it's for his own good too so that he has established rights too.

Sarah - posted on 11/30/2012

97

6

3

Considdering itd b out of state, it would b super hard for u to get ur child back. It is possible but expensive and hard bc ur baby has his last name. Good luck mama! PS I live in GA

Melissa - posted on 11/30/2012

87

12

14

In AZ it is considered kidnapping, even if he is on the birth certificate, but it is different in every state, so you need to look up the laws for your state. The crossing state lines will make things insanely more difficult too. Really the safest idea is to get a formal custody agreement written up.

Jodi - posted on 11/29/2012

3,562

36

3907

You need to get a custody agreement in place. Without it, you may not have any recourse at all. Why risk it?

Amy - posted on 11/29/2012

2

15

0

You need to research the law in the state in which the child will be in. that is what law the child will be under. in my state mo the if the child is with the parent and there is no papers the police won't do anything. I know because I am a police officer.

Kate - posted on 11/29/2012

84

0

19

IF he is not listed on her birth certificate then according to the state he is not her father, he is a stranger who took a baby. IF he proves paternity then if he leaves with her it'll be a nightmare to get her back. Crossing state lines means that you are looking at a federal issue, and that could take months to resolve.



I would suggest that you list him on her birth certificate and create a general custody arrangement. It doesn't have to be very involved. It could simply say that you have primary physical and legal but he gets x number of visits a year at times agreed to by both parties.

Sarah - posted on 11/28/2012

556

25

44

Those replies *may* be accurate. In my state (west virginia), unless you have a custody agreement signed & on file, the parent with physical custody of the child can keep him/her. You need to contact an attorney in your area. Start with Legal Aid, they should be able to point you in the right direction.

Tabitha - posted on 11/28/2012

329

11

64

That's parental kidnapping if he is not returned as agreed to. Call the police and put out an amber alert.

Kayla - posted on 11/27/2012

33

0

10

call the police instanly. he would be considered as kidnapping her. as the mother you have all rights to the child unless married or taken to court. if he dont have joint custody and ur not giving him consent then its kidnapping.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms