child support?

Elyssa - posted on 12/09/2009 ( 62 moms have responded )

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is it wrong for me to put my childs father on child support, or get him to get his own visitation rights because he has none, to see his child & to help take care of his child? my main concern is that he talks to 16 yr olds & he's 23 (I'm concerned with my childs saftey). Are my emotions involved or am I doing the right thing? we are not together & he thinks because of that quote unquote "because he doesnt f*ck with me" (LOL) im trying to put him of child support.

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Amber - posted on 12/15/2009

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Quoting Elyssa:



Quoting Julie:

Elyssa, I went through this and it seems like he is trying to play mind games with you and your emotions. Go through the courts for visitation and child support and just stick to it. Don't call him unless their is a problem with you daughter and STICK to it.
My x-husband told my grandparents that he wished that I would give him more time with our 2 boys so he was more then just a every other weekend dad, but My new husband and I did give him that opportunity and it was more important for him to sit at the bar every night and drink and see what women he could take home. Men only ever think with the wrong head....LOL It's funny but the truth. Men don't care who they hurt in the process of living their so called life.
You need to be a strong individual for yourself and you beautiful daughter. Stand your ground with visitation and child support. That is all we can do. It's hard I will say that, but be strong and don't let him know that certain things bother you. If you need to let a scream or cry out, do it behind closed doors where it can't see or hear you.
Things in this sort are never easy and it seems to only get harder, but we all survive and some how get through it.






yeah, I don't like being played with & he makes me feel guilty because I'm trying to do this too. I don't know, but I do know I will stay strong, & after last night I really don't care anymore. but thank yu Julie I needed that. :)






Go for the child support and visitations, stick to it, if he wants to change it have him go through the court system.  One thing you have to also realize is that he is testing his boundaries to see what games he can play with you in the long run.  Don't play his games, don't let him manipulate you because it will only get worse in the long run and then he will start playing mind games with you and your child and later on...it will hurt the child more.  so when he tries and you start to feel bad, just think this...you are doing this for your daughter's well being and hopefully someday he'll grow up, if not than at least you have protected your daughter and have given her the support you can as well as given him the opportunity to step up as a father.  if he doesn't take it...it's his own fault and she will see that. 

Rose - posted on 12/12/2009

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i think you should take him for child support. He don't give you any other kind of support so why not. If you are concerned with your childs safety than don't let him see the baby. My sister is kinda in the same situation only he sees the kids only when in is convenient for him tho. Some men are just a holes!!!!

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Elyssa - posted on 12/16/2009

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Quoting Jamie:



Quoting Amber:




Quoting Elyssa:

I hear what everybody is saying, but I'm not going to allow my child to be in that type of enviornment, I don't agree with it so I don't think I will let him see her for a while or until he gets his stuff together, its doing her no good anyways. My daughter deserves more than what he is giving her. I know its the holidays but oh well, like I always told him the things that yu do effects everybody. I don't think I'm being self centered either I think he is for being stuck in his own ways & not growing up to handle his business.








being in a similar situation... watch what you say... in several states it is Illegal to withhold visitation and it is also illegal to withhold child support. I just want to give you a heads up, and with the internet now and days anything can be used as proof against or for you. I hope it all works out for you and enjoy the holidays!









This is also true, I have seen it many times where mom withholds visits and the father ends up getting custody.






I doubt that any judge in their right mind would reward a person who has drug charges any custody of anything, let alone a child. I'm not at all worried this is the truth, I'm not holding her he has NO CUSTODY RIGHTS!

Elyssa - posted on 12/16/2009

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Quoting Jamie:



Quoting Amber:




Quoting Elyssa:

I hear what everybody is saying, but I'm not going to allow my child to be in that type of enviornment, I don't agree with it so I don't think I will let him see her for a while or until he gets his stuff together, its doing her no good anyways. My daughter deserves more than what he is giving her. I know its the holidays but oh well, like I always told him the things that yu do effects everybody. I don't think I'm being self centered either I think he is for being stuck in his own ways & not growing up to handle his business.








being in a similar situation... watch what you say... in several states it is Illegal to withhold visitation and it is also illegal to withhold child support. I just want to give you a heads up, and with the internet now and days anything can be used as proof against or for you. I hope it all works out for you and enjoy the holidays!









This is also true, I have seen it many times where mom withholds visits and the father ends up getting custody.






I doubt that any judge in their right mind would reward a person who has drug charges any custody of anything, let alone a child. I'm not at all worried this is the truth, I'm not holding her he has NO CUSTODY RIGHTS!

Elyssa - posted on 12/16/2009

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Quoting Jamie:



Quoting Amber:




Quoting Elyssa:

I hear what everybody is saying, but I'm not going to allow my child to be in that type of enviornment, I don't agree with it so I don't think I will let him see her for a while or until he gets his stuff together, its doing her no good anyways. My daughter deserves more than what he is giving her. I know its the holidays but oh well, like I always told him the things that yu do effects everybody. I don't think I'm being self centered either I think he is for being stuck in his own ways & not growing up to handle his business.








being in a similar situation... watch what you say... in several states it is Illegal to withhold visitation and it is also illegal to withhold child support. I just want to give you a heads up, and with the internet now and days anything can be used as proof against or for you. I hope it all works out for you and enjoy the holidays!









This is also true, I have seen it many times where mom withholds visits and the father ends up getting custody.






I doubt that any judge in their right mind would reward a person who has drug charges any custody of anything, let alone a child. I'm not at all worried this is the truth, I'm not holding her he has NO CUSTODY RIGHTS!

Elyssa - posted on 12/16/2009

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Quoting Julia:



Quoting Elyssa:

I hear what everybody is saying, but I'm not going to allow my child to be in that type of enviornment, I don't agree with it so I don't think I will let him see her for a while or until he gets his stuff together, its doing her no good anyways. My daughter deserves more than what he is giving her. I know its the holidays but oh well, like I always told him the things that yu do effects everybody. I don't think I'm being self centered either I think he is for being stuck in his own ways & not growing up to handle his business.





I think you need to check yourself for a minute. Because you do sound bitter. Now -  I don't know you - but it sounds like you trying to use your child as a method of punishing him. You really going to withhold the child on the holiday? Are you serious? You may have concerns, I get that, but why can't you take the child to see him for a few for the holidays if it's a safety concern only. But I'm getting that it's not a safety, you are just bitter. You are trying to punish him for whatever. I don't mean to offend but that is just what I'm getting from this post. 






Well your wrong, Thanksgiving passed he didn't even call or text or stop by his mom did but thats NOT him, soo to me it doesn't even matter. That saturday the 21st we were in the hospital because our baby had Bronchiloitis he didn't even want to be there. -I'm NOT at all bitter, I'm not the one missing out he is. I'm not using my daughter for anything nothing will make him change his mind.

Sharalyn - posted on 12/16/2009

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No you are not wrong to feel this way and yes you are doing the right thing by making him be a responsible parent. Stand your ground, and don't let his petty comments get the best of you, you are not the one talking to 16 year olds here. You are a mother first. Hope this helps.

Kari - posted on 12/16/2009

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he needs to pay child support. this is his child and he needs to be responsible for it as well. all visiting rights are super impotrant. he could decide to out of the blue take off with your child and there is nothing you can do without court papers..trust me i had this happen. i went to the police crying my eyes out cause the father of my child had decided since he didnt think we'd get back together that he'd just take her and run and they jsut looked at me and asked if i had a court agreement and i didnt and they sad sorry cant help you.we've worked things out since then but it was a scary experience

Nastassia - posted on 12/16/2009

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You and your child's father not being in a relationship has absolutely nothing to do with him financially supporting his child. So, NO, you should not feel guilty or wrong for wanting to persue a child support case against him. He made that child with you. Therefore, he is required to be there for that child just as much as you are. And him being in relationships with very young women should concern you. You have to be sure that your child will be treated fairly while with him and his "women".

Racheal - posted on 12/15/2009

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From someone who has been where you are i am telling you to go through the court system for child support. My daughter is almost three years old and I had to put her father on child support because he wasnt doing his job. Now why you are there you can take care of visitiation. Because she is still a baby you can probably set it up where he and you go to a neutral place for him to see her. The judge gave him visitations here at my house because my daughter doesnt know him and i wasnt comfortable with him taking her. But he doesnt even come see her, but i would never keep him away from her because she needs a father. When she gets older she can decide because if you decide for her rather then letting him mess up on his own then she will be mad at you for not letting him in her life. Who knows he might turn out to be a good dad and if he doesnt then that falls on to his shoulders not yours. But know this to some people even through they are ordered to pay child support they might not send it. good luck with everything and if you ever need any advice feel free to message me whenever..

[deleted account]

I may be late with responding to this becuz i jus joined.. but I am actually goin in the morning to file for child support. There is nothing wrong with putting him on support. If he doesnt want to be there then dont force him. but you still have to take care of you and that little one so you need help, nothing wrong with admitting and asking for help. its hard I know it is. But I hope evrything works out.

Julia - posted on 12/15/2009

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Quoting Elyssa:

I hear what everybody is saying, but I'm not going to allow my child to be in that type of enviornment, I don't agree with it so I don't think I will let him see her for a while or until he gets his stuff together, its doing her no good anyways. My daughter deserves more than what he is giving her. I know its the holidays but oh well, like I always told him the things that yu do effects everybody. I don't think I'm being self centered either I think he is for being stuck in his own ways & not growing up to handle his business.


I think you need to check yourself for a minute. Because you do sound bitter. Now -  I don't know you - but it sounds like you trying to use your child as a method of punishing him. You really going to withhold the child on the holiday? Are you serious? You may have concerns, I get that, but why can't you take the child to see him for a few for the holidays if it's a safety concern only. But I'm getting that it's not a safety, you are just bitter. You are trying to punish him for whatever. I don't mean to offend but that is just what I'm getting from this post. 

Julia - posted on 12/15/2009

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I put my son's father on child support because it is his responsibility. THe simple fact of the matter is even if you do it because your emotions are involved. or the fact you hate him or whatever- he' suppose to take care of his child. So your reasons for doing it is really irreverent. It doesn't matter why because it is something he is suppose to do. If he wants visitation, and you two can't work anything out, he SHOULD go get his own visitation. None of the above mentioned things make you wrong. He just mad because he don;t want to pay so he wants to try to make you prove that's not the reason by not putting him on child support

Stefanie - posted on 12/15/2009

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Wow Im in a very similar spot.cept its my husband.Were gettin a divorce hes 23 and always hangs out with the young ones and his gf is 18...I was afraid in the beginning that I would let my feelings get in the way.But I have been able to put them aside for the safety of my daughter...And its his financial responsibility as well whether he has visitation or not...

Misty - posted on 12/15/2009

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I have been through this, I have a 7 year old son, that I have raised on my own, I didn't go for child support until he was about 2 and his dad made it sound all personal. Honestly I think the jealousy thing tends to go away as you see who they really are. I haven't met any of my exes gfs, but he can be with whoever he wants as long as he's not bothering me about it...lol.
I think it's hardest in the beginning, I had a lot of support, and I promise you, your child is going to see who's there and who isn't. My ex popped in and out "demanding" visitation every so often, then just birthdays, haven't seen him in over a year. He called after like 6 months to say Happy Birthday to our son. Professionals all say that it's better to avoid any contact then to have such sporadic contact.
My best advice is to look at everything as one issue and deal with that issue. Child Support and Visitation do not go together...biggest mistake anyone can ever make is going to court and implying that they have anything to do with one another. If he is on the Birth Certificate, then he is legally responsible to pay Child Support unless otherwise ordered by the Court. If he signed a ROP (Recognition of Parentage) then he stated that he is the legal father to the child and understands that he has NO legal or physical rights to the child unless otherwise ordered by the court.
As far as 16 year olds are concerned, I guess I would keep my head down and let him deal with his own mess, I know that it can turn ugly fast. I don't know if I helped any and I know laws are all different by state, but from my experience visitation and child support are held separate in most if not all states. (I grew up with a lot of experience in Social Services, my mom worked with MFIP, Young Dads, and a lot of other Social Service programs.) If I can offer any other help let me know and Good Luck!!

Jamie - posted on 12/15/2009

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Quoting Amber:



Quoting Elyssa:

I hear what everybody is saying, but I'm not going to allow my child to be in that type of enviornment, I don't agree with it so I don't think I will let him see her for a while or until he gets his stuff together, its doing her no good anyways. My daughter deserves more than what he is giving her. I know its the holidays but oh well, like I always told him the things that yu do effects everybody. I don't think I'm being self centered either I think he is for being stuck in his own ways & not growing up to handle his business.






being in a similar situation... watch what you say... in several states it is Illegal to withhold visitation and it is also illegal to withhold child support. I just want to give you a heads up, and with the internet now and days anything can be used as proof against or for you. I hope it all works out for you and enjoy the holidays!





This is also true, I have seen it many times where mom withholds visits and the father ends up getting custody.

Jamie - posted on 12/15/2009

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Quoting dawn:

if he is not there with you helping to take care of his child and he does nothing for his child at all, you need to take him for child support. If he can be mature enough to lay there with you and get you pregnant then he needs to be mature enough to help support the other half of him. Yes he will be mad at you but you know what he will get over it, and if he doesnt pay even after a court order he will end up in jail, which wont be any big loss to you or your baby, since he isnt there in the first place.



Bravo!

[deleted account]

Quoting Elyssa:

I hear what everybody is saying, but I'm not going to allow my child to be in that type of enviornment, I don't agree with it so I don't think I will let him see her for a while or until he gets his stuff together, its doing her no good anyways. My daughter deserves more than what he is giving her. I know its the holidays but oh well, like I always told him the things that yu do effects everybody. I don't think I'm being self centered either I think he is for being stuck in his own ways & not growing up to handle his business.



being in a similar situation... watch what you say... in several states it is Illegal to withhold visitation and it is also illegal to withhold child support. I just want to give you a heads up, and with the internet now and days anything can be used as proof against or for you. I hope it all works out for you and enjoy the holidays!

Dawn - posted on 12/15/2009

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if he is not there with you helping to take care of his child and he does nothing for his child at all, you need to take him for child support. If he can be mature enough to lay there with you and get you pregnant then he needs to be mature enough to help support the other half of him. Yes he will be mad at you but you know what he will get over it, and if he doesnt pay even after a court order he will end up in jail, which wont be any big loss to you or your baby, since he isnt there in the first place.

Elyssa - posted on 12/14/2009

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I hear what everybody is saying, but I'm not going to allow my child to be in that type of enviornment, I don't agree with it so I don't think I will let him see her for a while or until he gets his stuff together, its doing her no good anyways. My daughter deserves more than what he is giving her. I know its the holidays but oh well, like I always told him the things that yu do effects everybody. I don't think I'm being self centered either I think he is for being stuck in his own ways & not growing up to handle his business.

Sandy - posted on 12/14/2009

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Quoting Carolee:



Quoting Lisa:




REFERRING TO A MOTHER THAT STOPS THE FATHER FRM SEEIN HIS KID NOT ONE THAT CHOOSES NOT TOO!! READ BEFORE U BITE BAK seriously if any mother wants to stop there child frm being in the fathers life they deserve every bit of shit they get yeah the child needs to eat and yes needs a roof over their head and cothes but why be a self centred bitch over it obviously if their gonna stop the kids frm seeing there father then they can obviously manage to look after the kids without help honestly put yourself in the fathers shoes and think wat would u do if someone took your child away from you how would u react and would u wanna pay someone wen u never saw your child or if u didnt actually know if ur money was really going to the child or just the mother actually think bout it instead of just agreeing with someone coz u happen to be a mother urself coz newsflash so am i and i hav morals and alot of respect for those fathers who get shit on by there ex just becoz the mother doesnt lik who the father talks to get the fuk over it its not ur life or ur partner anymore and there are 2parents so why do half the mothers on child support stop the fathers from seein the kids coz like its obvious if they believe their child only needs them then obviously they can afford to support them isnt that also why we get paid frm centrelink to look after our children wat child support brings in a lousy ammount that we wouldnt even notice really anyway!!! Wake up all u self centred ppl







I don't think protecting your child is self centered. I didn't allow my oldest father to see her, i even ask him to sign over his right.  Does this make me self Centered? He was in to drugs and had all kind of women around. When i got married in 2008 I ask him to sign over his rights again and he did. So like you said maybe u should think befor you type cuz not all women are self center just cuz they keep their child from seeing their father there could be a good reason behind it.



 



As for the Child support issue Elyssa: If you are not with him any more then yes he should be paying child support.... and as for him lay down some rule if he get vistiation rights, like only him and the kid no one else and maybe even make the supporvised for a wail. or that you have to be there too. That way you know who your child is talking to and you know that he isn't bring this 16 year old around.



 



As for the age thing If the parents don't care that she is dateing a 23 year old then stay out of it untell it consures your child too. My husband is seven years older them me.



Elyssa-- i want to leave you with this when it comes to your child do what you think is right for her...cuz that is what matters most... If the father is going to be in her life then you should at least try to be friend or at least polite to eachother.. cuz if your not that only hurts the child. my best wish to you and your and i hope things work out for the best...



Sandy



Khamila - posted on 12/14/2009

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My advice from experience: Take him for support if he doesn't help ffinancially. IF you are concerned about your child's whereabouts when in his custody, don't bother with visitation. I am only concern for the child so that he/she can continue to stay in sane environment. good luck!

Carolee - posted on 12/14/2009

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Quoting Lisa:



REFERRING TO A MOTHER THAT STOPS THE FATHER FRM SEEIN HIS KID NOT ONE THAT CHOOSES NOT TOO!! READ BEFORE U BITE BAK seriously if any mother wants to stop there child frm being in the fathers life they deserve every bit of shit they get yeah the child needs to eat and yes needs a roof over their head and cothes but why be a self centred bitch over it obviously if their gonna stop the kids frm seeing there father then they can obviously manage to look after the kids without help honestly put yourself in the fathers shoes and think wat would u do if someone took your child away from you how would u react and would u wanna pay someone wen u never saw your child or if u didnt actually know if ur money was really going to the child or just the mother actually think bout it instead of just agreeing with someone coz u happen to be a mother urself coz newsflash so am i and i hav morals and alot of respect for those fathers who get shit on by there ex just becoz the mother doesnt lik who the father talks to get the fuk over it its not ur life or ur partner anymore and there are 2parents so why do half the mothers on child support stop the fathers from seein the kids coz like its obvious if they believe their child only needs them then obviously they can afford to support them isnt that also why we get paid frm centrelink to look after our children wat child support brings in a lousy ammount that we wouldnt even notice really anyway!!! Wake up all u self centred ppl





While I empathize with your brother's situation, not all situations are like that (when the mother chooses not to have the father in the child's life).  You have also said that people should look at it from other people's points of view, which I agree with... but you are not following your own advice! 



I get child support through the courts from my ex.  My son is now 2 years old, and my ex has not seen him more than 5 times in the past year and a half.  This was half his choice, half mine.  He wants to have unsupervised visitations, and I flat-out told him that he would have to kill me first!  So, he doesn't see my son. 



Now, there is a good reason for me not letting him see my son, and it's not because I'm a "self-centered bitch"!  He abused me, and it was starting to effect my son. Before he left, it got to the point where my son was locked in his room at night, and the only key to his room was locked in my room with me and the baby monitor.  Every night.  And it wasn't only abuse... he also consistantly threatened to abduct my child and take him to somewhere where I would never be able to find him. 



Me not letting my ex spend time with my son does NOT make me a "self-centered bitch", and I DO take offence to your post.  Just letting you know another side to another story.

[deleted account]

I look at it this way what do you want to deal with... Child support will help you financially while involving the courts and him possibly getting visitation to your child and access to legal and paternal rights. But it's long, drawn out, and can be expensive if you want to fight visitation. The other choice is leaving it alone... and see what happens... is he coming around, is he giving support at all? If the court is not involved then it's more of sticks fall where they land type of situation. You said your scared to let your child with him for the safety, but him talking to 16 year olds will not only have to be proven, but also are the 16 year olds doing something that may harm yoiur child... It is not a crime for him to talk to 16 year olds, so your opinion may not be the courts. Really sucks. It is such a hard decision. Another horrible thing is that courts have made it difficult for mothers in the way of protecting children, since in most cases something must have happened for there to be a level of protection put in place, even though a mother will say til she's blue in the face it was not safe from the beginning. Well I wish you and your lil one the best of luck!

Jamie - posted on 12/14/2009

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Oh would like to point out my husband pays child support for his son and when his sons mom started being crazy and not letting him see his son he took her to court, now he gets him every weekend. So if a father really wants to see his son and is a fit parent going to court shouldnt be a problem. If your gonna make a baby, be sure you can support a child.

Jamie - posted on 12/14/2009

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How is making sure my children are provided for self centered? And if a father wants to see his child all he has to do it go to court, once thereis a court order a mother doesnt get a say in things. My ex pays child support and doesnt see his daughter, he has court ordered visits and he bailed out to another state hasnt seen her in 2 yrs, hasnt called, havent heard from him. thats no my fault or problem thats on him.

Lisa - posted on 12/14/2009

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jamie massie: OMFG u remind me so much of my brothers ex sriously not good. temeka obviously see's how hard it is on the males to do with kids but obviousy your one of those self centred bitches that see things one way which is yours your the one that really needs to wake up or at least have it happen to you for you to understand or see things frm a different view seriousy u need to have a look at how high up on your horse u are coz u hav a long way to fall!!

Lisa - posted on 12/14/2009

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Quoting Jamie:

Lisa Ward: Seriously? Are youkiddingme? Whether he sees the child or not the child still needs to eat and have a roof and clothes. So even if he chooses not to see the child he should still be paying. A child is brought into this world by 2 parents and should be supported by those 2 parents. If the dad doesnt want to see the child thats on him, but he shouldnt deprive HIS child


REFERRING TO A MOTHER THAT STOPS THE FATHER FRM SEEIN HIS KID NOT ONE THAT CHOOSES NOT TOO!! READ BEFORE U BITE BAK seriously if any mother wants to stop there child frm being in the fathers life they deserve every bit of shit they get yeah the child needs to eat and yes needs a roof over their head and cothes but why be a self centred bitch over it obviously if their gonna stop the kids frm seeing there father then they can obviously manage to look after the kids without help honestly put yourself in the fathers shoes and think wat would u do if someone took your child away from you how would u react and would u wanna pay someone wen u never saw your child or if u didnt actually know if ur money was really going to the child or just the mother actually think bout it instead of just agreeing with someone coz u happen to be a mother urself coz newsflash so am i and i hav morals and alot of respect for those fathers who get shit on by there ex just becoz the mother doesnt lik who the father talks to get the fuk over it its not ur life or ur partner anymore and there are 2parents so why do half the mothers on child support stop the fathers from seein the kids coz like its obvious if they believe their child only needs them then obviously they can afford to support them isnt that also why we get paid frm centrelink to look after our children wat child support brings in a lousy ammount that we wouldnt even notice really anyway!!! Wake up all u self centred ppl

Jamie - posted on 12/13/2009

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Temeka, if he doesnt see his kids thats on him, nothing is stopping him from going to court and asking the judge to order the mothers to let him see his children. If hes ordered unfit for what ever reason thats still on him. And im glad the mothers are doing what is best for thier children and making him pay child support, shows they are being responsdilbe and allowing their kids every chance they have.

Temeka - posted on 12/13/2009

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Because the only reason they put him on child support was he got a pay increase and job promotion.Hes tryanna go back to school for his matser and its hard already and to add that is more stress. Plus he has no visitation right because of the mothers.

Stacey - posted on 12/12/2009

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TERRIBLE, JUST TERRIBLE. HE IS THE FATHJER OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL CHILD SO HE SHOULD HELP IN EVER WAY TO SUPPORT THIS CHILD... HE WANTS TO TALK TO LITTLE GIRLS THEN LET THE GIRLS PARENTS STRESS OVER THAT, BECAUSE HE DOENS'T WANT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF ANYTHING. TAKING HIM TO COURT FOR CHILD SUPPORT IS A GOOD THING TO DO.

AND YOUR A WOMAN AND YOUHAVE OVARIES YOUR EMOTIONS WILL BE THERE REGRADLESS OF ANYTHING.

P.S WHETER YOU GUYS ARE TOGETHER OR NOT YOU DIDN'T FALL ONTO HIS DXXK WITHOUT HIS HELP...(LOL) JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOU LAUGH

Amber - posted on 12/12/2009

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He should help take care of his child. My ex is currently sitting in jail for failure to pay child support and he has no rights at all. It takes 2 to make a baby and it takes 2 to support a baby. Your ex has some kind of rights by being the father, not necessarily any visitation rights, but he has some rights. If he doesn't want the baby let him sign off all rights and find a man that will take your child as his. It's not easy, but it can be done. It took me a long time to find a man to take on my kids and we are now married. There is hope.

Jamie - posted on 12/12/2009

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Temeka Williams : you feel bad for your BF because he pays childsupport. Why shouldnt he? they are his kids.

Temeka - posted on 12/12/2009

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Hey is all depends on how you feel about the whole problem. Do you still have feelings for him and think that yall could be a family.If so dont stress the issue Im not Im with my bf he has 2other kids and pay child support and I see him struggle and Im like poor him.Im a full timePhysical Therpist so I really dont need his money.You gotta follow you heart on this 1put let it be the best fro you and you daughter..

Carolee - posted on 12/11/2009

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Take him to court for child support. Your child needs it. You need it. He needs to step up. If he doesn't want visitations, don't force him. My son's bio father pays child support and hasn't seen him in almost 6 months. Every once in a while, I'll get a call that he wants to see him, and my son just thinks we're going to see one of mommy's friends that she doesn't see too often. I NEVER let my ex watch my son alone (not even long enough for me to go to the restroom), which can be requested through the courts as well. You can request the possible meetings be supervised by you, a member of your family, or a court liason, or multiples of those. Let him contact you for the visitations, but get the child support! Good luck.

Kenlisha - posted on 12/11/2009

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a guy is going to be a guy if he aint willening to help take care of his child fuck him n do for u n ya baby yea its gonna be hard n tought but u can do it with out the help of a ass hole any man that makes a baby n dont wonna help raise that child is less of a man his self now if he does for the child n wonna visit no u should not put him on child support. When it's all said n down just live ya life n move on for u n ya baby.

Gina - posted on 12/11/2009

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Get the support you need and deserve. But here's the catch, in some states support and visitation go hand in hand, while in others they don't.
Depending on where you live you can get support with out him having visitation rights, if you ask for them and purse the legal system be ready to compromise, several state have adopted stronger 'Father' rights, and many don't offer Full or Sole custody anymore, what they will ask for is a time sharing plan, one of you will be the custodial parent, the other the non-custodial.
Depending on how often he sees the baby now, it may be benificial to you to not purse visitation for him. Let him take it to that level if he want to. In the mean time document EVERYTHING!!! Get yourseld a marble notebook, a folder and a reciept organizer- jot down dates that the saw the child, paid for anything the child uses, etc. Also document the times where he asks to see the baby then doesn't follow through. Save Reciepts of things you buy, from food, diapers clothes, etc... All of this will be priceless to you in court!

Good Luck!

Michelle - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Corynn:



Quoting Michelle:

does that mean a 25 yr old shouldnt be talking to 17yr olds? i met my partner when i was 17. he was 25 and we have been together nearly 5 yrs now and have a little one.





honestly, it depends on what state u live in... i know in new york state 17 is the legal age of consent, so a 25 year old could not get in trouble if the 17 yr old consented to it, so to me it is not disgusting, but the 16 yr old thing is... they are still little kids and don't know much about life... honestly, a year does a lot to maturity and knowledge....






 






Elyssa-i would go for the child support, and just ask him if he wants to be in ur child's life... if he says no, then fine... if he does, u need to make it stated in court that any girl that he talks to cannot be around ur child... he needs to do something to support the child cuz it is because of him really that the baby was born... girls can't fertilize anything... lol the sperm does that, and it comes from guys haha






Right, now I get why yall so angry with the 16yr old thing. here in UK legal age for consent is 16. So now I see why some of you's think its disgusting...my opinion now...yes if 17 is the legal age in your state then 16 is too young for him to be dating. (not talking too) but having sex with.



Its strange how in some countries like america and UK laws differ so much. you can drive in some states in America at 14, yet cant even get a liscence here until your 17! 



Its true Corynn, I think I matures so much between 16 and 17. many things happened in my life that made me grow up.

Michelle - posted on 12/11/2009

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one thing i feel very strongly about is having a man around that doesnt want to be there, its like having a babysitter that doesnt like or care for your child. i wouldnt force a man to be around my son of he didnt want to simply because i wouldnt be able to trust him with my child in any way shape or form.i would def. put him on child support because you didnt make that baby by yourself therefor you shouldnt be the onyl one held accountable so if he doesnt want t be there emotionaly or physically by all means dont be there but you will be htere financially

Jamie - posted on 12/11/2009

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Lisa Ward: Seriously? Are youkiddingme? Whether he sees the child or not the child still needs to eat and have a roof and clothes. So even if he chooses not to see the child he should still be paying. A child is brought into this world by 2 parents and should be supported by those 2 parents. If the dad doesnt want to see the child thats on him, but he shouldnt deprive HIS child.

[deleted account]

Quoting Michelle:

does that mean a 25 yr old shouldnt be talking to 17yr olds? i met my partner when i was 17. he was 25 and we have been together nearly 5 yrs now and have a little one.


honestly, it depends on what state u live in... i know in new york state 17 is the legal age of consent, so a 25 year old could not get in trouble if the 17 yr old consented to it, so to me it is not disgusting, but the 16 yr old thing is... they are still little kids and don't know much about life... honestly, a year does a lot to maturity and knowledge....



 



Elyssa-i would go for the child support, and just ask him if he wants to be in ur child's life... if he says no, then fine... if he does, u need to make it stated in court that any girl that he talks to cannot be around ur child... he needs to do something to support the child cuz it is because of him really that the baby was born... girls can't fertilize anything... lol the sperm does that, and it comes from guys haha

Janine - posted on 12/11/2009

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I don't think it's wrong to put a man on child support especially if he's not doing his part. My son's dad is suppose to pay child support and we had the same problem at first. We are not together either. I would say if he willingly contributes then no need to go to court but if he's spending all his money on himself and none on the child (like my son's dad was) then of course. That's what its for. If you have never been to court to get full custody then technically he has as much right to the child as you do. I NEVER kept my son from his father though. Its not fair to the child. BUT if your concerned about the child safety then try to come to an agreement where he can visit the child under your terms. The last resort is court because you definently dont want them in your business and making decisions for you. My son's dad wants me to take him off child support now and I agreed because we have an joint custody and he has our son mon and tues and every other weekend starting on fridays. This works out great and my son gets to spend time with both sides of the family altough it took some gettin used to. As far as the other girls, I made the decision to not say anything about them because I didn't want him to tell me who I can and couldn't have around his son. Just remember, you are both parents and if he's a real man he wouldn't let anyone hurt his child. Especially if its a girl.

Shea - posted on 12/10/2009

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GIRL GO FOR IT!!!! who cares wht he thnks!!! I'd put him on child support & have him get visitation.... he is messin w/ a MINOR... & these days females will do nethng jus to 'hurt' the other woman!!! Ur not bein selfish.... ur outtin the safety of ur child 1st!!! I did it & it was the best thng I culda done b/c he doesnt hve self control & he hangs out w/ 16 17yr olds now & he's 27!!!! Thts kinda odd to me but whteva floats his boat... u look out for u & ur child... u can look on the news & see all the baby killings from 1 of the parents partners... It jus happen where I live.... a girl thru a brick thu the front window if the "baby mamas" apt & then when she didnt come out... the 15yr old went in!!! kickd the door in & all.... u'd be bettyer safe than sorry... u dunno wht ppl mite do these days... I say do it!

Elyssa - posted on 12/10/2009

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Quoting Julie:

Elyssa, I went through this and it seems like he is trying to play mind games with you and your emotions. Go through the courts for visitation and child support and just stick to it. Don't call him unless their is a problem with you daughter and STICK to it.
My x-husband told my grandparents that he wished that I would give him more time with our 2 boys so he was more then just a every other weekend dad, but My new husband and I did give him that opportunity and it was more important for him to sit at the bar every night and drink and see what women he could take home. Men only ever think with the wrong head....LOL It's funny but the truth. Men don't care who they hurt in the process of living their so called life.
You need to be a strong individual for yourself and you beautiful daughter. Stand your ground with visitation and child support. That is all we can do. It's hard I will say that, but be strong and don't let him know that certain things bother you. If you need to let a scream or cry out, do it behind closed doors where it can't see or hear you.
Things in this sort are never easy and it seems to only get harder, but we all survive and some how get through it.



yeah, I don't like being played with & he makes me feel guilty because I'm trying to do this too. I don't know, but I do know I will stay strong, & after last night I really don't care anymore. but thank yu Julie I needed that. :)

Julie - posted on 12/10/2009

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Elyssa, I went through this and it seems like he is trying to play mind games with you and your emotions. Go through the courts for visitation and child support and just stick to it. Don't call him unless their is a problem with you daughter and STICK to it.
My x-husband told my grandparents that he wished that I would give him more time with our 2 boys so he was more then just a every other weekend dad, but My new husband and I did give him that opportunity and it was more important for him to sit at the bar every night and drink and see what women he could take home. Men only ever think with the wrong head....LOL It's funny but the truth. Men don't care who they hurt in the process of living their so called life.
You need to be a strong individual for yourself and you beautiful daughter. Stand your ground with visitation and child support. That is all we can do. It's hard I will say that, but be strong and don't let him know that certain things bother you. If you need to let a scream or cry out, do it behind closed doors where it can't see or hear you.
Things in this sort are never easy and it seems to only get harder, but we all survive and some how get through it.

Lisa - posted on 12/09/2009

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i believe if he see's the child then yes he should be paying as he did help create her but if he is bein stopped coz of talking to younger girls then i believe he shouldnt have to pay a cent as i help my brother out with his child support he gets stopped frm seing his daughter and i believe that is so wrong on many levels every father should be in their kids life no matter who there with or who they talk to unless yes they say otherwise!! my x and i go privately with child support as he's pretty much my best friend now but him and i got together wen i was 14 goin on 15 and he was 19 age shouldnt matter at all and i doubt anyone would want to hurt a child in any way unless u know them well enough to say different most 16 yr olds love kids so who says these 16 yr olds would do anything that would affect urs and his child age isnt anything these days its jus a number sorry if this is blunt but its my oppinion im not gonna beat around the bush about it good luck with it all just remember u hav ur daughter and thats all you need

Sarah - posted on 12/09/2009

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Ugh my x was the same way! way easier to collect the support you need through the state, way easier! I let mine f me over for to long! If he's with under age girls turn him in at least the state won't let him endanger your baby. my x ended up settling down with a much younger 18yr old he's 34 now and she's 22 they have 2 kids together and honestly if it wasn't for her I'd fight him seeing his daughter, she makes sure my daughter gets fed, bathed and kept happy. I really regret treating her like she was a kid and has no idea how to take care of my baby. my x and i are good friends but he still tries to screw me out of money whenever it's owed

Jamie - posted on 12/09/2009

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Yes you should seek custody and a visitation schedule. You have your concerns and a judge should decide what needs to be done. Obviously the 2 of you (for whatever reaosn) arent together and cant seem to figure this out.

[deleted account]

In Ontario, child support is an obligation by one parent as long as they are not in a shared parenting obligation (60/40 is considered shared parenting). There is still child support, but it is not according to table. Child support is mandatory, and I would take him to court if he is not filling his duty. You two together did the deed, now both of you are responsible for the next 18 years, or as long as s/he is a child of the union. Whether or not he chooses to see the child has nothing to do with support. Get the support. It's hard enough being a single parent, but you are also a young, single parent. You need all the resources available to you.

Sheryl - posted on 12/09/2009

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i'm not going through something this, but he should pay child support. you didn't make this child on your own. so i would feel bad about making him pay! just because your mom doesn't mean you have to do everything. he should help take care of the child at least he could do is pay child support. if your concern for you child safety when it comes to him and who he talks to. if you want the child to see him you could make sure its supervised vists. hope that helps some. oh yeah, he really should not be talking to 16 year olds. thats just wrong. i mean hello i think his got some growing up to do. not to be mean but i think he does! if his talking to 16 year old girls, i think it may be that he missing the past. me and my husbend had problems with something like this when we first got married and had our first son. but his got to realize the past is the past. his never going to get it back. i where you put your foot down and till him straight.

Michelle - posted on 12/09/2009

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my bad...sorry Elyssa i said son before...i stand corrected you have a beautiful baby girl!

Michelle - posted on 12/09/2009

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to your earlier reply....tell him where you want him to be in your life...and stick to it. It seems to me like you still wanna be with him...when he says he wants to be with you/around you and call you more...then hes talkin to other girls at other times...he really isnt wanting to soley be with you. You need to put him straight....
its either:

You, him and baby
or
him out on his own payin child support.

He can decide, but if he picks the first...hes gotta be with you 100% and not with nay other chicks actin stupid..he needs to buckle down and care for his family...if he decides this route..if he mucks up...kick him out and hell be doing the second (from above)
If he chooses the second it means no physical attraction (touching etc..) or no emotional blackmail towards you to get what he wants
its not fair on you.

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