child support frustration

Brenna - posted on 08/12/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I have a question for all the single mothers out there who receive child support. I feel like if you have a child with someone and then break up there are certain 'rules' that should be followed. If both parents are in the child's life and have split custody, meaning the child spends equal time with both parents, there should be no child support paid. Both parents are contributing equally to the childs health and wellbeing. So why is it that if one parent makes more than the other parent the state/govmnt feels like that parent should pay the other parent, even when they share EQUAL time with the child?? This confuses me. As a mother myself I cannot imagine asking for money for my child when we both take care of the child equally. How is that fair in anyway???? Personally I find this offensive and selfish to assume one parent is more obligated than another to care for a child. Of course everyone has different situations when it comes to child support and percentage of time spent with the child. I am specifically talking about parents that have equal custody and time spent with their child. Who thinks this is right to force one parent to pay another parent in this situation, because I just dont understand what possible reason there could be for this. Anyone going thru this also with their spouse that can offer support is appreciated!

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Amanda - posted on 06/21/2012

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I am glad to find someone who is going thru the same thing as we are. I agree with you %100!
the thing that makes it worse, is that our other kids are being taken from because it is going to the childs mother and her own expencise. my step daughter does not get the money she is living with us six months at a time. So when I ask why she cant afford to buy her own daughter new clothes when she is back, she says its none of my business, yeah it is. thats money being taken away from my family and going straigt to her. which brings up another fustration, she has three different kids from three different military men! how does a "judge" over look someone like that? poor "judgment" if you ask me.

Rosa - posted on 08/12/2010

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My husband is going thru this with the mother of his child. On top of us spending equal time with him and pretty much buying anything he needs whenever she asks us to, he pays child support. I don't understand this either if all his needs are being met why is it that child support is neccessary?

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Amanda - posted on 06/21/2012

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its like they get some light bulb moment and think... I can make a career out of having babies? and the poor bastard has to pay me!? heck yeah, lets have a baby! If I had no morals, or pride I would be doing the same thing. my step daughteres mom has had 3 kids from three different military men, never in a relation with any one of the fathers! just there money. pretty sad, just having kids for the money.

[deleted account]

wait, I forgot to answer the OP's question - sorry! lol



I think that if physical custody of the child is 50/50 then no cs should be ordered, UNLESS there are extenuating circumstances (ex: one of the parents is now deemed "unemployable" because they stayed at home to raise the kids - happening to me right now, no one will hire me because I haven't gone back to work since my youngest was born - and can't get a job to support themselves and the child(ren). To me, that is a case where cs for 50/50 custody could be justified).



Of course, there is also usually the matter of insurance and such in cs cases as well. What do people think of that? Should the parent with the "better" job automatically be required to provide the child's insurance? Even with 50/50 custody?

[deleted account]

In California you can't collect both child support and welfare unless the father is paying you directly (but then you would have to report the cs to your welfare worker and it's counted as income and goes against how much wefare you receive).

My hubby and I are supposed to get cs for our oldest daughter (her bio mom lives over 2600 miles away from us and she's the one who left without their child... long story...). We have our daughter 99.99% of the time (bio mom keeps canceling her court ordered visitations and hasn't seen our daughter since January 1st...) and we agreed in court to only ask for $100 per month in cs! And she still "can't" pay that. Ugh... At least my hubby has a good job so he can support our family and I can stay home with all our girls (our oldest and our 2 kids together).

Laura - posted on 09/15/2010

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ya know, i'm supposed to get child support from the girls dad and he wont pay it...i'm working full time as a waitress and what little i get for tips goes for the girls...these moms that u all are talking about, those are the lazy ones who dont give a crap....and it really pushes my buttons when i hear of a mom sitting on her a$$ collecting child support AND welfare.....

Tiffany - posted on 09/15/2010

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Wow that would be nice to not have to work and just get child support/other income. My daughters father has no interist in meeting her. He has 2 other kids with 2 other women. He pays chils support on the oldest 2 of the 3, I think he is still with the youngest ones mom (only 2 months old). My daughter is his second.
But I do agree with you on this one Brenna. If everything is equal than there should be no other expenses that need be paid thru CS. Thats just taking more money from him that would have most likely been given to you anyway, but then if you spend that CS on the chold then he is paying more than half since his money is what the mother is using for her half of the support. Is it required to file a case against him where you live since you arent togethert? If not just dont do it.

Amber - posted on 09/15/2010

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he told the judge that he didn't want child support.. that he was supporting me and our son(which he was) we got back together, but he's in jail right now because of his daughters mom.. he pays child support for his daughter, and her mom is collecting for her other child too. she sits on her ass at home and collects child support every month..

Brenna - posted on 08/12/2010

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amber-i really hope hedidnt say yes to the support, right??? or did he do the right thing?

Brenna - posted on 08/12/2010

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he already pays her child support for 30% time so we are fixing it to the correct amount which is 50% time, but because she does not work (collects welfare and child support from her other kid's dad) he will still have to pay her to sit at home while he works hard labor......

Amber - posted on 08/12/2010

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when me and my sons father broke up for the second time after our son was born, we went to court for child support(its required in the state of wi).. the judge sat there and gave us shared placement and shared custady... then sat there and asked his father if he wanted child support from me... its like wait a min.. he spends the same amount of time with both of us..

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