Child with Children

[deleted account] ( 59 moms have responded )

Hi All! I have heard and used the above mentioned saying above. What are your thoughts about this?

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Ciressa - posted on 05/28/2009

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Forgive me for being somewhat pissed, but it is people with outlooks like yours, Jamie, that give teen moms a sense that they CANT be a good mom, and raise a normal child. I'm not saying lets go out and tell every girl between the ages of 12 and 18 to go out and get pregnant because its great, easy and fun; But come on! What makes you think that you can raise a child any better? Maybe we were too young in your eyes, but I have been through and experienced alot, as have many moms in this forum, and being condescending to them is not a help in a time of need. We are here to help each other, not hinder each other and make ourselves feel inadequate. I think that people are very naieve to their surroundings, and if a teen does get pregnant, then we need to help her, teach her, work with her in every way possible; to show her that it can be done, rather than taking a point of view that a teen cant do it. Maybe if we are more supportive when it DOES happen then they will feel confident and NOT want to leave their children because they feel like they cant be a mom. Im sorry if this sounds a little aggressive, but I have dealt with stupid comments for nine years now, and I am just sick of "older"women putting down teen moms. Older does not mean wiser. As the Bible says: Better a poor man whose walk is blameless than a fool whose lips are perverse.

Proverbs 19:1

Ciressa - posted on 05/26/2009

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Its like I said, life is what YOU make it. All of these girls had the ability to make the decisions they did. Just because they chose it, doesnt mean thats how every 16 year old that gets pregnant is. These scenarios that you talk about, is not just with 16 year olds. I did foster care for 3 years, along with my husbands parents, grandparents and sister. Of all the kids going in and out of foster care, not one had a teen parent, or was born to a teen parent. Its all the choices each person makes, no matter the age.

Amie - posted on 05/28/2009

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I find this funny. I did a social experiment with my sister and her boyfriend this past weekend. (their both 16)
I have 4 kids. (2 months, 2 yrs, 4 1/2 yrs, 8 1/2 yrs.)
So we went to the biggest busiest mall in our city. We have a double stroller so put our toddler and baby in it. I handed them the reigns (so to speak) and walked about 10 feet behind them with my older two.
What we saw was all these people looking at my two little girls with a little smile and wave (our toddler says hi to everyone). Then they'd look up ASSUMING they'd see mom. They'd see my sister and you could see the instant judgment that would go through their heads. Some would even mutter the phrase listed or something of the same ilk. They all stared too as we walked away. We did this for about a half hour as we shopped then I went over to them when I noticed one lady getting ready to speak her mind. Which is fine you all are entitled to your opinion but when she saw me walk up just seconds before she opened her mouth and say K Em I can take my girls back now can you walk with the other two? Her face changed, she went red and walked away.
Gee wonder what she was thinking? Not all is at seems some days. =) Just remember that.
I was a teenage mom myself (18 when I had my 1st) But I have worked my butt off for each of my kids to give them the best life possible. It shows in many ways that I've done a great job of this. They want for nothing and they all act appropriately with manners.
So even if you see that teen mom who you think is a statistic, keep it to yourself. She may be babysitting, she may be the aunt who looks stunningly like her nieces/nephews, or she may be mom but doing a great job who doesn't need to be harassed or hear snide remarks out of the side of people's mouths. You can't know anyone's situation just by a quick glance when you see them with children.

Yvonne - posted on 05/26/2009

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Well, I had my son when I was a senior in high school. I found out I was pregnant the first month of my senior year at the age of 17. I delivered 3 days after I turned 18. My son (Joseph) is now 11 years old, he lives with my fiance and I. I do have a full time job and have always supported my son on my own. I blv that if a woman is responsible enough and realizes (NO MATTER WHAT AGE) that she has decided to lay in a bed it's her responsibility to make it up. My son is intelligent as well as athletic and I could not be more proud of any person in my life, my mom says the same thing about me. Life happens, it's up to us to determine how to make the best out of it.

Sarah - posted on 05/26/2009

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i mostly agree with Ciressa, it's all down to how the individual reacts to the situations. i don't think having kids at 15 16 is the best root, but that's mainly because they will be missing out on their teenage yrs. there are some great teen mums in the world, and there are some terrible ones, but by the same token, there are terrible older mums too! as Ciressa said, life is what you make it! :)

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Ashley - posted on 06/03/2009

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I think it is their own decision. You can't classify someone as being/going to be a bad mother just based upon their age. I know some 16 year olds that are better mothers than 30 year olds. I personally didn't want a baby at 16 that is why I waited to have sex...but, that was MY decision not a decision I let somebody else make for me.

Jamie - posted on 06/02/2009

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Wasnt the original question about children having children? And didnt I respond to children having children. As some one else stated the OP asked a question. I did not jump into some other topic and start bashing young mothers. A question was asked and I answered honestly. Just cause you dont like it and I didnt agree with everyone else does not make me rude or judgemental. I think its gross for a 16yr old to have sex, as in my eyes they are still a child. Thats how i feel nothing is going to change that.



Ciressa, yes having him in Iraq was difficult, especially because of his job he wasnt always on base and sometimes it would be days before I heard from him. And with hormones raging you could only imagine the thoughts I was having. He made it home safe though, he did injure his foot and has a huge scar on his hand but other then that hes doing good. I hope he doesnt have to go back again but we are ready to deal with it if it happens. It takes a strong woman to be a military wife, its not for everyone, you have to be willing to me married and act as a single parent at the drop of a dime cause you never know when that could come for them to get shipped out.

Thea - posted on 06/02/2009

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who cares as long as the baby is well taken care of. we are all good mothers whether we are 16 or 35. i think its awesome we will be 40 or less and our kids will be 20 and moving out.. wahoo

Staniquea - posted on 06/02/2009

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First I'd like to say let's not beat up on Jamie for having her opinions cause we are all entitled to one, Isn't that what this is for anyway? I had my first child at 17 and while I can say I am a good mother I can also say that SOME teen mom's are not ready for it. At the same time I do believe that some 30-40 year olds having children for the first time are not ready. Parenting is a huge thing and it's not something that someone knows everything about right off hand. Food, Shelter and clothing are just a small part of it I believe also. It takes way more than that to raise a child. I didn't plan my first pregnancy at age 17 but things happen in life and you've gotta make the best out of it. I can think of a lot of good and bad mothers in all age groups.

User - posted on 06/01/2009

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May i just say.....(by the way i believe those who have children young can be just as good and in some instances better than older mums....this world is huge and people are all very different) BUT.....I do believe Angelique (who asked this question) specifically asked "What are your thoughts about this?" And when Jamie posted her thoughts alot of people jumped down her throat......If you dont agree with Jamie fair enough but carrying on at her for being "rude" is a little of an over reaction I say...Rude would be going up to a 16yr old Mother and giving her opinion without being asked, but SHE WAS ASKED so i don't see how her giving her opinion is rude?

Amanda - posted on 06/01/2009

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well my thoughts are that if teens are going to go out and get them selves preggers then they are in fact babies having babies or kids raising kids or children with children.
If they do not like these terms they should not be getting knocked up when they are kids.

Jess - posted on 06/01/2009

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Ciressa is right.. no-one needs to be judged by how old they are. One of my friends had her first bub at 16 and then planned for a second one a year and a half later and now she has two and her fiance and her have just bought a house together and she loves being a mum and shes fantastic at it to. It is not about how young you are, its about what you make of the situation and how you cope with it. There are several 16 year olds who have abortions because they know they wouldn't be able to cope or don't have the support around them to encourage them to be confidant enough and there are others who have the greatest support ever and either way if anyone is having children at whatever age you can always be a great mum. They've created this website to help people not put them down. Im 22 today and im due in august and ive just found if u listen to everyone's opinions and dont have your own insticts to do whats right for you it's incredibly hard to get anywhere in life for yourself especially if other people/children are counting on you. Young mums dont need the criticism because they can be just as fantastic as everyone else out there. Like i said its not about your age its about how you as a person deal with the outcomes!

Jahla - posted on 06/01/2009

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I WAS 16 WHEN I HAD MY DAUGHTER ALAZAE AND ATTENDED SCHOOL TILL THE END OF MY 6TH FORM YEAR GAVE BIRTH IN JANUARY AND STAYED HOME WITH HER TILL SHE WAS 5MNTHS OLD.I THEN DECIDED TO FINISH OFF MY SCHOOLING THRU CORROSPONDENCE AND ACHIEVED NCEA LEVEL 1 AND 2(THATS WHAT WE DO IN NEW ZEALAND)MY DAUGHTER HAS ATTENED DAECARE SINCE SHE WAS 5MNTHS OLD AND IS NOW 4YRS OLD ALOT OF PEOPLE SAY SHE IS READY FOR SCHHOL NOW.IM NOW 21 AND 6MONTHS PREGANT WITH MY 2ND CHILD AND BOTH KIDS HAVE THE SAME DAD.SO REALLY AGE IS JUST A NUMBER AND WHAT HELPS TEENS GET THROUGH RAISING KIDS IS FAMILY!!!!LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT!!!!

Ciressa - posted on 05/31/2009

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I think that there is a point that hasnt been made yet; regardless of anyones background, upbringing, beliefs, opinions; no matter the age; we all need a good support system. If we didnt none of us would be here. If we all truly had a close knit support system, what are we doing in these forums, giving and getting advice? We need it, we need to know that others are having the same experiences, feelings, issues that we are. We need verification that what we are doing is right, we need understanding that everything is going to be okay, and we need tips on how to do things better. To Jamie, I cant imagine what it would be like to have my husband fighting in Iraq, I dont know how I would deal. I had 3 of my brother in laws over there (2 went two differnt times, one of them was when the war just started and they were showing everything on the news) and it was nervewracking as all get out. I deal with my husband being gone a month at a time, and that is hard.

Charlie - posted on 05/31/2009

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lets face it there are good parents who love and provide for their families with or without govt assistance is of no importance AND there are bad parents ! they can be found in all age groups .i personally wouldnt want my child to tell me they were pregnant in their teens but if that happens than they will deal with it the hopefully right way and hopefully with a loving family to help and guide them , yeah there are teenagers that shouldnt be having kids but there are also some 20 , 30 , 40 year olds that shouldnt be having children its called mothers instinct , the instinct to love , provide , and protect your child with everything you have , you either have this or you dont no matter the age , Jamie your opinion IS judgmental , its based on personal judgment that tends to criticize other people and all with a certain air of arrogance .

Jamie - posted on 05/30/2009

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Quoting Stephanie:

Jamie, I kinda think Your quite judgemental and sorry to say but there is a difference between 12 and 16 we all mature you know i had my first when i was 18 and i am happy i now have 2 children. you may asweel say well wats the dif between 16 n 18 why because 18 is "the legal" age that does not matter that is just law does not mean your are any more mature to raise a child, u may have seen a few bad experiences but it is not right to judge them all, i have met some very good mothers and they were only young, may i ask do u have children of your own????



I am not judgmental I have my own opinons. There is a difference between 16 and 18, by 18 your are a legal adult and can do things for yourself. At 16 you cant even sign your own hospital papers to be admitted to have your baby. You no longer have to rely on your parents because you can sign legal documents.  Which means you can sign an apartment lease. You can buy a car. Its not all about maturity its about being able to take care of a child. You have to be mature and respondsible, that means putting a roof over your childs head (you not your parents) and provide food (you not the govt or your parents) and provide clothing. And once again because you failed to read what I typed I said MOST. I dont get why everyone wants to ignore the fact I said MOST.  And yes I have children of my own. 2, 4 and a 7yr old SS, oh and Im pregnant with number 3. No offense but why else would i be on a Mommy forum? Im 26 which would mean I had my first 22.  Which means I waited until I was 21 to get pregnant.  I was also over 18 before I even had sex, but had a BF from the age of 17. I had other things to do, school, sports, part-time job. And yes ive somewhat been a single mom, i gave birth to my second while my husband was in Iraq.  Despite the fact my husband has a good job, I have also chosen to advance myself and go to college, something a lot of teen moms dont do. Ive heard people, even on this forum say that they would rather sit home and collect govt assistance then get a job, so they take advatnage of the system. So while there may not be much more maturity between 16 and 18, at least you are100% fully responsible for your actions and nothing falls on your parents. Because its that 16yr olds baby not her parents, and they shouldnt be respondsible since they had no choice if thier child was going to have sex or not.

[deleted account]

There are some 30year olds I know who have kids who leave them with relatives or sitters so they can go and party all weekend. I know some 30+ year olds who spend their child support and child tax credit on gel nails, booze, and smokes. Hell I know one who pawned her Son's Christmas gifts from her family so she could get hair extensions! I know some who stay with men who beat the s**t out of them on a daily basis, "Because it's important for their kid to have a male rolemodel"

On the other hand I know of 16-20 year olds who have worked 2 jobs to support their children. Who enroll them in activities offered by the community at no cost when they have had low incomes. They don't go out partying all weekend, they don't treat their friends and family like free childcare. A couple have paid thousands to leave the abusive situations they were in and make sure the abusive S.O.B. NEVER got his hands on the kids again.

One of the Mother's I most look up to had her 1st child at 18! Her daugher has NEVER went without. She is happy, healthy and SMART. The elementary school she's in have tried to convince her Mother to skip her ahead a grade or two since she first started school! However her daughter is happy with her friends so it isn't an option.



There are people of many ages whether teens or 30+ who do not have what it takes to be good parents. Even the most well intentioned parent will fail now and then though, and there is no reason to hold it against them. I think a Mother should be judged by her actions and what she tries to achieve for her child (whether she succeeds or fails). Age is a very minor part.

Nicole - posted on 05/29/2009

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Child With Children... it's hard to explain how I feel. I don't particularly like the thought of babies having babies... but I was a week shy of 20 when I found out I was pregnant with number one... Also, my mother was merely 14 when she had me... so if I completely bash it, under my standards I should have never been born... it's a complex issue that everyone is going to differ on. I actually tour with my mother and our young children to area high schools and talk about the different paths our lives have taken, and what we have given up. I have two girls, 2 and 3... both surprises. My mother has 5 kids.. 24, 19, 12, 11, and 2... yes my mother and I had babies 6 weeks apart.Instead of focusing on just the "child with children" philosophy we deal with now that you're pregnant what are you going to do? and are you being reasonable in your expectations? Life, with or without children is whatever the mom makes it, and it is the mom that needs to step back and say... all right, now what? and make the conscious decision to be a good mom. It's not age that makes that decision, it's maturity, pure and simple.

Danialle - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Jesi:

Jamie what about those teenagers that don't have a choice that they are pregnant? I grew up in a very religious home and abortion just wasn't an option at all, when I was 15 I was raped by my brothers best friend and found out 3 months later that I was pregnant. I didn't think I could handle giving up a baby that was growing inside me to adoption, I mean raped or not he was still half mine. I worked my butt off to take care of him and in my opinion I think I have done an excellent job so far! He gets straight A's, has a huge heart, kind, and he's absolutely beautiful, I wouldn't have chosen that time in my life to get pregnant, or that situation, but it happens and sometimes you have no choice! I don't think that age determines how good of a parent you are going to be, It's called Motherly Instinct!!!


You are so right and I applaud you! I don't know what I would have done in that situation! I admire you for putting your child first and doing the right things. He is lucky to have a mom like you! :)

Stephanie - posted on 05/29/2009

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Jamie, I kinda think Your quite judgemental and sorry to say but there is a difference between 12 and 16 we all mature you know i had my first when i was 18 and i am happy i now have 2 children. you may asweel say well wats the dif between 16 n 18 why because 18 is "the legal" age that does not matter that is just law does not mean your are any more mature to raise a child, u may have seen a few bad experiences but it is not right to judge them all, i have met some very good mothers and they were only young, may i ask do u have children of your own????

Kiyomi - posted on 05/29/2009

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Wow, alot of this seems to repeat itself throughout the conversation. I agree that an older age will make you a better mother. My grandma had her oldest at 15 and my mom had hers at 17. I waited until 21 (but mainly b/c I was scared of taking care of a baby...I got married at 19). I look like I am about 18 and have had so many people look at me and assume I am a single teenage mom living off the government and raising everyones taxes.



Anyway, I just wanted to point out a fact I learned not too long ago that shocked me completely. A stereotype of teenagers is that they have sex to have fun and because everyone else is doing it...so if they get pregnant they take the morning after pill or if it is too late for that they get an abortion. Well, I recently learned that the age group that has the highest abortion rate is 25-35ish. Career women, the ones that want to have sex, but don't want to have a baby because it will mess up their careers and inconvenience them and their happy current lives. So even as a grown adult in prime reproductive age can lack the maturity to take responsibility for their actions. And that really makes me sad and overall disappointed in some peoples priorities these days.

Emily - posted on 05/29/2009

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Angelique, I am 28 years old and a mother of 2. I know I wasn't as young as you when my first child came....but I was still shocked and confused and knew that my life plans were about to be altered. However, things worked out. I put my school on hold and my husband worked on finishing his degree first. I stay home now with both of them, while my husband works full time and pulls overtime to cushion the income...that I can not make. I also go to school at night. You are doing the right thing by working on your studies. And do not feel bad about not always wanting to color or thinking the idea of having friend time over your kids makes you happy. We have all gone through this....and I know I still do from time to time. It's like what Ciressa was saying....you gotta have MOMMY TIME. And that is time for yourself. It's hard to find those moments, I know. And it's hard to get them on a schedule. However, you can do it. Stop looking at yourself as a CHILD too. You are a young woman, a mother. You have KEPT your kids and assumed responiblity. pat yourself on the back from time to time and remember you are doing your kids proud for staying with them and trying to make a better future for all three of ya'll.

Louise - posted on 05/29/2009

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I say Jamie is right, I don't think she wants to demean any teen mothers. It's just that if you're a teen mother, a lot of factors are working against you not for you, from financial to even psychological.

Good teen mothers are not the rule, but the exception to the rule. The reason why they make it this far is because they get good support system, without it, it's close to impossible. I gotta hear one good teen mother saying she did it alone without any help.

And I don't think anyone in this thread is promoting teen motherhood. Long story short.

Did I sum it up well?

Jamie - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Morag:



Quoting Jamie:





There is a big difference. Honestly how many 16yrs olds do you think actually go through what you went through to end up pregnant. Not many, they choose to have sex because they are so sure they are ready. However, I have heard the "we are very religious and abortion wasnt an option" which i dont get because arent you taught no sex before marriage. I am in no way saying abortion is right or anyone should choose that option, but Im pointing out if religion is keeping you from abortion, why didnt it keep someone from having sex?  And Im sorry but being a mother does not make you mature, and its not all about Motherly Instinct, a lot is about common sense. I mean if a child needs a bed you dont go buy a desk. Thats common sense. So while your case is totally unavoidable and I get that, and Im glad things worked out for you. You didnt have a choice but these other 16yrs olds do. And most, and I really do mean most, arent ready. I dont get why people want to focus and act like I think all 16yr old moms are horrible. Im sure there are a few good ones, However, in my personal experience I have seen more bad then good. So thats  is what i base my opinion on which I am fully entitled to have.









I think what people are trying to point out is that the reason your 16 year old example brought a desk instead of a bed, is because she was an idiot, not that she was 16 and it is very doubtful that ANYONE  who would do that at 16 would be able to make any differentiation at, say 36. Afterall you don't grow in intelligence over time. Some people shouldn't have kids ever be it at 16 or 66. My parents are more immature and selfcentred and are twice my age and I am 30 in two weeks time.  I live in a culture where most people don't have kids until their late 30s. Teen pregnancies isn't a big issue... but I can assure you that at your age Jaime most people here would say there is absolutely no way you are mature enough to have children... you are "demasido joven!"... By your argument they are fully entitled to believe that you make an unfit, irreponsible mother solely because of your age and not by your merits as a mother which is the same that you do by saying at 16 girls aren't mature enough to have children and make irresponsible parents, and not judging someone on their merits.  As I have said before, the most horrific cases of child abuse tends to be centred around parents of 25+ so age isn't necessarily a factor for poor parenting.






By all means judge the girls you mention on their poor parenting skills, because if what you describe is true then you are right to say they have made poor parenting choices, but also remember that they do that because that is who they are not what they are.





I think you need to read all of my posts, my reasons for a 16yr old not having kids is the fact that here in the US a 16yr old can not support a child on thier own. A 16yr old is still in high school, not able to supply a roof over thier own head as they live with thier parents, most states have laws that a 16yr old cant work full time and even if they did because they are still in high school they arent going to make more then minimum wage. So most of these girls are on state assistance which is there for people who really need it, not for those that decide they are ready to play house with a real baby then figure out it takes money and love and nuturing.  And Id also like to point out most 16yr olds dont have common sense, if they did they wouldnt be accidently getting pregnant.  And for the millionith time I said MOST 16YR OLDS. And my friend with the desk is not 16, she is 28, she had her first at 17 and has 3 all together, her 2 younger ones she hasnt had custody of in years and only sees them one weekend a month, all 3 kids have different dads, and she missed out on her teenage years and early 20s and is more then making up for it now. Being a mother doesnt make you mature, it just gives you more respondisblity and most 16 yr olds are not ready for that. And I think its silly for any grown adult to tell a 16yr old that its ok to have sex and have a baby, because thats the message people are putting out.

Jessica - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Ciressa:

Honestly, I just live day to day. I know some say its unhealty to not think about the future, but we cant live for the future, as Im sure you know by what you have been through with the loss of your mom (which Im sorry to hear about). My husband works out of state for about 10 months of the year, coming home for three days every three weeks or so; so I know all about struggling with responsibilities :) What has really helped me get through this is getting my kids on a schedule. We are up by 7 everyday. I make sure throughout the day, especially inthe summer that we are outside (it wears them out like you wouldnt believe!!) after the 2 oldest get home from school, we go for a walk, then they play while I make dinner, by then its about 6, which means bathtime, get ready for bed, read 2 stories per child, and they are sleeping by 7:30. I just do my best to wear them out, that way I have time for myself, before I crash for the night too. I cant stress how important "mommy time" is. This also gives me time to finish my college courses without interruptions. I know what works for some doesnt always work for others, but its really just finding whats best for you, to keep you sane!



I agree about getting your little ones on a schedule. My 6 month old use to go to bed at 9-10pm and by the time he went to bed I was ready to crash and had no time at all to myself and everyday I just thought about how crazy and insane I was going to go if I didn't get a break. Now my little one goes to bed at 7:30pm and my husband and I have our time and then I also have time do do things that need to be done before I crash. Mommy time is so important and it seriously keeps you sane. Not to mention my baby was colic so it made it only worse (he's better now) but it's so important.

Morag - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Jamie:




There is a big difference. Honestly how many 16yrs olds do you think actually go through what you went through to end up pregnant. Not many, they choose to have sex because they are so sure they are ready. However, I have heard the "we are very religious and abortion wasnt an option" which i dont get because arent you taught no sex before marriage. I am in no way saying abortion is right or anyone should choose that option, but Im pointing out if religion is keeping you from abortion, why didnt it keep someone from having sex?  And Im sorry but being a mother does not make you mature, and its not all about Motherly Instinct, a lot is about common sense. I mean if a child needs a bed you dont go buy a desk. Thats common sense. So while your case is totally unavoidable and I get that, and Im glad things worked out for you. You didnt have a choice but these other 16yrs olds do. And most, and I really do mean most, arent ready. I dont get why people want to focus and act like I think all 16yr old moms are horrible. Im sure there are a few good ones, However, in my personal experience I have seen more bad then good. So thats  is what i base my opinion on which I am fully entitled to have.





I think what people are trying to point out is that the reason your 16 year old example brought a desk instead of a bed, is because she was an idiot, not that she was 16 and it is very doubtful that ANYONE  who would do that at 16 would be able to make any differentiation at, say 36. Afterall you don't grow in intelligence over time. Some people shouldn't have kids ever be it at 16 or 66. My parents are more immature and selfcentred and are twice my age and I am 30 in two weeks time.  I live in a culture where most people don't have kids until their late 30s. Teen pregnancies isn't a big issue... but I can assure you that at your age Jaime most people here would say there is absolutely no way you are mature enough to have children... you are "demasido joven!"... By your argument they are fully entitled to believe that you make an unfit, irreponsible mother solely because of your age and not by your merits as a mother which is the same that you do by saying at 16 girls aren't mature enough to have children and make irresponsible parents, and not judging someone on their merits.  As I have said before, the most horrific cases of child abuse tends to be centred around parents of 25+ so age isn't necessarily a factor for poor parenting.



By all means judge the girls you mention on their poor parenting skills, because if what you describe is true then you are right to say they have made poor parenting choices, but also remember that they do that because that is who they are not what they are.

[deleted account]

Quoting Ciressa:

Forgive me for being somewhat pissed, but it is people with outlooks like yours, Jamie, that give teen moms a sense that they CANT be a good mom, and raise a normal child. I'm not saying lets go out and tell every girl between the ages of 12 and 18 to go out and get pregnant because its great, easy and fun; But come on! What makes you think that you can raise a child any better? Maybe we were too young in your eyes, but I have been through and experienced alot, as have many moms in this forum, and being condescending to them is not a help in a time of need. We are here to help each other, not hinder each other and make ourselves feel inadequate. I think that people are very naieve to their surroundings, and if a teen does get pregnant, then we need to help her, teach her, work with her in every way possible; to show her that it can be done, rather than taking a point of view that a teen cant do it. Maybe if we are more supportive when it DOES happen then they will feel confident and NOT want to leave their children because they feel like they cant be a mom. Im sorry if this sounds a little aggressive, but I have dealt with stupid comments for nine years now, and I am just sick of "older"women putting down teen moms. Older does not mean wiser. As the Bible says: Better a poor man whose walk is blameless than a fool whose lips are perverse.
Proverbs 19:1


I agree with you Ciressa about being there to help young girls that are pregnant to have confidence in themselves. It's hard enough being a teenage girl these days from all the media saying that skinny is in and body image is number one. Imagine dealing with all those issues and then finding out your pregnant and have to teach another human being how to be strong and have confidence in themselves, when you haven't fully discovered yourself as an individual yet. It's very hard. Heck I'm 24 with my first child who is 4 months and I found it hard because everyone was saying that I'm so young to have a child, I was looked at strange when I was walking the street with my belly sticking out and it made me feel very insecure. To some, a 16 year old having a child might not be right in their eyes but we have to support them and teach them how to coupe and help guide them through their pregnancy. They need to realize how special having a child really is and that they can be a great mother if they put the effort in, just like you did Ciressa. Any woman can be a Great mom, they just need to have good influences in their lives. Maybe Jamie was hanging out with a lot of girls that needed help or better support systems. Both of you have a point but I'm gonna say that I'm a true believer that everyone is capable they just need a little push in the right direction and along the way maybe a crutch to lean on. It doesn't make them a bad person if then need help, we have all needed help one time or another, whether we got the help we needed or not the fact is we could use it.

Jamie - posted on 05/28/2009

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And that is exactly what I said MOST teenagers cant, but some how im rude for saying it.

Leanna - posted on 05/28/2009

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you do have a right to your own opinion, and everybody should respect that. to some extent i do agree with you, but i also believe that age doesn't make a good mother. it's more about your maturity and mindset. not everyone can handle being a mother that young but some will be excellent. it's just that MOST teenagers cannot handle that responsibility and i give props to the ones that do. being a mother is hard enough, but to do it at such a young age makes it even harder

Jamie - posted on 05/28/2009

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Quoting Jessica:

I was 19 when i had my daughter & she is the happiest smartest kid I've ever incountered.. I wasnt 16 or 14 but also wasn't completely ready but once you find something like that out or atleast in my mind I was ready quickly .. Jamie is being very rude about things to some ppl I agree with Carissa.. & because your young or younger doesn't mean you'll be a bad parent. that is very untrue.



Please tell me how I was being rude. I gave my opinion, just because you dont agree with me doesnt make me rude. I think I have been very respectful with all my posts. Just because I think 16 yrs old is to young to have  a baby doesnt make me rude.

Sara - posted on 05/28/2009

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I think it depends on the person for sure. It's probably not the best idea in the world to have a child at 16 or 17, but i don't think that necessarily means that you're going to fail as a parent. Anyone can be a bad parent, it's just when you're young you have a lot going against you...education, money, etc. My sister's stepdaughter just found out she is having a baby and she's 19. While i hope that things will work out and am offering my support, privately I feel my sister will end up raising the child for her. She's 19 with a maturity level of a 12 year old. She is a high school dropout, she is unemployed and doesn't even know the father (who has told her he wants nothing to do with it). And she's not worried about it, she just thinks it's going to be great. Maybe it will, I hope so. But I think being a mom has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. Sure, the payoff is incredible, but it's hard. I can imagine it's even harder by yourself or when you're young. But kudos to all of you young moms out there who did it, I have a lot of respect for you!

Leanna - posted on 05/28/2009

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i agree with tonya. when i was a teenager, i wanted a baby. but thank God i didn't have one. i wasn't ready, sometimes i still think i'm not ready. i got pregnant at 25, had her at 26. when i was 27 i got pregnant again, with twins, had them at 28. a few months after that my husband and i got custody of his 2 oldest, 7 and 9, from a previous marriage. even at almost 30, i get overwhelmed at times with the responsibility of 5 lives. i can't imadine how i would've felt as a teenager. but i also know that it is has lot to do with how you take things. i know plenty of 'older' moms who aren't the best and even younger moms who are great. you just do the best you know how to do and hope they turn out good. unfortunately, some people's best isn't good enough and children suffer for it

Jessica - posted on 05/28/2009

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I was 19 when i had my daughter & she is the happiest smartest kid I've ever incountered.. I wasnt 16 or 14 but also wasn't completely ready but once you find something like that out or atleast in my mind I was ready quickly .. Jamie is being very rude about things to some ppl I agree with Carissa.. & because your young or younger doesn't mean you'll be a bad parent. that is very untrue.

[deleted account]

I think it all depends on the situation. If the child is responsible and capable of raising a baby then it is their own choice.
I for one,, know that as a teen I was no where near responsible enough for another person, especially one who would be completely depended on me for everything. I had my first child when I was 25, and for me I was glad that I had waited.

Sarah - posted on 05/28/2009

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I was barely out of my teens when my oldest was born, but I just wanted to say that I agree with Carissa.
Life in general is what you make of it. I know 30 and 40 year olds who dont honestly give a flip about their children. Age isnt the largest factor in it, selflessness and love is.
If you love your child/children and put them first in your life then imo, you are an awesome parent- regardless as to how old you were when you had them.
That being said, I dont agree with having children on purpose outside of marriage, but I strongly appreciate it when young woman have the courage to not abort their babies.

Amie - posted on 05/28/2009

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Jamie I wasn't posting directly to you but that's good to know. There are a lot of people that do this though, especially in my city. I was honestly surprised at how many jumped to the conclusion my sister was mom. Didn't seem to cross anyone's mind that she might not be. Kinda sad.

Jamie - posted on 05/28/2009

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Amie, I dont assume if I see a young girls pushing a stroller that she is the mom. So Im not that judgemental, I actually more look at the baby cause babies are darn cute.

Jamie - posted on 05/28/2009

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Quoting Jesi:

Jamie what about those teenagers that don't have a choice that they are pregnant? I grew up in a very religious home and abortion just wasn't an option at all, when I was 15 I was raped by my brothers best friend and found out 3 months later that I was pregnant. I didn't think I could handle giving up a baby that was growing inside me to adoption, I mean raped or not he was still half mine. I worked my butt off to take care of him and in my opinion I think I have done an excellent job so far! He gets straight A's, has a huge heart, kind, and he's absolutely beautiful, I wouldn't have chosen that time in my life to get pregnant, or that situation, but it happens and sometimes you have no choice! I don't think that age determines how good of a parent you are going to be, It's called Motherly Instinct!!!



There is a big difference. Honestly how many 16yrs olds do you think actually go through what you went through to end up pregnant. Not many, they choose to have sex because they are so sure they are ready. However, I have heard the "we are very religious and abortion wasnt an option" which i dont get because arent you taught no sex before marriage. I am in no way saying abortion is right or anyone should choose that option, but Im pointing out if religion is keeping you from abortion, why didnt it keep someone from having sex?  And Im sorry but being a mother does not make you mature, and its not all about Motherly Instinct, a lot is about common sense. I mean if a child needs a bed you dont go buy a desk. Thats common sense. So while your case is totally unavoidable and I get that, and Im glad things worked out for you. You didnt have a choice but these other 16yrs olds do. And most, and I really do mean most, arent ready. I dont get why people want to focus and act like I think all 16yr old moms are horrible. Im sure there are a few good ones, However, in my personal experience I have seen more bad then good. So thats  is what i base my opinion on which I am fully entitled to have.

Jesi - posted on 05/28/2009

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Jamie what about those teenagers that don't have a choice that they are pregnant? I grew up in a very religious home and abortion just wasn't an option at all, when I was 15 I was raped by my brothers best friend and found out 3 months later that I was pregnant. I didn't think I could handle giving up a baby that was growing inside me to adoption, I mean raped or not he was still half mine. I worked my butt off to take care of him and in my opinion I think I have done an excellent job so far! He gets straight A's, has a huge heart, kind, and he's absolutely beautiful, I wouldn't have chosen that time in my life to get pregnant, or that situation, but it happens and sometimes you have no choice! I don't think that age determines how good of a parent you are going to be, It's called Motherly Instinct!!!

Louise - posted on 05/28/2009

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I'm also a teen mom, mom when i was 18. my mom freaked, my father freaked because they knew i wasn't ready and they know they didn't do a good job getting me ready for adulthood. i agree with them, i wasn't ready. BUT, i took baby steps to figure out what i was going to do with my life. i could've chosen to mooch off my folks, drop out of college, etc. but i did not. and of course, my family was there to push me hard to finish college and support me and my son while i was trying to get my life on track.

just because things can go right doesn't mean every 16 year old should have babies. and just because things can go right, doesn't mean immature 30 year olds are better moms than a mature 16 year old.

personally, i think kids should be kids and play in mud, chase after boys/girls, just be kids. it's hard to be a teen mom, if you take a look at biology, children's brains do not mature until they reach early adulthood. their perception of consequences may be a little off.

Jesi - posted on 05/28/2009

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I had my first child 2 months after I turned 16. It was extremely difficult, now I'm 26 and he is almost 11, I also have a 14 month old son as well. I was a single mom up until 4 years ago and at times I had to work 3 jobs to be able to afford to take care of us, but he's a very smart, beautiful happy child and I wouldn't have changed anything at all if I had to go back and do it again. I do agree that for some people they just can't handle it. I know a woman who is now 23 and is going on her SIXTH child and she only has custody of 2 and has another one on the way! She drives me nuts how terrible she is. I say that if you don't think you are mature enough to have a child then you shouldn't be having sex to begin with! Having a child isn't something you can just go back on and decide somewhere down the road that you can't handle it! Anyways, sorry for the book thats just my opinion don't want to offend anyone :)

Ebonique - posted on 05/28/2009

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This is nohting new. It depends on the person and situation. I started having my children at 17. Im now 25. My kids are happy, healthy and doing well.

Mel - posted on 05/28/2009

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Quoting Jamie:



Quoting Melissa:

i think its a personal choice. as long as your not 12 and as long as you can feed, clothe and put a roof over your babys head and offer a supportive loving environment with the daddy then its just fine. i tried for a baby when i was 16 and fell pregnant at 18. i have no regrets






Why not 12, I mean whats the difference betwee 12 and 16 that its ok to have a baby? Personally I dont think its right for anyone under the legal age to have kids. Because even at 16 you cant legally put a roof over your babies head. I mean most 16yr olds still live with thier mom and dad, so who would be supplying the roof? And food? Who pays for food? On minimum wage a single parent cant raise a child. And MOST not all but most 16 yr olds arent with their babies daddy. And they are struggling to take care of themselves and a child. I would hope you wouldnt regret having your child and I am glad you didnt have he/she until you were 18 because so many new things open up for you at that age. You can buy a car, get an apartment, buy a house, get a better job because you are out of high school. You can work full time since your out of school. So I dont see the difference in why 16 is ok but 12 isnt. 16 is stil a child.





 



at 12 a girl isnt ready to have sex. shes not even a teenager yet. she shouldnt even be wanting to. there is a massive difference between 12 and 16, even between 12 and 14.  you cant sign a lease under 18 in australia but i have still always been in share houses so if you have partner or friend over 18 it doesnt matter.  i dont think its ok as stated to have a baby without a daddy, if you do have a baby and are single i just hope that person can afford it. im glad i didnt have mine til i was 18 either but im fairly sure i got my car before i was 18 i could be wrong but i dont think its illegal to purchase a car before 18 considering you can have a full licence at 17? anyway i never got my licence til i was 19 almost 20. its true though you got to have a job, i see people who get pregnant as a teen and either are not working or leave their job straight away thats just not right. work as long as you can to get money to support the baby because god knows your going to need it once its here

Jamie - posted on 05/27/2009

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Quoting Angelique:

Thank you for all your comments.... I do think that I would rather by my kids a bed than a desk for myself, but sumtimes I feel that I would rather visit a friend than colour a book with my daughter. It is also difficult for me to split my attention between my older daughter and her younger brother and my studies. I am trying to further myself for them, so they can one day be popular or whatever the case may be, and sometimes forget that they need a mother to teach and spend time with them also. But I am sure alot of Mothers, young or old, have simmilar problems.



I think what your saying is normal. Wanting to spend time with friends is different then not supplying your child with something because you want something else. Good for you for trying to further yourself, I think that is awesome. You will get in the hang of school and kids, I did and I didnt used to be that organized. Now I drive people nuts with being organized. Get in a good solid routine and you will do just fine.

Jamie - posted on 05/27/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

i think its a personal choice. as long as your not 12 and as long as you can feed, clothe and put a roof over your babys head and offer a supportive loving environment with the daddy then its just fine. i tried for a baby when i was 16 and fell pregnant at 18. i have no regrets



Why not 12, I mean whats the difference betwee 12 and 16 that its ok to have a baby? Personally I dont think its right for anyone under the legal age to have kids. Because even at 16 you cant legally put a roof over your babies head. I mean most 16yr olds still live with thier mom and dad, so who would be supplying the roof? And food? Who pays for food? On minimum wage a single parent cant raise a child. And MOST not all but most 16 yr olds arent with their babies daddy. And they are struggling to take care of themselves and a child. I would hope you wouldnt regret having your child and I am glad you didnt have he/she until you were 18 because so many new things open up for you at that age. You can buy a car, get an apartment, buy a house, get a better job because you are out of high school. You can work full time since your out of school. So I dont see the difference in why 16 is ok but 12 isnt. 16 is stil a child.

Morag - posted on 05/27/2009

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Quoting Ciressa:

Its like I said, life is what YOU make it. All of these girls had the ability to make the decisions they did. Just because they chose it, doesnt mean thats how every 16 year old that gets pregnant is. These scenarios that you talk about, is not just with 16 year olds. I did foster care for 3 years, along with my husbands parents, grandparents and sister. Of all the kids going in and out of foster care, not one had a teen parent, or was born to a teen parent. Its all the choices each person makes, no matter the age.


Your posts are incredibly well written and show a wisdom beyond your age.



Some of the worst cases of child abuse I have heard about recently have been from mothers/parents who were in their mid/late 20's to early 30's (raping 2 year old babies, drugging children and having them held hostage to dupe the public out of search donation money)... These would have been parents who would have been considered by the majority as competent parents, people who were "mature" enough to have kids, when it turns out that these people shouldn't be allowed within 1000miles of a child let alone have their own.



And yet there is another case of a boy who was 12 when he had his twin daughters, and he is still living with the mother, she is getting her university degree and shock horror....they even own their own home several years later. 



Lets face it, there are lot of people who should never ever have kids, and it has nothing to do with their age.

Mel - posted on 05/27/2009

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it all depends on your priorities. mine were to have a family and be a mother. i got my maternity leave, i had my car, i had my savings, and im happy

Mel - posted on 05/27/2009

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i think its a personal choice. as long as your not 12 and as long as you can feed, clothe and put a roof over your babys head and offer a supportive loving environment with the daddy then its just fine. i tried for a baby when i was 16 and fell pregnant at 18. i have no regrets

[deleted account]

Thank you for all your comments.... I do think that I would rather by my kids a bed than a desk for myself, but sumtimes I feel that I would rather visit a friend than colour a book with my daughter. It is also difficult for me to split my attention between my older daughter and her younger brother and my studies. I am trying to further myself for them, so they can one day be popular or whatever the case may be, and sometimes forget that they need a mother to teach and spend time with them also. But I am sure alot of Mothers, young or old, have simmilar problems.

Jamie - posted on 05/26/2009

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I did say it works out for some, I didnt say all 16yr olds were bad parents. But from my experience, all the very young mothers I know have not made the best choices.

Jamie - posted on 05/26/2009

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I think its gross. It may work out ok for some people but a lot of times it doesnt. My ex sister had her first at 16 and is 19 now and has 3 kids, well kinda. he mom has custody of 1 and her other 2 got taken by CPS. My bestfriends sister had her first at 15 and her second at 18, her mother has custody of both while my friends sister is in out and of homes because she refuses to get a job. I girl I hung out within high school had her first at 16 or 17 now has 3, all 3 have different dads and shes in the process of divorcing dad number 3. I have another friend who had one at 18, she also has 3 kids with 3 different dads and the dads have custody, she lives in a 2 bedroom apartment and gets her kids every other weekend, he daughter doesnt even have a bed, she sleeps on a pile of blankets, we just bought my 4 yr old a twin size bed. I offered my friend my lil ones old toddler bed free, for her 2yr old and she said no, she bought a compter desk for her bedroom so there wasnt any room. i mean hello who buys a computer desk instead of a bed for your child. So, I personally think children having children is not a good thing. And thats coming from personal experience.

Ciressa - posted on 05/26/2009

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Honestly, I just live day to day. I know some say its unhealty to not think about the future, but we cant live for the future, as Im sure you know by what you have been through with the loss of your mom (which Im sorry to hear about). My husband works out of state for about 10 months of the year, coming home for three days every three weeks or so; so I know all about struggling with responsibilities :) What has really helped me get through this is getting my kids on a schedule. We are up by 7 everyday. I make sure throughout the day, especially inthe summer that we are outside (it wears them out like you wouldnt believe!!) after the 2 oldest get home from school, we go for a walk, then they play while I make dinner, by then its about 6, which means bathtime, get ready for bed, read 2 stories per child, and they are sleeping by 7:30. I just do my best to wear them out, that way I have time for myself, before I crash for the night too. I cant stress how important "mommy time" is. This also gives me time to finish my college courses without interruptions. I know what works for some doesnt always work for others, but its really just finding whats best for you, to keep you sane!

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