choosing the sex of your next baby...

Zoe - posted on 10/25/2012 ( 68 moms have responded )

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What do you all think about choosing the sex of a baby to even up the family? What if someone in your family or close friends did this? Would you be ok with it or do you think it's morally wrong?

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Jodi - posted on 10/25/2012

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I kind of think it is treading on dangerous ground if it becomes acceptable to choose the gender of your baby. It messes with the natural way of things. Think about it, in some countries, if this became the norm, they wouldn't have baby girls. You only have to look at the imbalance in China as a result of the one child policy and their emphasis on the value of baby boys to realise how dangerous this option could be on a world-wide level. So for that reason, I don't think it should be allowed at all. Never a good idea to mess with the workings of nature in this way.

Christina - posted on 10/28/2012

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This is not natural. I don't think you should have the option to choose what sex your baby is. Be grateful you can have children. Like it has already been said these children have been having problems. Really! You would choose the sex of your child risking there health?? I thought parents would do everything in there power to protect there children and that usually starts straight from conception

Destiny - posted on 10/28/2012

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What you eat, drink, what position you have sex in and when you have sex scientifically have NOTHING to do with the sex of the child, it's all genetics. If that's the only reason you are selecting to have IVF done, you need to determine if the risks are worth it. They have even yet to determine what risks may come of tinkering with genetics. Also if you're only using IVF to make sure you have a boy or girl, why not choose their hair color, eye color, and a list of other things THEY can also genetically alter, but studies show these babies are having issues that they don't *think* are related to the genetic altering, but aren't sure. Would the trade off be worth it to determine what sex you wanted knowing there is a higher risk for developmental disorder with that child than if you conceived naturally??

Sarah - posted on 10/25/2012

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To me I think if you want to choose the sex then adopt. Otherwise count your blessings and be happy with what you get. A baby is a gift why abuse that gift for selfish reasons.



I have been there and wished and wanted a certain sex, but was also glad to just have a healthy baby or even just a baby. There are many people that can't even have that. I love all my kids and would never change anything....even if the gender was not the one I thought I wanted. I would hate to not be able to get to know one of them because they were the wrong gender.

Sarah - posted on 10/29/2012

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Ethically, morally, biblicaly (sp?) wrong. I have 3 girls 1 boy and to much surprise (oddly) we continue to get asked.."so now that you have your boy are you done or are you going to even things out"? We were not trying for a boy, nor were we trying for a girl. We were open to children in our marriage and while either sex has its pros I can't even fathem missing out on any of our children so we could have the worlds view of the perfect family.



before a person decides if it is morally right or wrong maybe you should look at what is influencing your answer...the world or your heart/soul?

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68 Comments

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Sarah - posted on 12/01/2012

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I would not do it. Though I'd love to have 2boys and a youngest girl. But I am happy to get what I am given. It's wrong to play god!

User - posted on 11/27/2012

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Its morally wrong.I dont understnd how people think that its so important to even up the family? Why does it matter? I think God is to choose. People should be greatful for what he blesses us with,we as humans should not be picky over a beautiful child. Even if parents did adopt, I guess the can choose if the want a grl or boy but I still thinkthey should be happy with whatever they got.

Ashley - posted on 11/27/2012

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if i had a choice sure, i have two girls and one boy, and would positively love one more boy. but Gods opinion is the only one that counts, so assuming i ever did decide to have another child (90% sure im done though) i woould hope its in His will to give me another boy, but i will be just as happy to take whatever he blesses me with! not gonna lie and say i wouldnt be dissapointed for a second but i have absolute trust in God, whats meant to be is meant to be.

Jennifer - posted on 11/23/2012

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I would be just fine with this.... I have a four year old daughter and I want another baby like NOW, I'm going down that road where my daughter is in school and she wants to do everything thing on her own, I love my daughter very much she is my whole world, BUT I want a BOY so bad, daughters are close with their moms but they tend to be daddys little girl, I want MY BOY, i am terrified to get pregnant becuase I'm scared that i'm going to get another girl, girls are hard, and i honestly dont think I could handle another one. LOL JK I would love her jsut the same But I would deffintily choose the sex of my nxt baby so i can have a little girl and BOY!

Jamie

Toni - posted on 11/17/2012

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I've wondered if there is a way to actually affect the chance of a boy or a girl?

Jitka - posted on 11/13/2012

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I have thought about it too, did my research....decided it was very costly and we still have laws against it here in SA :-) And at the end of the day, had it been an option i might have taken it.

Stephanie - posted on 11/09/2012

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Do you mean killing a baby because it isn't the sex you want? That is horrible!

Zoe - posted on 11/07/2012

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Personally for.me its not a.matter of love. Its that my.partner does not feel our family is complete without a son. I do not want to keep trying untill.he is happy as I don't want a large family. The world is overpopulated as it is.

Stella - posted on 11/07/2012

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I dont think its wrong, as i have a male child and i need a female, but in our country its a crime to get your infant's sex check........ Its ur life and u should have rights to decide that u want to give birth to male child or female.

Liz - posted on 11/07/2012

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Zoe so do you have trouble conceiving and need to use ivf? Because i was actually researching this just a few days ago. If you could actually influence the gender of your next child. My family would like another girl! And i came across a site that actually says there are natural ways to influence the gender of the baby. It had a lot of good info, i might try it when we decide to conceive again. I mean i don't think there's anything wrong with trying!



womenlifeproducts.com/planbaby

Lacieann - posted on 11/07/2012

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If it could be done without sacrificing another baby's chance at life, then I see no issue with it.



Obviously I feel that there are exceptions for sex linked genetic disorders and what not.

Lana - posted on 11/05/2012

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I think it is morally wrong. If babies are truly a gift from God then changing the sex is basically saying that you don't think his gift is good enough or appropriate. I do my best to keep my own moral decisions out of the way of others so I wouldn't voice that to a person who wanted, or got it done, but I would never do it. If God gives me girls thats what i'm keeping.

Mihaela - posted on 11/05/2012

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I think that as long as uou wish for something and try your best to achieve it ( without IVF and without abortion), is ok. As far as I know you can influence a bit, not only by choosing the best days and positions, but also through your internal (vaginal) Ph. If you will try to search the web about "Baretta method" I think you will find more info. I'm talking about a doctor (from Argentina) that did a research. On how what you eats also influences, and a way to change your Ph above mentioned. I don't know if it works but you can check it out, as info at least. And if you go this path you can also try to find natural ways of changing that Ph. As in personal hygiene and special (even homemade) products. I want to have a boy,as I already have a girl, and I'm trying to follow the diet recommended and trying to comply with that hygiene rules. http://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Método_Baretta is what I found, but is written in spanish. Perhaps a translator will help... http://rense.com/1.mpicons/acidalka.htm this is a list with alkaline/acid food. And here is some more info, this time in english: http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Check-V...

Kristen - posted on 11/04/2012

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I think its smart if you had the first one without choosing, and the second chosen to be opposite gender. The reality unfortunately is that in certain cultures, one gender is prefered over the other, and being allowed to choose could be detrimental to those societies. But I have 2 boys, and IF I decide to have another, I do plan on using the XY method to try for a girl, but would be happy with whatever I get.

Angeleca - posted on 11/04/2012

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If someone close to me did this I wouldn't shun them... However I would look at them sideways. I'm not the one to judge but it seems kind of selfish to me. If it's not medically necessary then don't do it. That goes for anything. Let nature do it's thing and be grateful for life and the ability to give life regardless the gender.

Beth - posted on 11/04/2012

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I have to say that I would not do anything to "choose" the gender of my child. I had many a hardship having and sustaining the one pregnancy that led to my now 2.5 yr old son. I did want a son, but would have been just as happy with a baby girl. I don't want anymore children (and shouldn't due to health issues) but everyone asks us when are we going to try for a girl to even things out. People need to be grateful for being able to have the children in their lives.

Lauren - posted on 11/04/2012

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my best friend only ever wanted a girl... turned out she had 4 boys before her princess, even at 14 having her 1st never once did she consider aborting any of them...

i think if you are like my friend and want to have a girl after so many boys then yes pick the sex of the baby, even my friend says she may not have had the 5 she has....



my mother had a med condition which meant she couldnt carry boys, she lost 3 (stillborn) 4th try was me... pure luck... people with med conditions should be able to choose the sex...

Angela - posted on 11/04/2012

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I can not speak for everyone on this board but I personally would never abort a baby, period! If I got pregnant with a girl but wanted a boy, I would never kill her! I think if someone does that it is wrong. That is just my opinion. I have a girl already and my husband has 2 girls from a previous marriage. I have to do IVF in order to have kids. I want a boy and was thinking about just inserting boy embryos but I would never abort a baby because I was disappointed in the sex. That's wrong on so many levels. If I got pregnant with a girl I would love her just as much. If I did not have to do IVF to get pregnant, I would not do it just to choose the sex. Just my two cents!

Nicole - posted on 11/04/2012

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I have 2 boys and wanted a girl more than anything. I got pregnant again. I went to my ultrasound and found out it was a boy.

Would I ever consider an abortion? selfishly killing my baby, who is safe in my womb, a blessing really. putting a vacuum in my belly to tear him apart limb by limb and then the rest of him will be left to die. You only find out the gender after 18 weeks... 4 and a half months. halfway through your pregnancy. DO you know how far the baby is formed at that point! Did you know he can feel pain and that an abortion is something very violent?

Abort this one just so I can put a new baby in, in the womb where I killed it's sibling. Lovely place to start a new life isn't it?!

No thanks, I kept my boy and I am holding him in my arms as I type this. He is not a girl, but I love him more than anything.

Angela - posted on 11/04/2012

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What is you are having to do IVF anyway to get pregnant? I have to do IVF to have children because of endometriosis. I was told you could do "sperm washing" to seperate the boys from tge girls. It is my understanding that they dont alter anything. Do you think its wrong to only have boy embryos transplanted? I was considering this but so tirn!

Jami - posted on 11/04/2012

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I don't see anything wrong with it. emotions are crazy things that do not answer to the rules of logic. even worse when gender disappointment sets in.

Leslie - posted on 11/02/2012

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I agree we should not do it. be happy what you got. as long as the child is healthy then you should be happy. even if you thought you could never have kids. my child is my miracle baby. I thought I would never have one till I got heathly after a car crash and six months was pregnant with my girl.

Adrienne - posted on 11/01/2012

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Ivf is certainly not an easy option and it isn't guaranteed but I feel it would be nice to raise both. Adoption isn't as easy as people throw out the option to be, it costs just as much money if not more for legal and associated costs. You don't always get a baby, yes it's rewarding but there are challenges with adopting too whether it's behavioral, developmental etc. where I live it's currently a 7 year wait to adopt a baby plus the price tag of 20,000 and only if you pass the psychological and home test. I'm not ok with abortion for gender selection, but have no issues with Ivf.

Stephanie - posted on 10/31/2012

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Well if you are using IVF and you wanted to try and separate the sperm to only create embryos of one gender to implant that is one thing but to actually abort a baby just because its not the gender you want is murder in my opinion and I just don't understand how any mother could do that to her child. That is heartless and wrong on so many levels.

Lori - posted on 10/31/2012

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I have read that when you do IVF you can have the sperm separated and thereby creating only boy embryos or girl embryos, but it was a few years ago and Idk if that is a practice even offered or if it was just something I read about the theory of it, something about the different sperm having different weight or density or something. I couldn't do it. We very briefly thought about it and it just seemed absurd to pay for something like that when we have three wonderful bio kids AND there are so many children needing a family. I will say that I do still long for a bio daughter once in awhile, but then again, as humans we tend to long for whatever we don't have. I'm sure if I had a bio daughter, I would still long for more children. My heart is for adoption. I am confident that adoption is God's plan for us to grow our family. I'm not saying it is right for anyone else, but it is right for my family. In the end, you have to make the decision you feel comfortable with and you can live with. Adoption isn't for everyone. Neither is IVF. As for the question, I do think it would be morally wrong to abort a baby of the non preferred gender, but I think for now I am neutral on the choosing the gender in a way that doesn't consist of needing to terminate non preferred gender embryos. JMO. :)

Amber - posted on 10/31/2012

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I would personally be against it in that situation. "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit", is the statement that my daughters preschool says. I don't think people should play god...I think it's only going to end up badly. But that is me personally.

Zoe - posted on 10/31/2012

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As much as I like the idea of adoption I don't think it is the answer. I feel that for ny partner it would not be the same as having his own flesh and blood son. From my own personal experience I know that even if you love a child as if they are your own the yearning for your own flesh and.blood son still exists. My oldest brother has a different father to myself but from a few months of age my father became his father and to him he is his son however after three genetic daughters my parents still wanted a son together and they did. And although some people are fine with trying again and again naturally I do not want a big family as me and my partner between us have over 20 siblings (many half not that that matters) but still i am unsure how i feel about artificial inseminaton. I don't have ant problems with the science of it only the personal level of it.

Leslie - posted on 10/31/2012

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I wanted a boy. My husband wanted a boy. I "thought" that boys were easier and we would love having a little mini version of my husband around. But to tell you the truth, after we got our first girl, I can't see myself having anything other than what we have. ( 3 gorgeous girls ) I didn't know I wanted a little girl until I got one - and then another one, and then another one. I thought I wanted a boy, but at this point, I LOVE all of my girls so much. If we have another one, I don't care if its a boy or a girl... although I have all the boys names in reserve to use -- and I'd love to, but I know I would love whatever gender of baby we were to have. That's what its all about in the end, isn't it? Being in love with someone and wanting to bring little people into this world to raise?

Sarah - posted on 10/31/2012

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I still say then you should look into adoption. That is a child already in need of a home and you can pick the gender without having to terminate or kill the others that don't meet the gender criteria.



I can totally understand wanting to have certain genders both on a personal level of a parent...it is nice to have that special connection with your same gender (or hope that you will as I know that is not always the case in the end). I can also understand sibling wise. I am one of 6 kids (4 girls and 2 boys).....3 of us are bio and 3 of us are adopted all mixed in throughout. My parents never tried for a boy or girl, until the last child. There were 4 girls and 1 boy. They wanted another boy, so they adopted my second brother.



I don't think it is wrong to want/wish for/or plan for certain genders. But I do think it is wrong to terminate a life because it does not meet a certain gender. As others have said there are countries that do that and there are consequences to those actions that will be felt for many many years to come. Can you imagine life without one of your children just because they were the wrong gender?

Jazmyne - posted on 10/31/2012

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I feel that if you need IVF anyways, why not make sure you get your moneys worth, and be happy with the child you want? (rather than going through another cycle costing more money and hoping again)

Zoe - posted on 10/31/2012

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Ok people. I'm going to clear few things up. By choosing the sex I mean when a couple has a baby through ivf (just like couples with fertility problems) but instead of just selecting any healthy sperm they also select whether it is a y or x chromosome so the couple has the preferred gender. The reason I am asking peoples opinions is because although I personally have no problems with someone else doing it I am unsure for myself. My partner and I have two beautiful and healthy girls. I feel our family is complete however my partner would like a son (what father wouldn't) I don't mind one more addition but even though we would love our child whatever sex I believe my partner wouldn't feel as though our family is complete.

Keelay - posted on 10/31/2012

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I think it's ok I have two girls but after 7 misscarriges they think I carnt carry boys but the only way to 100% determine that is genetically enginer a boy n hope for the best when it comes to hair n eye colour that's wrong very wrong however you have to look at the other side of what if a couple have a faulty gene and their children would be severely impaired as a niece of a very ill uncle I wouldn't dream.of anyone going through that and agree that it can n does have it's benefits used correctly

Holly - posted on 10/30/2012

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Well if you are talking about doing special positions or eating certain things to theoretically tip your chances a certain direction I'm ok with that. Now if a perfectly fit couple goes and purposely has a girl or boy made in a laboratory I'm not keen on that. I feel like that is just messing with nature too much. Typically the balance of males to females in this world is close to spot on. If we start to mess with that we'll see problems on a lesser scale that countries like India have. So I pry wouldn't say much to someone else but I'd sure be thinking they were creepy in my mind if they went to that degree.

Cathryn - posted on 10/30/2012

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Haha yea I didn't know either - but I'm happy with the way I did it as it could potentially end up going either way ;-)

Andrea - posted on 10/30/2012

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Omg I dont know if Im stupid but I though she meant like having a doctor make the embryo a specific sex not go by the chinese calendar! Ok I would try out the calendar definitely but I wouldnt do anything that could potentially hurt me or my baby! Just clearing that up:)

Cathryn - posted on 10/30/2012

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I did it for our son! No one frowned against it. We only wanted two kids, we had a girl first then I used a Chinese chart to 'predict' the sex of my son and when we has to conceive. Don't regret it at all :-)

Andrea - posted on 10/30/2012

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Absolutley not!! That scares me for one.. why would you choose the sex of your baby?! what is going on with this world..what happend to the good old days where you were blessed with what you were given! I would never personally but I also wouldnt judge anyone who decided to. Im just saying I dont feel like thats right for some reason its too risky!!

Jen - posted on 10/30/2012

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if you mean choosing by aborting the "wrong sex" then I think thats wrong...I dont agree with abortion...hell I was told to abort my son due to him having complex CHD and in most peoples eyes "not healthy/perfect" but I refused and he is HEALTHY as anyone I know...I have 2 boys and would love a little girl, I am going try once more and if I get a girl great if not then oh well I will love the boy just as much!

Doreen - posted on 10/30/2012

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I dislike abortions, so if that is how the sex is chosen I would have an issue. However if it involved asking God to gift you with your choice there would be no issue.

Miriam - posted on 10/30/2012

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Like I said I have 3 wonderful sons and I love it!!! would I try again probably not but not because of the sex, I just simply dont think I have the energy or time for more kids....

Adrienne - posted on 10/30/2012

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I don't have a problem with it, if it has to do with family balancing or sex related disorders. If you think it's unnatural do you feel the same about ivf, fertility drugs treating illnesses, pacemakers etc. where are you drawing the line? I love how people who have one child of each say they would have been fine if they had two healthy girls etc, how do you know until you have been there. Some people can continue having 20 kids until they get what they want but if they just chose one boy and girl it's better than having 20 kids. I want to know what people with only one sex children think lol. Im ok with choosing your sex,if financially able maybe it would have been a consideration but I dont regret my 3 beautiful amazing daughters.

Miriam - posted on 10/30/2012

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We have 3 boys:) a singleton and a set of twins. I think its okay to choose the sex,but I would be kinda scared, I always just pray that they are healthy, complete and smart!!! and God has granted me that with my 3 wonderful boys!!!

[deleted account]

I think you should be happy with whatever children you are able to have. I have 2 gorgeous daughters and have also had 2 miscarriages. My first and third pregnancies were miscarriages, so I appreciate the children I have had. I am now currently pregnant with twins and even though we were hoping for 2 boys (to keep daddy sane lol) it looks like we are having 2 more girls : ) I will love any babies we are blessed to have as I know there are sooooo many people who can't conceive for whatever the reason so I know I'm lucky to even have kids, let alone to worry about the sex of them. Be greatful for what you have I say : )

Stephanie - posted on 10/29/2012

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Sarah, we also get asked that same question all the time, "Are you gonna try again for a boy?" It drives me nuts! Though my husband would love a son, its not about trying for a boy. The question is do we want to have another child or not and whatever the gender will be will be.

Stephanie - posted on 10/29/2012

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Thanks Lori for your post! What you are doing is wonderful! That's my point exactly....you will love your baby so much no matter what and you get what you get so if you are lucky enough to not have a child that has to deal with special needs just be thankful and stop worrying so much about the gender. And like someone else said, if you want to choose the gender, then adopt.

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