co-sleeping?

Brittany - posted on 04/06/2009 ( 166 moms have responded )

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Hi,

I am due May 3 with my first baby, a girl. I was talking to my fiance the other day about how the baby will be sleeping in her crib soon (been set up in our room since February). He said he wanted her to sleep in the bed with us in the beginning. This is apparently the only thing we never discussed, I just assumed he wouldn't want her to. I told him No because I was too afraid we would roll over and hurt her. But then I was talking to a woman I love like a mother and she said that when she had her first daughter she was breastfeeding (like i will do) and that she fell asleep in the rocking chair a few times with the baby and that one day she dropped her. She rushed the baby to the doc as soon as it opened and her doc, who had 6 kids, gave her his address and told her to go talk to his wife. Her doc's wife told her to sleep with the baby in the bed, that you won't roll over on them, they'll let you know if you do. All 6 of their kids slept in their parents bed when they were first born. I was wondering if anyone else has co-slept with their babies, if so, what is your view on it?

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Cerina - posted on 04/12/2009

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I think all mothers have slept with their baby, but believe me, if you want to sleep then you will put a bassinet next to your bed. Your nerves will be too worked up to sleep well for a while anyway, with all the new and scary excitement! I fell asleep in bed while breastfeeding and she was fine, but I didn't like the fact that I did it. My bf and I both felt like we couldn't move or we would squish her, so most of the time she slept on my chest. The best thing I ever did was put her in her own room when she was 2 months old, She fussed for a little bit the first night then slept 8 hours and has since then. If I could go back and do it again, I think I would make that decision sooner. The only reason we didn't was because of the fear that we wouldn't hear her and we felt the need to watch over her constantly, but the truth is, they are safer in their own bed! Also, if you start a bad habit of co-sleeping, it's extremely hard to break! Make her sleeping habits what you want them to be, she will conform. You will figure out what works best for you!

Jessica - posted on 04/11/2009

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i have with both of my kids my daughter is 3 yrs old now and my son is 5months and sum nights he still sleeps with me and my fiance. i also breastfed both of them.

Kylie - posted on 04/11/2009

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There’s no need to get nasty Amanda, everyone obviously has their own views and experiences with this subject and if you kept reading Danielle did say every baby is different as is every mother. Don’t be so defensive and judgmental, co-sleeping can be a safe, rewarding way for a family to get more sleep and a peacefully sleeping baby safe in her own crib is also a beautiful thing. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to mums and babies getting more sleep... its each to their own, no need to throw around the lazy parent coment please.

Catherine - posted on 04/10/2009

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Read what Dr Sears has to say about cosleeping. If it wasn't for side lying nursing and cosleeping I'd be a total zombie. When my mother in law came to visit I was scared she would not approve of our cosleeping but she laughed and told me she did it with all three of her kids.  One of the nurses in pediatrics told me she did it with all of her children too. We did not start off planning to cosleep. My husband was actually adamantly against having our son in our bed, but now we have a lovely barely used Arm's reach cosleeper attached to our bed. After a two weeks of watching my son and I struggle to sleep and get through night feedings with him in the cosleeper and me in the bed my husband finally said enough was enough and pulled our son out of the sleeper and next to me in the bed. I have been a rested and sane individual ever since. I cherish the time we spend cuddled in bed.



Ultimately you have to do what works for your family.

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Kassidy - posted on 07/20/2016

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I had a baby 2 months ago. I have slept with her in the bed 2 times. Usually only when she is EXTREMELY fussy and she wants to be held rather than laid down. All in all its your decision.

Kimi - posted on 04/18/2009

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Jamie, Your question is hilarious!!! I gues if you just had to have sex with a kid in your bed you should..... Get some really good head phones and a blind fold to put on the baby just in case he wakes up. That way he can't hear or see what is going on. LOL!!!!!!!!

Haylee - posted on 04/18/2009

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Quoting Jamie:



I have a questiong for moms that co-sleep. How are you supposed to have sex? I only did it for 6 weeks and my husband was deployed in Iraq at the time so sex was never possible. But really, if you have a baby in bed with you at any age when are you supposed to have intimate time. Dont get my wrong I know its not strictly for the bed.  I think my hubby have had sex in everyroom (except my kids, we just moved). But we both have high sex drives, its odd for us to not have sex at least once a day. And a couple times a week we wake in the middle of the night for a romp in the sheets.  So please, how do you have sex with a kid in your bed?





You dont have sex with your kids in your bed!!! Thats something if the child protective services were to find out they would think your putting your kids in situations that arent healthy and probably would take your kids away. Thats a horrible question to ask you should no better then that your a mom not a hor so dont make your kids think that.

[deleted account]

I never co-slept with my son who is 12 and a half months because i didnt want him to get into the habit of it and if he did sleep with me I was afraid that I wouldnt get barely any sleep for fear of rolling over on him. I think that co-sleeping would just cause problems later on since the baby wouldnt be used to her crib...im sure there a lot of people who it worked out fine for, but I personally wouldnt do it..

Jennifer - posted on 04/18/2009

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I co slept with all of my chldren. It was scarey at first but you get over it. It does make it much easier to breastfeed the baby. Alot of the time I was scared my husband would roll over on them so I slept with my back to him and the baby on my arm. I do recommend that you not let them sleep with you past 1 because it is hard to get them out of your bed.

Nikki - posted on 04/18/2009

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I also breastfed and had a c-section it was difficult for me to get in and out of my bed. My husband was so leary of my son sleeping in our bed..then a friend bought us a bed for my son that goes in-between you and your spouse in your bed! It was amazing! They are extremely in-expensive and will keep you from being afraid that you will roll over on them. But as soon as they cannot fit anymore I suggest moving them so that they get used to sleeping in their own area.

Kimi - posted on 04/17/2009

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Co-sleeping is great. I have'nt done it with my own babies yet but I've done alot of ovenighters with my neice and she would be in my bed. You won't roll over her. You will be aware of where she is in your bed even when you're fast asleep. I would recomend getting her to fall asleep evernight in her crib and then just switch to your bed after she wakes you up for a feeding. That way when she starts to sleep through the night it is in her own bed. You don't sound like you don't want an extra bed buddy so this should be a great compromise. You'll sleep better is she's not in bed with you too so maybe you can put her back in the crib when you don't fall asleep before she's done nursing.

Val - posted on 04/17/2009

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My son is almost 5 months old, and I've co-slept with him from the time he was born. My husband wasn't really in favor of it, but I did it anyway because it was much easier to nurse through the night. However lately I've noticed that none of us are getting much sleep. We hear every noise he makes and vice versa. So I put him in his crib and for the past week, he's automatically been sleeping through the night on his own. And...I've learned to love having my room and bed back! I'd say that you'll know what's right for the 3 of you, and nothing is permanent.

Sabrina - posted on 04/17/2009

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I co-slept with my son for the first month until he was sleeping through the night. My husband was gone so I just put my son on his side of the bed and everything worked out fine. My son love his crib and we have had no problems with him sleeping. I think to each thier own. If you feel more comfy having your baby sleep with you then do it, if you don't then don't. Just my opinion but I think that if you did it for 2 years or more then you might have a harder time switching them over. But that is just my opinion. Good luck and your the mommy so don't let anyone try and force thier believes on you. Its your baby not theirs.

Amanda - posted on 04/17/2009

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Quoting Emily:



Quoting Amanda:

bottom line is that it is a risk. A child sleeping in a bed with mom has a 15% higher chance of dying an accidental death than one in a crib. even if you go about cosleeping in the safest manner possible the risk is still higher than that of a crib death.
do you really want to take that risk?





Once again, this is based on subjective research. From http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handou...






Decreases risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
Worldwide research shows that the SIDS rate is lowest (and even unheard of) in countries where co-sleeping is the norm, rather than the exception 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Babies who sleep either in or next to their parents’ bed have a fourfold decrease in the chance of SIDS 10. Co-sleeping babies actually spend more time sleeping on their back or side 1 which decreases the risk of SIDS. Further research shows that the carbon dioxide exhaled by a parent actually works to stimulate baby’s breathing 11.






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It is fine if the risk of overlying scares you and you don't feel comfortable doing it. It is fine to warn others of what you perceive to be a danger. It is just interesting that you felt so attacked when someone said you were a bad parent for not bedsharing yet have no probelms trying to convince others they could be responsible for killing their babies.





you have failed to mention here that although cosleeping may be proven safe in other countries it is because the sleeping practice is diferent all together. in some countries they sleep on bambo mats on the floor now of course sleeping on a bambo mat on the floor is going to be safer than sleepig on a puffy matress surounded by pillows and blankets, in some countries they do not use blankets because it is so hot. up here in canada where I live it can get to minus 65 in the winter and so we have lots of blankets, obviously it would be safer with no blankets.



And the comment I made regarding the other ladies post about how parents who do not bedshare are selfish was fine, All I said was that if I am selfish for not shareing my bed than perhaps moms who co sleep are just lazy because they cant imagine getting out of bed every 3 hours to feed the baby.



No one seemed to say anything about the fact that the other lady called non bedsharing parents selfish but it seems you like to attack me for pointing out that perhaps mothers that ignore the risks and still bed share are just lazy.



whats wrong, did I hit a sore spot

Jennifer - posted on 04/17/2009

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Quoting Emily:



Quoting Amanda:

bottom line is that it is a risk. A child sleeping in a bed with mom has a 15% higher chance of dying an accidental death than one in a crib. even if you go about cosleeping in the safest manner possible the risk is still higher than that of a crib death.
do you really want to take that risk?





Once again, this is based on subjective research. From http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handou...






[...]





I

Jennifer - posted on 04/17/2009

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God I don't know where to start.



First, the statistics that show that cosleeping is dangerous because you could roll over on your baby do not tell you the whole story. They do not give you the answers to the questions that matter. Like 'Did you have any alcoholic drinks, did you take any medication, were you sleeping in a bed, ect.' If you are being reasonably safe and responsible about it, cosleeping is safer and healthier for you and your infant than putting her in a crib. In countries where cosleeping is the normal thing to do, crib death (SIDS) is almost unheard of.



If you have a firm mattress and keep the baby away from the edge (either between you and your husband or between you and the wall with something stuffed into the gap to prevent the baby from rolling into it. I used a body pillow wrapped in a sheet and tucked the sheet tight under the mattress, so the pillow was like a bumper. You want the pillow to be as firm as possible though.) and keep only one pillow for yourself and one for your husband, make sure you have blanket sleepers and everyone gets their own blanket and you'll be fine. Don't sleep on the couch with the baby, don't sleep with the baby against something soft enough that it might cover her mouth and nose, and because you're breastfeeding I don't need to tell you not to go to bed drunk or high. It is in those situations that cosleeping can be dangerous.



Some things that may help you: Getting up every three hours with a newborn is exhausting. It will be exhausting your first few weeks anyway, so why make life harder and force yourself out of bed when it's easier to just have the baby with you. After you get some practice you can latch the baby in the dark half asleep. I worried that I would smother my son with my breast at night if I fell asleep nursing, but children have an amazing sense of self preservation, even in sleep, and if his nose was ever blocked, he pulled away and fussed until I woke up to adjust so he could nurse and breath again. Infants breath more evenly and better in general when they are close to you. Your breathing helps them learn to control their own breathing, which leads to deeper more restful sleep. Breastfed babies feed more often because breastmilk is more easily digested so it moves through their system faster, so they tend to wake up more often at night. If you want to continue to breastfeed for as long as many health agencies, both domestic and foreign suggest you should, your chances are better if you cosleep. I swear I thought the baby was sleeping six hours at night by the time he was four weeks old and I was worried and fretting until my husband set up a camera to record us every night for a week. He was waking up, and so was I. Just not enough that I remembered waking and starting to nurse him. If anything cosleeping is better because you'll get more and better sleep at night and you are going to need it. Nursing takes a lot out of you and you don't even notice.



Obviously my experiences have been good with it. My son will be eighteen months in a couple weeks and pretty much the only reason we still cosleep is for my comfort. I sleep easier if I can roll over and check on him. He naps on his own during the day without me more often than not, and he goes to bed at night about half the time on his own. He's excited to have his own big boy bed (we're getting one next week) and to be honest I'm really going to miss it. His breathing at night is very comforting for me.

Katlyn - posted on 04/17/2009

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my daughter will be a year may 5th, ever since she was born she's slept in my bed with me until recently when i tried transitioning her to her own crib. I really see no harm with it at all i know shes there && when i get to close she'll swat me. :]

Emily - posted on 04/17/2009

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Quoting Amanda:

bottom line is that it is a risk. A child sleeping in a bed with mom has a 15% higher chance of dying an accidental death than one in a crib. even if you go about cosleeping in the safest manner possible the risk is still higher than that of a crib death.
do you really want to take that risk?


Once again, this is based on subjective research. From http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handou...



Decreases risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
Worldwide research shows that the SIDS rate is lowest (and even unheard of) in countries where co-sleeping is the norm, rather than the exception 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Babies who sleep either in or next to their parents’ bed have a fourfold decrease in the chance of SIDS 10. Co-sleeping babies actually spend more time sleeping on their back or side 1 which decreases the risk of SIDS. Further research shows that the carbon dioxide exhaled by a parent actually works to stimulate baby’s breathing 11.



Safer than crib sleeping
The Consumer Product Safety Commission published data that described infant fatalities in adult beds. These same data, however, showed more than 3 times as many crib related infant fatalities compared to adult bed accidents 15. Another recent large study concluded that bed sharing did NOT increase the risk of SIDS, unless the mom was a smoker or abused alcohol 16.



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It is fine if the risk of overlying scares you and you don't feel comfortable doing it. It is fine to warn others of what you perceive to be a danger. It is just interesting that you felt so attacked when someone said you were a bad parent for not bedsharing yet have no probelms trying to convince others they could be responsible for killing their babies.

Amanda - posted on 04/16/2009

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bottom line is that it is a risk. A child sleeping in a bed with mom has a 15% higher chance of dying an accidental death than one in a crib. even if you go about cosleeping in the safest manner possible the risk is still higher than that of a crib death.

do you really want to take that risk?

Stevie - posted on 04/16/2009

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when we brought our son home we were suppose to have the crib but we didnt and he slept with us we didnt roll over him its just kind of hard you will understand much better when your daughter is born but i was not going to let him sleep with us past the 6 week check up and after that then he could sleep in his crib in our room and when we could get the monitor he would go in his room and so this we did and then by 3 months we tought him how to sleep on his own and slept threw the night thats how we did it and he is now 5 months and does great oh we probably put him in his own room at like 2 1/2 months or so good luck and congrats

Stevie - posted on 04/16/2009

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when we brought our son home we were suppose to have the crib but we didnt and he slept with us we didnt roll over him its just kind of hard you will understand much better when your daughter is born but i was not going to let him sleep with us past the 6 week check up and after that then he could sleep in his crib in our room and when we could get the monitor he would go in his room and so this we did and then by 3 months we tought him how to sleep on his own and slept threw the night thats how we did it and he is now 5 months and does great oh we probably put him in his own room at like 2 1/2 months or so good luck and congrats

Andi - posted on 04/16/2009

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thats crazy! (the above article)

Here is something we used http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp...

It was great for middle of the night breastfeeding but it took up alot of space in our queen size bed. At least this way you can't roll over on baby! We also used it as a travel bed and let me tell you... it was a LIFESAVER!!!!! He fit in it for about 3 months.

Emily - posted on 04/16/2009

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I think you just proved my point - there is conflicting information even in that one article you just posted. Parents will do what they feel is safer for their babies. I happen to think that cosleeping is safer for our family based on the dynamics of our household. I don't think that peopel who choose otherwise are bad parents or that they are risking their childrens' lives but I've done years of research on the subject and am convinced that it can be done safely. Sadly babies die in cribs and in the family bed.  I can post a super long article too (bolding mine)!- By Dr. Jay Gordan



Safe Cosleeping



In a statement that ought to provoke a firestorm of controversy, the Consumer Product Safety Commission has just issued a warning to parents not to allow their infants to sleep with them.  The recommendation was based on a study of deaths attributed to babies sleeping in adult beds from the period 1990-1997.  This report is available at the CPSC website as the cover story, Don't Place Babies in Adult Beds.  The authors of the study maintain that babies younger than 12 months should be put to sleep in a crib rather than sleep with their parents.



The media is now giving this study considerable attention, largely ignoring previous studies and evidence that safe co-sleeping is of great benefit to babies and their parents.  Almost lost in the media frenzy are the important statistics involving babies that are lost to SIDS in their own cribs, in order to glamorize the new results.  This was not a comparative study, yet many media outlets are jumping on the bandwagon in announcing that all new parents must buy cribs or they are akin to child abusers. Peggy O'Mara, editor of Mothering Magazine, writes more about the media and government's sudden attack on co-sleeping in Get Out of My Bedroom!



Dr. Jay Gordon, a pediatrician in Santa Monica and a well-known authority on breastfeeding and attachment parenting, was less than enthusiastic about the new study. "Crib death may be prevented by co-sleeping, and breastfeeding is increased by sharing the family bed.  Countless thousands of lives are saved by the family bed and in twenty years as a pediatrician I have never seen a child in any way endangered by sleeping with her parents.  These researchers should be ashamed of themselves."



The key to any sleeping arrangement in any household is safety and understanding and elimination of potential risk factors.  While no sleeping arrangement can be a 100% guarantee that there will be no problems, there are many things that parents do not know about creating a safe sleep space for their children.  In the CPSC study, most deaths occurred simply because parents did not put into practice safety precautions for their babies.  According to the National SIDS Alliance, approximately 2,700 babies die each year from SIDS; the vast majority of those sleeping alone in a crib. In the CPSC study, 515 died between 1990 to 1997 directly as a result of poor safety in co-sleeping.  Since much research has linked co-sleeping to decreased SIDS incidence, it is imperative that parents educate themselves about safety rather than blame the sleeping arrangements for causing harm.



If you do use a crib for your child, you need to know some basics.  Cribs manufactured before 1982 can be dangerous and should not be used for children, so do not accept hand-me-downs from well-meaning relatives.  Be certain the paint is not lead based and does not crack.  Look for missing or loose slats or loose screws on the crib.  Do not allow pillows or stuffed animals in bed with your baby until the baby is at least 12 months of age; and when the baby can stand, remove all bumpers.  Be careful that only lightweight blankets are used; better yet, use a light blanket sleeper for the child so that they can't get tangled in blankets and suffocate.



Co-sleeping has been a safe, healthy, and wonderful alternative to the crib for many families.  Katie Allison Granju, author of Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child, recommends these safety factors when co-sleeping (many can be applied to crib sleep as well):







When using a standard, off-the-floor bed, be absolutely sure that your baby cannot roll or fall off the sides.
 







Young infants should sleep between their mother and the bed rail, not between both parents or beside an older sibling.
 







Make sure that your mattress or futon provides a firm sleeping surface.  Never, ever allow an infant to sleep on a waterbed, featherbed, beanbag, deep pillowtop mattress or other inappropriately soft surface.
 







Never sleep with your baby if you are under the influence of drugs, alcohol or prescription medication that makes you unusually groggy or sleepy.
 







Exceptionally obese parents should use a sidecar arrangement (crib attached to the side of the bed) rather than having a young infant in the bed with them.
 







Do not overload your bed with excessive pillows, blankets, or stuffed animals.
 







Never fall asleep on a couch, sofa, or overstuffed chair with your baby.
 







Do not stuff too many bodies into a bed with a small baby.
 







Make sure that your baby isn't overdressed.  Remember, the body heat in a family bed makes most bedtime bundling unnecessary.
 







Dress your baby in safe sleepwear. Flame retardant with no strings or ties, just as you would if she were sleeping alone.







The study performs a service in pointing out the dangers of sleeping unsafely; but the implication that babies should never sleep with their parents, even with the proper precautions, may be a serious disservice to American families.  The bottom line is...sleep safely!




Amanda - posted on 04/16/2009

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Quoting Emily:



Quoting Amanda:




I just found it very rude that one would say that parents who let their baby sleep in a crib where they are intended to sleep is selfish. the practice of co sleeping is outdated and with the information regarding infant death that we have today I find it very irresponsible that someone would put their child in that position. There are several ways to bond with your baby without having in the same bed.









What you said was just as rude as any of the co-sleepers comments. There are studies that show co-sleeping reduces the risk o SIDS. With babies you have to weight risks vs benefits. Everyone must consider- Do you think the risk of SIDS in a crib ourweighs the risks of overlying in the family bed? Every parent is going to make a different decision even when presented with the same information. It is fine to voice your concerns about co-sleeping but it cry when someone implies you are a bad parent is pretty hypocritical especially after you have essentially done the same exact thing.





here I found this on kids health.org



Is Cosleeping Safe?



Despite the possible pros, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) warns parents not to place their infants to sleep in adult beds, stating that the practice puts babies at risk of suffocation and strangulation. And the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) agrees.



Cosleeping is a widespread practice in many non-Western cultures. However, differences in mattresses, bedding, and other cultural practices may account for the lower risk in these countries as compared with the United States.



According to the CPSC, at least 515 deaths were linked to infants and toddlers under 2 years of age sleeping in adult beds from January 1990 to December 1997:





121 of the deaths were attributed to a parent, caregiver, or sibling rolling on top of or against a baby while sleeping

more than 75% of the deaths involved infants younger than 3 months old



Cosleeping advocates say it isn't inherently dangerous and that the CPSC went too far in recommending that parents never sleep with children under 2 years of age. According to supporters of cosleeping, parents won't roll over onto a baby because they're conscious of the baby's presence — even during sleep.



Those who should not cosleep with an infant, however, include:





other children — particularly toddlers — because they might not be aware of the baby's presence

parents who are under the influence of alcohol or any drug because that could diminish their awareness of the baby

parents who smoke because the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is greater



But can cosleeping cause SIDS? The connection between cosleeping and SIDS is unclear and research is ongoing. Some cosleeping researchers have suggested that it can reduce the risk of SIDS because cosleeping parents and babies tend to wake up more often throughout the night. However, the AAP reports that some studies suggest that, under certain conditions, cosleeping may increase the risk of SIDS, especially cosleeping environments involving mothers who smoke.



CPSC also reported more than 100 infant deaths between January 1999 and December 2001 attributable to hidden hazards for babies on adult beds, including:





suffocation when an infant gets trapped or wedged between a mattress and headboard, wall, or other object

suffocation resulting from a baby being face-down on a waterbed, a regular mattress, or on soft bedding such as pillows, blankets, or quilts

strangulation in a bed frame that allows part of an infant's body to pass through an area while trapping the baby's head



In addition to the potential safety risks, sharing a bed with a baby can sometimes prevent parents from getting a good night's sleep. And infants who cosleep can learn to associate sleep with being close to a parent in the parent's bed, which may become a problem at naptime or when the infant needs to go to sleep before the parent is ready.



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I know there is conflicting research on both sides of this issue, personally I do not know any adult that sleeps on a firm matress on the floor with no sheets, blankets or pillows and really I think that is most likely the only way one could cosleep safely (with the child in a bassinet on the matress of course.) For me and all the moms I know common sense would tell you that the risks outweigh the benifits. I would not want my daughter to suffocate because she happend to wiggle down to low to where my blanket was, or to have her head traped in my head board because she squirmed up to far.



I dont see why anyone would risk the life of their child but hey maybe it is a cultural thing. who knows maybe for some reason it is safer for kids to sleep in bed with mom in the united states than in canada, maybe your cribs just are not as good as ours I dont know.



I do know that if health canada recomends that parents do not share a bed with an infant that I certinly wont be doing that.  they have baned the use of baby walkers , over the door jumpers and bath tub seats because of to many accidental deaths. I know you can still buy these products in the united states so maybe it is just a quality controll issue.



I know in canada it is safer to put a baby to bed on a firm matress in his own crib with no toys, pillows or heavy blankets.

Candace - posted on 04/16/2009

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I didn't because we had a friend who rolled over on her 10 month old and suffacated her. I was always afraid that if it can happen to a 10 month old it could happen to a baby.

Emily - posted on 04/16/2009

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Quoting Amanda:



I just found it very rude that one would say that parents who let their baby sleep in a crib where they are intended to sleep is selfish. the practice of co sleeping is outdated and with the information regarding infant death that we have today I find it very irresponsible that someone would put their child in that position. There are several ways to bond with your baby without having in the same bed.





What you said was just as rude as any of the co-sleepers comments. There are studies that show co-sleeping reduces the risk o SIDS. With babies you have to weight risks vs benefits. Everyone must consider- Do you think the risk of SIDS in a crib ourweighs the risks of overlying in the family bed? Every parent is going to make a different decision even when presented with the same information. It is fine to voice your concerns about co-sleeping but it cry when someone implies you are a bad parent is pretty hypocritical especially after you have essentially done the same exact thing.

Sophie - posted on 04/16/2009

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i had both my kids on my chest for the first few weeks as they wouldnt sleep in their cribs. i thought it was safer as i was laid flat and holding them so that my partner wouldnt roll on them.but i started to put them in their cot after a few weeks as i didnt want to have a problem with not being able to put them in their own bed.thing is you need your own space as well,and you and your partner will want time alone.hope this helps.

Umber - posted on 04/16/2009

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hiee brittany.. congrats it is not dangerouse to sleep with a new born baby but its good enough for her to comfortably sleep in the crib for atleast she is a year old...its good for the babys comfort moreover she will learn to go to sleep her self as she grows up or otherwise u will havr to ly down for hours with her as she will never b able to fall asleep without u..

Rebecca - posted on 04/15/2009

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I slept with my baby right from day 1 until she was around eight months old, i never rolled on her. Some how you just know that they are there. Everyone told me it would be so hard to get her to sleep in her own bed after so long but she was really good. I started putting her in the cot just for her day naps and gradually putting her in at night now i wouldn't look back it is great having my bed back you seem to sleep alot better when their in their own bed. Although i wouldn't change anything cause it is so nice the bond that forms from being so close all the time.

Cori - posted on 04/15/2009

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we co slept with our son for the first 4 months.. not because it was easier to breast feed that way or anything else other than i just felt more secure and comfertable knowing that all i had to do was open an eye and i could see that my son was still breathing and still sleeping.. i didnt read any guidelines about what to do with co sleeping i just listend to my instincts and followed my heart.. it wasnt hard at all to get him into his crib, with that though i followed a technique my doc told me about called the ferber method, its basically a controlled crying method.. but it worked great and only took 2 naps and 1 bed time for him to realize that his bed is in his crib. sometimes at night if he wakes up and needs a snack (usually around 5 am) i will take him back into bed with me and let him eat while i finish getting my zz's and he finishes his... JUST FOLLOW YOURE HEART, you will know whats right for you and your family.

Cori - posted on 04/15/2009

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we co slept with our son for the first 4 months.. not because it was easier to breast feed that way or anything else other than i just felt more secure and comfertable knowing that all i had to do was open an eye and i could see that my son was still breathing and still sleeping.. i didnt read any guidelines about what to do with co sleeping i just listend to my instincts and followed my heart.. it wasnt hard at all to get him into his crib, with that though i followed a technique my doc told me about called the ferber method, its basically a controlled crying method.. but it worked great and only took 2 naps and 1 bed time for him to realize that his bed is in his crib. sometimes at night if he wakes up and needs a snack (usually around 5 am) i will take him back into bed with me and let him eat while i finish getting my zz's and he finishes his... JUST FOLLOW YOURE HEART, you will know whats right for you and your family.

Jennifer - posted on 04/13/2009

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After reading everyone's comments I feel the need to add to my own. I think co-sleeping and most parenting is a personal choice for a mom to make. Also I mentioned I co-slept with my son (and sometimes still do) He is a very independent little boy, and yes when I leave him with my mom while I go out, he cries. but for not even a minute and then he is off and playing. I personally think a lot of the clingyness has to do with the child's personality and the overall parenting not only if the child co-sleeps or not.

Jennifer - posted on 04/13/2009

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Hi, So here is my story. My 2 yr old son is adopted. I have had him since he was 10 days old. He has always had trouble with insecurities, so I had him in bed with me. I couldn't breastfeed so putting him in bed with me was good bonding time. Anyhow, I let him do that too long, because now at 2 he doesn't like to sleep in his bed at all. We're working on it. But anyhow, I wouldn't worry about rolling over on her, and also there are bed extenders as well as pack-n-plays that allows your child to be right next to your bed.

All that said and even with my son stil wanting to be in my bed, I don't regret the decision to let him sleep in my bed.

Rheanon - posted on 04/13/2009

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HI guys



i think eveything when it comes to parenting is all personal choice, and u should do things they way u think ur children shouldbe brought up



everyone knows the risks of having a little little baby in ur bed, uc an roll onto and stuff, i know myself and how i sleep casue iam a light sleeper, so i did have my daughter in my bed on the odd occcasion after my partner at the time went to work.



 



but now being a single mother she is nearly 5, she has her own bed but cause i get lonely i love to have her in the bed with me she loves cuddles and it makes her feel secure and safe



its not alot cause she knows her place to sleep, but every now and agian its ok



as long as they know where their place is and they dont become too used to it, other wise it may be very hard when u want time to ur self lol

Sybil - posted on 04/13/2009

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My baby is almost 7 months and he still occasionally sleeps in bed with me and he did from the start partially bc he would never sleep in his own crib or his bassinet. (He does now sleep in his crin through the night) I was worried about rolling on him but i dunno what it is but u become so aware that there is a child there. I found it easier bc i was breastfeeding and he was just right there if he were to wake up and i didn't have to leave my bed. im sure u know but they also make beds that protect them while they are sleeping in ur bed. It whatever u feel more comfortable with

Lisa - posted on 04/13/2009

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Quoting Stephanie:



no you wont roll over on them, but how will you keep the blankets off their face.....






if you want them in your bed get one of these at least






http://www.babybeddingtown.com/baby-5267...






there are other kinds, but it keeps the baby safer in your bed







we never let jasmine sleep in our bed.. she slept in her bassinett next to our bed for 6 weeks.. then when i knew for sure iwasn't going to be able to Breast feed *tear*  we put her in her crib in her own room.. she loves it



 



i have to agree get one of these if you really want to co -sleep . this helped us realise sour baby girl was in the bed with us! we were even able to put one of those sleep positioners( found in baby isle at your local wal-mart!) in to make shure she didnot role over.we didnot plan to co - sleep but i had a c-section and we were in the process of miving from one state to another and we didnot have a whole lot of toom in the hotel with dogs traveling with us as well ! & now she is 9 mo and sleeps inbetween us but mostly in her crib or pack n play.she just takes up way to much room in our bed and we only have a queen lol.you can find one im shure on your local craigslist. good luck!


 

Andi - posted on 04/12/2009

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we co-sleep. and yes, i'm lazy. but that's neither here nor there.

we put the mattresses on the floor, so roll-offs are no big thing if they happen (which has only happened twice in the 5-1/2 years that we've been co-sleeping).

in summer, we don't use blankets. in winter, we dress warmly for bed, i turn the heat up a bit, and keep the blankets over the lower half of our bodies, away from bub. pillows are kept away from bub.

we're all sleeping, so i guess i don't see my bed as me time, a break from the kids, or time to have my own space. they're unconscious and happy, i'm happy and on my way to unconsciousness. it works for us.

as they get older, they go to bed on their own, before me, and have had no issues with sleep. oldest will sometimes sleep in his bed, sometimes mine. whatever works for him, doesn't bother me.

as for independence, my kids get looked at as weirdos on the playground because they're fiercely independent and will happily leave my side to converse with other kids AND their parents. they always want to explore the world on their own and if there's something interesting going on, will have no problem saying 'bye, mom!' and running in the opposite direction of me. the only time they want me to be around is if they're in a situation they don't like. then, of course, they get fussy and cranky and want mama.

just because a kid co-sleeps and is cranky at the sitter's does not mean it's a result of co-sleeping. could be the kid just doesn't want to be at daycare and would prefer to play with mom all day. correlation does not imply causation.

our kids are all going to be screwed up somehow, and they'll never be perfectly safe. no one can be a perfect parent.

in the end, you need to do what you think is best for you and yours, and where your comfort level lies, and hope for the best. ultimately, it's no one's decision but your own how you will raise your kids.

Amanda - posted on 04/12/2009

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Quoting Katie:



Children are supposed to be with their moms all the time and you don't know what kids are cosleepers. You just assume that the cosleepers are the ones that are clingy when in fact there is not only evidence against this, but those could be the Ferberized children that constantly feel their parents are abandoning them.

Children naturally start to want to separate from their parents, sleep and otherwise, at about 5 years old. This makes those clingy kids the more demanding ones that say 'this is not right, I am supposed to be with mommy to keep me safe', probably in the long run being more successful in life because of their perseverance and motivation.

I do realize that in our modern society moms cannot always be with their children all the time. I am just pointing out that at 5 years old the frontal lobe of the brain develops, which is when children can start reasoning 'mom is leaving, but she'll be back' or 'if I fall asleep then I can see mom when I wake up'. Before that there is no way for them to comprehend why they are being left alone or in another place away from their parents.



 



 





As for which children in my daycare are co sleepers, I do know ahead of time because I have papre work the parents fill out about everything they can possibly tell me about their children including sleeping arrangments.



As far as your comment about the childs brain not being able to comprehend object permanance until age 5 (not knowing that if mom leaves she will be back or knowing that if an object can not be seen it doesnt mean it does not exist) you are mistaken. This happens between the ages of 8 or 9 months for most infants.



I have been taking psychology for 3 years now so I know all about this, please learn about  Jean Piaget, object permanance for more information on this subject.



Children who are given the opportunity to develope their independence dont walk around when there 5 years old thinking hey wheres my mom I need her 100% of the time because Im nothing without her.



Just because a child does not sleep with their parents does not mean they are furberized. My daughter sleeps in a crib and when she wakes up crying you can bet when she looks up I will be ther, it might not be instantly but within the time it takes me to walk to her room which is all of a few seconds I am there. Just because a parent chooses to let their child sleep in their crib does not meen they disregard their childs cries. A mother who sleeps with her baby or a mother whos baby sleeps in a crib are both the same, both attend to the childs needs when they cry. the only diference is that while my baby is safe in her crib there is another baby who may not be as safe in an adult bed and there is only about a 15% less chance of an infant dieing of sids in a crib I would still not risk that 15% chance for any reason, even if I were travelling and had no crib I would rater my baby sleep in a secured area on the floor than up in a bed where she can be squished, sufficated, strangled, fall out or any of the othe many injuries that can happen.



The risks of cosleeping out weigh the benifits and here in Canada health care professionals are against family beds.

[deleted account]

I also wanted to add after reading some other posts, I don't believe children that co-sleep will end up with psychological issues at all. First of all I co-slept with my parents and I am perfectly fine. I naturally wanted to sleep on my own about 4 or 5. Also my daughter who sleeps with us has no attachment issues. She has no problems with separation anxiety or with being clingy to any one person, granted she has her days as does every other toddler but I do not, for the most part believe all that. You will have to make your decision on what you feel in your heart is right for you but of course health care professionals will not recommend co-sleeping with a newborn, maybe for good reason.

[deleted account]

Well in my opinion, for a newborn, I wouldn't recommend them sleeping in bed with you because there has been incidences where babies have been suffocated and also fallen out of bed for one reason or another and depending on how many blankets you use that could pose a suffocation risk and of course the mattress recommendations according to the SIDS guidelines. I would recommend having the crib in your room for the baby.



On the other hand, I really don't have room to say don't co-sleep because  my daughter who is 3 years old sleeps with us. It's not that she doesn't have a room but because this is what is conveinent for us but she didn't start sleeping with us until she was over a year and a half. Before that she slept in her crib which we had in our room.



Just voicing my opinion. Congrats on your first baby!

Anne - posted on 04/12/2009

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Quoting Katie:

First of all, this article does not mention whether or not drugs or alcohol were involved, if there were blankets on the bed, if there were pillows or a bedrail, etc. Second of all, this proves my point. When there is an article about SIDS it normally just quotes statistics, not an individual child, because it is much more common (about 1-2 per 1000, still not extremely common). A suffocation death is a very uncommon occurrence, therefore it is newsworthy.

Amanda, first of all you have provided no evidence, nor did you look at the articles I posted that backs up my claims.




Amanda did not post that article I did. No it doesnt mention drugs or alcohol but did you also read that it was the third on in three month in our county. We are not a big county either. This was only in the paper becuase she is facing charges up to 5 years in prison for co-sleeping and killing her child.

Katie - posted on 04/12/2009

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First of all, this article does not mention whether or not drugs or alcohol were involved, if there were blankets on the bed, if there were pillows or a bedrail, etc. Second of all, this proves my point. When there is an article about SIDS it normally just quotes statistics, not an individual child, because it is much more common (about 1-2 per 1000, still not extremely common). A suffocation death is a very uncommon occurrence, therefore it is newsworthy.



Amanda, first of all you have provided no evidence, nor did you look at the articles I posted that backs up my claims.



Secondly, did you know that the reason your health care provider doesn't recommend cosleeping is because the AAP doesn't. The AAP doesn't based on studies cosponsored by JPMA, a crib manufacturer who has launched the national campaign to warn parents not to sleep with their babies.This is a huge conflict of interest.



Children are supposed to be with their moms all the time and you don't know what kids are cosleepers. You just assume that the cosleepers are the ones that are clingy when in fact there is not only evidence against this, but those could be the Ferberized children that constantly feel their parents are abandoning them.



Children naturally start to want to separate from their parents, sleep and otherwise, at about 5 years old. This makes those clingy kids the more demanding ones that say 'this is not right, I am supposed to be with mommy to keep me safe', probably in the long run being more successful in life because of their perseverance and motivation.



I do realize that in our modern society moms cannot always be with their children all the time. I am just pointing out that at 5 years old the frontal lobe of the brain develops, which is when children can start reasoning 'mom is leaving, but she'll be back' or 'if I fall asleep then I can see mom when I wake up'. Before that there is no way for them to comprehend why they are being left alone or in another place away from their parents.

Chantel - posted on 04/12/2009

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Quoting Amanda:



there is evidence for and against. however MOST health care professionals do not recomend this as it can be unsafe. there is the risk of suffication and stranglation. Kids just do not belong in the bed or the bedroom for that matter. This is your solace away from the kids, kids dont need to be with mom all the time and they need to learn to sleep alone, they need to learn not to rely on mom to get them back to sleep should they wake up (unless they need a change or feeding). Alot of the children of a prolonged family bed have relationship problems and seperation anxiety as adults.






I run a daycare and you can tell what kids sleep in moms room and which kids have their own room. the ones that sleep woth mom are often cranky and clingy and need to be held all the time, even as toddlers, they have severe attachment issues because they never learn that when mom puts me down and leaves the room she is not gone forever and she will be back. children that share the bed never leave mom so they do not understand this.






and another thing, when is the time for sex when the kids are ALWAYS there?





I agree with you. I'm not a fan of co-sleeping but to each their own. I too run a daycare and I have one little boy who sleeps with his mom and he is horrible! He screams if he can't see me for 2 seconds, he's the most clingy kid I have ever seen! And he won't nap at all because he won't sleep on his own and I don't have time to lay with him!! And I know the sex question was answered above but really. It's hard enough to find time and energy when the baby sleeps in their own room, no way would I add the strain of co-sleeping.



 

Amanda - posted on 04/11/2009

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I just found it very rude that one would say that parents who let their baby sleep in a crib where they are intended to sleep is selfish. the practice of co sleeping is outdated and with the information regarding infant death that we have today I find it very irresponsible that someone would put their child in that position. There are several ways to bond with your baby without having in the same bed.

[deleted account]

Quoting Kylie:



There’s no need to get nasty Amanda, everyone obviously has their own views and experiences with this subject and if you kept reading Danielle did say every baby is different as is every mother. Don’t be so defensive and judgmental, co-sleeping can be a safe, rewarding way for a family to get more sleep and a peacefully sleeping baby safe in her own crib is also a beautiful thing. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to mums and babies getting more sleep... its each to their own, no need to throw around the lazy parent coment please.





100% agree! These posts must have came up when I was just posting.



I can't believe the nerve of some people on Circle of Moms. I'm part of another parenting board and I've never encountered such nastiness.



I've got a few thoughts of my own on your kind of parenting but I've got more manners than to air them here and be mean about it.

[deleted account]

Amanda it is only your opinion that kids don't belong in the bedroom.

My son was in my belly for 9mths, and I wanted to stay close to him after he came out. He sleeps in his crib right next to my bed.

A few times I have been woken by him choking on his spit up when he was very small, I don't want to imagine what might have happened to him if he had been down the hall in another room.



And the stuff about babies who co sleep being clingy etc is simply not true for all kids. That I'm afraid, depends entirely on a child's personality more than anything else.

Both my girls co slept (one still is) and both are very outgoing and friendly.

Amanda - posted on 04/11/2009

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Quoting Danielle:



 






A friend put it to me like this, humans are odd, we are the only mammals that dont nest with our young. I think it is easier to nurture as nature intended, but people now-a-days are too selfish and don't spend the necessary time with our children.






 






 





So you are saying moms that do not do the whole family bed thing are selfish?



well let me tell you, if it is selfish for me to want to protect my daughter from the risk of catching her small body between the rails in my headboard or sufficating under a pile of blankets than I guess I will be selfish.



If you ask me it is the lazy mother who lets baby sleep in the bed. to lazy to get up and go to babys room to feed him, why get up when you can roll over, pop out a boob and shove it into the kids mouth all while you sleep.



Family bed is a lazy way to parent and it is irresponsible and unsafe.



Moms of family beds try to cover up the true intentions of it by making up crap that it is easier to bond with baby....no its easier to feed baby not bond with baby.



my daughter sleeps in a crib and we have a STRONG bond and she is safe, she has about a 15% less chance of having a preventable death in her crib than she does in my bed and while 15% may not be allot to you I am willing to get out of bed every night every 3 hours for the last 9 months to go to her room to attend to her needs there, safe where she belongs in a BABY CRIB.

Danielle - posted on 04/10/2009

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My little girl is now almost 10 months, we co-sleep and love it!
I was told not to b/c I might roll over her and suffocate her, she won't want to sleep in her own bed, and of course SIDS. To be honest, there is nothing better and more reasuring then lying next to her and watching her sleep. I can hear her breathing and fall asleep peacefully knowing she's safe.



A friend put it to me like this, humans are odd, we are the only mammals that dont nest with our young. I think it is easier to nurture as nature intended, but people now-a-days are too selfish and don't spend the necessary time with our children.



I don't really care how long it takes to get her into her own bed, when she wants her space she will have it. Naps are spent in her crib or a play pen, so she knows her surroundings and she does great at sleeping where-ever. Sometimes she needs to cuddle to go to sleep, sometimes she needs her space and will sleep on her own. Every baby is different just as every mama is.



You will know what is best when the time comes, good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and your babies birth.

Melissa - posted on 04/10/2009

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I slept with my 2 children for a few weeks.. It makes nursing at night very easy, but make sure you put her in the crib after a while or she will have a hard time sleeping without you. If you are worried about rolling on her you should get one of the baby sleepers that attach to your bed.

Melissa - posted on 04/10/2009

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I slept with my 2 children for a few weeks.. It makes nursing at night very easy, but make sure you put her in the crib after a while or she will have a hard time sleeping without you. If you are worried about rolling on her you should get one of the baby sleepers that attach to your bed.

Melissa - posted on 04/10/2009

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I slept with my 2 children for a few weeks.. It makes nursing at night very easy, but make sure you put her in the crib after a while or she will have a hard time sleeping without you. If you are worried about rolling on her you should get one of the baby sleepers that attach to your bed.

Melissa - posted on 04/10/2009

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I slept with my 2 children for a few weeks.. It makes nursing at night very easy, but make sure you put her in the crib after a while or she will have a hard time sleeping without you. If you are worried about rolling on her you should get one of the baby sleepers that attach to your bed.

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