Confused and Need help!

Maggi - posted on 07/23/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Back story, I have sole physical custody and joint legal custody of my son with his bio father. He has not been consistent with contact, child support and health care. I am also about to get married to a wonderful man who my son looks up too and calls daddy. He does not know his biological father at all. Last year, we had a sign agreement about visitation which he only used twice that year and was not in consistent contact about our son together. Our fights over the phone were hostile with yelling and cussing on both sides. (I know thats bad but let's face it, when it comes to our children and they are the ones getting wronged, mom get angry.) Anyway, due to this at the first of this year, I told him that if he wanted to contact me that it needed to be done through email because of these fights. I asked him for an email a week for him to be consistent and then go from there to skyping and phone calls with our son because I do not want my son to be let down by him. He has not agreed to this and has not done that and in that time space my son has been without insurance twice and has not paid child support in three months. He is starting to make threats about going to court over this and I am not scared about going to court, however, I would like to avoid it. I feel that every time we have tried to explain to him our reasoning, he argues that he has nothing to do with our son where we see it as building our relationship so I can trust him with our son, and he can learn about our son before introducing him. So my question is do we try to find a way for us to avoid court or just go to court? We have asked him to email us once a week for two months then we go straight to skyping every week with him, I just feel that if he is this inconsistent with us then he will be with our son and I do not want my son to go through that. Not sure what to do right now. Also, He lives in another state and from my understanding from talking to both a lawyer and my child support officer, I do not have to maintain contact with him or let me see my son since we do not have a court order dictating what we should do.

4 Comments

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Amy - posted on 07/25/2012

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Honestly, go to court. Document EVERYTHING...if what you say is correct, you will be fine! Let him look like an ass and pay for the court costs. I do NOT think your son will resent you if you boot this ass out of your life. My sister is going through the same exact thing right now. He took her to court, and he made himself look like a complete ass. My four year old niece is so sad all the time b/c he trys to come in and out of her life. My mother on the other hand never let my father see us for reasons I can't say here, BUT I always thought she knew what was best for us...and guess what? I turned out to be fine! Consistency is key for kids, and if this guy thinks he is calling the shots, he is WRONG! And you knowing this, don't let him get under your skin...that will piss him off even more! Good luck hun!

Alana - posted on 07/25/2012

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aww I just wrote this long response with a lot of thought and my internet crashed!!! So in short, I don't think you should cut your ex out of your sons life. Your son will resent it unless he is allowed to make his own decision about his fathers involvement. I also think you should stop asking for child support since you will be remained and he is inconsistent anyways. And as far as visitations, let him visit when he wants and let him know he is welcome. Not ordered to. He may be more incline to visit more. I find that ppl don't want to do what they are told to do. and when they are free to make decisions, they often go with the correct one.

Let your son know his real dad comes to visit when he wants. no need to cover for him. his true dad is his step dad. Just make sure he knows what a good father son relationship is.

good luck! sorry for the abruptness

Maggi - posted on 07/24/2012

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The issue is that we were never married, Yes, my son has met his biological father 5 times since he has been more last time was more then 7 months ago and before that it was 7 months again. My son does not know his biological father. I have already gone to court for child support and my bio dad is court ordered to pay for my son's medical insurance. The issue comes that my son's biological dad wants to be a part of his life when he feels that it suits him. I feel that he is on the fence with him and I do not like it. He only wants to be a dad when it suits his needs and not my son's, this how I feel.

Alana - posted on 07/24/2012

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I am not understanding... Has your son met his father? Does the father want to be involved with his son? Why does he want to take you to court? He is not the one paying child support... If you went to court, wouldn't he have the most to lose?

If I were you, I would figure out what I think is best for my son. Is his real father a reliable person? If you can't trust him with your son then he simply can not be let alone with him. if he is supposed to be paying child support and you feel like you need it for your son, then you do need to take him to court. But since you are getting married and your son has a healthy relationship with his step dad, I would focus more on that relationship. is it possible to have your new husband to put your son and you on his insurance? If you are going to be remarried, you really don't need your sons father's support.

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