cry it out method or comfort them? trying to move my 3month old to her crib

Amy - posted on 11/05/2009 ( 165 moms have responded )

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my child is colicky & i'm breastfeeding. i want her to sleep in her own bed oon, but not even close to being able to soothe herself. still sleeps with me! i am using the 'waldorf' methods very strictly. i refuse to let her scream herself to sleep...but i want her to be able to self soothe. help!

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Stephanie - posted on 11/05/2009

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Amy,



From everything I have read 3 months is to soon to let a baby cry it out. 6 months not at all, but 3 months yes, especially if she is colicky. Does she have anything to help soothe her? A tiny blanky or a pacifier or an animal that she likes? What makes her start to get comfortable to fall asleep when you are with her or holding her? What does she like? Does she sleep on her belly or back or side? Do you give her baths before bed? Not everynight but it does help relax them and tire them out. Try the purple bottle of Johnson's sleeptime bath as well as the lotion. The lilac is a soother itself. I have things that help Riley, I will play quiet music as well as turn on a projector on the ceiling that she watches, relaxes and falls asleep to. She also is a pacifier baby :( (it was either that or her thumb, and you can take the pacifier away) she also has a blanky, she sleeps with. She loves tags on everything so she play with the tag to fall asleep. There are all kinds of things I could tell you so maybe try some and if you need more ideas, send me a msg and I could also go into more detail. Don't be afraid at all! I am more than happy to help. Any advice I have gotten I always took into consideration whether it helped or not, it is always worth a shot :) and truthfully most of it helped!



Aerika,



Landon is to old to be sleeping with you. Is he on a schedule during the day? Feeding time, nap time, play time, etc? Do you watch him or is someone else watching him, like family, friend or daycare? When babies and children are on a schedule it makes them feel more secure, they expect things, and it's just healthier for both child & parent. Grant it you have days where things change when you do extra activities, but if he isn't on a schedule start one right away. Riley is my 8 month old daughter, but she has been on a schedule since day 1. I am breastfeeding as well, but she has slept through the night in her own crib since she was just under 3 months. When she is in my bed she wants to play, so she always sleeps in her crib. Naptime I put her in her swing or in my bed with me and we nap together after she watches a little bit of baby einstein regardless of where she is. She knows it's naptime. At bedtime, I have had probably 3 nights where it was extremely hard for her to fall asleep and it was because she was teething. She goes to bed around 6:30-7:30 everynight. It just depends on bath or not or if we have company etc...but I always try to keep it the same. She always wakes up at the same time every morning as well. Is Landon in a toddler bed already or a crib? Allow him to cry it out in his bed for 15 minutes. Go in the room with no lights on if at that point he is still crying. Make sure he is laying down and make sure he is okay. Let him know you are there but it is bedtime. If he wakes up in the night, let him soothe himself. If he doesn't after 30 minutes, do the same thing...go in with no lights on because that will only wake him more and make sure he is laying down and okay then leave. When they cry it breaks your heart but you have to break the cycle...you need a goodnight sleep as does he...Look at it this way, it is in his best interest because if he is only sleeping a few hours at a time, #1 he is not getting into a good REM sleep and that is not healthy and #2 it will cause future problems with his sleep. Same thing goes for you! You need rest and your bed back!! Message me if you need any help..I'm here to support both of you!! Good Luck!!

Joie Leigh - posted on 11/07/2009

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I found this post by:

Anita McKirdy
yesterday, 12:37 am
(6 moms have responded)
Just curious as to the reasoning behind letting a baby cry. It is my understanding that babies cry as their means of communicating with you. Letting a baby cry itself to sleep increases their levels of cortisol (stress hormone) which leads to an emotional shutdown. This then leads to learned helplessness and a lack of trust that their parents will come when they need them. I also don't understand how Christian mums can let their babies cry as I can't imagine a situation where Jesus would not comfort a crying child. I realise this is just my opinion and that everyone is entitled to their own form of parenting but would like to understand other people's point of view.

http://apps.facebook.com/circleofmoms/th...

Maybe it'll help you. Good luck with that beautiful lil lady :)

Anna - posted on 11/05/2009

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I personally would never leave my baby to cry - I just think it is cruel and unnecessary and I doubt it would actually do any good in the long term. 3 months is still young - she probably still needs to feed a couple of times through the night. Do you keep her crib right beside your bed so it's easy to comfort her in the night without having to get up?

Honestly, I think a lot of mothers these days have unrealistic expectations about their babies' sleeping, because there are all these 'miracle sleep solution' products that a lot of scam artists are trying to sell us. But really, it is just part of being a mother to miss out on some sleep to comfort and soothe a little baby. The only way they can truly learn to soothe themselves is if you soothe them. When you hold her and comfort her, it creates connections in her brain that are the first steps to self-soothing. If you leave her to cry, those connections don't form. She will go quiet eventually but the stress hormones in her brain stay sky-high.

You can try to start getting her into a bed time routine, like always give her a bath before bed at night, and maybe a story or massage or whatever seems to calm her.

Alison - posted on 11/05/2009

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What you need to do with her fussing is let her cry, but just keep stopping in to let her know that you are there, maybe hold her for a minute, then walk out again. It will reassure her that you are always available to her, and also condition her to self sooth after a while.

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Bilhah - posted on 12/29/2015

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Start to give your child babies magic tea... It`s naturally soothes and comforts your child's belly issues...God bless you.!

Celicia - posted on 11/25/2009

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You know your baby the best. My daughter was the same way, and I realized the longer I had her sleeping with us, the harder it would be to transition her. I finally started giving her gripe water to calm her colic and then would put her in her own crib. She would cry for about 20 minutes and then go to sleep. It took about two weeks of this until she finally started just going to sleep when I put her in it. When she wakes, I would let her cry again for 20 minutes, if she fell back asleep, then good, if not I would go take care of her. Most of the time it's a "needy" factor. They still haven't gotten used to being apart from you, so letting them cry doesn't hurt. Just make sure you checked her diaper, fed her, burped her, and gave her gripe water or anything like that for her colic. If she cries for more than 30 minutes, she needs attention, but most times if you give them just 20 to 30 minutes, they will soothe themselves. It's hard, so if you have to, try five minutes for two days, then ten for two, then fifteen, and so on. Best of luck!

User - posted on 11/25/2009

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I read through a lot of the responses you've received and most of them are telling you to let your daughter cry it out. Please refer back to Anne Dissinger's post. I really want to stress how traumatic it is for a child when you let them cry at such a young age. If you want to get into the clinical aspects, most of the behavior problem children that our agency and other agencies like us work with have been reported as being allowed to "cry it out" under a year of age. Our contracted child psychologist will tell you that letting them cry it out when they are that young is only going to create emotionally unstable children. The effects might not even be apparent at first, but over time the behavior problems that ensue from that underlying subconscious feeling of abandonment (because, let's be frank, that's what it is) will do so much more psychological damage than professionals can ever measure. I cannot stress enough that you shouldn't listen to these people that are telling you to let a child under a year of age cry for more than fifteen minutes. I really don't mean for this next bit to sound as mean as it's going to sound, but ... you decided to become a mother, you need to step up to the plate and do the hard things along with the fun ones.

Kathy - posted on 11/21/2009

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Neither of my kids slept in a crib. My 4 year old is an extremely independent Superhero (aka Spiderman) and my daughter is the coolest 22 month old around. Both of them sleep in bed with the hubby and me. Both of them have their own rooms but, co-sleeping works for us. I still to this day have NEVER allowed my child to CIO.

[deleted account]

My daughter is a pretty good self soother, although on occassion she wakes up and wants a bottle or diaper change. I used to get her to sleep by transfering her to her bed after she was asleep. It was a little difficult but I was able to get a lot more sleep that way not worrying about her being in the bed with me. I tried the cry it out method and absolutely hated it, it did not work for me at all, it said wait then check then continue, my daughter would not break on this. So I would put her to sleep by rocking or breastfeeding then switch her to her bed. Oh and a routine is great also, whatever you want read book, take shower, feeding time, just follow the same routine.

Marjorie - posted on 11/16/2009

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Quoting Tonia:



Quoting Tonia:

I have a 6, 4, and 2 year old I tried both methods with them all! I firmly stand by crying out method! It is the hardest but I think the most effective!





I just want to say in response to my own comment I was not realizing you were talking about a 3month old at 3 months I say comfort I am referring to when they are older on the cry it out method!






comfort, comfort, and comfort.  At this age they would probably feel abandoned and like no body cares.  I stand by comforting them.

Kristina - posted on 11/12/2009

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this is my suggestion no rude thoughts or comments. my son is 6mo old he is bf and sleeps in his own crib but not through the night. at about the age your child is now 2 1/2 - 3mo i started transitioning my son from the bassinet in my room to a crib in the his room. this took a few weeks to finally get him to sleep at all in his own room. we had a new baby coming in the family, not mine but the bassinet needed to be passed on. i put his rocking chair and nursing pillow in his room so that we nurse there and he goes right back to his bed even if i fall asleep on him when i wake i just put him back in his bed. i bought the new fisher price rainforest soother that hooks to the crib it has three settings one runs for 6min one for 12min one for 18min. this is his favorite thing if he is tired and doesnt want to be rocked i can put him down with this in sight and he goes right to sleep. all you can do is try my son still tries to get up way earlier than i am ready for so every morning he ends up in my bed for and hour to an hour and a half before it is time to get ready for work this is our cuddle time he nurses as much as he wants or snuggles up to me and goes to sleep this still makes him feel safe and know that he can sleep in his crib because he still gets mommy time each day.

[deleted account]

lol well im cruel and unnatural.. and my boys are healthy and happy everyday,.. poo on me..they sleep 7 to 7 everyday in the same room, 2 and 1 year old, they know what bedtime is, no struggle at all, no crying, we have bath, we read books, say prayers, they even say amen.. wow im so cruel.. man what was i thinking.. terrible boys i have wish i never let them cry it out

Ana - posted on 11/12/2009

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i dont understand when we started as a society treating our babies as an inconvenience. Being a monther inplies that your life is going to change, and its going to change around your baby's needs. yes you have to make sacrifices, and yes it is going to be unconfortable, but its only for a while. all these mothers who would rather not incovenince themselfs in order to sooth their baby on the account that they have to learn on their own, is kind of worriesome to me. at this fragile age a baby cries because she/he needs you, not because of any other reason. so when she/he stops crying, it is because they gave up all hopes that you're actully going to come meet their needs. which actully harbours insecurities rather than idependence. a child will take what he/she needs from you, or rather try in some situations; once that need is met they move on, on their own.........you dont have to force it.

my 10 month old baby sleeps in his own room through the night and i never used the cry it out method. it is cruel and unnatural. meeting his needs makes him a secure happy well developed baby.

Ana - posted on 11/12/2009

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i dont understand when we started as a society treating our babies as an inconvenience. Being a monther inplies that your life is going to change, and its going to change around your baby's needs. yes you have to make sacrifices, and yes it is going to be unconfortable, but its only for a while. all these mothers who would rather not incovenince themselfs in order to sooth their baby on the account that they have to learn on their own, is kind of worriesome to me. at this fragile age a baby cries because she/he needs you, not because of any other reason. so when she/he stops crying, it is because they gave up all hopes that you're actully going to come meet their needs. which actully harbours insecurities rather than idependence. a child will take what he/she needs from you, or rather try in some situations; once that need is met they move on, on their own.........you dont have to force it.

my 10 month old baby sleeps in his own room through the night and i never used the cry it out method. it is cruel and unnatural. meeting his needs makes him a secure happy well developed baby.

Meredith - posted on 11/12/2009

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Wow. . .trauma induced sleep? I'm not so sure about that. My kids sure do seem perfectly fine for having been "traumatized" when they were babies. My pediatrician recommended crying it out, and I recommend it too.

Tonia - posted on 11/12/2009

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Quoting Tonia:

I have a 6, 4, and 2 year old I tried both methods with them all! I firmly stand by crying out method! It is the hardest but I think the most effective!


I just want to say in response to my own comment I was not realizing you were talking about a 3month old at 3 months I say comfort I am referring to when they are older on the cry it out method!

Marjorie - posted on 11/12/2009

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Quoting Suset:

My 2 month old daughter is borderline colicky, she doesnt scream long enough to be labeled it, but evenings can be hellish. She was sleeping in my bed until the past couple weeks. At first I asked about letting her cry it out, but it's not in my nature to let her just sit there and cry, so I started an evening regime of bath, massage with chamomile baby lotion, swaddeling in a special fleece swaddeling blanket, and lowering the lights in the house and the volume of the tv and not trying to play with her or stimulate her. Then after her evening feeding I put her in her bassinet and let her fall asleep on her own. The first week was rough and I caved in a couple times and brought her to bed with me, but then I got persistant about having her sleep in her own bed, so I never brought her to bed with me, but I soothed her whenever she started crying and put her back in when she seemed calmed. It took almost a week of that, but persistance paid off, and now she falls asleep on her own when placed in her bassinet, and I never let her cry it out. I don't think it would help build trust to just let her cry.


 

Marjorie - posted on 11/12/2009

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I can not imagine letting a 3 month old cry that long. I think it is to young and they don't know any better, they just know that they have this need and crying is the only way to let you know. A colicky baby can be very challenging so I would do what ever works. My daughter was colicky untill she hit about 6 months old and she cried non stop for hours no matter what I did. We ended up putting her on Nutramigen formula and it helped out. She was a very spoiled little girl because she was always in pain. I don't know how many times I walked outside and screamed and cried and felt like a complete failure cause I could not do anything to soothe her at times. It was heartbreaking. I slept on a comfy recliner and she slept with her head on my chest on her tummy. That is the only way she would sleep otherwise she would like hyperventilate and stuff. She is now 7 and sleeps with her older sister and is perfect. After about the 6-9 month mark was when she finally started to calm down and self soothe. I wish you the best of luck and stay strong. Don't be afraid to put her down for like 5 minutes and cry or scream yourself. That is a hard thing to do. My best advice is to take time out for you cause you can go crazy. Remember, even if she does move to her own bed she could still wake up rather frequently due to the colick. Their poor little bellies.

[deleted account]

I agree with some parents on here. Let her cry it out. Peek in there every so often to reassure her that you are there. Do you try any type of music to also help sooth her, a night light? Good luck!

Turquoise - posted on 11/12/2009

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NO, I WOULD NEVER LET YOUR BABY CRY IT OUT!! YOUR THE MOTHER YOU SHOULD TAKE CARE OF YOUR BABY NO MATTER IF THE BABY IS CRYING OR NOT!!I JUST FEEL LIKE CRYING KNOWING MOTHERS LET THEIR BABIES CRY IT OUT THATS SOO MEAN.. LIKE AFTER 6 MONTHS FINE BUT I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW MOTHER CAN DO IT..MABY BECAUSE I GREW UP IN A FOSTER HOME AND FELT ABANDONED, AND I COULD NEVER LET MY SON FEEL LIKE THAT EVEN IF THEY ARE ONLY BABIES BUT STILL LIKE I SAID IF YOU DECIDED TO YOUR BABY YOU SHOULD ATEK CARE OF IT EVEN IF IT CRIES If you google it there is a new study saying that letting a baby cry it out can cause brain damage they say after 6 months you can let them cry it out.. my son was colicky and i just held him and rocked him for hours and he feel asleep and i am still breatfeeding and my son is now 7 months. I just coulden't let him cry it out like IMAGINE HAVING GAS IN YOUR TUMMY AND YOU CAN NOT FART THAT HURTS!! COMFORT YOUR LIL ONE NO MATTER WHAT!! There are too many to explain each here, but for example, one states that infants who cry excessively have a higher incidence of ADHD, antisocial behavior, and poor school performance. When you look at the original study, though, the crying clearly has nothing to do with sleep training. http://astrology.yahoo.com/channel/paren...

Mary - posted on 11/12/2009

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I agree that a child should not be left to scream themselves to sleep if it can be avoided, and with patience I think it can. This is what I did with both my kids (now ages 2 and 7):



Put them in the crib when they are sleepy. If they wake and start crying wait 5 minutes and then go in and soothe them, without picking them up if possible. Once they are calm leave them in the crib (or place them back in if you're holding them) and leave the room. If they continue to cry, wait ten minutes this time. Go back and comfort them, and leave when they are quieted. Each time leave the room and wait five minutes longer than the last. If it takes more than 40 minutes, it's your prerogative. Either give up or start back with 5. My kids never slept with me, and both were sleeping through the night by 6 months.

Katie - posted on 11/12/2009

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she does need to learn to self soothe, and as hard as it is she does need to cry it out... you know her crys so if its a "pain" cry or "hungry" cry then get her, other wise she will learn to fall asleep on her own. I know its hard i struggled with my daughter till she was about 4 mo. but if you dont do it soon she will think EVERY time she crys you will come running, in the end it does not help you or her!! Its ok to let them cry sometimes!! hope it helps at least a little

Rebecca - posted on 11/12/2009

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That is too early of an age. It is best to start at 6 months old. When they get that age you need a routine. You could give your baby a bath, food and than breastmilk before going to bed. Sometimes there is nothing else you can do but let them cry to sleep. It breaks your heart but if you want her in her bed that is what needs to be done. If you have tried everything else but that and have had no success.....busy yourself with something while she is crying to sleep so it will not seem as bad. Other times the only option while nursing is to keep them in bed with you. It depends on your child's personality or reactions as to what will work.

Brenna - posted on 11/12/2009

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I slept with my baby in bed since the 3rd day we brought her home from the hospital because the first 2 days all she did was cry so I brought her to bed as it was easier as I'm sure you know.....anyway, I transitioned her to bed after about 2 months. I read something that said to keep your baby awake but sleepy than put them in their bed awake, and when they cry pat their back til they quiet down and then leave the room. If baby cries again pat back again until they calm down, but DONT PICK THEM UP!! Otherwise it wont work...I did this for 2 days and ever since then my baby is used to it and I am able to just simply lay her down in bed when she is cranky or it is nap time and she will fall asleep w/in 5 minutes. She is almost 7 months old. I think 2 months was the perfect age because it is before they start getting used to sleeping in your bed. Hope this helps!

[deleted account]

I agree, I would let her cry. As long as you know she is not hungry or wet and is not in any pain then I would let her cry. If every time she crys you go running to her she's going to know she can cry to get what she wants.

Rachael - posted on 11/11/2009

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Well my son never had trouble going into his crib from his basinet but we did have a little trouble getting him to sleep through the night. I do a little of both but I am a big believer in some self soothing. Some nights I hold and rock my son to sleep and others I hold and comfort him and sing then lay him in his crib and rub his back for a couple of minutes but I do let him fall asleep by himself. It is hard to hear your child cry but the younger the easier. I would say let her cry a little bit but nothing past 10 or 15 minutes because that is unhealthy.

Tameka - posted on 11/11/2009

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No age is too young to self soothe. you will need to find something that the baby likes, like a favourite teddy or something, and put them into bed with it, let them cry it out, please all the mothers that do this, dont hate me, but the worst thing you can do is to have your child sleep with you, as that is what creates the problem. my daughter has been in her cot since she was born, i have no problem with her sleeping, she has slept throught the night since she was 3 months old except when sick. my sister had hers in the bed with her, and what she found the best thing that works quick is the self soothe, and keep them up till they are ready to crash and fall asleep right where they are, and them put them to bed, it may meaan late nights, but it will help and it wont take long, jsut have patience, and if you need distract yourself from their crying by reading a book or watching the tv, or listening to some music, or jumping in the shower while they are in bed till they fall asleep, as some nights my daughter would cry when she was about 3 months, i would have a nice long hot shower, by the time i got out she was alsleep, if you go into their room while they are crying, hug them and put them back to sleep then it jsut starts it all over again, and the time they have jsut spent cryin is a waste, you may feel like your being mean to them while they are crying, but just remember, your helping them, and helpin you, its jsut hard to listen to your baby crying, but you have to let it happen.

Felicia - posted on 11/11/2009

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My daughter refused to sleep in her own bed also, I went back to the swaddle method to make her feel secure (even at 3 months) then i took my pillow case from my bed and put it in her crib and once she was asleep i would place her on top of the pillow case in her crib. It worked! it took a little while but soon she was sleeping from 8pm till 4am in her crib, then she would come back in the bed with me but now she sleeps the WHOLE time in her crib without the swaddle on her belly!

Anne - posted on 11/11/2009

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I would recommend Google-ing the "cry it out method". You will find that you get a straight up 50/50 response in favor or against. Then, try "cry it out method research" and you will find responses pretty universally against it. The painful truth of parenting rears its ugly head again: Sometimes you just have to suck it up. I don't want to sound as harsh as I do when I say this. It's just the tone that I use when I remind myself of it, but the truth is that they'll learn to self soothe through knowing that if they can't, you'll be there to pick up the slack, and like everything else, they’ll learn it when in their own time. They're not adults and just can't be expected to behave like them, or even children for that matter. Unfortunately, like I'm sure everybody has been telling you despite the lack of comfort it gives, there's no way of knowing how long it will take, but when it finally happens you'll know that you sacrificed what felt like your sanity for what your child needed.

I'm a huge proponent for attached parenting because of the fact that all of the research supports it. When a baby cries herself to sleep several things happen:

1) In many cases the child cries so hard that it can actually cause brain damage on a smaller scale that can lower her IQ.

2) The sleep, if and when they do sleep, is longer and deeper because it is actually trauma induced.

3) The child eventually learns that no one will come to her aide if she cries and that she should stop trying.

4) The idea that people can't be trusted is ingrained in their brains, which carries in to their relationships as adults and they have more trouble getting in to healthy relationships.

I know that it just feels like a giant guilt trip, but so much of parenting is from what I’ve found so far. But you don’t have to take my word for it. Just look it up. Good luck! I will admit that we didn’t have much until my daughter stopped nursing and moved to cow’s milk, and even not much then, but it may be better for you!

Sher - posted on 11/11/2009

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Okay, I am going thru the same. Though my son isn't colicky. But my daughter was the same way. After a year, right when I started to wein her off thats when I started with the ferber method which is exactly like the Waldorf method. But I gave her a lavender bubble bathe ( really helps induce sleep) or as a bed time snack watered down orange juice, cheese and crackers (supposedly induces sleep as well). And let her cry. For a week straight it was about a hour she would cry. Then it slowly went down in times. (though I made sure she had a blankie, and her favorite soft cuddle buddy). It worked after some time. I know its not much help but try a lavender bathe. Usually helps with a transition and to make them tired so soothing is easier whether self or not. :)

Suset - posted on 11/11/2009

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My 2 month old daughter is borderline colicky, she doesnt scream long enough to be labeled it, but evenings can be hellish. She was sleeping in my bed until the past couple weeks. At first I asked about letting her cry it out, but it's not in my nature to let her just sit there and cry, so I started an evening regime of bath, massage with chamomile baby lotion, swaddeling in a special fleece swaddeling blanket, and lowering the lights in the house and the volume of the tv and not trying to play with her or stimulate her. Then after her evening feeding I put her in her bassinet and let her fall asleep on her own. The first week was rough and I caved in a couple times and brought her to bed with me, but then I got persistant about having her sleep in her own bed, so I never brought her to bed with me, but I soothed her whenever she started crying and put her back in when she seemed calmed. It took almost a week of that, but persistance paid off, and now she falls asleep on her own when placed in her bassinet, and I never let her cry it out. I don't think it would help build trust to just let her cry.

Tonya - posted on 11/11/2009

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It helps to take a clothing that you wore that day and put it beside her or wrap her in it. It will help soothe her because she feels she is close to you because of you scent on it. Just only do it at night. Dont let it be a constant thing to soothe her all day then she will feel she cant be away from you.

FayAnne - posted on 11/11/2009

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well my son wasn't colicky but i still comforted him i never let him cry him self to sleep. i do have to say though everyone who says you cant spoil a baby is absolutely wrong!!!!! me and my son are proof hat you can, since i never let him cry himself to sleep he expects me to go in whenever he makes a peep now i do not go in to comfort him but at this age he dosent scream or cry he just fusses.... he does fall asleep by him self in has own bed but when he wakes up in the middle of the night he refuses to stay in it and needs to come to bed with me this is why i say it is possible to spoil a baby. if you a prepared to always have to comfort you're baby and never have a bed to your self then comfort her just like i did. who know maybe my son will grow out of it some day

User - posted on 11/11/2009

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at three months? i wouldn't let her scream. i think the best thing to do is be patient. i work in human services and have spent the past 7 years learning about child development. i didn't let my daughter cry her entire first year. it was hard, and stressful, but she's super independent and self sufficient at 18 months. she doesn't use a bottle and when we put her to bed at night, we put her down awake and she curls up, hugs her glow worm seahorse, and soothes herself to sleep. i attribute all of that to the fact that i gave her that comfort and reassurance through her first year. she knows mommy and daddy are there if she really needs us. transitioning her wasn't even that difficult. it probably took two weeks. stick it out. a year of stress for you now will result in years of a kid who can take care of herself. who said being a parent was easy?

Tiina - posted on 11/11/2009

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my daughter is three months old also and a week ago i started putting her to sleep in her crib. what works best for me is getting your baby on a night schedule. bath your baby an hour before putting them to bed, then massage your baby with lotion and then feed your baby so she goes to bed on a full tummy. that worked for me and my baby is sleeping 8 hours in her crib. good luck

Alisha - posted on 11/11/2009

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I have always read, and heard that a good time to start the cry it out method is when they're 6+ months old. That's when I started the cry it out method for my boys & after a week when I put them down to bed at night, they only cried for about 3 minutes. They were always very good sleepers and hardly ever woke up in the middle of the night, so I never had to deal with crying it out in the middle of the night. I'd put it off until your daughter is at least 6 months old though. 3 months is a bit too early.

Nami - posted on 11/11/2009

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Until a baby reaches 6 months old, they aren't ready for the cry it out method. And when you do start using that method, make sure you go in at increasing timed intervals. Start with going in after 7 minutes of crying, then 9, then 11... and so on. This lets the child know they are safe and you are still around! Good luck!

Anna - posted on 11/11/2009

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Everything I have read on the subject suggests that letting children learn to put themselves to sleep, instead of relying on a parent or loved one, is best. However, babies are looking for reassurance that you are still there with them; a tiny brain has no way of figuring out that you're in the next room. Reassuring your baby that you are there, by entering the room, stroking a face or rubbing a back for a moment, and then leaving again, will help baby feel safer and more secure. In the case of colic, it is thought that this intense crying can be brought on as a response to stress, whether environmental or internal, so this may or may not work for you. Often what works best for colicky babies is a constant rocking motion in a quiet space where they can relax and destress, so you may consider investing in a baby swing or a vibrating bouncy seat if you do not have one and do not have the energy to soothe yourself. Remember that baby is not born with coping mechanisms for stress; he or she is just doing what feels natural at the time, regardless of how much sense it makes to us.

Kim - posted on 11/10/2009

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My daughter didn't have colic, but she has occasionally been very gassy. There's a product called "gripe water" that really does help. It's all natural and you can buy it anywhere - I got mine at Walgreens.



I definitely wouldn't let her cry it out, she's still too young for that. Do try to establish a routine that prepares her for bed every night though - routines are very good for infants. With us, I give her a bottle (if it's bath night, she gets that first), then get her into jammies, first rubbing lavender baby lotion all over her, then putting on a clean diaper, and when she was a little younger, I'd hold her and rock her till she fell asleep (now she goes to bed first, and then falls asleep).

Meredith - posted on 11/10/2009

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I've had very good results getting my 3 kids to sleep on their own by letting them cry it out. I start pretty early. Much earlier than 3 months. The later you wait, the harder it will be, I promise!!! Please do not feel like you are harming your child. You are simply teaching her a necessary skill of falling asleep independently. Before I had children, I did a lot of babsitting. I came away from those experiences with one thing that I was sure that I would do as a mother: let my child cry him/herself to sleep. The majority of children I babysat were trained this way. The mother would say, "Just lay him down. He may cry a few minutes, but he'll be okay." And it was as simple as that. The children I took care of that were always soothed to sleep were almost impossible for me to get them to sleep. One child I had to walk and walk around the neighborhood just to get her to take a nap. The mother said, "It's my fault. I never let her cry." Your child will not be damaged emotionally from this! She will simply learn to go to sleep on her own. It will make your life and hers much easier.

Elizabeth - posted on 11/10/2009

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I have to confess... I took my daughter to sleep school. They trained me to let her cry it out, but we modified it at home to suit ourselves. We let her cry it out for 5 min, 10 min, 15 min each time per night, then we'd go in, comfort her (without picking her up!) and keep this cycle up to a max of 20 minutes. At the age of 13 months, we usually have about 5 minutes of crying before she's asleep. That's 95% of the time.



The other 10% of the time we still go in after 20 min and do the comfort thing. It's pretty rare though.



For our comfort, the hardest thing was being confident that she didn't genuinely need anything. To this extent, I was always careful to make a nightly ritual before putting her down of washing her, changing her nappy, giving her a feed, burping her, and checking that her clothing and bedding was appropriate for the temperature. If all of those things were ticked, I didn't stress that she was crying for any reason other than wanting us.



Edit: I forgot to mention - our daughter was colicy until about 4 months. It was hard to tell (I didn't learn the cries) between what was colic distress and what was clinginess. When it felt like I should pick her up because she was *that* upset, I did. Mostly based on how agitated I think she was. Part of our comforting, however, is rubbing her head and belly while she's in the cot, and I think that helped with the colic.

Rene' - posted on 11/10/2009

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I used the baby wise method and was very thankful that at 3 months he was going to sleep by himself with out much of a fuss at all. He slept 12 hours at night (7p-7a), but I got him up to feed at 9-10, then put him right back down. He still took 2 2 hour naps a day. But that is in a perfect environment. Life happens and it didn't last. I still try to hold to the methods, but the most important thing is that your baby has everything he needs, not whether or not we get enough sleep. You want him to have good sleeping habbits, but when they truley have colick they are in pain. Colick does not last forever and what your baby needs right now more than anything is your love and comfort. When the colick has passed you can begin teaching him good sleeping habbits, right now just give him love. Let him sleep in his crib, but if it were me, I would rock and sing and caress him to sleep.

Lyndsay - posted on 11/10/2009

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It's great to want to comfort your baby and all, but that only goes so far. If she is colicky that presents a whole other problem, because she will likely continue to scream no matter what. So for now I would say just keep comforting her. But eventually she's going to have to learn... otherwise you'll end up with a 8-9-10 year old sleeping in your bed.

Ginny - posted on 11/10/2009

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I am so glad to hear that you do not just let her cry!!! YAY!!! She trusts you to meet all of her needs and her only way to communicate with you is to cry. Each of her cry's is different and you know what they mean. My son is now 11, and he never was a fussy baby, but he did sleep with us. I would suggest trying to move her to a crib or bassinet next to your bed and slowly easing her further away from your bed until she is in her own room. This one is tough and can really pull at the heart strings. One thing I do know is that she needs to know that when she needs you, then you will be there. Sounds like you are doing a great job!

Catlin - posted on 11/10/2009

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IMHO, i think crying it out doesn't work to build trust and love. If he's been sleeping in your room with you, it's obvious that you want to have a close relationship. I would recommend reading The Sleep Book and The Fussy Child Book by Dr. Sears, if you don't want to try CC. Personally, my 3 month old sleeps part of the night in a bassinet by our bed, and part of the night with us. (My husband is fine with it) but I'm an Attachment parent person. My son, now 5, slept in a crib since birth, BTW. I think it's just a matter of personal opinion.

Catlin - posted on 11/10/2009

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IMHO, i think crying it out doesn't work to build trust and love. If he's been sleeping in your room with you, it's obvious that you want to have a close relationship. I would recommend reading The Sleep Book and The Fussy Child Book by Dr. Sears, if you don't want to try CC. Personally, my 3 month old sleeps part of the night in a bassinet by our bed, and part of the night with us. (My husband is fine with it) but I'm an Attachment parent person. My son, now 5, slept in a crib since birth, BTW. I think it's just a matter of personal opinion.

Catlin - posted on 11/10/2009

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IMHO, i think crying it out doesn't work to build trust and love. If he's been sleeping in your room with you, it's obvious that you want to have a close relationship. I would recommend reading The Sleep Book and The Fussy Child Book by Dr. Sears, if you don't want to try CC. Personally, my 3 month old sleeps part of the night in a bassinet by our bed, and part of the night with us. (My husband is fine with it) but I'm an Attachment parent person. My son, now 5, slept in a crib since birth, BTW. I think it's just a matter of personal opinion.

Amber - posted on 11/10/2009

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I let my son cry... Going in every five minutes to pat his pack for a sec, NOT talking to him. He falls alseep alone and quiet now! it was tough but total worth it!

Candis - posted on 11/10/2009

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we are on the same boat.. my dad keeps tellin me to let him cry but its not crying its screamin and i cant do that its so sad

Andrea - posted on 11/10/2009

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My first child had colic really bad and i couldnt find it in my heart, some would say i was very weak to leave her crying. We used to lay on the bed or in a chair while she went to sleep. She would wake several times in the night and it went on till she was about 3. You really dont want to end up doing that because it is very draining. I understand where you are coming from. I cant really be of much use, my daughter grew out of the colic and eventually us lying with her. Colic can go on for months, not just a few. I hope she is better soon. Its very hard when your baby has it, but it does go.

Krysten - posted on 11/10/2009

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Let her cry it out hun. I did it with my son. When he was 9 months old, he still wasnt sleeping through the night. He was getting up 2, 3, or 4 times a night just to eat 2 or 3 ozs and go back to sleep. His ped told me to let him work it out himself. So put her in her crib and let her work it out. The 1st night or two are bad, but then it gets so much better.

Sheelah - posted on 11/10/2009

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what we did to get our 3 month old son to sleep in his crib in his own room was let him nap in the crib for a few weeks to a month once he got used to that we moved him to his room at night and it wasn't so bad.....hes been in his room for 2 months now....still wakes up to be few every 2-4 hrs but its not soo bad

Tandy - posted on 11/10/2009

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try this... put her in her bed. the first time she wakes up crying go sooth her. the next time she wakes up go touch her and talk to her, but don't pick her up. the next time just talk to her, no touching or picking up. the next time just walk in and shh her quietly, soothingly. stand there for a few minutes each time. you may have to do this for about a week. she will get the picture... she will stop crying. you have to let her know you are there without being there... meaning without touching and eventually without talking. she will hear you and sense you in her room. let me know how you are doing.... you will be very tired though!

Nikki - posted on 11/10/2009

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Well i attachment parent. and prefer to co-sleep.

so its whatever is right for you.

maybe rock her to sleep and then gently lay her down in her crib afterwards.?

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