Custody

Amanda 'Mandi' - posted on 06/19/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Okay Ladies I'm here just to warn some of ya'll because what I am going threw. If you and your child's father is not together anymore and your thinking you have custody and have not gone to court to say so YOU DO NOT. I found out at easter time when my daughter went to her fathers for the holiday (we had a verble agreement) and me and my daughters father go into a fight and he decide not to bring her home I went to the cops and they said there is nothing they can do because we dont have a court order. Lucky he brought her home the next day but he didnt have to and he could have keep her until we went to court. So Ladies please before you keep letting your child go to there fathers get in on paper threw the courts I dont care how good things are between ya'll and it does is take one fight for him not to return your child. And I know I was going go crazy and I dont want anyone esle to go threw it.





Now me and my baby daddy just went to court this month and his vistion is on paper and he can not be late bring her home. Just watch your self ladies JUST IN CASE

7 Comments

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Laurie - posted on 06/20/2009

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SABRINA~~~~~~

I think your being smart about it. Dont worry about the money, there is always ways to make money. If he wanted visitation he would have filed for it already. He made his choice and maybe your son is better off.


Good for you! Too many parents are worried about how much child support they are getting rather than thinking aobut the affect on their child. I def give you a lot of credit.

Laurie - posted on 06/20/2009

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Yes, but when i filed for child support, they made me go through the proper steps, which is paternity, custody (which includes visitation), then child support, you are not allowed to get child support unless you have custody, that is obvious. at least where i live that is the rule and it is the most obvious rule or the father could file for child support without having custody, doesnt make any sense. but your right, the parents should do research, but i was 16, so thankfully they filled me in on the rules, eventhough they are stated clearly in each petition. and they wont give you a petition unless your doing it in the right order, which is the way it should be to avoid things like this. And YES they are two separate things, of course, but its the order. everything is separate, whether its at the same hearing or not, everything is separate.

Jamie - posted on 06/20/2009

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No its not the courts fault. They see custody and childsupport as 2 seperate things. When you file for support you also have to file for custody and get a parenting plan in place. Otherwise all they are going to hear is childsupport. they make ask you what the visitation schedule is, this is mostly to calculate childsupport correctly. But they wont put it in writing. MY DH has a CS Order but no parenting plan. SS just comes down every weekend. If she doesnt want him to come down he doesnt, if DH thinks she is being dumb he will take her to court and get a parenting plan. BM wont do this because she knows her CS will go down because DH has daycare expenses included in his CS as well as doesnt get credit for his visits. So BM doesnt really fight to much when we want SS. ANyways, like i said its not the courts fault, its both parents fault for not doing their research and filing the proper paperwork, and the judge cant suggest or imply that it be done, its against the law for them to do that.

Laurie - posted on 06/19/2009

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thats the courts fault, they make you file for custody before your allowed to get child support, something fishy about that, you cant get support unless you have custody. that is their fault for not telling you about filing for custody

Sabrina - posted on 06/19/2009

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Yes I am lucky to have my man. I know that I have custody cause it was in the papers. I want to take him back to court because he lied about his pay. But i am afraid of him wanting visitation. Not that I sdont want him to see his dad but he is ten now and it would be hard on him and he also has a learning disablity and wouldnt understand. And im afraid he wuld be treated differently by him since i found out he is now married and has a set of twins one boy and one girl. And he gave his son his name. He never asked me to give my son his name. but that is fine i dont want him to grow up like him anyways. but its good to that your daughter gets to have a relationship wiht her dad. Especially since she knew him for so long

Amanda 'Mandi' - posted on 06/19/2009

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the state did my child support and the cops told me that the vistion has to be on paper for them to do anything .So I thought i had custody of her turns out it didnt mean anything. I wish sometimes her father didnt want to be in her life but I know my daughter loves her daddy so i know it hurts her when everything happens.Thank you Im happy to that I have her because a lot of hurtful things was said and he was trying to make me look like a bad mother in front of the courts but he was the one looking dumb. I cant believe he tried to take her after Ive been the one doing everything. Yes he has seen her every other weekend since she was like 1 1/2 years old but im the one there when she is sick when she was in the hospital when she needs to go to the doctor.I really just dont want any mother to go threw this because it hurts not just you but your kid.

Sabrina you are lucky you have a man that stepped up to take care of your kid even if he is not his blood yes he is his father because that is whos been there.

Sabrina - posted on 06/19/2009

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When I went to court for child support the courts gave me custody and he never asked for visitation. I sometimes am so happy that he wants nothing to do with our son. And besides my son has a wonderful dad now. I got married when he was 2 so he doesnt know anyone else but daddy. And you couldnt tell my husband any different either that is his son. Glad that you were able to get things in writing and that he returned her.

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