Dad not involved suddenly wants to be

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

I had my daughter when I was 17, and her dad and I stayed together for about a year after. During the time we were together I did 90% of the things to take care of her, and I handled all her doctors visits. When we broke up I took her most of the time and he would see her on weekends, or a little during the week. On average I would say he saw her about 1 day a week. He was never involved in her school or any doctor stuff (my daughter is severely disabled, so she has a lot of medical stuff all of which he was never involved in). She is 3 now, and I just moved out of state. As soon as I moved he started wanting to be a dad after her entire life of not being one. He gave me a schedule where he wants to take her over the entire summer, and weeks at a time. It makes me angry not only that he is trying to claim father status and take my child away for long periods of time, but that he thinks he can just start being a father now. Advice?

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[deleted account]

That's because his involvement was little to none. He only took her once a week because his parent's said if he didn't he couldn't live at their house, and most of the time I would get calls from his mom saying he told her I couldn't bring her that week. He would lie to his mom to get out of taking her. I definitely was the only one being a parent, and now I believe his parents are still pressuring him and that's the only reason why he wants to be involved.

Tori - posted on 04/19/2014

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Sweetheart, I have been in a similar position to you and I know exactly what you are going through....., use that wise mother instinct of yours and do what is in the best interest of your child. if you are afraid that the father will not take adequate care of your baby then for heavens sake speak up and let someone know..... talk to the courts about organising a custody agreement so that everything is legal and above board. as hard as it may be, the most important thing is to remember that your babies best interest is the first and by far the most important thing.
Best of luck to you xox.

Jodi - posted on 04/19/2014

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So basically, what you did was you moved away so that he could not see his child once a week like he had been. You took his child away from him and are now surprised that he wants a reasonable schedule to make up for it? That seems like a fair thing to me. YOU decided to move. HE still wants to see his child for that 52 days a year he currently sees his child. What did you expect? You didn't seem to give any thought to his involvement when you made your decision.

Amy - posted on 04/17/2014

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I understand where your coming from when i moved outta county my daughters dad acted the same way very dumb in there part the have the chance to be a father and they blow it off. I would recommend to leave as it is i think we always fight with our exs when it comes to that but in the end its was done what mom sayys. Unless his like really tryna hurt you by doing this then i would say to talk to a social worker and get information on this and let her know about your babygirls medical problems and how it would affect her

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/17/2014

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I would get a lawyer immediately and address this through the courts.

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