Daughter vs MOM vsNANA

Cindy - posted on 09/30/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )




Does anyone have this problem? I say no to my daughter and mom gives her what I said no to. She gets repremanded for doing something wrong and she tells my mom on me. I've talked to ladies i work with and they think it's funny or have encountered the same thing but no solution to the problem. I talked to my mom about it bu because she wants to please her she gives into her demands.


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Chasdity - posted on 10/06/2009




My grandma does the same thing with my son. It is so aggrivating! I tell him no so he goes to her and she gives him whatever he wants. If she isn't around then he goes to someone else. I get onto him though. Some people don't agree with spanking, but I do when it's needed. I tell my grandparents or whoever not to give him whatever he wants. They don't always listen though. It is very aggrivating though...I understand!

Mellissa - posted on 10/04/2009




i have had that problem sense my mom had to move in with me and she started doing the same thing you need to keep reminding your mother that this is your child and your rules tell her there is noting wrong with her giving your child the love that he or she needs but when you put your foot down you mean it and you need her to stand by that decesion and if you mom dont like it just say mom i said no if you dont like it please leave the room untill the problems is solved you just need to remind grandma that what if it was her in your shoes again she will understand trust me

Kathryn - posted on 10/04/2009




the grandparents vs. parents, my husband and i have had the same problem. i had finally tell my mom that when i said no that was bottomline and if she couldnt respect it then i would not bring my son around until she could (aside from holidays). i asked her how she felt when her parents did that to her when i was little. she told me that she didnt like it. so i asked her why she was doing the same thing to me. Since then when my son goes to her after my husband or i have said no she tells him he has to talk to us first. maybe it will work for you

Jo - posted on 10/04/2009




I had a similar problem when I moved back with Mum. I hadn't lived with her for 7yrs, we then rented a big house for u all to live in. I think this was a good decision as I wasn't under "mum's roof" and she wasn't under mine, we share bills, rent, food and everything else - so to some extent I still feel independant.

I did run into problems though. I never sat down and talked to my mum as she would take it as a criticsim and become defensive. As my mum was a single mum she had to say "no" to me as a child a lot more than other mothers, maybe your mum did to? It's taken us a while to settle into a rountine where mum knows that she is nanna and not the mother.

I agree with Brandi about nanna's rules during nanna's time. Maybe you could use this as your "me time" and then it wont annoy you as to what she does as much.

Good luck :) Let us know how you go? xx

Brandi - posted on 10/04/2009




I'm not really a laid back mom. I'm actually pretty uptight, but your mom probably really enjoys getting to spoil her granddaughter a little. I would say that if your daughter is with your mom then nana's rules (or lack thereof) are what should be followed, assuming that your child isn't in any real danger, but I would explain to nana that when the three of you are together what you say goes. After all, you're her mother. Mothers HAVE to say no, Grandmothers GET to say yes. Try to remember that your mother would NEVER do anything to harm your daughter, and just wants to make her happy. Your daughter will learn that you have your set of rules that MUST be followed and nana has her own set of rules. I know it's frustrating, but i don't imagine it's very uncommon. Let grandma enjoy her little one, she loves her too.

Donna - posted on 10/01/2009




I think you really nned to sit down with your mum, and explain who is the parent here! Kids will see how far they can push you but if your mum keeps giving in then its just defeating the purpose!! Hope it works out for you : )

[deleted account]

Please tell me you dont live with her!!?? (yes a question and a statement) that would drive me insane, and it has. I seriously do not like anyone to give my children something I dont want them to have.

Try seeing if you can work out exactly what she is willing to agree on, say you say "well, no sugary type things" but then you agree to be lax on something else. Now if something was taken away as a discipline measure do not ever give in to that.

if your lucky enough to not live with her it would be easier since if she isnt willing to compromise then you can tell her then you are not willing to bring her to see her. Now if you are living with her that is going to be a royal pain since it will be harder to deal with.

Believe me when I say it is not funny, not one bit. its not even cute!

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