Desperate, I need some advise

*Kathy* - posted on 09/06/2012 ( 29 moms have responded )

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So I have a 5 month old baby girl. I love her so much, but I feel like if im not paying much attention to her and I feel terrible about it. It's either the tv, my phone or I'm just staring off into space, while my baby is staring at me. Like I said I feel horrible about it. I try to turn off the tv and I put my phone in another room but somehow I still don't do much with my baby girl. Also we are always in my room on my bed. I want to go in my living room but it feels so lonley and empty there. ( my hubby works all day and I'm alone there exept for my daughter or my pup). I feel like I'm not interacting enough with her. What should I do? How do I focuss for on her? I love her so much but I feel like I'm a bad mom. It kills me just to think that sometimes she's just laying on my bed staring at me or just staring at the wall... Dont get me wrong I do play with her sometimes but it's just not enough. What should I do? Plz help I don't want to feel like a horrible mom....

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Sarah - posted on 09/07/2012

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Try getting out of the house. I know for me I get cabin fever sometimes when I am just in the house. Even just getting out and walking around the block helps. Talk to her as you walk...point out different colors, animals, shapes, etc. It is hard when they don't talk back yet. It is a one way conversation and I know for myself I can only last so long.

Trista - posted on 09/07/2012

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Have you ever checked to see if there is any post pardum going on? I had it with my first terribly bad it was to the point my mom started taking care of her full time while i was still in the same house right by her doing nothing or something else other than interact with my daughter. I wanted it just didnt do it if that makes sense crap i remember my mom driving me to an appointment and she stated doesnt anything make you happy anymore and I trully thought hard about this question and still answered no I couldent think of one single thing that Trully made me happy and she says not even the little girl in the backseat? and i would be lying if i would have told her any different then not even her. I was also the one that would never have anything happen to me like be labled "deppressed" but sure shit I was and now I have 5 Love tham all very much and big thanks to the doctors out there who really helped me through it! hope this helped a little and just know that it does get better!

Shayna - posted on 10/08/2012

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first of all if you care which you obviously do then you're not a bad mom. also, i felt this way with my first baby and i was super depressed but wouldnt even admitt it or realize it until after i was out of the depression (lasted a whole year!) So even if you think you might be...I'd talk to someone.

ALSO she is a baby you are an adult, its some times hard to interact with them day in and day out especially when you're alone with her. bonding for her is just being with you. they can't really do much at that stage. get her a bumbo let her watch the cars pass by. enjoy this time when they arent crawling and walking and destroying your house :)

Mary - posted on 09/21/2012

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I understand how you feel, but to be honest, there isn't much "to do" with a baby so small, since my baby girl was staring into space or playing with her saliva I got very lonely!! I decided i needed to get out of the house and I took her every single day to walk around the neighborhood. I took music with me to relax and not to rush the walk. That really worked for me!! And somehow I could tell my baby appreciate not to stare at the same spot all the time. I didn't look for a doctor's opinion because after a couple of days walking, I started to feel better, Other things occupied my mind, I was thinking about new routes, changing the time of the walk, and things like that. I hope this helps, it costs nothing and really helps you eve if its just for the exercise.

[deleted account]

You're not a bad mom. I mean, you said you love her, right? That's the best thing you can do. You're not isolating her in a room or completely ignoring her cries, so that's a step up from the "horrible moms" out there. Try this: When you're reading a book or whatever, read it out loud. It doesn't have to be baby books or even children's books. Sing out loud. Talk to her about, well, whatever. Babies are pretty easy to entertain, and your baby sounds like a darling. Remember, you don't have to spend every waking moment entertaining your baby. When you feel blue (I'm not talking about legitimate depression-seek help for that), the easiest thing you can do is to just smile. Make yourself laugh. Listen to happy music (your baby will love it also) or watch a comedy. Just don't beat yourself up.

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Stephanie - posted on 10/18/2012

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Definitely sounds like post-pardum depression. I was in the same boat after I had my son. I loved him so much but I literally could not move off the couch. I rarely told him I loved him and didn't hold him a whole lot in the beginning. I never went to a doctor for it and my son is now 15 months and I still get the depression feelings from time to time. It is best to go to a doctor and get some medication if necessary. Your baby girl will never think you are a bad mom and she definitely knows you love her! My husband works 2 hours away and isn't home very often. I always felt so alone and like a single parent. It is a hard thing to shake but just know she loves you and things will get easier! Good luck mama and keep your head up!

Princess - posted on 10/15/2012

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Oh and btw relax you don't have to do something with her every second minute or hour babies like to relax too. Don't beat yourself up.

Princess - posted on 10/15/2012

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First visit a doctor you sound burnt out (which is understandable babies are precious but hard work too) or depressed. Second pick up some toys that would need for both of you to handle it. Like a toy mirror (show her herself), a pop up toy or maybe even a puppet. Good luck!

Denise - posted on 10/11/2012

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Don't beat yourself up. Every mother is different and shows affection differently. Make sure you hug her and kiss her and care for her the best you can. Try to get out. When I was at home all day taking care of my daughter I would feel the same way. Take a walk with her and if not just play with her and show her toys. Talk to people so you don't feel so isolated. I think you need a support group and to let people know how you feel so you can say ok its going to be ok. Once she starts running around you are gonna wanna take a break. Good luck and I will have you in my prayers.

Bonnie - posted on 09/25/2012

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Sometimes, when you feel like you WANT to do something, your feelings about it are easier or better than when you HAVE to do something. I know being a mother is tough, and you feel like you MUST take care of your child and interact with her. The idea is to change your attitude about it, and find a way to feel like you WANT to.



Also, you say that you feel lonely and empty in the living room: It is definitely a sign of depression, but it might not be clinical depression. It might just be that you need to start forcing your body to be more active. If you don't get enough exercise, or you aren't eating right, it gets worse. Try forcing yourself to do more. For example, if you have a car, make yourself go out and take your baby for a drive. If you don't, take her for a walk. Or go visit a friend or relative.



There are so many things you can do with a baby, and as she grows up, things will get easier and easier. Talk to your husband about how you feel as well, maybe he'll have an idea...

[deleted account]

sounds like you have postnatal depression

you should go to the doctors n get help otherwise it could get a lot worse

dont worry loads of mums can feel this way

:( wish i could give you a cuddle lol x

Lee Ann - posted on 09/20/2012

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I also agree with all the other ladies about the depression, went through it with both my children & I still battle it to this day, getting out of the house for a little bit even if its for a walk around the street you live ect. might help, if you start feeling more and more down you might want to consider talking with your Dr. best of luck hunni

Kelly - posted on 09/19/2012

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Being stressed out about it will make it worse. You're probably not neglecting her the way you feel you are. You should look in your area for other moms with babies around the same age. They may be feeling the same way you are. You may have a minor case of postpartum depression. Getting out and talking to people may help. Maybe going to lunch once or twice a month, going for a walk, or even just sitting at the playground relaxing on a nice day. Getting out of the house is one of the best things you could do with your baby. Good luck. :)

Billie Jo - posted on 09/14/2012

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I feel the exact same way! i have a 1 month old daughter and im 20 years old, i live kinda near my family but i live with his mom,sister and her 3 crazy out of control boys. and they dont really talk to me just small talk and its a very intense household. my boyfriend works 1pm-12am 5-6 days a week and im left alone with the baby hiding in my room. he always tells me to "just talk to them" but thy dont care and they arent a very talkative open family like mine is. and he takes the car to work so i cant go anywhere. but i feel like i dont spend time with her either, i just want her to go to sleep after i feed her which is odd becuase im so lonely. its hard to explain. Im trying to work on it. one day at a time.

Amanda - posted on 09/13/2012

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Not all cases are the same. While chiropractic care is good, there is not a One Size Fits All solution. Please speak with your doctor about alternatives. There are also natural products that can be helpful. =)

Amanda - posted on 09/13/2012

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I would say definitely speak with your doctor about post partum depression. It is very common and nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. Also try to take some time for yourself, when the hubby gets home maybe you can go for a walk or call a friend. Find some sort of outlet for you to reconnect to yourself. When you're home alone with your baby girl open the blinds, let some light in, turn on fun music, hold her and dance...anything to try to lift your mood. But definitely speak to your doctor. There is help and in the end you don't want to suffer, you need to be the best YOU that you can be so that you can be the best mom you can be! =)

Leann - posted on 09/13/2012

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That really is awesome advice... I agree, it takes time to learn how to talk to someone if they can't talk back, even your own child. Getting out of the house I think would be the best advice, coupled with telling your daughter, describing all your surroundings of trees and flowers, ect. It may just lift your spirit up, being out side in the fresh air and with nature. I think all mothers go through guilt, it seems like no matter what we do or don't do, it feels like we are doing something wrong or not enough. Hope this helps some. ~Leann

Bekki - posted on 09/11/2012

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Maybe try to get out and about with her. And also see a chiropractor or kineseologist. Sounds like you have a bit of depression. I had bad depression and a Chiro totally fixed me. I was getting no blood flow to my brain. I feel for both of you. Whatever you do, don't go on antidepressants. There would be a Chiro out there somewhere that can help.

[deleted account]

I agree with all the others on here about PPD. I had it too, there is nothing to be ashamed of. BUT to answer your question about some ideas to interact. I love to sing, even if you are not that good, your baby will love hearing your voice. I also like to dance around carefully in an open area to some reggae. Walks around the block or to the park to watch the bigger kids play can always be fun. If it is cold or rainy, you can go to the mall for a walk around, you don't have to buy anything, just go out and exercise and interact. I also like to put a blanket on the ground outside in the shade and lay down with my girl and just look at the sky.

Claire - posted on 09/09/2012

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Hun, what you're feeling us perfectly normal, you are bored and lonely and playing with your little one ALL the time would get a bit mind numbing. I felt exactly the same when my hubby went out to work. You'll also be tired and none of us are at our best when we're sleep deprived! Try putting a timetable together for the week. Include walks and shopping trips. Are there any mum and baby groups near by that you could join? Your little one will be entertained just as much in her buggy as you go for walks or visit friends. Plan in times when you can talk or sing to her, but these can be short, don't forget you can also chat to her while you cook or clean, tell her what you're doing etc.

Maybe plan a project for yourself, depending on what you're into. Could be redecorating a room, writing a song or play, teaching yourself to cook etc, then do a bit of this each day. Remember if you're happy in life, you'll feel more positive and interacting with your baby will feel less of a chore! Baby can watch and listen while you work.

The other thing you'll see is that 5 months is a bit of a dull stage...soon she'll be sitting and happy to play with any toys you put around her, next she'll crawl and very soon she'll be walking and talking and then interaction is fun! Time will zoom by!

In the meantime, also look at other ways she can be entertained so you're not always the focus, music is good, watching other children play in the park is good, infact, if you can interact with any other children and mums this will help both of you.

Also, try and work on a time or times in the week when someone else has her, even for 20 mins or so, so you can have guilt free magazine time!

You'll be ok. Try not to be bored yourself, when you're motivated and doing stuff the world will seem a better place. As my husbands aunt always says, this too will pass. Time moves quickly and before you know it you'll be doing the school run. Oh, and remember, your baby loves you no matter what! Xx

Amanda - posted on 09/09/2012

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Sounds to me like PPD. With my first I didnt even have baby blues. With my second it was almost instantaneous(very rough pregnancy). I was hospitalized twice before they figured out the right combo of meds. Still on them and hoping to go off next year! PPD is not something to take lightly, as I've learned. Go to a dr, very important!

Stacy - posted on 09/09/2012

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I completely understand! Sounds like you could benefit from getting out of the house. Are there any clubs or groups in your area for moms with young children? Maybe you can find something through your hospital or just search online. I belong to the MOMS Club where I live, it's an international organization and maybe there's one where you live. That's a great way to meet other stay at home moms. There was also a group called Bright Beginnings through my hospital that met once a week and discussed different topics and had speakers. Maybe there's something like that near you. Good luck!

Ivana - posted on 09/08/2012

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I would say that your situacion is quite normal in case you r young mom with first baby,it remindes me on myself 8 years ago I was only 20 when I had my son,my firs child.All day long two of us were alone,hubby was at wor of cuorse :)Sometimes i felt like I'm the worse mom in the world couse i just didn't know what to do wit a little child exept fedding and changing dipers ,few months later i was starting fell better myself ,but having a new baby it's always a big thing for womam mentally and fisically.And sure i adored my kid every day more and more.Remember this one kids are growing to fast and you should just relax and enyoj it,because You are not a bad mom,maybe u r just tired.Baby will grow up really soon and both of you will have a great time togeather.Be proud of being mom and proude of your baby,good luck :)

Rachael - posted on 09/08/2012

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Hiya,

I'm sorry you feel this way but I completely understand what you're going through as I felt exactly the same when I had my son and carried on feeling this way until he was about eight months.

What I used to find that helped was joining some mums and tots groups. I did something everyday and found that talking to other mums helped and it allowed me to observe what they were doing with their babies. Another thing that helped was just talking to my son through the day. I literally just used to describe what I was doing to him. People look at you as though you're off your trolley when you're out but it made me feel closer to him.

I hope you're feeling happier soon and remember that you're not a bad mum because if you were you wouldn't be worried about this! Chin up and big hugs xx

Ashley - posted on 09/08/2012

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It sounds like post partum, many women don't realize thats what they are going through. Talk to your doctor, mine was caused by several vitamin deficiencies so I didn't even have to go on any special medications, just a B12 supplement and a multivitamin daily. Also if there are any mom groups in your area that you can do play dates or if you have a friend with a baby similar in age those are great too. Sounds like you need some adult interaction to break up the monotony for you that will also help with those feelings. It sounds like you really care about her. Lots of tummy time is great for them at this age so she can learn to crawl. Don't feel bad as you are going to need some you time sometimes too. Don't hesitate to take an hour for you a week or a weekend every now and then to recharge. My best friend kept my daughter for a night every once in a while just so I could pamper myself with a hot bath and a good book to recharge. When you feel like you want to focus on her but just can't, put some music on in the background and do tummy time with her, peek a boo, etc. That will be great for you and her. I hope this advice helps you.

Its really hard to talk to your doctor about these feelings, but it will be well worth it for you and you will feel a lot better. Also having other adults you can talk to and spend time with is a great way to destress and relax so that you can enjoy time with your precious little girl.

Kandi - posted on 09/07/2012

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Set up play dates. It will give you time to interact with other adults and your child to interact with other children.

Ashley - posted on 09/07/2012

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My daughter is 2 and my son just turned 7. Im practiclly a single mom. Their dad works outta town for weeks on end so im home alone with the kids all day everyday unless now when my son is in school again. But I can barely get out of bed. I dont want to cook dinner, I dont want to talk to anyone. Even when the father is home you would think id be delighted that hes home and I have an actual person to talk to that isnt giving me greif or yelling and screaming but nope. Ive gotten used to isolation. There is one person who does make me feel better but they arent around anymore so thats why im extra sensitive. But if I were you, id try to find someone to fill the void. I know VERY hard with kids. Youre not alone and your not a horrible mother. Its does sound like youre depressed. Either go to the dr or find something you actaully enjoy that you CAN do with a kid. Good luck.

Jenny - posted on 09/07/2012

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I feel the same way! I have a 4week old and a 7 year old and i feel so down sometimes. I dont know if it was lack of sleep or hormones or if it is post partum. I had my mom inlaw keep my baby girl for me last night so i can get some rest i feel alittle better but i will be calling doctor today! If i were you i would call doctor to. My husband works night shift so hes gone from 2-12. I feel very over whelmed at times. If you need someone to talk to talk to me. Just leave me a message.

S. - posted on 09/07/2012

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You sound like you have depression to me maybe visit your doctors. Try and have a set time's throughout the day start with two set half hours of play morning and afternoon then start to up it, use bath time as quality time and I find swimming I a real bonding activity.

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