Did I overreact?

Brittany - posted on 06/02/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )




The Friday before Mother's Day (my first Mother's Day) my fiance was upset because he's in masonry and his boss hasn't been having them work. I was angry with him that day because I found out that he overdrew our bank account. We now owe the bank over 400 dollars because of all the overdraft fees. He wasn't talking to me, I thought he was angry because I was mad. He called his mother which he NEVER does. When she wants to talk to him, it takes me 3 days to get him to call her because he never wanted to. Well, I became suspicious when I got out of the shower and he was complaining about living here (we moved in with my cousin when I was 7 months pregnant). I heard him saying he didn't know where we were. Well, I started worrying that he was making plans to leave and maybe to take the baby with him. I picked up the phone and eavesdropped (I know I was wrong here) and I heard his mom begging him to come down there for one week and that it would make me "see what I'd be missing." This made me see red because I've done everything I could to be understanding and patient and supportive. All I said about the credit card is I didn't understand why he did it because he admitted he knew there wasn't money in it.

Well, me and his mom had a screaming match. Then, my cousin yelled at him and threatened to kick him out because we thought he had been talking bad about all of us and she was afraid he was going to take her.

He ended up telling me more of what his mom said.

1. She said he needed to go on Maury because our baby looks "dark-skinned." That's what happens when you send cell phone pix that were taken in really low lighting.

2. She said that the reason my 2 week old daughter wasn't sleeping at night is because she slept while I was online all day.

She also said some more stuff, but I went off on her and told her she will not see her granddaughter. I was already uncomfortable with Ilayna going over there before because she's on crack and her bf is a dealer. But I figured, she was Ilayna's grandmother so I'd take her to a neutral place to see her. I've changed my mind. It's not because she tried to come in between me and my fiance, I'm used to ppl doing that. If he leaves, he leaves, I just want him in her life. I love him, but if he doesn't want to be with me I don't want him to be forced to. The reason I'm so mad is because she tried to come between my daughter and her father. It's very important to me for him to be in her life. I feel like if she's willing to mess up my daughter's life because she's selfish and wants her son there then she doesn't deserve to be in my daughter's life.

This was 3 weeks ago, but now I feel guilty because I feel like I'm coming in between my fiance and his mom. That's something I've never wanted to do. He said he doesn't want to talk to her, but I don't really believe him because he doesn't tell her that. Now, when he won't call her she starts blaming me for "taking him away." I didn't force him to move, I told him we had this option, he agreed that it would probaly be best. His family is the only family there. His mom and sister are on crack and his dad was homeless. We moved in with my mother and became pregnant. When that didn't work out we moved in with my cousin. I made the decision that me and the baby weren't moving back to nc where his family was (even though I miss my job and friends terribly) because the drugs and gangs there are terrible and I don't want to raise my children in that environment.

Wow, I really vented. Did I overreact? Should I apologize to his mother and agree that when we visit nc she can see the baby? I just want to do the right thing for my family


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There would be no question that my child wouldn't be seeing any of my friends or family if they were big time drug users. They are unpredictable, unreliable, and aren't responsible enough to keep their lives in order. Plus as Holly said if you did happen to be around when they got busted your child WOULD be taken from you, without a doubt. They really do not f'ck around with that, and the paperwork and hoops you need to jump through to get her back don't get finished in a few hours hopefully a week. That is a week of her being in a foster home.

Second GOOD ON YOU for saying f'ck him if he wants to leave you! You have your head on straight to know not to bend or force him or yourself to stay in the relationship if it isn't going to work. If his Mother is so damn concerned his baby may not be his tell her to pay for the test and bring it on. Shut her up and put that whole thing right off the table.

As for Mother-in-Law I cannot really say much. My Mother-in-Law doesn't come around or call that often. Part of me really wishes she would, but then I hear stories like this and it makes me think twice.

Charlie - posted on 06/04/2009




i would have done the same , baby is number one , i wouldnt let her go over to her grandmothers like you said when you feel ready do it at a neutral place when shes not high . its an admirable thing to want to keep her father in the picture no matter what some women dont bother .

Bridget - posted on 06/04/2009




What she said is disgusting he should stand up for you no matter what whether your pissed or not whats her deal.. Tell her time to wake up her son has a family now its, you the baby and him... If she doesnt like that to walk on by and not to stop!

Renee - posted on 06/04/2009




your baby is your number 1. to protect her is the most important thing in your life and you will put that even ahead of your partner. dont feel guilty, you do what is right in your heart. i refuse to see my mum in law because she potty mouthed me all over town i feel bad for my hubby sometimes, but i never stop him seeing her. my kids are 4 &5 and they go with him to see her. but her being on drugs is a different story....as long as you dont stop your partner from seeing his mum you have nothing to feel guilty about. i did stop my kids from seeing my brother in law who has mental illness and was on drugs, he had no buisness being in their lives..good luck and dont feel guilty!

Brittany - posted on 06/04/2009




Thank you, you really made me feel better. And thanks for the credit card advice on getting it fixed. I took his card from him and bent it up so he can't use it anymore.

Holly - posted on 06/02/2009




no i dont thin k u over reacted .ou did the rite thing do not take your daughter or you rkids over there if you do and they get drug busted you will loose her for a while untill they figure whast going on .call the bank and ask if they can remove some of the fees ,soetimes they will depending how many times pior .Make sure you take him off the acount .you should apoliges to her but explain to her she needs to mind her own ,if he felt that way then he would have told you ..

Sabrina - posted on 06/02/2009




you did not over react you were protecting your child. and i would do the same. but if your guilt is getting to you then go ahead and apoligize. even if she doesnt accept it or gets anry at least you know you did the right thing. i agree that if she sees the baby then do it some place nuetral. and your fiance is a grown man. discuss how you both are feeling but if he doesnt want to call then that is his choice. but i think he should call his mom and let her know how he is feeling and let her know that she shouldnt blame you for his choice.
i also totally understand the bank thing i have gone through that alot with my husband. and it does cause an argument but we get through it. best of luck in your situation. and venting is always good so feel free anytime. we all need to do it.

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