Dilemma about BF???????

Devon - posted on 06/14/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I got a letter in the mail a couple of day's ago that told me i have a right to request an annual meeting for child support. since i haven't had one since 2003, i am requesting one because i know that my kids father is making alot more now then 8 dollars an hour.



anyway, my one friend is friends with my ex's brother's who one of there girlfriend's called my friend and was telling him that she talk's to my ex here and there and he is always asking about my kids and all this other stuff (because she is on my friends list on myspace) but was telling her that he doesn't want to see them because he doesn't want to complicate stuff, which i know he means that he doesn't want to complicate things between me and my boyfriend of 6 years. i think that is stupid, people do it everyday and they are in different relationships.



my dilemma is that once i get my court date for the child support i am afraid that if he shows up (because last time we had to go he faxed all his stuff over instead of coming in person), that when we are done with the meeting that he is going to try to ask me if he can see them. and i have gaven him ton's of chances to see them and he blew it everytime. he hasn't seen them in about 4 years now. so i don't know if he would happen to ask me that if i should let him or if i should just tell him that if he wants to see his kids then he can take me to court and then i will try to get supervised visitation????? i don't know what to do??? if anyone has answers or comments, i would appreciate them :)

9 Comments

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Devon - posted on 06/15/2009

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thank you all again who have responded. i will definately keep you all posted on what happens. also, i am confused as well because my parents hate him terribly and i know that if i give him another chance they will be seriously mad at me unless we would end up going to court for it, then they can't realy be mad. i also know that it is my choice of what to do, not there's, but i am very close with my parents and i don't want them to be mad at me. i will keep posting. thank you :)

Coline - posted on 06/15/2009

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i think you should let him see them but i thinj you should take him to court be fore he takes you so you have it your way and you can have the security you

Leaha - posted on 06/15/2009

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Oh, and the part time father thing really gets my @ss burning. Some fathers can't help but be ''part time''. I get called a part time parent all the time because I have a shared parenting plan with my ex for my 9yo daughter. But I am in no way shape or form a ''part time parent''... Just a thought.

Leaha - posted on 06/15/2009

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Devon, you know your own situation better than anyone else on here. You know what's right for your girls. With that said, I know from my own exsperiences with my 11yo SD, that we NEVER get to see, I for one would say, let him see the girls. Start it back out slow and yes make him prove he want's to be a part of their lives and be up front with him that you ARE NOT going to allow him to dissapoint them, that if he says he's going to call/visit, he better as hell do it. In my case, the BM has moved out of state and it has been impossible for us to visit her. BM always has some excuse as to why Kat cant come to visit, or she has some kind of school activity or sports activity or some other bull sh*t. Sometimes it is such a pain, I have questions as to how we can get to see her more, and most of the time I just get yelled at by people on here that there is no ecxuse to not see your child. But, being in this situation IT"S VERY HARD sometimes. I don't care what anyone says, Where I live, we can't just walk into the court house and say I wanna see my kids and it happens. We HAVE to have an attorney and the attorney's here wont even talk to you without $1500.00 down, and we don't have that, we're paying child support! plus trying to raise our/my own children that are here with us! I know i've gotten off track, but I know I'm going to be attacted again for saying that we can't fight as hard as I would like to see our oldest daughter.

See how things go, if he want's to start seeing the girls on a regular basis, get it court ordered or at least in wrighting and if he slips, then that's it. Every child deserves to haev their BIO parents, unless they are being abussed or not taken care of. Sometimes when children of divorce and children made out of wedlock, meet their absent parent, they resent their custodial parent for not providing the time/info on the absent parent. It's sad, but I'm affraid that's what's going to happen in my case. Everytime we do get to see our 11yo, she is always complaining about not getting to see her daddy, but they way her mother is and the fact that she lives 2 1/2 hours away, makes it hard, and she know's this, she's always talking about coming and living with us when she turns of age to make up her own mind as to who she wants to live with. I know it's never happen, but we do what we can and we treasure every minute we have with her...

Sorry I rambled, hope all goes well, keep us posted Devon

Tiffany - posted on 06/15/2009

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I suggest you say no if he asks to see your children. When you have given a person the opportunity and they abuse it every time it is not fair to your kids to continue to allow him back into their lives like that. If he is willing to take you to court then that at least shows that he is willing to work for the chance to be a part of their lives and at this point I think you should make him prove himself. Your children are to precious of a gift for someone (even if it is dad) to neglect their feelings.

Devon - posted on 06/15/2009

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thank you for all of your reply's. for natalie where you said that maybe he still has feelings for me, there was a time where he came over to see the kids and he did say to me that it would be alot easier if me and him were still together, so i am sure that is a part of it. which there is no way i would go back to him. but again, thank you so much and i appreciate all your reply's.

Jamie - posted on 06/14/2009

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I think if he asks to see them you need allow it. Even if that means you meet at a public place. You shouldnt just let him pick them up. Plus, if you tell him to take you to court the judge isnt going to order supervised visits, he will probably order some intervention which is probably a good idea.

Ashley - posted on 06/14/2009

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The best thing you can do is wait and see what happens.. like the other person who responded said, there is no such thing as a part time father. And not only that but if he hasn't seen them in 4 years it may confuse the kids. I know it may end up being kind of hard if he asks you to see them, but you have to keep in mind what's best for the kids. If you think you'd like to try it I would request supervised visits first and see how things go from there. If they don't seem to be going well than I would stop it as soon as possible. I hope all goes well for you!

Natalie - posted on 06/14/2009

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Well there is no such thing as a part time father! So I hope that if he does decide that he wants to be a part of your childrens lives that he is serious! Supervised vistation I agree with to see how he is with the children and what not! Maybe he still has feelings for you why he says that he doesnt want to complicate things? He cant stand to see you happy with someone else! Maybe those are issues that he is still dealing with why he has been acting this way! I just hope that all works out for you in the end!

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