discipline

Sharleen - posted on 04/12/2009 ( 65 moms have responded )

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How does everyone feel about spanking? Do you think it works or do you think it's damaging? My parents used to spank me and I can honestly say that it didn't make a huge difference in my behaviour for the better or for the worse.Let me know what you think.

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Sharleen - posted on 04/15/2009

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Quoting Anita:



I do agree with spankings. I can tell you tough love is a valuable creator....meaning when my kids get spankings they respond positively knowing that it can happen. With my boys correct push-ups are also an option. They started doing about 20 more than they were used to, starting at 50. They are now up to 100. Proper form and technique makes it more difficult to do, but persistance is the key. However, spankings still works for me.  GOOD LUCK





I've never thought of or even heard of the push up thing but it sounds like a fantastic idea. At what age did you start them doing this and how old are they now Anita?

Mary-Ann - posted on 04/13/2009

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I was spanked, it made a difference for me. I wasn't scarred for life or dmamged in some wya. I spank my child when she is doing something potentially life or limb threatening (like darting out onto the street). Otherwise time outs usually work for her. Severity of punishment should be equal to severity of action. Like I metioned in another discussion some kids will be devistaed by a simple but firm no and others hardley blink at more severe punishments. You have to go with the childs temperment. And it is trial and error, but start small and only go big if you absolutely have too.

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Claurice - posted on 06/08/2011

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i tried spanking before but it makes me feel so guilty so a time out is the best

Charity - posted on 06/07/2011

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Every child is different. Mine responded well to time outs. But other times she thought it was a game. I spank when I feel it's necessary. But I ALWAYS explain to her why she got a swat and what she needs to do to avoid it next time. And then I pick her up and give her a big kiss, tell her I love her and start tickling her and playing with her. So that she always knows that no matter what, Mommy loves her very much.
I always give her a fair warning. If she is trying to take a toy from her baby brother I tell her, "Avalon, leave him alone." If she doesn't stop I say, "Avalon, if you don't leave him alone I'm going to spank you." If she persists I get up and I swat her on her bum. She cries and I tell her, "Look at me babydoll. You have to be nice to your brother. He's just a baby and you have to share the toys." Then I give her a big hug and kiss and play with her. Most of the time it doesn't get that far. I tell her to stop. If she doesn't stop I either look at her sternly or tell her I'll spank her and she stops right away. But that's because she knows I will follow through. Because I learned early on that when I didn't follow through, she didn't take me seriously the next time.
But every child is different. You have to do what works for you and your child.

Renee - posted on 04/15/2009

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Quoting Stephanie:

I am a firm believer that God's way is always the best way, and spanking is God's way. I also believe that God does what it takes to meet us where we are. Every child is different, and all circumstances are different. You know your child and you know your child and you know what is going to be most effective! Keep in mind that God always disciplines in love, not anger, and when spanking our children, it is important to make sure they understand we are doing this because we love them so very much and we are here to help them be better people who love and respect others. Many times I have spanked my children, and afterwards, hugged them and told them how much I love them and exactly why I had to do what I did. Believe it or not, they do get it! When we got our foster daughters and had to do the "time out" (which is terribly difficult with a 1 and 2 yr old, but by God's grace, has been effective) my son said " don't you wish you could discipline them God's way mom?" He gets it, and he knows it's in love and not anger! A great resource for you would be "Shepherding A Child's Heart". Very helpful!


Well put Stephanie!! I def. agree that kids get it.  And it really helps to make sure once discipline has taken place to remind them that you love them and that you're doing that so that they will learn what is right and wrong!


 

Stephanie - posted on 04/15/2009

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I am a firm believer that God's way is always the best way, and spanking is God's way. I also believe that God does what it takes to meet us where we are. Every child is different, and all circumstances are different. You know your child and you know your child and you know what is going to be most effective! Keep in mind that God always disciplines in love, not anger, and when spanking our children, it is important to make sure they understand we are doing this because we love them so very much and we are here to help them be better people who love and respect others. Many times I have spanked my children, and afterwards, hugged them and told them how much I love them and exactly why I had to do what I did. Believe it or not, they do get it! When we got our foster daughters and had to do the "time out" (which is terribly difficult with a 1 and 2 yr old, but by God's grace, has been effective) my son said " don't you wish you could discipline them God's way mom?" He gets it, and he knows it's in love and not anger! A great resource for you would be "Shepherding A Child's Heart". Very helpful!

Renee - posted on 04/15/2009

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First of all, I wanted to start by saying that "smacking" a child and "spanking" a child are not even in the same class! If you are "smacking" your child then you are def. looking at it the wrong way. I am definitely pro-spanking and it works on my kids. Someone above wrote that spanking is not necessary, its just easy...that couldn't be farther from the truth! Do you think it's easy for me to spank my child and see him cry? No it's not...but what makes it easier is thinking of all the future pain I'm saving him from when teaching him that lesson. Whether that be to stay away from the stove or not to play with plugin's or whatever.
I know it has been said before, but there is definitely a fine line between disciplining out of anger and disciplining out of patience. As moms we go through a lot of stress in a day and sometimes that "one thing" is just the last straw. We have to make sure and take 1 min to cool off before disciplining because otherwise it CAN escalate into something more than just a spank.
I believe kids are a lot smarter than what we give them credit for and I believe in spanking at a young age..not like 3 months or anything, but whenever age that is when your child starts to have a mind of his own :) Speaking from experience, it is a lot easier to start when they are young, then to have to make up for it when they are 3 and have habits formed. I have spanked my son since he was young and am sooo glad I did. Now all it takes with him (for the most part) is a quick "word" reminder of "childs name, remember if you choose not to obey mom you get a spank right?" And then obedience follows. But that didn't happen over night. That was really hard work when he was around 1 yr of age...teaching him to obey and have the right attitude. Now that he is over 3, talking works a lot more for sure...because he is at the age to understand the consequences. I don't believe that at the age of 1 he would have been able to understand those things fully like he can no...so we spanked a lot when he was that age and now we barely ever have to.
My daughter on the other hand (2) is very sensitive to your tone and the slightly tap on the bum is all she needs to be reminded. Time outs work well for both now as well...but I don't believe they would have with my son when he was younger.
Also, when disciplining a large factor is their personality. I have 2 very different disciplining techniques for my 2 kids and they both respond well to what we do with each of them.
To me the most important thing is, as long as the method of discipline is working and your child isn't running around being mean, and disobedient then you're fine. It's when it's not working and your child is not behaving then you need to think about being open minded and trying another form of discipline...and be consistent! No matter what you choose, consistency is the key :)

Good luck with discipline!!

Sharleen - posted on 04/15/2009

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Quoting Jessica:

yes it is its still inflicting physical pain



First of all, there is no need to get all defensive jessica. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs about how to discipline their children and we all have the right to post what we want so let's not try to start an arguement. Second of all, if you  noticed,  kate said that spanking your child does not mean spanking them hard enough for it to hurt. so if you don't spank hard enough for it to hurt, there is no physical pain. and giving a tap on the bum is NOT the same as beating your child .Beating your child is hitting them so hard that get bruises and black eyes and welts and broken bones etc. If a light tap on the bum does not cause  physical pain, how can it possibly be considered beating your child? Study's are great but they are not always right and they are not the findings of every person, they are only done on small groups of people at a time so that they are not completely accurate.

Kristin - posted on 04/15/2009

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My daughter is 2 1/2 and I spank, I agree with it completely.  She isn't violent with other children and she doesn't fear me but there is a clear line drawn, when she steps over it she gets a swat.  The thing you have to remember if you spank your children is that the minute they are done and say they are sorry, you swoop them up in your arms give them a big kiss, tell them that you love them, then explain what it was that they did wrong and tell them how to do things in the future. Remember that you are spanking them because you love them, if it breaks your heart to do it then and only then will it be effective. If you're strict and tough on your children when they are younger, they are more likely to be responsible people who know the difference between right and wrong. 



 

Sharleen - posted on 04/15/2009

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Quoting Anita:



I do agree with spankings. I can tell you tough love is a valuable creator....meaning when my kids get spankings they respond positively knowing that it can happen. With my boys correct push-ups are also an option. They started doing about 20 more than they were used to, starting at 50. They are now up to 100. Proper form and technique makes it more difficult to do, but persistance is the key. However, spankings still works for me.  GOOD LUCK





I've never thought of or even heard of the push up thing but it sounds like a fantastic idea. At what age did you start them doing this and how old are they now Anita?

Sharleen - posted on 04/15/2009

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Quoting Anita:



I do agree with spankings. I can tell you tough love is a valuable creator....meaning when my kids get spankings they respond positively knowing that it can happen. With my boys correct push-ups are also an option. They started doing about 20 more than they were used to, starting at 50. They are now up to 100. Proper form and technique makes it more difficult to do, but persistance is the key. However, spankings still works for me.  GOOD LUCK





I've never thought of or even heard of the push up thing but it sounds like a fantastic idea. At what age did you start them doing this and how old are they now Anita?

Melissa - posted on 04/15/2009

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Everyone is soooo funny here. You know, I don't know why people even ask if they should spank their child. Alls it does is turn into s debate. EVERY person is different. We used A pat on the butt until we got custody of my step-daughter (from her mom and her abusive boyfriend). Poor little girl was scared to death. If I would get mad I would tell her to go to time out or her room. She would tell me no and I would walk toward her mad ready to take her to her room for her (at her telling me no) and she would cringe. I felt so bad that after that I would take a time out for myself. She has grown out of that stage. Now, I was spanked as a child and I wasn't traumatized. I really believe it's the way the parents do it. I won't spank my kids because of my step daughter. If you want to spank your kids go for it. If you don't that's your choice. Everyone has a choice. (in their home) My step-daughter wasn't just being spanked though her moms boyfriend put her foot in fans. when we got her she had a hand print upside the temple of her head into her hair and on her ear. That's abuse. One time this guy got pissed off that she wouldn't get dressed for her mom he made her walk out of the house compeletly naked. I was pissed as hell!!!!!! We are the adults. It's our job to discipline our children to make it so they respect their elders and their peers. You discipline your kids your own way. Just make sure they are being taught respect!!!!!! I have friends who make their kids call every adult ma'am or sir. Their kids are very well kept also. Come one guys. Maybe you all can take your childhood experiences and use them for the better. I know I have. It's an ongoing debate for the rest of time!!! not everyone is going to agree. As far as I am concerned there are about 50% of the women who have answered on this who agree on both sides. We just need to make sure our kids are being taught right from wrong, and RESPECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for readin

Barbara - posted on 04/15/2009

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Whether spanking is abusive or not is still debatable.  What I don't get is why people are still using it as a discipline tool when there are so many other options.  Spanking isn't neccesary, it's just easy.  If you use it that's your choice, but you don't need to.

Jennifer - posted on 04/15/2009

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There is a difference between spanking and beating!! It's kinda funny how in this day and age it is unlawful to spank a child. If America hasn't noticed the youth of today are very disrespectful, I personally think ridiculous laws put in place that prevent parents from spanking have a great deal to do with this behavior.



 



Spare the rod spoil the child!!!

User - posted on 04/14/2009

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Ok this is CRAZY!! Everyone is going to have their own view point on this subject and in many ways it causes people to get into debates about this issue. To spank or not to spank that is up to the parent. You can't sit there and tell any parent what they are doing to their child is wrong or anything like that. The only way you have a right to tell a parent they are doing something wrong to their child is if they are not taking care of them or if their child shows up to daycare or school black and blue from the night before. Just like the country song called "Alyssa Lies" if anyone has heard that song then they will know what I am talking about. Time out may work for some parents and for other parents spanking works for them. There is a fine line b/c I know that I have 3 children 2 year old twins and a six month old. For my girl twin time outs work better for her and she knows what she did wrong and will sit there and do her timeout. HOWEVER for my boy twin an occasional swat on his butt works better for him. Half the time it doesn't even bother him but he does look at me like "oh ya I did something I shouldn't have " I work at a daycare as well and honestly time out does not work for the majority of those kids. So how can you say that time out is better than spanking or spanking is better than time out? It is the parents choice. They feel like that form of disipline works for them so that is what they should use. I'm not saying spank not HIT your kid for every little thing. Some important ones is running into the street. Have you ever had your kid run into the street while a car is coming? I can almost bet that you didn't take your child inside and say you have to go into to time out right now. No you prolly grabbed them up gave them a swat and then talked to them about how dangerous that was and how they can't do that b/c they can get hit. Trust me I know I have seen the most avid person say that they will NEVER spank their child but when that child ran into the street she sure did swat him on the butt for doing so. So all it comes down to is the parents chioce. Did I get spanked as a kid you bet a did. Did my parents yes and they got swats from the nuns at school as well. Did that make them or myself bad people and all we have to do is go out and hurt people? NO it did not. So to all of you who think it is bad to spank their child well that is what you chose to do to your child by not spanking them. However you should not tell parents that they shouldn't spank their child b/c that is what they chose to do. Also just b/c some children recieve spankings doesn't mean that they are well behaved at all. My children are the most well behaved children that I have seen at times but from time to time they might need their butt spanked. That does not make me less of a mom for doing so. I just think that it is the parents choice they are able to make that choice that works best for their child. So all I am asking is that people see both sides of it and not think less of those people who do give their child a swat on the butt from time to time.

Tanyalee - posted on 04/14/2009

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I think spanking is not a good why to discipline your child, i think it makes them scared of you...i think time outs or taking away a favorite toy is more affective, because its something they reallly like and they behave to get it back..and staying behaving to keep it.

Melissa - posted on 04/14/2009

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I my opinion, I think it depends on the situation. My husband and I were both given spankings when we were little and though we joke. "...that is why we are both able to run so quickly" there was good behind the discipline! Our parents would spank us when necessary, but more importantly they would EXPLAIN why and we would TALK about why our actions merited a spanking and how we could change our behavior. If we would back-talk we were popped on the mouth or soap (I vote pop on the mouth), and honestly we never really received that many spankings. I respect my parent's. Now, my husband and I give "love taps" (hands or bottoms) when our children are doing something naughty repetitively or could get hurt. Like our parents did we too EXPLAIN why they were given spankings "love taps" and HOW their behavior could be changed.

Now, aside from the spankings we also use positive rewards and natural consequences. For example, they throw a toy, the toy is taken away. They tear a book, their books are put up where they can't reach them without asking. etc. We also use timeouts. Different situations and child personalities call for different forms of discipline.

Children need to have boundaries and consequences. Children need to be taught to respect each other and their elder's. We need to be their parents; love them, protect them, teach them, provide for them. We are not meant to be their friends (well at least not until they are adults and even then there should be boundaries.)

Siobhan - posted on 04/14/2009

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we spank our daughter when she does something life-threatening. Run in the street? smack the butt. Touch the stove? Spanking time.



 



Otherwise, she hates being ignored so I put her in time out. She doesn't always listen but she's learning.

[deleted account]

Quoting Morag:



Quoting Brittney:








 




I am sorry to hear that, but you weren't spanked you were abused. There is a difference, and thats why spanking has to be used correctly.  I don't believe in smacking your kid senseless in the face or hitting them with objects, just the good ol' hand across the behind.







 









I don't think I was abused by my mother, she only disciplined me the way she was disciplined as a child and even then my mother told me stories that were a lot worse than the way she treated me.  The problem is where does the line of smacking end and abuse begin? Its such a difficult margin to determine. One person will say what happened to me was abuse another would say it sounded like normal corporal punishment. Discipline used on children 50 years ago is considered abuse today, yet as you commented early, people were of a much better calibre back then. So does that make it right? The reason why I don't openly advocate corporal punishment is that not everyone is going to use it in a constructive or correct way. You can't tell who that might be. I have even seen comments on here of parents using corporal punishment for some reason that seems to me extremely harsh and unnecessary.






I won't say that smaking is totally wrong. I didn't turn out to be a bad person, I have two lovely girls and am now in a wonderful relationship, I have a good job, and a good education (all after I left home though ;) )... perhaps I have some mental health issues but then most people have some hang ups left over from their parent's attempts of parenting. My friend uses smacking for her son, it works for her and shes a really, really fantastic mom, so smacking hasn't made her into some evil monster and she does use it correctly imo. I just feel you should try other means first and it just wouldn't work for me. I feel that I wouldn't give the message to my kids that I want to give them. With the abuse I suffered at the hands of people I have loved in the past, I have a personal moral code now that it is never OK to hit someone for whatever reason. To live in terror and fear of doing something wrong and being punished physically for it is a very lonely and dark place to be. It pains me too much to think of my kids ever thinking anything along those lines.



 



I would say anytime a child has side effects as you did, that COUlD be abuse. But like you said where is the line drawn. To me spanking is a firm pat or two on the butt, and only on the butt. I just think some people over react when told that someone spanks, they automaticly accuse people of abusing their children w/o knowing how one goes about spanking, like warnings, and other punishment before a spanking. I do feel that back a few decades children were better behaved, they seemed to have more respect for elders.  From the stories I've heard from my great grandparents, such behavior was expected from them no excues and they never said they were abuse, just merely spanked. It just comes down to how you were raised and what you know for that matter. These are just my opinions, I am not degrading parents for NOT spanking their children, b/c why would I care, their not my children, and I don't  really know how their method works b/c I am not there. Some methods work for some kids and some don't. Your method works well for you and you have a background that makes you disagrees with spanking your children, and that fine, that your choice.  





 

Morag - posted on 04/14/2009

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Quoting Brittney:






 



I am sorry to hear that, but you weren't spanked you were abused. There is a difference, and thats why spanking has to be used correctly.  I don't believe in smacking your kid senseless in the face or hitting them with objects, just the good ol' hand across the behind.





 





I don't think I was abused by my mother, she only disciplined me the way she was disciplined as a child and even then my mother told me stories that were a lot worse than the way she treated me.  The problem is where does the line of smacking end and abuse begin? Its such a difficult margin to determine. One person will say what happened to me was abuse another would say it sounded like normal corporal punishment. Discipline used on children 50 years ago is considered abuse today, yet as you commented early, people were of a much better calibre back then. So does that make it right? The reason why I don't openly advocate corporal punishment is that not everyone is going to use it in a constructive or correct way. You can't tell who that might be. I have even seen comments on here of parents using corporal punishment for some reason that seems to me extremely harsh and unnecessary.



I won't say that smaking is totally wrong. I didn't turn out to be a bad person, I have two lovely girls and am now in a wonderful relationship, I have a good job, and a good education (all after I left home though ;) )... perhaps I have some mental health issues but then most people have some hang ups left over from their parent's attempts of parenting. My friend uses smacking for her son, it works for her and shes a really, really fantastic mom, so smacking hasn't made her into some evil monster and she does use it correctly imo. I just feel you should try other means first and it just wouldn't work for me. I feel that I wouldn't give the message to my kids that I want to give them. With the abuse I suffered at the hands of people I have loved in the past, I have a personal moral code now that it is never OK to hit someone for whatever reason. To live in terror and fear of doing something wrong and being punished physically for it is a very lonely and dark place to be. It pains me too much to think of my kids ever thinking anything along those lines.

Yolanda - posted on 04/14/2009

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I dont personally think it makes a difference. Children need to be spoken to in a way they find understanding, come down to their eye level and explain what is dangerous and what could happen etc. They soon change when they arnt shouted at 24/7. Just think you wouldnt like your child to shout everytime they wanted something so don't shout at them when you want something, its not nice.

Jami - posted on 04/14/2009

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I believe that a repeated discipline does work. My parents spanked me as well and after a few times it deterred me from acting up. As long as its not to forceful and there is always a lesson in it.  This is just my opinion.

[deleted account]

Quoting Brittney:



Quoting Jessica:




Quoting Brittney:





My parents spanked me as a child, and I learned great respect for my parents. I thought twice before doing someting I wasn't suppose to. Everytime I got a spanking my dad would make me sit in my room and think about it, and then come explain to me why I got my spanking and what I had learned. So, spanking didn't damage me in any way, it help mold me into the person I am today, and I am not violent, Jessica. Spanking is not abuse, and I spank my children just as I was spanked. I don't sit there and beat them, I give them a firm pat on the butt, and let me tell you they usually don't do what they were doing anymore. Jessica, when you discipline your child in any other way, your hurting them in some way, weather your taking a toy away, putting them in time out. SO, spanking is giving them a second of pain to related to their misbehavior,  it's that simple. When my kids do things that are dangerous, like outlets, climbing the counters, I have to get their attn for their own good. So to me spankings are a good thing, when they are used correctly. But everyone has their own parenting method, and it's whatever is comfortable for each family. What works for one might not work for another.










 A couple of generations before us kids were so much better behaved and didn't have social problems,  b/c they got spanked at home and at school. No one put up with kids running the show.












How is being hit teaching respect? You can  not deny that spanking is hitting a child whether it be on the hand bottom etc. If it wasn't abuse it wouldn't be against the law in so many places. Why is spanking so common in the US? Could the use of spanking and use of gun violence be coinceental?just a thought i just had as neither occur here.






 






IT just cracks me up that people from other countries "just think they know everything about us in AMERICA" You can totally tell you are getting biased news and internet coverage...lol. Maybe you should look up the word respect first, before you ask me the question of" how I could have repsect for my parents b/c they spanked me".  I am not going to sit here and debate spanking with you. I believe in it, many do, and I have never went on a killing spree. So wow your little spanking connected to gun violence is a crock of shit!!! Why don't you go interview the parents of killers and see if they spanked their children...lol, I bet that would be a great study...lol!!! Why don't you worry about you own country and keep your nose out of mine, since you don't live here. You must live in a perfect country, no crime huh, maybe your naive!



 



 



 



Let me clear myself up. I said "people" ,and what I meant to say is "you" who is from another country.








 





 

[deleted account]



Quoting Morag:

I was smacked as a child... repetitively and frequently actually, so it really didn't work. Infact a majority of my strongest childhood memories revolve around my mother hitting me but I couldn't tell you what for and this was right up until I was 14 when she was beating me with a shoe round my head and I pushed her away...oh and I beat her up then!. The only thing I feel it did for me was to destroy my self worth, confidence and learn to become much better at hiding and lying to my mum because I was so TERRIFIED of getting smacked. Its ok for little ones, because they are just too young... but get the child to 9+ they just start learning to become more devious like me. As it was I ended up with anorexia as a way to control something in my life because my mother was so controlling and used smacking as a way of enforcing that control, and ended up in a couple of abusive relationships (one man nearly killed me and ended up in prison) because I was taught TOUGH LOVE... my mum loved that phrase too... I learnt that someone hit you out of love to teach you and one ex loved to say he was teaching me...If I smack my kids I worry that I will teach them that in the future when loved ones hit them thats ok, because its out of love...and that if they love someone, its ok to hit them... and you can't say whether or not they will translate that teaching into their adult lives. Its awful being a battered woman, I couldn't stand it if my poor girls ended up the same.

I have never had to hit my kids and they have never been badly behaved or spoilt. My youngest is going through the terrible twos, but no more than ordinary smacked kids. Infact, my eldest is even better behaved than my friend's kids who have been smacked as a form of discipline. I find it much easier to negotiate with her. My particular form of discipline isn't for everyone though. I am an extremely patient person but also always consistent. I have threats which I ALWAYS carry through, and I have very ingenious punishments which depend on the age...but include cleaning the floors with a nail brush, washing the cat (oh that ones great for really naughty older kids), cleaning the toilets (needless to say we have a very well behaved 9 year old at the moment for that one ;) ). With the little one, we have time out, gentle restraint (for smacking/pinching) whispering, face blowing, and making a noise beeep for a long time.

Its true you have to find what works for you, every child responds differently as they are different people, and even when you do find a good way, kids are smart and will change battle tactics frequently, which is why you need to be inventive. ;) But I feel that I am not punishing children but teaching future adults so I need to make my lessons easy enough to understand now, but can translate into adult lives.



 



I am sorry to hear that, but you weren't spanked you were abused. There is a difference, and thats why spanking has to be used correctly.  I don't believe in smacking your kid senseless in the face or hitting them with objects, just the good ol' hand across the behind.





 

Morag - posted on 04/14/2009

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I was smacked as a child... repetitively and frequently actually, so it really didn't work. Infact a majority of my strongest childhood memories revolve around my mother hitting me but I couldn't tell you what for and this was right up until I was 14 when she was beating me with a shoe round my head and I pushed her away...oh and I beat her up then!. The only thing I feel it did for me was to destroy my self worth, confidence and learn to become much better at hiding and lying to my mum because I was so TERRIFIED of getting smacked. Its ok for little ones, because they are just too young... but get the child to 9+ they just start learning to become more devious like me. As it was I ended up with anorexia as a way to control something in my life because my mother was so controlling and used smacking as a way of enforcing that control, and ended up in a couple of abusive relationships (one man nearly killed me and ended up in prison) because I was taught TOUGH LOVE... my mum loved that phrase too... I learnt that someone hit you out of love to teach you and one ex loved to say he was teaching me...If I smack my kids I worry that I will teach them that in the future when loved ones hit them thats ok, because its out of love...and that if they love someone, its ok to hit them... and you can't say whether or not they will translate that teaching into their adult lives. Its awful being a battered woman, I couldn't stand it if my poor girls ended up the same.

I have never had to hit my kids and they have never been badly behaved or spoilt. My youngest is going through the terrible twos, but no more than ordinary smacked kids. Infact, my eldest is even better behaved than my friend's kids who have been smacked as a form of discipline. I find it much easier to negotiate with her. My particular form of discipline isn't for everyone though. I am an extremely patient person but also always consistent. I have threats which I ALWAYS carry through, and I have very ingenious punishments which depend on the age...but include cleaning the floors with a nail brush, washing the cat (oh that ones great for really naughty older kids), cleaning the toilets (needless to say we have a very well behaved 9 year old at the moment for that one ;) ). With the little one, we have time out, gentle restraint (for smacking/pinching) whispering, face blowing, and making a noise beeep for a long time.

Its true you have to find what works for you, every child responds differently as they are different people, and even when you do find a good way, kids are smart and will change battle tactics frequently, which is why you need to be inventive. ;) But I feel that I am not punishing children but teaching future adults so I need to make my lessons easy enough to understand now, but can translate into adult lives.

[deleted account]

Quoting Anita:



To each is own. It is my job to be responsible for my kids and their actions as a child, when they are old enough, and if my spankings did nothing for them, they will go to jail.  The way I see it, me now or them later? I will make every sacrafice for them as children, and I want them to understand when you do wrong there is a consequence, in some countries you get your hands cut off for stealing.... your tongue for lying...I will go to jail if it willsave them in the long run.  I always get compliments on how well behaved they are and I know that they know its because they know the consequence of misbehaving on my standards. 






Personally, I think most of these non compliant kids today needs a good spanking, and maybe, just maybe they will think twice on "making the right judgement/decision"






Kids are very smart and they know what they are doing, we as parents just need to acknowledge that fact and allow them to grow knowing right from wrong.






I know I did.






GOOD LUCK



 



I totally agree , VERY well said!!!!





 

[deleted account]

Quoting Anita:



To each is own. It is my job to be responsible for my kids and their actions as a child, when they are old enough, and if my spankings did nothing for them, they will go to jail.  The way I see it, me now or them later? I will make every sacrafice for them as children, and I want them to understand when you do wrong there is a consequence, in some countries you get your hands cut off for stealing.... your tongue for lying...I will go to jail if it willsave them in the long run.  I always get compliments on how well behaved they are and I know that they know its because they know the consequence of misbehaving on my standards. 






Personally, I think most of these non compliant kids today needs a good spanking, and maybe, just maybe they will think twice on "making the right judgement/decision"






Kids are very smart and they know what they are doing, we as parents just need to acknowledge that fact and allow them to grow knowing right from wrong.






I know I did.






GOOD LUCK



 



I totally agree , VERY well said!!!!





 

[deleted account]

Quoting Anita:



To each is own. It is my job to be responsible for my kids and their actions as a child, when they are old enough, and if my spankings did nothing for them, they will go to jail.  The way I see it, me now or them later? I will make every sacrafice for them as children, and I want them to understand when you do wrong there is a consequence, in some countries you get your hands cut off for stealing.... your tongue for lying...I will go to jail if it willsave them in the long run.  I always get compliments on how well behaved they are and I know that they know its because they know the consequence of misbehaving on my standards. 






Personally, I think most of these non compliant kids today needs a good spanking, and maybe, just maybe they will think twice on "making the right judgement/decision"






Kids are very smart and they know what they are doing, we as parents just need to acknowledge that fact and allow them to grow knowing right from wrong.






I know I did.






GOOD LUCK



 



I totally agree , VERY well said!!!!





 

[deleted account]

Quoting Jessica:



Quoting Brittney:




My parents spanked me as a child, and I learned great respect for my parents. I thought twice before doing someting I wasn't suppose to. Everytime I got a spanking my dad would make me sit in my room and think about it, and then come explain to me why I got my spanking and what I had learned. So, spanking didn't damage me in any way, it help mold me into the person I am today, and I am not violent, Jessica. Spanking is not abuse, and I spank my children just as I was spanked. I don't sit there and beat them, I give them a firm pat on the butt, and let me tell you they usually don't do what they were doing anymore. Jessica, when you discipline your child in any other way, your hurting them in some way, weather your taking a toy away, putting them in time out. SO, spanking is giving them a second of pain to related to their misbehavior,  it's that simple. When my kids do things that are dangerous, like outlets, climbing the counters, I have to get their attn for their own good. So to me spankings are a good thing, when they are used correctly. But everyone has their own parenting method, and it's whatever is comfortable for each family. What works for one might not work for another.








 A couple of generations before us kids were so much better behaved and didn't have social problems,  b/c they got spanked at home and at school. No one put up with kids running the show.









How is being hit teaching respect? You can  not deny that spanking is hitting a child whether it be on the hand bottom etc. If it wasn't abuse it wouldn't be against the law in so many places. Why is spanking so common in the US? Could the use of spanking and use of gun violence be coinceental?just a thought i just had as neither occur here.



 



IT just cracks me up that people from other countries "just think they know everything about us in AMERICA" You can totally tell you are getting biased news and internet coverage...lol. Maybe you should look up the word respect first, before you ask me the question of" how I could have repsect for my parents b/c they spanked me".  I am not going to sit here and debate spanking with you. I believe in it, many do, and I have never went on a killing spree. So wow your little spanking connected to gun violence is a crock of shit!!! Why don't you go interview the parents of killers and see if they spanked their children...lol, I bet that would be a great study...lol!!! Why don't you worry about you own country and keep your nose out of mine, since you don't live here. You must live in a perfect country, no crime huh, maybe your naive!





 

Wendy - posted on 04/14/2009

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I have 4 boys and 3 are old enough to be corrected. Each one responses to diffrent corrections . My oldest and second youngest doesn't responed to spankings, however my second oldest does. My oldest doesn't respone well to any method of correction. ( any ideas?)  My second youngest responds to time outs and being sent to his bed. So each kids is diffrent you just have to try to find what works best for you and what your confortable with!

[deleted account]

My mom spanked me until I fought back!! Has anyone ever thought of that?? I was 13 when my mom spanked me, she also used wooden spoons which she used so hard they would break.  One day I had enough, and I hit her back.  There was a war in my house after that.  Her  boyfriend tackeled me and punched me in the face!!!  I went to school with a black eye and social services was called, I told them what happend. It took my mom 2 years to talk to me again.   So anyways point being be careful at how angery you are.  As I said before, take a Mommy time out if you need too. 

Sarah - posted on 04/13/2009

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hhmmmm...



 



i was spanked as a kid although it was my mom who did it more then my dad plus my mom had one of those looks that did way more to get me to stop what i was doing then a swat on the butt ever could lol.  i popped my oldest on the butt a few times when he was smaller.  i dont think a baby should be cause they just dont know right from wrong yet.  but then what is a good age?  3, 4, 5, never?  really i think it depends on the parents and IF other options were used first such as time out or taking stuff away.  some kids do seem to respond to it, others just end up being afraid of everyone else.  my toddler responds to me getting down on the floor at his level and saying NO loud enough to get his attention, then he goes into his "im sorry" mode.. gets all lovey dovey on me lol. 

Anita - posted on 04/13/2009

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I fully agree. Those are my thoughts exactly, VERY WELL PUT.      THANK YOU

Anita - posted on 04/13/2009

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Quoting Brittney:



My parents spanked me as a child, and I learned great respect for my parents. I thought twice before doing someting I wasn't suppose to. Everytime I got a spanking my dad would make me sit in my room and think about it, and then come explain to me why I got my spanking and what I had learned. So, spanking didn't damage me in any way, it help mold me into the person I am today, and I am not violent, Jessica. Spanking is not abuse, and I spank my children just as I was spanked. I don't sit there and beat them, I give them a firm pat on the butt, and let me tell you they usually don't do what they were doing anymore. Jessica, when you discipline your child in any other way, your hurting them in some way, weather your taking a toy away, putting them in time out. SO, spanking is giving them a second of pain to related to their misbehavior,  it's that simple. When my kids do things that are dangerous, like outlets, climbing the counters, I have to get their attn for their own good. So to me spankings are a good thing, when they are used correctly. But everyone has their own parenting method, and it's whatever is comfortable for each family. What works for one might not work for another.






 A couple of generations before us kids were so much better behaved and didn't have social problems,  b/c they got spanked at home and at school. No one put up with kids running the show.





I fully agree. Those are my exact thoughts. VERY WELL PUT.

Anita - posted on 04/13/2009

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To each is own. It is my job to be responsible for my kids and their actions as a child, when they are old enough, and if my spankings did nothing for them, they will go to jail.  The way I see it, me now or them later? I will make every sacrafice for them as children, and I want them to understand when you do wrong there is a consequence, in some countries you get your hands cut off for stealing.... your tongue for lying...I will go to jail if it willsave them in the long run.  I always get compliments on how well behaved they are and I know that they know its because they know the consequence of misbehaving on my standards. 



Personally, I think most of these non compliant kids today needs a good spanking, and maybe, just maybe they will think twice on "making the right judgement/decision"



Kids are very smart and they know what they are doing, we as parents just need to acknowledge that fact and allow them to grow knowing right from wrong.



I know I did.



GOOD LUCK

Anita - posted on 04/13/2009

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Quoting Alicia:

i did that once very lightly and it scared the crap out of my 2yr old son....i use a time out and reward system....i think it works better than spanking :) my son is very well behaved so he's never in a time out..but im sure it'll change when his bro gets older ;) honestly i think spanking is damaging...i was spanked when i was little and i grew up afraid of people...mostly men...and thats how some men grow up to b abusive...kids also get into fights and think its ok 2 hit other kids...my bro got kicked out of every school in the city cuz my parents spanked him 2...it made him an angry child...2 me i think spanking is abuse..some cities they'll put u in jail 4spanking ur kid...try the time out and reward system... and never give in to their battles ;)


 

Kate CP - posted on 04/13/2009

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Quoting Jessica:

yes it is its still inflicting physical pain


Sure. You believe whatever you want.

Kate CP - posted on 04/13/2009

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Quoting Jessica:

http://www.religioustolerance.org/spanki...
shows what the studies on the effects of spanking does to children, the studies speak themselves, they are unbiased and nuetral intrepretations.


Seriously? You call that an unbiased source? A swat on the butt is different than being beaten. People who say they have issues now because of being disciplined in their child hood are referring to being beaten black and blue by their care taker.  A pop on the butt, through clothing, is NOT beating a child. 

Kate CP - posted on 04/13/2009

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Quoting Jessica:



Quoting Brittney:




My parents spanked me as a child, and I learned great respect for my parents. I thought twice before doing someting I wasn't suppose to. Everytime I got a spanking my dad would make me sit in my room and think about it, and then come explain to me why I got my spanking and what I had learned. So, spanking didn't damage me in any way, it help mold me into the person I am today, and I am not violent, Jessica. Spanking is not abuse, and I spank my children just as I was spanked. I don't sit there and beat them, I give them a firm pat on the butt, and let me tell you they usually don't do what they were doing anymore. Jessica, when you discipline your child in any other way, your hurting them in some way, weather your taking a toy away, putting them in time out. SO, spanking is giving them a second of pain to related to their misbehavior,  it's that simple. When my kids do things that are dangerous, like outlets, climbing the counters, I have to get their attn for their own good. So to me spankings are a good thing, when they are used correctly. But everyone has their own parenting method, and it's whatever is comfortable for each family. What works for one might not work for another.








 A couple of generations before us kids were so much better behaved and didn't have social problems,  b/c they got spanked at home and at school. No one put up with kids running the show.









How is being hit teaching respect? You can  not deny that spanking is hitting a child whether it be on the hand bottom etc. If it wasn't abuse it wouldn't be against the law in so many places. Why is spanking so common in the US? Could the use of spanking and use of gun violence be coinceental?just a thought i just had as neither occur here.





Now that is just a silly statement. There is violence everywhere. There may be LESS violence where you are but it's still there. Let's nut start the gun control debate here. This is about different forms of discipline not just spanking. 



A swift pop on the butt is not abuse. Now if you start smacking kids around with belts and yard sticks then you have a problem. But using an open palm on the tush is not abuse. It's well padded back there and you shouldn't be popping your kids so hard that it actually HURTS. A swat should be used as a last resort when all other options have failed previously.



 



And it's not abuse.

Jessica - posted on 04/13/2009

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Quoting Brittney:



My parents spanked me as a child, and I learned great respect for my parents. I thought twice before doing someting I wasn't suppose to. Everytime I got a spanking my dad would make me sit in my room and think about it, and then come explain to me why I got my spanking and what I had learned. So, spanking didn't damage me in any way, it help mold me into the person I am today, and I am not violent, Jessica. Spanking is not abuse, and I spank my children just as I was spanked. I don't sit there and beat them, I give them a firm pat on the butt, and let me tell you they usually don't do what they were doing anymore. Jessica, when you discipline your child in any other way, your hurting them in some way, weather your taking a toy away, putting them in time out. SO, spanking is giving them a second of pain to related to their misbehavior,  it's that simple. When my kids do things that are dangerous, like outlets, climbing the counters, I have to get their attn for their own good. So to me spankings are a good thing, when they are used correctly. But everyone has their own parenting method, and it's whatever is comfortable for each family. What works for one might not work for another.






 A couple of generations before us kids were so much better behaved and didn't have social problems,  b/c they got spanked at home and at school. No one put up with kids running the show.





How is being hit teaching respect? You can  not deny that spanking is hitting a child whether it be on the hand bottom etc. If it wasn't abuse it wouldn't be against the law in so many places. Why is spanking so common in the US? Could the use of spanking and use of gun violence be coinceental?just a thought i just had as neither occur here.

Teyaka - posted on 04/13/2009

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I spank my oldest. Telling him to stop and moving his away or taking away things just doesn't work with him all the time. So I pop his hands when he is doing wrong. He used to hit back, thinking that it was a game. But poppin his hands with a firm no, and a stern look... He gets that mommie isn't playing around and he needs to stop doing what he is doing.

[deleted account]

I myself  stopped spanking my kids, I found that they just laughed at me.  I also took a parenting class and they say most of the time when you spank a child you do it out of anger,  the best thing to do is send your child out of the room, calm down and by the time you think through about if it is nessasary for you to spank, they just had a time out!!  I tried it and it works for me.  If I get too fustrated I put my self on "Time Out"  some times we need time outs too!!  I just go to my room close the door and tell the kids to give me 5 mins to calm down.  Most of the time they bug me after 2 but i tell them I need to calm down so I dont hurt them or say something mean.  I even let them put me on time out because I have a potty mouth sometimes.  I give them time out for swearing so they think its funny they get to punish me for the same thing I punish them for.

Kate CP - posted on 04/13/2009

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I use spanking as an absolute last resort and I never swat when they are being physically violent. That's just confusing: you can't hit people so I'm going to swat you to show you you can't hit other people.
Most of the time I use time outs and I remove privileges as a consequence. But, my girl is usually really well behaved so I'm usually saying things like "You are playing so nice right now!" and "Good job!" more than "Hey, stop that! NO!"
I'm not against spanking...I just think it should be a last resort option not your first reaction.

Rebekah - posted on 04/13/2009

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I believe in spanking IF it's used as a last resort and I also believe there is an age cut off time when spanking is done.  I was spanked as a child, and we knew when that belt came off the hook my brother and I were in trouble and we were always explained why we were getting spanked.  My mom would cry more than we would.  It didn't damage me, it made us learn though.  As we got older, other things were taken away.  But spanking was always last resort, for instance my mom had a pattern, first she'd warn us, second she'd tell us, third we were in trouble.

Gayle - posted on 04/13/2009

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I have to agree with Brittney here. There is a difference between spanking out of anger and spanking as a teaching tool. I don't think a good idea to spank a child if you're angry; it just leads down a bad path, but if you take the time to sit the child down, explain the situation and why they are getting spanked, it becomes a learning tool. James Dobson teaches this technique in Dare to Discipline (I have only heard, not read myself yet). I think far too many parents react to situations -- instilling fear in their children, but we should respond with correct discipline to the situation (and child). Notice there is a difference between reacting and responding.

[deleted account]

My parents spanked me as a child, and I learned great respect for my parents. I thought twice before doing someting I wasn't suppose to. Everytime I got a spanking my dad would make me sit in my room and think about it, and then come explain to me why I got my spanking and what I had learned. So, spanking didn't damage me in any way, it help mold me into the person I am today, and I am not violent, Jessica. Spanking is not abuse, and I spank my children just as I was spanked. I don't sit there and beat them, I give them a firm pat on the butt, and let me tell you they usually don't do what they were doing anymore. Jessica, when you discipline your child in any other way, your hurting them in some way, weather your taking a toy away, putting them in time out. SO, spanking is giving them a second of pain to related to their misbehavior,  it's that simple. When my kids do things that are dangerous, like outlets, climbing the counters, I have to get their attn for their own good. So to me spankings are a good thing, when they are used correctly. But everyone has their own parenting method, and it's whatever is comfortable for each family. What works for one might not work for another.



 A couple of generations before us kids were so much better behaved and didn't have social problems,  b/c they got spanked at home and at school. No one put up with kids running the show.

Schollin - posted on 04/13/2009

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My son has never been spanked enough too actually hurt however he does but rarely get spankings for things like..trying to play w/ outlets or do something that will seriously hurt him..It's more to get his attention so I can say hey thats going to hurt. Otherwise we just explain things until he understands kids are a lot smarter than people give them credit for. I was raised w/ many methods of dicipline spanking included and i jave no problems or issues against it as long as it isnt for everything they do wrong it should be limited to as little as possible.



 

Carolyne - posted on 04/13/2009

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It all depends if you want to use fright and culpability or if you want to raise your child to understand the real reason why it is wrong to do this or that...I used spanking on the hand when my boy was 5 ans he laught at me...he was getting what he wanted: my attention and he prefered to have it in negative than not at all....so he did every thing that was anoying me to have it...and it worked well, i was reacting in negative.

Now, i have changed a lot and learned that he has needs: he needs to be important and needs to be secured by my love and i will always remember that once we were at a store and he could not have what he wanted...i bent on my knees to explain him what was the situation, understanding his feelings (not agreeing) and he said to me ''Before you did not explain to me that well, that's why i never agreed with you"!!!!!!!!
WoW!!!
If there is danger, i do have to raise my tone of voice for him to know that i have to ACT because i love him so...i would not want anything to happened to him...he has the consequence related with what happened...(and object, or a person)

Also all of that will be impossible without LETTING GO of all that is keeping me from a strong bond between me and my child!

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