Divorce Dilema

Crystal - posted on 09/21/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My husband and i have been together for going on 3 years, and the first year we were together he cheated on me twice. I took him back the first time because i wanted to give him another change, and took him back the second time because we were pregnant with our son. Well In May of '09 i found out that he had concieved another kid with his daughters mom while i was 5 months pregnant. At the time i wanted to divorce him, but finacially i couldnt do i because my husband was in the military and supporting me and my son, and i didnt want my son to not have his father around. Since then i have been very unahppy, and have found out that he made a page for himself on 5 dating websites, he still tells his kids mom lies to make her happy, i can not stand to be around his son because when i am i hate my husband for what he did and how he lied about it, and the last dating website i found was 2 weeks before he left for deployment. We are about to have another child, and i dont want continue to be unhappy. I dont want my kids to see me unhappy. He is currently deployed and i want to wait until after he gets back and the baby is born before i file for a divorce. Am i right for wanting a divorce? I just want some honest opinions. Thanks.

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It is far more detrimental to your children to have a dysfuncitonal relationship modeled for them than to grow up in a split family home. This is research proven data! So - YES you are right for wanting to be happy and wanting a divorce.

Since your husband is currently deployed - and he isn't abusive, there is no urgency to the issue. Therefore I would reccomend contacting a lawyer who specializes in military divorces - they should do a consult at low/no cost. Use this consult to find out what your financial options are.
Also please look into getting yourself some counseling, this will be a very stressful situation and difficult time fo ryou and your family. A counselor will be able to assist you in sorting through these feelings and making this time of transition as easy as possible.

Tah - posted on 09/22/2010

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you know what..this is why i preach independence all day long, because you get in these situations and have to what, deal with it because without him you can't function financially but with him you are gonna need a anti-depressant. he does it because he knows you won't leave and in between being made a fool out of and being lied to and hurt...the babies keep coming. He can see his children on weekends and holidays, file now. He will have to pay you alimony and child support according to what his rank is, send the papers to him now, waiting on the next baby to come is an excuse for you to give him more time to change because you are hoping he will come around..well he won't while he knows he has you eating out of the palm of his hand, what good are you to your children if you are unhappy, and you are only teaching them this is how you treat a woman so when your daughter in law is crying on your couch because your son is doing the same thing to her, it will be on you and your husband...hope it works out..

Bonnie - posted on 09/22/2010

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It is difficult when there are children involved, especially as young as they are. You are doing the right thing though. You do not deserve to be treated like this and you deserve to be happy. Marriage is a commitment to you and only you, not to you and whoever else may come into the picture.

Nikki - posted on 09/21/2010

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YES YES YOU ARE!!!!! YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!!!! He obviously isnt doing his job as a husband to do so and you have given him more then enough chances.
My parents stayed together for us, they fought from the day I was old enough to understand til my brother and I were in our 20`s my dad had a 7 year affair which caused my mom to drink heavily..it was hell....... the day they filed for divorce and my dad moved out was the happiest day of our lives, my dad is happy now and so is my mom and I wish they could have realized that A LONG TIME AGO. Staying together for the kids and being unhappy causes more damage then seperating and letting them be with two parents seperately who are happy and excited to see them and focus on them not on their issues with their other parent.

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I think it is totally acceptable that you want to file for divorce. I would have done so the first time but that's probably because I saw how my dad's affair with another woman destroyed my mother and after trying to "work it out" he left my mam, myself and my sister for the woman. They ended up getting divorced but at least my mam is happy now.

Ultimately it is your choice.

12 Comments

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Donna - posted on 09/22/2010

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no, fuck him. up and leave his scum bag ass. pack the kids up and make him cry.

Malissa - posted on 09/22/2010

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hes a pig. Eff him, he doesnt deserve to have you wait till he gets back, id start divorce proceedings, then if he gived u any grief i'd report him to his commanding officer, they have honor clauses you know, he can get into trouble for adultery.

Melanie - posted on 09/22/2010

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I would say you are right for wanting a divorce. I have been with my husband for 6 years but only married for 8 months. We have a 5yr old son and 3 yr old daughter. We are also expecting b/g twins in January 2011. We have basically a marriage of convenience for both of us. Our sex life is non existant and has been since i got pregnant. We have talked for probably the last 2 weeks about what we both want and have agreed 6 weeks after the twins are born we will seperate. One of the main reason we decided on this is because our son is in the late stages of Leukemia. We have both been really unhappy for a while now and we have tried to make it work but everything we do makes it even worse. My husband has been working long hours, double shifts and sometimes doesn't get home until late. I do sometimes wonder if he is having an affair but he has promised me he isn't. He told me he hates the idea of coming home and that is why he works such long hours for. I think your doing the right thing an i hope everything works out for you.

Line - posted on 09/22/2010

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i think it's the best for you and the best for your kids. They need to see you happy and have an example of what is a healthy relationship. I personaly think it's for the best.

Jessica - posted on 09/22/2010

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You are ABSOLUTLY right! You should NEVER have to deal with that! Marriage is about love and commitment! You deserve so much more then that and shouldn't ever have to deal with something like that! It isn't good for your children either...they can feel your pain and frustration! Also it isn't good for you to be stressed while you are pregnant either! You really deserve so much better!

Crystal - posted on 09/22/2010

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Thank you ladies. Hannah no there isnt any urgency, and i do want him to be able to see our daughter before i leave. I was planning on going in and talking to Jag when the time came around.

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