Do any other 21 year old mommies feel friendless, or is it just me?

Brandy - posted on 04/26/2010 ( 182 moms have responded )

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Hi im 21 year's old, Im married to the man of my dreams :) we have a 2 year old son and a 5 month old daughter 2gether. The only friends I have is my husband, kids and my mom. It seems like once you have a baby all your friend dont wanna hang out anymore and living in a small town like I do I cant just go to a mommy and baby group to make some mommy friends (lol) because there are no groups around here. I just wanted to know if anyone else feels or has felt friendless like I do or am I just a loser :(

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Danielle - posted on 04/27/2010

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I feel the same way you do...I think it's been more my choice to stop seeing friends as often as I once did. To be honest, most of them aren't mothers and it's hard to relate to each other anymore. I always want to talk about my baby and I feel like my friends get annoyed with hearing about it unless they are mothers themselves. Plus, since I became a mother I don't party anymore and most of my friends who aren't mommies are still living the party life. I feel like I did years of partying before becoming a mother so my main focus in life is my family now.

Stacey - posted on 04/27/2010

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i have felt like this, then i have to give myself a good kick up the bum and look at wat i have got instead of wat i haven't got. i know i dont have a great social life or a huge group of friend, but i do have the love of my life, a beautiful daughter and my family. i have a select few friends, and they have babies too so it is hard to find time to get together, so chat rooms like this are good, you realise your not the only one. im pround of wat i got and wen i lok at old friends, they dont have as much as i do. yes a few more hangovers and a few more shopping trips but in my eyes im better off.

Connie - posted on 04/27/2010

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I was 17 when i had my little girl, And i feel your pain, your friends seem to scatter once you ve had a child, but you just need to find some people who are in the same boat. You kind of change the type of people you hang out with when you ve got kids, The immaturity of alot of people ( not all of them) is simpy disgusting sometimes when they dont understand the pressure of having children and still having a social life. Dont worry, hang in there, things will always get better, :)

[deleted account]

I can definately relate to what you have just said. I am 21 years old and I have an 18 month old son, a 7 month old son and I'm due to give birth to my third child in a very short time.



I have a lot of friends and most of them are party animals. Some of them however have their own baby and we meet up for a playdate at least once a month. I also see my close friends as often as I can but its hard when you have children so young. My friends work and most of them finish around 5pm. At this time I'm getting dinner ready, feeding my children, bathing them and then they go to bed at 8pm and by this time I'm so tired and don't feel up to visitors and obviously cant visit anyone while my children sleep. It's definately harder to keep a social life when your children are so young. I sometimes feel as though I'm living the life of a 40 year old but I'm happy and my children are healthy and well adjusted and at the end of the day thats really all that matters.



Just remember that people grow and change and friendships either grow stronger or slowly drift apart and thats the sad reality but hey life goes on and on the brighter side of things you have a wonderful supportive husband, a loving mother and two amazing children.

Kaila - posted on 04/26/2010

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no its not just you i am 21 years old too. and even though almost all my friends just recently had babies in the past few months, my daughter is 14 months old and i dont see anyone anymore. I feel exactly the same way you do!

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Crystal - posted on 04/28/2010

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Oh goodness you are not a loser at all! I am not a 21 year old mommy (anymore) I am a 25 year old mommy with a beautiful almost 6 year old daughter! And I was with her dad till she was 3 it was and still 90% of the time still is the way you describe it. All of your friends have prob gone to school somewhere else or are out at least four nights a week parting and living it up ( or so thy think) while you sit at home with your family. I know you probably feel sad or depressed sometime or you think you are in a way missing out, thats how I often felt anyway. Let me just tell you after your babies fall asleep and you have a minute go take a shower and relax then go back and look at them while they lay there sleeping. I is the most amazing thing to look at and will be a memory in your head always. They are your new best friends!!! "friends" come and go and then come back again sure take advantage a little while they are around and go have dinner or a movie with them. But honestly if ya just feel like gettin away for a few hours just call up an aunt a cousin a brother/sister! I also live in a pretty small town I have noticed some groups or meeting starting to develop around here, but it for football or church groups ( I like both of those things but come on I just wanna relax!!) So here I am 25 and pretty much in the same boat as you right now! Things pretty much stay the same so far!!! But your not alone I promise.

Julie - posted on 04/28/2010

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I know how you feel. I don't think that I lost my friends by having my son I think that people just drift apart over the years. It is hard making friends once you have kids though. It's hard to hang out having babies because you just don't want to leave them to go partying with the girls. Where are you living?

Brianna - posted on 04/28/2010

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Hey everyone. I am a lil older than 21 but I understand what y'all are goin thru. My daughter is 7 now and trust me it does get easier. If anybody needs a friend or someone to listen to ur stories about ur kids or need some grown up convo, then just FB friend request me. Thanks for everyones honesty, I luv this website.

Ambershea - posted on 04/28/2010

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hi im 21 married have a one yr old and im 3 months pregnant with our second, and i feel just as friendless as u...i just tried to find someone to go to the movies with me and realized despite my "friends" on facebook...i really dont have any...so yes i do know wat ur goin thru. wat i can tell u is even tho u live in a small town, check ur library, they usually have things goin on, if not go to a bigger town nearby and check it out. u can always find something if u look. good luck to u.

Heather - posted on 04/28/2010

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You are so not a loser. I feel the exact same way. It seems the only "friends" I have are my husband, my mother and my one year old daughter. I have thought about looking up some mommy and daughter groups so I could meet some stay at home mommies with similar interests. I just need to do the research! But don't think you are a loser. You should start a mommy group in your area and maybe you could meet some women who feel they are in the same boat as you!

Heather - posted on 04/28/2010

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i know how you feel, i am 23 and i feel like i've got no friends, my husband is here for me and my family but i have no real true friends!!

Jessie - posted on 04/28/2010

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Well, i am 24, and my baby girl is almost a yr! (i am so excited) anyway i have nooo friends, ok sure i have people that i talk to on facebook every now and again, but no one comes to hang out with me or invites me to things really. i am a stay at home mommy, and i have no friends...i love my lil girl beyond anything in this world, i just soemtimes wish i had someone to talk to on my level. my boyfriend is one of those guys that doesnt talk about anything, even though i know he loves me and wouldn't trade me for anything. i just get so lonely sometimes.

Sherridan - posted on 04/28/2010

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i feel the same i am 21 have 3 girls 6, 4 and 2.
it is hard to find any decent ppl around my partner works alot so i am pretty much a single mum it would be nice to have friends around to keep sane but in my experience they seem to be more trouble then they are worth majority being bitch's back stabbers and just girls that u would find in highschool lol
im holding out hope though lol... so yeah i know how u feel it sucks hey....

Katty - posted on 04/28/2010

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it was the same for me as i was 26 when i had my son so i was too old for th young mums group 18-25 yr olds and next mums group was for 30-35 yr olds so i was to young for thier group there was no group for inbetween

Jessica - posted on 04/28/2010

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aww honey, you are not a loser! life becomes hard when you have kids, specially when you're the only one. I had my first at 19, none of my other friends were even thinking about having kids(neither was I, mind you, but here I am!) After my son was born, it was like instant hermit-ism(lol i know, not a word :P) my friends all abandoned me cause they had better things to do than hang around me and my son all day, like drink or do drugs or, basically, anything an irresponsible teen has to do after high school. this really sucks, but this is reality. until they have kids, they dont know what its like and arent interested in that being a responsible mom act. they like the ability to do what they want when they want without having to find a babysitter.
you say theres no mom groups in your town? Why dont you start one?! Im sure you can be the only young mom with a child in your town, so be the first to step up and create a center for you to all meet up and let the kids hang out and play while you get to chat. We have something called the Early Years Centres of Ontario, and thats basically what it is, a program for moms to bring their kids to a daycare type setting with ECEs(early childhood educators) and they can watch their kids play with others and develop social skills, while moms can meet other moms and also get help with various things from the staff. I know the center does very well in my town, and its a very useful tool for the kids.
If that doesnt work, theres always your extended family on COM! :D

Katty - posted on 04/28/2010

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i was 26 when i had my son who is now 3 and have now lost all my friends that do not have children and all so a few who do have kids because my son is legaly blind ans has been in amd out of hosp his whole life and they just dont understand that i can nolonger just be there do what they want to do im also single so im the only one there for my son

Tiffany - posted on 04/28/2010

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I feel the same way sometimes even though I have a few friends with children. I try to go out with the friends who aren't parents and I feel weird around some of them. All my conversations revolve around my son and it is very hard to talk about anything else because he is pretty much everything right now. Who wants to hear about work or school? you know.

Moriah - posted on 04/28/2010

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Life does change- find some friends with kids. Then you have stuff in common and can do things together! Start of join a play group. I am trying to start one! What state do u live in?
Shoot me a message!

Rebecca - posted on 04/28/2010

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hi,
im also 21 and my little man is 12 weeks old. alot of my friends stoped talking to me while i was pregnant because i wouldnt go to pubs or clubs with them (they seemed to think i could still hang out there till all hours of the morning and just not drink) these are friends who ive had since i was very young and they havnt visited to meet the baby or even called to say congts... so its a bit sad and very lonely at times but i believe that the only people who make to your future are the ones who deserve to be there!!! its nice to know im not the only one who feels this way... oh and your definatly NOT a loser :)

Jennifer - posted on 04/28/2010

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I gotta say I think that's so sad to hear! =( I'm so sorry that you feel that way and hopefully with age will bring more opportunitys to meet other parents and form strong friendships.
I was 20 when my first son was born and I had a few mother friends already. My single friends still rallied behind me and would come over for movie nights or take me and my son out to hang out. (One even sat with him so Mommy could go tanning haha).
Those same friends are still there for me now 3 1/2 years later and I'm married to the love of my life and we have a 1 1/2 year old too. One of my husband and my key things is having date nights for us, nights for us and friends, and also allowing each other nights for us each to go out with our own groups of friends. I have one girl night a month (sometimes 2 depending on special occasions). It's important to still make time for that support system. And time away from your significant other can also be good for your relationship. =)
Good luck!

Carina - posted on 04/28/2010

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it was the same way with me. i had my first kid at 20 and my second at 22 and now pregnant with my third at 24. and ever since i had my first it seems that all my friends just decided that it wasn't fun to hang out with someone that had a kid. now a days it is a little better becuase now those friends have a kid of their own but it just isn't the same anymore.

Jennifer - posted on 04/28/2010

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well im actually 22 but i feel the same way and my first little one isnt even here yet. it seemed like the day i announced i was pregnant it was like i contracted the plaque or something. Before getting pregnant i was constantly called to hang out, go to movies, go out to eat, go shopping, etc with people and once i became pregnant the calls just stopped. I've actually been really upset about it recently! my bf and i have moved into an apartment and live on our own and when he's at work i mostly sit at home alone. i only work 2 days out of the week, because i work at a place where i do overnights so i get my 40 hours just working tuesday night, wed most of the day into the overnight and thursday most of the day. im glad to hear that the feeling isnt something that im alone in feeling. i just wish that i could find other moms or people to hang out with.

Chelce - posted on 04/28/2010

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I am currently pregnant and the only friend I really had was my boyfriend. He got his ex pregnant after me and we broke up. I live away from my 3 close friends and my ex doesnt want anything to do w me or the child I am carrying. I feel completely alone because even though my friends live away they have men in their life and don't understand my situation and new people look at me like Im the bad person in the situation and dont want to be associated with me. Its hard to find people to hang with.

Anissa - posted on 04/28/2010

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i'm 24 but i feel friendless too sometimes. Most of my friends have no kids and dont understand that a good babysitter is hard to find. and they always want to go to bars and parties till after 5am and act like im ditching when i leave early or cant get a sitter. Ugh! lol.

Candice - posted on 04/28/2010

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I was 17 when I conceived my oldest daughter and 20 when I conceived my 2nd. Their father and I were together for almost 6 years and we got married and have now been divorced for almost 2yrs next month. I can honestly say that when I was married with the girls, my life was being a housewife and mother. I got lonely very often and alot of my friends disappeared on me because they weren't at the stage that I was. Our solution was couple night. We would take the girls to his families for a night and hang out with friends. If we had no other couples to hang out with, then we went out and found some. We live in a small town as well, very small. But if we wanted out we traveled to the closest big city. Your best friends are your family you have created, and those best friends have traits that will attract new ones. You just have to get out of the house and live a little :)

Bianca - posted on 04/28/2010

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I recently turned 31 and I have three wonderful kids. I am married to my high school sweetheart and at times I feel extremely lonely too. Just so you know you are not the only one that feels that way. And one more thing, DON'T EVER THING YOU ARE A LOSER BECAUSE YOU AREN'T.

Amanda - posted on 04/28/2010

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im 23 and i feel the same as you i am married and he has lots of friends so he gets to go out alot and i stay home lol i love my daughter and wouldnt change it for the world but i would love to have more friends lol

Kate - posted on 04/28/2010

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I hear ya! I'm in the same spot your in... I always feel so alone and hurt. so no your not a loser, it happens to the best of us. Good luck with your family! Best wishes

Sarahkaye - posted on 04/28/2010

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Brandy, you're not alone. I'm a single mom and the only person I talk to these days is my mom. I live in a small town and we don't have the Mommy and Me groups, or anything like it. I wish I knew how to help, but I don't :( But you are definitely not alone or a loser!

Shatia - posted on 04/28/2010

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ha you are definitely not a loser...i felt friendless for a while but a lot of the stuff that you do are not going to interest your friends...and you may not notice that you talk about your kid a lot but that is something your friends may get tired of hearing about...but in reality some may feel like you have a family and and responsibility so they dont think you would want to hang with them...what i always do is make it a point to go out with my friends every once in a while...and if you get a hobby guarantee you wont even have time to worry about your friends...but dont take it personal because that is what happens when you choose to start a family those around you feel like they are not apart of it so they try not to bother you

Ngakeiha - posted on 04/28/2010

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Yes I'm 21.. Couldnt agree with you more, except I have those "Mummie Groups" friends, and believe it or not that is not as great as it sounds, because all you have to talk about is babies and child rearing.. I miss my friends who don't have to think about washing cloth nappies or the right thing to do for your baby.. just about keeping themselves happy and their friends.

So I hear you love! Try to find a community group (as near by as possible) that you can join, its all you can do in a small town.
Even try to find a group for yourself, like acting or a film club or something rather than a baby one.

Good luck! ♥

Stefanie - posted on 04/28/2010

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Aww you're not a looser! I know how you feel. I moved to CA from MD when I was 15 and made friends pretty quickly. I had plenty of friends in high school and afterwards. Then I met my husband and had my son and daughter. When I had my son I stopped hanging out with a lot of my friends because they were all party goers and stuff and they weren't really the type of people that I wanted around my kids. So now I'm an at home mom and I have a very select few friends and very little family (most of the family I have is far away and even the ones that are close enough to be around are unreliable) so I find myself very lonely. I am planning to start a few classes at a local jr. college and hope to make new friends there! I'm excited. I am just gonna take a few electives so hopefully they will be people that have similar interests. My classes start in the fall. This might be a good idea for you too. My classes are 1 1/2hrs 2 days a week so I don't feel like I'll be spending too much time away from home :)

Nicole - posted on 04/28/2010

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I Know You Aren't Alone. I'm 21 And I Moved To A Small Town That My Boyfriend Is From 3 Years Ago When I Got Pregnant. I Didn't Work So I Haven't Really Met Anyone I Can Become Friends With. Now I Have A Beautiful 2 Year Old And A Boyfriend Of Over 3 Years, Just No Friends Really. And I'm Mostly Taking Care Of My Son To Go Out And Find Friends.

Jessica - posted on 04/28/2010

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You're not alone. It happened to me too. I had my son right before I turned 21 and we hung out for a while until he was more active, but they don't get that some nights you dont want to go out to a club because you had a busy day with the baby. Priorities change and it sucks because most people without kids can't see that and it's not really their fault.

Hannah - posted on 04/28/2010

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Hello. im abit older im 25 currently pregnant with my 1st baby. the only friends i have is my partner and another friend who i see every so often she has a little girl so is always busy doing other things. once i told everyone/friends i was pregnant everyone was happy now i dont hear a thing from anyone its been nearly 5months since i saw ir hurd from any friend.
i feel the same as you but i dont let it get to me anymore i just dont think it worth it as thay cant be true friends.x

Kayla - posted on 04/28/2010

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I have the same problem . when my son is at his grandparents house and my fiance is out with his friends!! . im stuck home on a sat nite watching movies alone!! . All of my friends go out to clubs and dont even invite me!!

Tracie - posted on 04/28/2010

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I know exactly how you feel and your not alone! I too stay in a small town and I use to have lots of friends.. I'm only 22 and my daughter is going to be a year old this weekend... My best friend is my boyfriend... and if I'm not talking to him... it's just me and my little girl.. it is very hard.. I wish I could find other moms near my age around me to maybe have playdates and things like that... but hopefully once we move things will change.. I hope lol.. well keep your head up and no your not loser... I'm sure things will get better for you :)

Jessica - posted on 04/28/2010

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Most definately did when I was a 21 yr. old mommy. Your peers just aren't there yet. Just dig in to some other mommy age groups. You'll be fine.

Vicki - posted on 04/28/2010

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hi Brandy, you're not alone I'm 23 with a 2 year old and I'm just like you. I have my husband and my mum but no other really close friends, don't get me wrong I have people I can talk to if I really need to but nobody that i'm really close to. I have made an effort recently and gone to a mothers group a little way away to meet some other mums and I've just started catching up with two of them on a regular basis so who knows, but if you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here. Vicki

Alisson - posted on 04/28/2010

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When I had my daughter at 21, I had the same issue, my best friend was just at a different place in her life at that age and it can be hard for non-moms to understand or want to relate to "reality" of having kids. It's pretty depressing, it takes just a lot more work on your part to involve your friends and to forgive them for acting that way, Join a post-natal class or baby-aerobics, maybe even some water-aerobics and meet some other moms :) They don;t have to be 21 to know what you're suffering through! :D

Mandi - posted on 04/28/2010

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yea i have been there i have a 5 month old baby and they dont really care who is my friend and who is. it seems like when you have a baby everything changes friends and all. i just feel that my 5 month old son is more fun to be around than anyone else he keeps me goin

Sheree - posted on 04/28/2010

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I became a foster parent to four children under the age of 19 and believe me I know about running friends off. I was raising babies and all my friends were playing and partying and I didn't have time for that nor did they have time to hang with me and four babies. I learned very quickly after really feeling the desire to have friends that I would have to be friendly to make them. I also a lived in a tiny town that had little. What I did find was that they had parent as teachers with lots of groups that I met women, church, library reading time, and activities through the school. Smile, say hi to everyone and you will make some amazing friends. I have kept the same friends since my 19 year old son was born and they have been a blessing. Hang in there it is going to get better. Sheree

Kristi - posted on 04/28/2010

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i know how you feel too. im 20 years old and my daughter will be a month old soon. all my friends were excited when i found out i was pregnant and we went shopping and would hang out alot, but now that the baby is here it seems like no one wants to do anything. i have a couple friends that are moms and i talk to them and they come to visit every now and then, but otherwise its just me and her. my boyfriends friends are also more distant now it seems. dont get me wrong we love the family time together, but sometimes you just need your friends to talk to and hang out with for something to do.so no, youre definately not a loser..it seems like alot of us young moms feel the same way. youre not alone :)

[deleted account]

You are not a loser..I turned 21 about a month ago and I have a 2 month old baby boy and I know exactly how you feel! To save money we only have 1 car and that makes it really hard to go see any of my friends while my husband is at work and when my friends come to my house I feel like me & the baby are just boring to them lol. my mom tries to babysit 1 night every weekend so that I can go out with the girls but that is really the only time I ever see my friends and it is very lonely.

Amanda - posted on 04/28/2010

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i was 18yrs old when i had my 1st child, im 21 now pregnant wit my 2nd baby, im due in june, i moved away from my family an friends to be with my boyfriend an our daughter an our little baby to be...i moved to BC to be with my little family, my other family like my parents/friends all live back in Manitoba, i dont know anyone out here my age that has kids, or well anyone at all really, i dont have many friends out here, i stay at home all day every day so pritty much 24/7 an when i do get out i dont want to come back home cuz its soo nice to get out of the house, even my daughter hates being in the house....i know what its like to feel lonely alot of the time, an tryin to deal with a 3yr old while over 7months pregnant, its very hard....i totally feel friendless, when i ask ppl to hang out they usually have other plans or they say yea sure an then just ditch out on me without calling or anything....i know how your feeling.

Ivana - posted on 04/28/2010

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Look... I felt the same way.... I am 22 years old and I was ALONE with no friends for 3 years.... I started to feel a bit blue but don't worry.... Your ex friends are also going to become moms and dads like mine did... And the puzzle will start comming together again... Just be patient my friend...

Rachelle - posted on 04/28/2010

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Definitely feel the same. The only way I have any friends is that i run a home daycare with my friend 4 days a week. All my friends either moved, are going to school all day every day, or just forgot about me when I had a kid and couldn't go out with them.

Jennifer - posted on 04/28/2010

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is there any mommies on her in the vancouver washington area?????if so i would love to meet up and hang out and do all the fun mommie things. fyi i have 4 kids and im only 29, been married to the man of my dreams almost 11 years and been with him since i was 15.

Melissa - posted on 04/28/2010

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i have a 2 year old daughter and im pregnant, we live in a small town, there are no play groups or anything that im aware of and i always feel alone! i either am younger than the people i know that have kids or i dont fit with my friends that are my age because i do have kids! it gets very lonely. but dont think that it has anything to do with you personally!

Amanda - posted on 04/28/2010

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I know how you feel. I am 21 and have a 5 year old. I have found that trying to get away with my husband or someone at least once a month helps..

Katie - posted on 04/28/2010

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I was 21 when I had my first and yes all my other friends wanted to go out and party and celebrate and I was a nursing mother on call every 2-3 hours with a very demanding hungry child. My husband and I are great friends and I am also very close to my mom. Now, I am 31 (ah, did I just admit that...?), and things have changed. My friends are all having babies! They are all staying home while I am out at soccer games and such even with my little guy that just turned one. I have a great number of friends, wonderful people, who also have the same relationship with their families and the same values. And we can all have fun together planned accordingly with the kids. I would say, don't worry! Good motto for the next few years "THIS TOO SHALL PASS!" Good luck and you are not a loser, in fact, you sound like a great mom!

Melonie - posted on 04/28/2010

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Glad this question was asked. I'm 24 but I have 3 kids and 1 friend who is now single. We talk on the phone well txt alot but other then that I don't get away from the kids ever. Granted my husband is willing to take them for a night here and there but when i go out most of the time i want him with and to try to find a sitter who will take all three high energy kids is hard. Since my last child was born on July 1st I have been a stay at home mom which has made it even harder. I will be turning 25 in June and I stay at home with three kids ALL the time. I sure hope you all get out of your friendless lul I know I wish I would. Take care and God bless, doesn't matter how many friends you have he will always love you!

Crystal - posted on 04/28/2010

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Oh! i feel EXACTLY the same way, i'm almost 21 and i have a 2 year old and an 8 month old. My mom and my hubby and kids are my only friends as well. Its awful lonely and here in my middle of nowhere town there are no groups but we don't make enough money to up and move! I'm stuck and the best thing i could do was daycare- it helped a little. Keep your chin up chic it will get better for us

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