do i let my son see his dad?

Chelsea - posted on 04/28/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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my son is nearly 4 months old now and as you can proberly guess me and his dad are not together! the reasons to why im not with him are because when we found out that i was pregnant things changed, before i found out (which was when i was two weeks!!!) i had been smoking cannabis a fair bit and so had he but when news of cam came i stopped everything straight away and he didn't, i mean it got to a point when i was living with him that i had to sit with a fan in front of my face so i didn't breath in any smoke!!! we used to argue so much aswell even more so when i was pregnant, the police got called a few times as he got very aggressive towards me and at one point hit me round the side of the head! eventually i moved back home and we split, but i was still willing to let him see cam i even wanted him to be at the scans but he missed the first one as he got there late and blamed me for it , so on one of the happyest days in my pregnancy he made me feel like i was a horrible person!!! he has threatened to take me to court and stuff but since cam has been born i have heard nothing from him at all!!! i know that i am not perfect but i just want the best for my son and i really dont know wat to do!! some one please give me some advice!

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Chelsea - posted on 04/28/2009

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As for the money if you can afford to take him to court do it because it could help but don't rely on it... I did that because Jasmine's dad always paid his child support in full on time until a couple months ago n now he owes me $1500 in child support for 2.5 months and its kinda nice for me because I don't have to do anything to try to get it because the courts revoked his license n registration put notices on all of his income through his work n the government n I will get some money one day... eventually but I'm not holding my breath or waiting impatiently for it!

Sara - posted on 04/28/2009

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Well, i am a paralegal and we get a bunch of clients comming in with similar situations. As a mother myself, i have my own feelings about your situation, so i will answer with the legal side first and then my own feelings.



First legally, since you are the promary care giver and Cam has only ever known you, I would not worry at all about him being able to take Cam. The court, as a general rule, keeps the child in the environment they are used to. Depending on if you breast feed or not, that is another reason that he would not beable to take cam. Although I would tell anyone that they should get custody arrangements sorted out through the courts as soon as possible, without custody orders, you have physical custody so if he were ever to show up with the police and demand to take cam, you do not have to give him cam. The rule is that you have to let him see the baby sometimes, but not every time he asks. If he ever did show up, I would immediately go file a petition for Parental responsibilities with the court and get temporary orders.



as for what I would do. It depends on if you think he would dissapear with cam, or if you think he would hurt cam. If either of these things could be possible, there is no way I would let him take cam. You can always tell the court that cam is too young to be away from you for any extended period of time and push off visitation until cam is older, talking and walking.



This is just my opinion, good luck and it sounds like you are making the right decisions being alone and doing a good job!



With warmest wishes,

Sara

Chelsea - posted on 04/28/2009

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well I think that you need to make peace with the idea that he might not ever actively come around n you n your child will be ok no matter what...I know I thought I was ok n living a happy life until one day I realized I was waiting impatiently for someone who was living his life n moving on instead of focussing more attention on my daughter n my career instead of wishing he wanted to be in our lives or moreso her life... If the dad wants to contact you, ok... but don't hold your breath...

Chelsea - posted on 04/28/2009

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oh i know what thats like they kick up a huge fuss and say they want to be involved but when it comes down to puttin in the effort its another story!!!! i was going to start getting him to pay towards his son but just gave up as he spends all his money on drugs any way and i just can do with out the hassel!!!! thx very much for relying to me!!! its helped!

Kaila - posted on 04/28/2009

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My son just turned one year old and his father has never seen him. He says he wants to be in his life but from his actions he doesn't act like it. I have not gotten a dime from him and he hasn't sent anything for him (diapers, formula, clothes, ect). I have stopped worrying about it and I am just living for me and my son. I am back in school and very happy. He's an amazing baby and will be better off without him. If his father decides he wants to actually be in his life I'm not going to stop him. I am still in the process of getting child support from him. You can still get child support from him and I very much doubt he will be able to get custody of him. I wouldn't worry about it.

Chelsea - posted on 04/28/2009

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with regards to his name being on the birth cirtificarte the new law in dorset is that unless the father is present when you get the cirtificate his name can not be on it! i havent even heard from him since cam has been born and the thought going through my head is that if he really wanted to see cam he would have been walkig the streets of swanage looking for him or phoning but he just hasn't done anything!!!

Chelsea - posted on 04/28/2009

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I went through a similar but different situation... I would suggest from personal experience over the last 3 years of ups n downs n Jasmine's dad leaving for good... play your cards close.... if he calls n wants to see cam tell him he can but when it works for you n your schedule... until cam gets older than one the courts will not allow him anymore than visitation upon reasonable request... (ooo that sounded official-lol) depending on where you are from - that is how it is in Alberta and if he was not at the birth n depending on his status on the birth certificate those things all play a role in the courts decision making process... if he is on the birth certificate depending on your ex you could be in for a long battle through out the years of your child growing up being in and out of court if he isn't he'd have to take you to court n get a paternity test to prove he is the father to start the rest of the gong show so you know him best do you really think he loves his child enough to go through all of that? My ex did for awhile until he got married to someone else n just left one day...

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