Do you ever feel like your friends leave when you have a baby?

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Meghann - posted on 11/18/2009

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Yes I have felt that way before. I've also found that it's usually the ones who don't have kids yet, who aren't at the same place in life. It's like you have to go out and find new friends who are at the same place. It gets lonely at times though, and feels like you're constantly rebuilding your life. I'm the first of my close friends to have kids though so I'm hoping it'll get better the older we all get.

HollyAnne - posted on 11/18/2009

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wow, that is a tough one. Yes that does happen. When I was in high school and pregnant with my son that happend. I was on the cheer squad and had a ton of friends before I had my son. The older you get the less it matters to you. You will know who your friends are, and who you should avoid. I think that people think just because you are a young mother, that you have no idea what is going on around you. It was easy for me to find my REAL friends because they never left my side. 9 years later they are still around...So I think the question should have been, is it worth your time to attempt to be friends with people who would just walk away like that! I hope that it helps, keep your head up and take care:)

Brittany - posted on 08/06/2011

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Yeah it does happen. I think mostly because they have a hard time relating with you once you have a baby. You don't really have as much in common. Like one girl said I was the first one to get married and have kids. None of my friends really have any yet. So I went out and made mom friends. Because it's easier to relate with other women who are moms.

Sharaya - posted on 11/25/2009

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I felt like some of my friends did. im only 20 so my friends are goin out alot nd stuff and i cant always go cuz i have a child n they dont. so they want to see the baby and all but they kinda stopped calling me. motherhood gets kinda lonely im realizing but im trying to get new friends that are moms that i can relate to.

Stifler's - posted on 08/06/2011

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not really. you don't have as much freedom to go out whenever you like anymore but I haven't stopped being friends with anyone because I have kids. I don't have the kind of friends who are all "we aren't friends now that you have a baby..." that's just um... whatever.

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Melissa - posted on 08/06/2011

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Some friendships absolutely do change, and some end when you become a mother. Your priorities change, your availability changes, and unfortunately some people (even the ones you thought would) can't handle that. My best friend of years was thrilled when I got pregnant; she wanted to be the God Mommy, she was there for me, she went to dr appts with me, went to some ultrasounds, came to see us a couple of times a week when my son was first born, it was great. But it got boring for her. I couldn't go out to the bar, go play pool, go for random drives to just gossip, I couldn't do the "fun" things she was interested in doing. Hanging out at my house, watching some tv, hanging out with the baby, that wasn't fun to her. Unfortunately my son NEVER sees his God Mother; she has other priorities, and our friendship has become very strained in the 20 months since my son was born. I've literally begged her to spend more time with him (more often than once every 6 months) because I feel a God Mother plays a special role and should be more involved in the childs life than any other friend. Unfortunately it's done no good, and I've given up. Fortunately we never did had him Christened (I'm Baptist, Daddy is Catholic, couldn't make both of our families happy so we went without) so she's not formally his God Mother.

On the other end of the spectrum, I have a few friends who have actually gotten closer since my son was born. And a couple of them aren't even mothers themselves! Once you have kids, typically you'll find you have more in common with other moms, but hopefully some of your friends are true friends and are able to understand that just because your priorities change, doesn't mean your relationship has to. Friendship knows no bounds, no time restraints. Whether you see a friend once a week or once every few months, they should still be your friend.

Shonda - posted on 11/29/2009

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It's almost like they don't know how to relate with you anymore. Like giving birth changes you or something. What they don't understand is that you are still you. If they are a true friend they'll be there no matter what, and if they leave you at this joyous time in your life then they aren't that a great of a friend to begin with.

Michelle - posted on 11/29/2009

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Yes it happens. Thats how you actually find out who your friends are. Along the way as you grow with your child you will find friends that in the same place in life as you are. Some will fade and some will stay. The ones that need to be cherised are the ones that stay...which i am sure you know that is common sense lol :) Just know that in the end the ones that matter are still there...

Haane - posted on 11/29/2009

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i made my two best friends god parents for my son, so they always see him and bring him little gifts every now and then. they are always happy those rare times i need them to watch him, and sometimes, we will take him and go shopping together. yes, they do other things like going out and to parties. they invite me and DH says i can go, but i'm just not a party hopper. never was. i'm glad i'm not because then i don't feel left out. when they want to do somethings and i'm too tired, they understand. they really are true friends!!

Hollie - posted on 11/25/2009

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I feel like that every day and honestly i thought i was the only one. So you definitely not alone.

Alicia - posted on 11/25/2009

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My friends left me, but it didn't bother me much, I was ready to settle down and get life started. They all tell you how nice your belly looks when it's swollen with baby, offer to babysit, and say things like 'you better invite me to your babyshower!' then never show up. My experience anyway and out of that I have come to learn who my TRUE friends really were...The others didn't mean shit to me after that, and I don't really talk much to them anymore. For the better anyway

Amanda - posted on 11/25/2009

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If you are young...yes...it does feel that way...Im 21 years old and just had a baby a month ago. I used to party and drink all the time, well my friends still do that...and with a baby I cant really go out...so I dont really ever see them anymore...it sucks but i do still talk to them

Carryann - posted on 11/25/2009

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yea i think that happen all the time coz it happened to me when i was pregrent with my first i had loads of friends but as my pregrent way by some of them just didn't bother coz it was more fun gettin drink an the i had some that was about when i had my first an within a week they got bored , i found people my own age with kids and went to mother groups which helped alot .

Ashley - posted on 11/25/2009

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Yes I do, I had my daughter at 19 and three months later I turned 20 byt still that was young, alot of my friends found out I was pregant and they were so excitted, gave me a baby shower and everything, then once the baby was here and I said that I couldn't go with them somewhere they were "because of the baby?" But my daughter has brought me much joy more than so-called friend ever could.

Jennifer - posted on 11/25/2009

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Yes, i know what you mean.The truth is they probably don't feel like there is nothing in common with you anymore.

Bristen - posted on 11/24/2009

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yes...but I moved on as well! My priorities changed & I found other friends that were moms or WAY more mature! It's just a part of life...some people mature & move forward in life....others are still stuck in High School (so to speak).

Rochell - posted on 11/24/2009

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yes i do beacuse a lot of my friends did beacuse i couldn't go out with them anymore

[deleted account]

Yes I do. I still have my best friend, but it is not the same. We are both busy with school and I have my son to take care of and we don't get to do much together. We still keep in contact and try to get together, but they other friends are pretty much gone. One guy friend and one girl friend is all I have left, but they mean everything to me because if I need them they are there. To me the others are loosing out and I will always be able to make new friends that will know me and like me for me and my son.

Jessi - posted on 11/24/2009

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It certainly does seem that way at times, doesn't it?



This is really a 50/50 question. If one of your friends actually, completely abandons you when you have a child, they were not a very good friend to begin with. Life goes on like that. We make new friends and lose old friends as time ticks by, but that's just how it goes.



I will admit that we tend to drift from our friends once children become a part of our life, though I wouldn't call it abandonment in any form. Close friends you should have no problem keeping, though you may not be able to spend as much time together, or do a lot of the things you used to do. Obviously you won't be going to the bar much anymore. When the baby is fresh, it seems hard to get out at all, especially if you're breast feeding, so that too can lead to a sort of separation. This is generally the reason for that feeling of 'them leaving you'.



When a woman has a child, a part of her grows up - or should - and a lot of the time that is what causes the rift. While your friends don't love you any less, they are probably not too sure what to do about the situation.



Like I said before, while you may not spend as much time with your friends, don't take it the wrong way. It mostly has to do with your new schedule and the change in lifestyles. I have a lot of mommy friends that I still spend time with when I get the chance, though my friends without babies are still a part of my life. We don't get to see each other as much, but we still remember to keep in touch.



All of my real friends were ecstatic when they found out I was pregnant, and have supported me ever since. If anyone looks at you differently now, and decides that you can't be friends because of your child... you're probably better off without them.



If you're worried about this happening between you and a friend, or it already has started, it's up to you to make that connection again. If their friendship is that important to you, just make sure to stay in touch. Do your part, and if they don't respond, it lets you know that their companionship was pretty damn fickle.



Don't get too stressed about it, is all I'm saying. Even if you lose a few friends, you'll make some new ones in time.

Christine - posted on 11/24/2009

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Yes! My friend (who is also my sons babysitter) told me she was going out of town for the Holiday and couldnt watch him...but truly she was having a birthday party with all of our friends without me. I was very upset.

Cheryll - posted on 11/24/2009

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you might feel that they leave because you had a baby but the truth is you have just become too busy for them and they just probably don't understand your situation. But don't worry, this is how you will know who your true friends are. It happened to me but I'm contented with the friends I have now. They may be few but they're all worth keeping.

Joanna - posted on 11/24/2009

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totally. all my high school friends disappeared but my newer friends are here 100%. I think your friends when you were younger find it harder to adjust.

Jennifer - posted on 11/24/2009

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Yes some of them do alot of mine did when i had my baby at 17 years old and we didnt get back into contact till they have kids and my kids are older then all my friends and they dont like to ply with the younger ones anymore

Carina - posted on 11/24/2009

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yes that happened to me and i know how it feels. i was the first one out of my group of friends to get pregnant and to get married. all of my friends that i had just stopped talking to me and now that they have kids of their own and are married we still don't really talk. i feel like they think they are better becuase they waited longer and waited till after they were married to have kids. but all that matters is that you are happy and that your kids are loved

Tara - posted on 11/24/2009

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yea! its totally true. but its only the ones who shouldnt be in your life anyway. usually your actual real friends stay by your side.

Monica - posted on 11/24/2009

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I've had the same problem.. especially since I had my baby right after graduating college.. alot of my friends are just on a different page... i'm all about my daughter and they're all about going out and having fun.. but you realize who your true friends are!!

Angela - posted on 11/24/2009

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Yeah I definately dont see some of my friends anymore, in fact I can count my friends on 1 hand now and I didnt go to any parent and baby classes or anything, plus most of my family live far away so its pretty much just me, my partner and my baby, but im happy with that. At least I know who my real friends are now!! And my baby is everything to me so nothing much else matters, if I ever feel lonely I just look at him smiling at me and realise ill never really be lonely again!!!!!

Melissa - posted on 11/24/2009

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yep! my friends were ok and still there when i was pregnant and they stuck around for the days i was in the hospital but then once we came home, everything changed. all of my friends left. none of them have kids and are too busy with school and parties and they got mad whenever i did try to hang out with them because i always have the baby with me since im a stay at home mom. i guess its just something we all go through but you find out who your real friends are.

Melissa - posted on 11/24/2009

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yep! my friends were ok and still there when i was pregnant and they stuck around for the days i was in the hospital but then once we came home, everything changed. all of my friends left. none of them have kids and are too busy with school and parties and they got mad whenever i did try to hang out with them because i always have the baby with me since im a stay at home mom. i guess its just something we all go through but you find out who your real friends are.

Stephanie - posted on 11/24/2009

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to tell you the truth my oldest is 4 and i had him when i was 17 i only have 1 friend from school and thats only because she just had a baby and needs my help. sorry to break it too you but when your young your friends dont wanna push your child around the mall. its better to find new friends then to try and keep your old ones.

Eva - posted on 11/24/2009

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Some do and some stay, but I figured I really dont need friends like that anyway...

Deborah - posted on 11/24/2009

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Yes, I feel that your friends leave when you have a baby. Most often I think that it may be more out of respect for the bonding time you need with your baby. They do not want to impose. However, as the child gets older usually it gets better. In my case, I have a daughter with multiple, physical and neurological disabilites. I find it very difficult to hang out with my friends...a lot of my friends have gone from friends to acquaintances and I really often feel as if my husband and my daughter are my only friends. Every situation is different and times change so I am hoping that I will be making more new friends again one day. Life is so busy nowadays anyway.

Brittany - posted on 11/24/2009

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Yes, I have experienced this. Part of it is we, as the new mommies in the group, need to realize though that not everyone is ready for the baby experience just because we decided to start a family. Sometimes it may just be that a friend doesnt know how to act or what is expected of them now that a baby is involved in the friendship. Just know that true friends will always be there! And having friends that are also moms will help you and your child bond more...good luck.

Claire - posted on 11/23/2009

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I can't say I lost my friends but we don't hang out as often as we used to before but I think that's quite normal. Most of th places we used to hang out during the weekend aren't suitable for children. Before I had my baby I never hanged out during the weekend with people who had babies

Annie - posted on 11/23/2009

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I think this is a great question and I think it depends on the kind of person that you were before you decided to settle. My friends were all single and going out every weekend and having one night stands and using the term "living for the weekend".. When I met my partner, I stopped acting like that because I didn't need to get drunk to have a good time. I was happy with him. I noticed then that even though I still seen my friends and spoke to them, they were acting differently towards me and then when they found out I was pregnant they just were like "aw you have ruined your life now" --- but it made me see that they werent really good friends to begin with. I have friends that are also mums to be and find that they have been in the same boat. You make new friends once having a baby and its good having other mums around you that understand what is happening with you so you can support one another. If friends turn their back on you for having children or act differently... then they werent worth it to begin with. :)

Ashley - posted on 11/23/2009

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It happens to a lot of people but it really just shows you who your real friends are. For pregnant mums, priorities change and old friends want to save themselves the heartbreak of not having you around anymore by cutting ties early. I'm not saying that's the right thing to do but I can understand why some do it. And who wants to hang out with a bunch of people who drink and party all night long? Once you have a child, your whole world changes and I think once you see that, it doesn't matter so much anymore.

Adrea - posted on 11/23/2009

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I had to let my friends know that I need at least a couple of days in advance to go out. Getting a baby sitter, and diaper bags in order, and clothes together is not easy when you have 2.

Adrea - posted on 11/23/2009

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Yes, happened to me with my first. I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after I was 21. After a placed partying and drinking aside for the health of my children, all but 2 friends left. It was a hard adjustment, but one I am glad happened because now they are still by my side. Easiest advice I can give you, meet mom's around your age...you definitely have more in common with them than with singles.

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Its not that they leave, but YOUR priorities change.

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Tara - posted on 11/23/2009

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It is tough but in the end, you find out who is really going to be there for you. I am realizing now that I have only a handful of friends from before I got pregnant who I can call on when I need someone to even just talk to.

Melissa - posted on 11/23/2009

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I found that while I was pregnant it seemed like everyone wanted to be my friend.. but when I had my son they slowly stopped comming around. I quickly found out who my real friends were.

Monica - posted on 11/23/2009

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Yes it seems like after you have a baby the friends that you have that do not have babys or are single do not have as much in common with anymore so you dont do as much anymore but you will make new friends with moms you will meet them at birthday parties or the park church is also a good place to meet other moms

Cassundra - posted on 11/23/2009

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I know how you feel I have 4 but it is ok the best part about it is they will get older and I will be able to do things that I like to do again.

Brittany - posted on 11/23/2009

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oh i agree i have some friends that dont have kids and they like to hold them but when they start actin up my friends tend to get annoyed. It thaand they would understand if tthey just dont understand kids do that if they had kids of there own. and they stop askin to hang out also cause they assume that u dont have a babysitter or i just dont want to go out and party like they do, i have a responcibility to my child they didnt ask to be here i brought them here and if my friends dont understand that then there not my true friends. but there hopefully understand one day when they have kids of there own

Samantha - posted on 11/23/2009

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yes i do! At least the friends that don't have kids themselves, it's like they feel like they don't relate to you anymore, for me, it really showed what friends truly care about me and my family!

Emma - posted on 11/23/2009

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well from my experience yes they do its like they cant be bothered with u anymore i have lost alot of friends since having my children but they couldnt have been very good friends in the first place huh? I have three fantastic friends who are always there for me now so thats all the really matter i guess.

Janice - posted on 11/23/2009

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It was kinda the opposite with me. I just don't hang out with some of them as much, but I'm not very social anyway. I have two good friends that I still get together with from time to time, they both have children with a variety of ages.

Marie - posted on 11/23/2009

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most of the time, they don't have children of their own and just want to enjoy being young with no responsibilities whatsoever. Yea, it stinks sometimes, but then you find out who your friends really are... the ones that stay.

Kerrieanne - posted on 11/23/2009

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yes this happened to me i lost ALL of my friends which devisated me and i had to make new friends and i tend to prefer to make friends that are in the same situation as me then we can plan babysitters together and organise a night out and if u cant go out they totally understand why i had my first baby when i was 19 and my second when i was 21 i now have a good small group of friends and is very happy in my life!

Laura - posted on 11/23/2009

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Saddly enough I know what you mean. try to find friends with kids so that way they aren't such jerks

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