Do you think it's right to bring different men we date around our kids?

[deleted account] ( 23 moms have responded )

My daughter has only been around her father, and my current boyfriend now since we split and has been around my boyfriend for a year and see's him more then her father. I just don't think I agree with introducing different men in her life all the time like some mother's do. Specially if the relationship isn't going to go anywhere... and it's not serious enough. I have friends who do it and I'm struggling with why they think it's okay for their children to get attached just so they can take them away again if it doesn't work.

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Dianna - posted on 11/05/2009

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Also what about sexual predators? You can't be too careful these days, you have to protect your children from sickos. If you don't know the guy/girl that well, then I would advise all parents to not let them be alone with your children. These predators will pretend to like you to get to your children so please all parents be careful!!

Bekki - posted on 11/03/2009

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Well im a bit different but i have always thought about it a different way. After i split with my sons father i dated two guys, married the second guy. My take on it was. I want the guy to meet my child as soon as possible. I don't introduce him as a boyfriend, Just a friend. But for me i have to see if my child and the man i date get along well, see how they interact because if my child doesn't like the guy i wanna know before it gets serious. Also if he isn't good with my child i like to know right away and dump him before i end up one of those mothers that come home to find my son injured or worse because the boyfriend didn't know how to handle him or just flat out didnt like kids.

Jennifer - posted on 11/06/2009

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My answer is h**l no. There is no way I would introduce my children to any man even as a frriend if my husband and I got a divorce. It would have to be atleast a year, and I would have to be sure this is someone I don't plan on living without before my children would be introduced. My children are my main concern and if the man I get invovled with loves and respects me, he will understand that he will have to earn the right to meet my children, if and when at all.

Bekki - posted on 11/03/2009

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Quoting Kc:

You are right. But I know friends/people that date someone for 2 months or less and bring their children around these people and they know it isn't going to work, and they do it anyways.. and their child gets attached, and sees different faces.


 



 



See i didn't work it like that..  I want my kid to meet the guy right off the bat on neutral ground.. It's not like an every day think usually it only takes one shot to see how your kid reacts to the person, and introducing them as a friend kinda nips the whole "mommy has lots of boyfriends" thing in the bud.



 



It worked perfect for me.. The first guy i dated it took me a week or so before i brought him on a shopping trip to walmart with me and my son.. my son just kinda .. stared at him. We took a stop off at my place and had some dinner, i brought a few work friends along too just so i didn't get overly bored with the situation. And even then my son just kinda.. didn't like the guy so i dumped him..



Then i met my husband, my son met him the first time we had a chance to hang out. Right from the start my son took to him and wanted to play with him. Showed him all of his toys and let him play with his toys..  That sealed the deal for me.. Im now married for 3 years and my son loves my husband.. He's his daddy. My sons biological father was only there for about  a year of his life.. when he was 1 1/2 yrs old i kicked him out because frankly he was a P.O.S.. And ever since my husband has raised him, he's the only dad he knows which brings up another topic..



Sperm don't make a father.. bonding , attention, being there. nurturing and helping them grow makes the father..

Phyllis - posted on 09/10/2012

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I have had a hard time with women and men who introduce their children around their dates. My son has seen his father with so many women. My son wants his fathers attention but always has to compete with these women that his father has -0- respect for. His father seems to meet these women that think I'm crazy because I have an issue with my son when being exposed to different women. But as you know these men tell women lies. In fact my ex to this day would love to get back and because I continue to shut him down it is his way of acting out like a big baby. When we went to parenting class we were told DO NOT INTRODUCE your child to any one unless you plan on marrying that person. I pray that my son grows up to respect women. It is so embarrassing when attending my sons games and the other parents are like "wow who is he with now"

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User - posted on 11/06/2009

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i totally agree i was a 19yr old single mum with my first child and unless its serious no way it effects them no matter what age

Ashley - posted on 11/05/2009

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I agree with Bekki, but again it is your choice. My daughter was 2 when she met my the boyfriend. I hadn't had any relationships between the time I broke it off with the "biological father" (if that's what you want to call him) and my now husband, so he was the 1st guy I ever introduced her to. I made it clear that I had a child and if you are interested in me you need to get along with my child. I didn't see a point of waisting either of our times if he wasn't going to be ok with my situation. She called him by his name until we married last Nov. She is his daughter and he is her Daddy and I don't think he would have it any other way. We are happy as can be. But again do what you think is best for your situation. I don't think a new guy every week is ok but if you see yourself with this guy, I say the sooner the better.

Bri - posted on 11/05/2009

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I am not single at the moment, but I do agree that women shouldn't bring just anyone around their children... Other than her father, my daughter has only been introduced to two guys that I've dated in the last 3 years.. my last relationship we actually moved in with my boyfriend but had dated for nearly a year before doing so... The current relationship that I'm in has been almost nearly a year and we're actually expecting our own child in May. But I did not have her around either of them before I knew that it was going somewhere....
There are indeed sickos out there and it might seem kinda weird but children and pets are a lot alike in many different ways.... (among financial responsiblity for both, there is the true AWARENESS that they have of who is to be trusted and who isn't. So please pay attention to your children when they don't like someone friend, lover, associate from work or whatever.... there's usually a reason although it might go unseen to us- children and pets can definately sense that kind of thing

[deleted account]

i think that is a good idea b/c the last thing tyou want is your baby to get attached to someone that you really dont care for.

Tasha - posted on 11/05/2009

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i agree very much my ex-sister in law does that with my 3 neices who are all under the age of 6 they have been divorced a year and she is on like her 4th boyfriend she has said she was going to marry all of them and had the girls calling all of them daddy so when they go to their dads all we all hear about is their new daddy or their other daddy and now she really is suposedly marrying the one shes with she dosnt even let the girls go to their dads she says they have another dad and they dont want to see him and i beleive that is crazy to confuse little inosent kids that way sorry for venting but i agree

Amanda - posted on 11/05/2009

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my children have ever only been around one other man than their father, and i married that man. They were both very young but the thought of them being around random men, was not even an option. i would be careful. even if your children come from a home where their birth parents are seperated, i still think its important to teach about love, and making good choices. i dont think you can really push that issue if they see their mother, or father bringing home everyone they ever take out on a date.

Vanessa - posted on 11/03/2009

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I know quite a few friends that are single mothers and a few of them think it's fine to introduce new men to their child/ren whenever they're dating; however, I have quite a few friends that won't introduce the men to their child/ren until it has become serious. I personally wouldn't because of personal issues with men in the first place. I'm dead set on not dating until my children are old enough to move out if my husband and I were to split.

Jeannifer - posted on 11/02/2009

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i agree with you 100%! i'm not a single mother and haven't been in that position but i have thought about it. I have a little girl and a little boy. I try to think what that does to them when they possibly get older. i never understood it either. One of my friends that does it said "they are too young to know what is going on so have fun now and think about it later" i was flat out shocked. My issues with bring several men or even woman around children isn't just the attachement, it is also how they think they can treat the opposite sex. I never want my little girl thinking that it is okay to just go through men and never try to establish something with someone, if you really care for them. And i would never want my son to think" well my mama had a bunch of different men so why do i have to be good to just one woman". Its tough and my hat goes off to you for putting your chilren ahead of your needs and wants

Casey - posted on 11/02/2009

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i think it depends if you c yourself ith that person in the future. Its always good to c how that person is around your kids

Dianna - posted on 11/02/2009

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I don't think it's a good idea. You need to really know a person and really have to trust someone to be around your children not only for the fact that the kids may get attached but also for their safety. You don't know what their intentions are with yourself let alone your children so be careful there are some sick people in the world and your babies only have you to protect them. Also you have to think about what kind of example you set for your children, if you are bringing different men around all the time then your kids might start to think of you differently or might start to think that it's ok to date tons of randoms, and you don't want that. Just be cautious of who you bring around your children because they learn by example, they are impressionable, and they need you to keep them safe from perverts as well. BE CAREFUL! and have fun too everyone deserves to find that special someone :)

Rachael - posted on 11/02/2009

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i had my new partner around my kids strait away because they already knew him as my friend before hand but i think its good to wait, if you cant seem to hold it off maybe meet up out of the home, ie park or something... its said to help!!! something to do with children having their home as a comfort zone....

[deleted account]

I was still pregnant with Joseph when i met Tony. So in his case Joseph thinks that Tony is his dad. I plan on keeping it that way. Tony loves him like his own.

Melissa - posted on 11/02/2009

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I've Been With The Same Guy Since I Was 6 Months Pregnant, But Other Then That She Hasnt Really Met Any Guys More Then Once That I Wasnt Really Good Friends With.
If I Was Dating I Wouldnt Have My Daughter Around Them.

[deleted account]

You are right. But I know friends/people that date someone for 2 months or less and bring their children around these people and they know it isn't going to work, and they do it anyways.. and their child gets attached, and sees different faces.

Kimberly - posted on 11/02/2009

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I never introduced my son to another man until I met my current boyfriend... and then it took a LONG time to introduce them... so other than just males friends, he was never around any of my boyfriends.... I think, like with anything, for some people it works and others it doesn't work. But I, personally, don't think its a great idea...

Amber - posted on 11/02/2009

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I think I'd wait at least 6 months to introduce a man to my children. That way if it doesn't work out after a few months the kids did not get attached. Maybe even longer than 6 months but that would be a minimum. Once I felt that it was a serious relationship and was moving somewhere then I'd introduce them.

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