Do Your Husbands Willingly Help?

Meagan - posted on 07/16/2009 ( 99 moms have responded )

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Ok ladies I have been married almost 2 yrs I have a 10 month old little girl Im also a stay at home mom just became one, I feel like Im doing this alone sometimes and Im just wondering if Im the only one with a husband who doesnt really help, he isnt to bad at helping with our daughter but with cleaning up after himself getting up and just cleaning with out me saying something to him seems not possible for him, we talked about it all and Im hoping it gets better but Im out of energy and want to know if maybe Im not thinking of everything when it comes to getting him up and doing something!!?? GGRRR!

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Tiffany - posted on 07/16/2009

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HAHAHAHAHAHAA.

NO.

I have been with my common law hubby for 2 years 7 months, and we have a 9 1/2 month old girl (so we're in a similar situation) .. well he thinks that because he works all day that that excuses him from having to help me clean, or clean up after himself.

So when he comes home I'm still running around finishing dinner, cleaning the left overs from the day, bathing a baby, getting her bottle, into PJS... etc...

All I can get him to do is hold her or sit with her for me while I go pee or something of the sort.

Men. lol

I've explained it like this, and he got it a bit more:

"My job is 7 days/week. Its at LEAST 12 hours/day. I NEVER have a day off. I never have a NIGHT off.

YOUR job allows you 1 or 2 days off, and evenings off. You have time to relax. I do not. I dont know if you get what its like to never have a 'light at the end of the tunnel'... but its stressful."

He understood a bit more after I said that, and helps out when I remind him of my mental exhaustion. good luck.

Ali - posted on 07/20/2009

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My fiance and I have been together for 4 years, our daughter will be 2 in october. We have ALWAYS struggled with house work and things like that. He is the worst. If I ask him to get up and do anything like vaccume or load the dishwasher, he acts like I'm telling him to set himself on fire and do cartwheels. Everytime I ask him to do anything we fight, and if i dont ask him to do anything he doesnt do it! So the solution we came up with is; we made a big chart with all our chores mapped out across the week. So each day he knows what he is responsible for. I dont have to nag him about it, it's just there on the chart. ALSO besure to establish punishments if someone skips their chores for the day. I know this sounds like something you would do for a child but lets keep it real ladies, sometimes our men are the biggest babies in the house! The chart worked for us. :)

Melissa - posted on 07/19/2009

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you are not alone.i have been married for 10 years next month and have a3 year old boy and a 7 year old boy and i go through the same thing.sometimes i dont mind because my husband has a very demanding job. but he is home not working on the week end i dont clean up after him. i do clean up after yourself day that i told EVERYONE they will do it or im on their butt all day untill its done. it has started a little argument with my husband but he gets the point when i give him the run down on what i do all day with 2 kids and 2 dogs and now its summer i have even more to do its hard being a stay at home mom without having the extra head pain with a husband who thinks hes one of the kids. just stay strong and let him know you do need help and he doesnt need to do eveythig but somethig that would ease your work load. keep your head up and just stay positive. and remember you are not alone

Kristina - posted on 07/19/2009

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Whoever stay's at home usually is (or should be responsible) for the house work but that doesn't mean you should be his maid! It's good that you have talked to him. Hopefully you will see some results. He can clean up after himself (although my fiance still leaves clothes ALL over the house) it's really not that difficult! You know guy's though...you will have to tell him a few more times!

Momma - posted on 07/19/2009

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OMG! Laura that is horrible what he says to you. The way it reads is that he puts your "job title" down... Does he not realize that when he gets home from work that HE gets to relax and when you get home from work you don't because your "job" never stops??? Why do men think that just because they have a penis and we don't that they get to down grade being a SAHM??? To me that is the worst insult, and one I'm really kind of thankful for because the day my fiance told me I do nothing but sit around on my bum all day I left him with our daughter and went off to do things for myself and didn't come home for 8 hours. It was then that he told me staying home with the baby is a lot harder than working construction. While he stopped telling me I don't do anything, he still refuses to help. I don't think I will ever understand that or men for that matter!

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Michelle - posted on 07/20/2009

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I have had it both ways...I worked full time when my first was born, then when number two came along I stayed at home. When my husband and I both worked full time we did the household chores together. Once I started staying at home with the kids it was up to me. At first I was resentful, thinking I can't do this all, but once I got used to a schedule it became easier. I use www.chorebuster.net...it is a tremendous help!!! I would sit down with your husband and maybe work out a weekend chore list. During the week I do most of the work, but if something doesn't get done my husband will help me on the weekends when he has off. I think that as Stay at Home Moms we should be doing the majority of the house work...our husbands are putting in the hours at a job outside of the home, so our job is in the home. Good luck.

Nikki - posted on 07/20/2009

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My hubby helps out and sometimes more than others, it comes and goes. The thing is, most men including mine, doesn't even realize how much there really is to do, because it gets done... by US! The best thing is to do what you've already done - let him know you need his help and be specific.. men are so simple, they don't understand what spruce up the living room means. But they understand pick up the socks and vaccuum... Kinda.

Good luck, and know you are not alone.. just keep reminding him to help and don't forget to "thank" him, for the same reason we give dogs treats when they do a trick.

Jackie - posted on 07/20/2009

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me and my bf been together 2 yrs and he is on and off with helping out but he has to other daughters from another relationship they hav alot of extra sports at night and on weekends so im thankful for whatever he does to help but a stay at home mom is one of the hardest jobs so everyone in the house should be pulling there own wieght not just you but guys need to be reminded

Amanda - posted on 07/20/2009

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Well I guess I am lucky as well...I have been married for 3 years and we have 3 children. My husband does a lot around the house and he workd way more then I do. Most of the time he wants me to just play with the little ones or go do something with them while he does the cleaning. Maybe you should just let him know that sometimes you do need his help. At least just cleaning up after himself. You have enough on your plate with a 10 month old!

Ginger - posted on 07/20/2009

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My husband doesn't do anything around the house... I have two children, five yrs and five mnth. I work full time and then have to come home and take care of EVERYTHNG myself including cleaning up after him (picking up clothes off the floor) and making him lunch for the next day. I have tried to do the whole just let it set thing and that didn't work for me b/c that's what it did.... Then it would get in the way of my and the kids stuff. I can bearly get my husband to get up and go to work. But I guess over the past 8 yrs I have just accepted that that's the way he is and it's not going to change... I do it b/c it's takes less energy then fighting about something that in the end I will have to end up doing myself to get it done right anyways. And as far as the kids go, well I do it all to.. I don't know what to say... I've tried it all too.

Jennifer - posted on 07/20/2009

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I have to ask in order for him to help me. He doesn't help with our son very often and he complains when he has to cook dinner. But he's good with laundry. He works 6 days a week, so he's just too tired.

Sarah - posted on 07/20/2009

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You're definitely not alone! My hubby and I have a system that works for us. During the day being a mommy and housewife is my job so I do the cleaning, cooking and caring for the kids. When he gets home from work he takes over the kids so I can go tanning, do my puzzle or just read a magazine before I have to cook dinner. This system works for us now, I think mostly because I feel appreciated. I think it makes it easier to do all the housework and things when you actually get a thank you or "me" time. Maybe you could ask him to say thank you more often and that might make you feel better?

[deleted account]

We've had several arrangements since we've gotten married.

In the beginning we both worked and both did house work. It just made sense since we were both full time. At one point I was trying to do a little bit more since he was working full time AND going to school full time, but he still helped (a LOT).

When we had our son I stayed at home and tried to do most of the things around the house and he worked full time. He understood that I needed some down time sometimes, so after relaxing for a little bit after work he would take the baby so I could take a bath or read a book (or both!) or take a nap or a walk or whatever. Just some time that I didn't have to worry about the baby. He was always very hands on with our son- changing diapers, giving baths, playing etc... The only thing he couldn't do was feed him because I was nursing and I could never get him to take a bottle. So that was on me, but not so bad because he slept with us and it was easy to just latch him on and nurse him back to sleep. I was sleep deprived, but nothing short of Armageddon was gonna get my sweety out of that bed, and it wouldn't have done him any good anyways. Even then he would also help with house work if I needed help. He understands that taking care of an infant can be mentally and physically exhausting. (plus he did just about everything around the house for the first month or so after our son was born as I had some difficulty healing from my c-section) About the only thing I couldn't get him to do for the longest time was cook. It just terrified him!

Now the tables are turned- he has medical problems that make it difficult for him to get and keep a job, so I work full time and he takes care of the house and homeschools our 7 year old son. For the most part he doesn't expect much out of me when I am home as he feels that I work outside the home and he works in the home. I do wind up doing stuff sometimes if it's not done how I like it done (like making sure the counters are clean or deep cleaning the bathroom or mopping, details etc...) and he asks if he needs help. He even cooks now!

I think it's about balance and gratitude. I am SO grateful that he does so much and takes care of things and he is SO grateful that I am supporting the family while he is unable to. Try to work it out so that both of you get at least some down time. Like I said, when our son was little and needed constant supervision I would let my husband relax for an hour or so, then he would take over so I could do the same. Take advantage of bedtime. The time after the baby/babies is/are sleeping and before you go to bed is precious! Then you can actually relax TOGETHER! Yay!

Hmm, as for specific advice- like a lot of other posters said most guys just don't see the dust and dirt and take for granted that there are always clean clothes etc... (mommy takes care of everything syndrome at work) but if you really want to blow their mind write down EVERYTHING that you do each day for a week and show it to him. Also, try to make some chores a joint effort. Maybe wash and dry the laundry then sit and fold it together in the evening while watching a movie? (Heck, I used to LOVE Laundry day! I'd do the bare minimum in the rest of the house then start laundry going and sit and watch movies all day while I folded.) Ask for 1 day off a week perhaps? If he gets 2 days off from work then it's only fair to split the difference isn't it? A stay at home mom's job is 24/7 and we need a break sometimes!

Good luck and God bless!

Jackie - posted on 07/20/2009

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I have two kids, i work from home. and manage my house. and when my husband is home I make him help. The way i explain it is everyone needs some time to relax and do things for them self's. as mom's we don't get sick days or days off. we have the best job in the world but we need help. my husband has a chore when he gets home from work and on the weekends we both do house projects like yard work. having a family is hard work but its worth it. it takes two to run a family. He isn't going to want to help but he needs to know you need help you can't do it alone. also remember to take time for you. go get a pedicure or your nails done. you deserve it you work hard.

Brandi - posted on 07/20/2009

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no my husbnd has been great before and after hes the clean freak, im the spoiled one i help but as of right now he does it all by himself cuz im pregnant and be on my feet longer than an hour...guess i got real blessed..

Emma - posted on 07/20/2009

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i been married 4 years an the only time we argue is when i try to get him to do some housework!!!

Aubrey - posted on 07/20/2009

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I've been married almost 6 years and have three children, 5, 4 and 11 months. My husband and I both work outside of the home and our schedules allow for us to not need a babysitter often - so while I'm at work he cares for the kids. Unfortunately, he dosen't do as much when he has the kids as I do when I have them, but I know they are well taken care of. But anytime we are BOTH home with the kids, they are pretty much my responsibility. He will help when I ask him to, most of the time, but I feel as though I shouldn't have to ask. I'm also tired a lot of the time because I'm dealing with the kids AND keeping on him to do his part while I'm home, but I do know that I'm lucky enough to have a husband who does help at all. As far as the chores go, my husband and I have certain chores that each of us do. He does trash, I do dishes...etc. But it's also helpful that our kids are able to help a little too. Hang in there, it's not always gonna be rough!

Ashley - posted on 07/20/2009

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If you consider asking 20 times, or waiting until he cant get through the door because of the avalanche of garbage to actually take the garbage out. Then yes he willingly helps out! Just kidding. I pretty much do everything too. We have lived together gor 4 years and it has been like that even before the baby!!

[deleted account]

well i think u should have a lil chat with your husband, my husband is military and often works 12 hours a day 6 days a week but the minute he walks through the door he helps out mainly with the kids he baths them, gets them ready for bed, changes diapers etc, and he will help with everything around the house except laundry!

we work together as a team and although I do the majority of the housework he will take it upon his self to help, he is a good cook to so he sometimes takes over cooking the evening meal!



I dont believe just because ur a stay at home mom you should take on everything yourself a little bit of help from the hubby can go along way!



good luck x

NICY - posted on 07/19/2009

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You are not alone! I have been married for almost 8 years and he hardly helps. We have a 3 year old Daughter whom he adores but I do EVERYTHING! I do consider thaqt he works 6 days a week from 8 to 6 p.m. and sometimes later. But I do ask for him to trow his dirty laundry in the basket and not on the floor, the dishes in the sink after eating and get HIS OWN clothes ready when we are going out. I feel like you at times but I keep reminding him how much i appreciate WHEN he does help.

Malerie - posted on 07/19/2009

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we both get in our funks where we don't do as much as the other one, and then fight about it.....but something that has totally worked for us was a gift i got from my sister-in-law for christmas...a magnetic schedule for the fridge for everyone in the fam. and i made it into a chore schedule for all of us....one day, i would have more of the work and then he would have the easier chores, and then vice-versa for the next day.....and we even got my 2 year old in on it....feeding her fishies, picking up toys, etc.....come to find out, it was perfect for both of us bc we tend to do things when they are written down and in a list.

Ann Marie - posted on 07/19/2009

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It amazes me how many stay-at-home moms want cleaning help from hubbies! I wish I had the sole responsibility of maintaining the household, I would have lovely evenings. My husband and I both work 40+ hours a week. I have to work so we can have insurance for ourselves and two children. We have been married over 8 years and I STILL have to remind him that his things don't pick themselves up and a little help in preparing for the children for the next day would be nice sometimes. The household is SO overwhelming when you work fulltime with children. I do sneaky things like ask him which room he wants to help with? Bedroom, Livingroom, kitchen? Then he has to pick one....no "Do you want to help?" or "when you get a chance after football?". To the original question.....If you have a hard time maintaining now with a 10 m old, I hope it gets better before walking and/or another one :) No one has ever told us that having families, whether we stay home or work full time, would be easy. I HAVE on the other hand grown up listening to family, friends, strangers etc....talking about how they wish men would do more. Mine may be lazy sometimes at home, but he loves me and my children. I told him to repay me one day when our kids are out of daycare, I get a maid at least once a week or so to help with dirty work :) Be happy you are not REALLY on your own in this. Besides remember the bumper stickers "Can't live with them, illegal to shoot him" LOL. Hugs to all the overwhelmed momma's. Sometimes we need it.

Crystal - posted on 07/19/2009

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ya right well i do it all around the house and the kids. My husband does get up at 5:30 every morning to go to work till 5 at night but even on weekend he always wants to leave so he doesn't have to do anything. It drives me nuts but after being together for 8 years and have been married for 2 of them I have learned to pick my battles because it isn't going to change anything and you are still going to do it but all it did was causwe an arguement or you just wasting your breath. Pick your battles girl

Ena - posted on 07/19/2009

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ive been married eight years and yes, hes great with the kids, but sometimes not that great picking up after himself. He helps more when I dont ask him! we have on sundays where I have a sleep in and he gets up and does the whole house...this way Im not hanging around him watching how he cleans as I tend to get picky! And Sunday is his only day off, he workd from 6am till 2pm

Tara - posted on 07/19/2009

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Meagan, been there done that.... but smile it gets easier I promise. I think for me it was the adjustment to being home that was the hardest. I started to feel like I was the only one doing anything! but in reality I was just home tons more. He was still the same great guy but when your the one home all day picking up from the night before its hard to remember that he hasn't changed you have. And its hard and there are still days I want to cry but really there is a key... and I will share it with you! NO MATTER WHAT ANY ONE SAYS....just because your a stay at home mom doesn't mean you signed up as maid/slave/do it all/must be clean all hours of all days wonder woman! ENJOY this time with your daughter! As soon as you stop worrying about the dishes not being done and start enjoying your time with her than you will feel better and it will show and things will balance. Your job right now is to be your daughters everything and to smile with her, laugh with her... and even nap with her. Your at home (I am assuming) b/c you decided being home with her was more important than all the other things you could be doing... so DO NOT let being home become more important than her! As you smile and be happy and do your house stuff in the evenings around your spouse (like a normal working an out of the house mom would) than I bet he picks up and starts helping out. So ENJOY, enjoy that God has agreed and decided that you at home is the best place for you and that your job is to be with your angel not be a slave! NO LOVING PERSON or other stay at home mother would EVER really expect you to have a clean house. If I did, I would worry about what my kids were doing when I was doing all of that. My husband loves to come home to see the mess of the crafts and games b/c he says he knows that there Mom spent all day with them and that they were happy and that makes him happy. Write me any time.. love to meet new people and become friends... Ohh by the way I am Tara from Ohio and have 3 little ones... 1/3/5 and I KNOW what its like to forget about the important things and let "LIFE" overwhelm and shadow your true calling!

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My husband works a full time job and also help with all around the house. Kids, cleaning, dishes, laundry, yard work, etc. I work 1st shift full time and he works 2nd shift full time. He is a wonderful husband and father and Merry Maid all in one. I couldnt ask for anything more!!

Charity - posted on 07/19/2009

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well i understand where your coming from my husband is like another kids himself when it comes to picking up after himself =)

Laura - posted on 07/19/2009

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Girl~ i feel ya. My husbands very hard working, I give him that...but when it comes to helping keep things clean, its a constant battle. He thinks I'm OCD and a control freak, but I'm just a very clean person, and I like things in a certain order.



He also retaliates with "I'm a state trooper, and you're a house wife...I arrest people, you keep the house clean. You don't do my job, I dont do yours"

Its frustrating, but I can't really argue back at that

Vicky - posted on 07/19/2009

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if he doesn't mind being asked (as in doesn't think you're nagging) then just ask him - i've found in couples that there is usually one that thinks to do stuff & one who doesn't & just needs to be reminded...we both need to be asked to do certain things but neither of us mind. some people are just the "if you don't ask you don't get" kind - meaning they just don't think to do things until you ask & then they're like - oh yea! ok... hope this helps :-)

Julie - posted on 07/19/2009

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I am a SAHM of four, 5, 4, 2, and 9 months and married for 6 years. My hubby works 10-12 hours a day and still helps around the house. He will do dishes, laundry, scrub toilets, whatever he sees that needs done, even really dirty diapers! Couldn't ask for a better hubby and when I start teaching this school year I will be even more grateful for his help.

Melissa - posted on 07/19/2009

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i never married but was with my kids dad for 5 years!
never once in 5 years did he help me out look after the children without being asked and when he was asked it was a chore!
i cleand up after him and two chilldren and eventually had enough i treid to work it out time and time again but got nowhere.
my life since we split is a million times better my house is tidyer cleaner the kids are happy and im starting to get a bit of a social life again.
hopefully u will work things out becouse ther was more to my break up than just that.
i only wrote to let u know your not alone i stay home with my two chilldren 3 yrs old and 8 month old!
good luck sorting things out!

Heather - posted on 07/19/2009

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My husband goes through spells. With our Twins he didn't help that much. The 3rd child he was so darn wonderful, you'd think he was a different man.

However, We have to have a talk maybe every 6 months. Then he gets right back on track. It drives me nuts that I have to talk to him to keep him on track.

(I too am a SAHM)

Ginnie - posted on 07/19/2009

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i am a stay at home mom of 9,10,2 boys and 3 month girl and constantly having to ask him to do something.he'll only do it when it's convient for him.i'm have to go back to work cause ur tight on money.but we only have one car and he works 12-8.we live in asmall town so i have to work three shift and so nervous of what kind help i'll get.

Tiffany - posted on 07/19/2009

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Just breath it will more than likely take time for him to relize its a lot of work to do what a stay at hom mom does. I had gotten lucky my husband helps out tremendously around the house and with our kids. He is deploying soon and when he is home heis so wonderful. May I suggest to you to just be honest with him and explain to him what you do everyday and a break and a little help would be great. Men sometimes need to be directed because they dont get what it takes to be a mom

Colleen - posted on 07/19/2009

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I used to wok and 3 yrs ago became a fulltime stay at home mom. My husband gets up at 4 am to go to work and he works sometimes until 8 pm. so i do all the housework. but i feel like he needs to appreciate and respect that this is my "job". so if i ever feel like im not being respected or appreciated enough i will " get too busy" to do all the housework and then he sees what all i do everyday! as for energy, i started taking a b vitamin supplement and i do find it gives me a bit more energy.

Noel - posted on 07/19/2009

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My husband is a HUGE help with our son. I'm a stay at home mom so the housework falls mainly on my shoulders and I consider it my job. I just let it go when I don't have the energy to keep up with it. But if I tell him someone is coming over he'll fly around the house getting everything picked up

Abigail - posted on 07/19/2009

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I'm a stay at home mom until I can find a job and my husband is in the army. He is awesome with helping me. I don't mind doing the cleaning so when he comes home he takes her and I can get my stuff done.

I agree with just keep telling him that he needs to help you too.

Momma - posted on 07/19/2009

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my partner hardly helps with anything unless i "nag" at him.. i can be in the middle of cleaning the bathroom or doing dishes and he will yell for me to change a nappy or change her clothes (dont get me wrong he is a good daddy, jus not when it comes to the dirty stuff)... he can be home for 2 or 3 weeks because there is no work for him to do (hes in construction) and he will sit on his bum all day and do nothing... very rarely will i wake up to his starting a load of laundry and then its up to me to make sure it gets dried and put away. i'm very anal about things being cleaned so im always feeling like im nagging at him for help.

Desiree - posted on 07/19/2009

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I'm one of the lucky ones. My husband,of 6 years, does laundry, makes breakfast, dishes and any and all yardwork. He also lets me sleep in whenever possible. He is an amazing father and is extremely involved with everything our two kids do.

He was the only one to change my sons diaper for the first week of his life. I know it sounds like I'm bragging, and I am. But I just want to show that there are real men out there who take being a partner seriously and appreciate the role of parent, be it mother or father.

Renae - posted on 07/19/2009

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K, so this will be a kinda long response but I promise it's worth it! I'm a SAHM as well and I've been with my DH going on 8 years now, married almost a year, and I have dealt with this since before we had our DD. I have tried what I felt like was EVERYTHING to get him to help out more (with my DH, he helps a lot with our DD but was never that great about picking up after himself or cleaning anything without being asked). I have good news... finally figured out a way!!! I can't take credit for this idea because our counselor, who we saw before we got married, told me to do this: Get a basket or box and when you are cleaning and you see his socks laying around, his towel on the bedroom floor, anything of his, just pick it up and put it in the "box of DH's crap". If he doesn't rinse off his dishes (my DH has put me through almost 8 years worth of crusty post-chilli bowls...yuck!) then put them in the box, if he leaves his dishes out (in the living room, bedroom, etc), put them in the box and let him know that you won't be the one cleaning those dishes...this worked wonders for me! The reason this worked so well was because I felt like I wanted him to help out more, at least with picking up after himself if nothing else, and I always felt like I had two options: either nag and nag until he finally did what I asked because obviously he wasn't too willing to do it, or do it myself but then I felt resentment when I did it myself (and we probably all know resentment is never a good thing). So this way I wasn't completely picking up after him but I also wasn't doing his dirty work for him and feeling resentful. All in all, he is now more than willing to help out, offering to do the dishes, cleaning up when he has time to (more than once, he's even cleaned the place while DD and I were gone for a couple hours) and it's all genuine...when I was given this idea, I went home, sat DH down, told him for probably the six hundredth time that it stresses me out when I feel like I'm all alone in the cleaning and it caused me to feel resentful and I didn't like that so I was taking things into my own hands and I was going to put all his stuff in a basket....I started doing it and literally two days later, he completely improved! The basic gist (sp?)was: You either clean up after yourself, or you have it all in one pile out on the deck (outta sight, outta mind was how I saw it) where you can deal with it when the time comes but when you have no clothes, towels to shower with or dishes to eat off of, maybe you'll realize it takes less work to pick up those socks and rinse that dish off than it does to deal with an entire basketfull! Seriously...this worked and he's great now...try it out!

Laura - posted on 07/18/2009

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I'm with u on this one! My other half doesn't do housework, he works all week (leaves at 6am comes in at 6pm) so I wouldn't expect him to help during the week, weekends would be nice though, to have a bit of help. Instead I get to sort the kids out, the house is meant to clean itself and coffee is meant to automatically relenish itself! Men! GGGRRRRR!!!! But then I will admit I'm a bit of a doormat so I don't put my foot down!

Shannon - posted on 07/18/2009

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i have the same problem but me and my husband have been married for six years.When we were married for two years we had a one year old and a four year old, and it seems that when he would come from work he wouldn't want to help either. He stills does the same thing only it has got a little worse now that we have two more kids, and yes i am a stay at home mom and it is gets harder everyday with three boys and one girl.

Janie - posted on 07/18/2009

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My husband fully helps me, now but didn't at the beginning I just don't think men realize how much work it is to take care of kids and home. One day my husband made a joking comment and said I don't do anything but watch soapopera's all day so for the month after that comment I didn't cook, clean, or do anything that had to do with his needs. If I cooked I only made enough to feed me and the children, I didn't do his laundry, and I wouldn't wash the dishes that he used. Needless to say he now helps me all the time and now when he's home and I start cleaning I tell him it's time for US to clean or I'll say you do the dishes and I'll clean the bathroom or so on. I still have to tell him what to do but he no longer says comments like "I don't do anything" because he learned the hard way. LOL

Jackie - posted on 07/18/2009

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I've been married 2 years too and my husband is the same way. He doesn't do anything to help out. If i tell him he's not doing anything around the house to help me out he just gets mad. I work too and i have to do everything around the house. If you have any tips to help me get my husband off his butt and help me out let me know. I want him to help out willingly

Kylie - posted on 07/18/2009

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ahah, aww thats not fair Kristen.. have you told him there nothing sexier than man doing dishes after dinner at the end of the day? or how about "nothing gets me more in the mood than seeing you vacuum the whole house"...just an idea :p

Kirsten - posted on 07/18/2009

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I am constantly on my husbands back, he is very lazy when it comes to the house work, and says things like your at home all day. Like i don't have a child to look after (my son just turned 1). He wont even put dirty nappies in the bin just leaves them on the floor, cause changing it is enough hard work. He is also reading this and laughing as i write it. I tried everything i didn't do anything for 2 weeks once and he wore dirty shirts to work, and left the pots on the side untill i cracked and had to wash them.

Amanda - posted on 07/18/2009

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My husband works more than I do so I feel like the housework is more my responsibility and when my husband is home he helps with our newborn baby but if he comes home and everything isnt done he will help me if I need it. All I need to do is ask.

Vera - posted on 07/18/2009

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Me and my husband split the house shores he will willingly do basically everything I ask him to, the only problem is obviously - I have to ask! So I have given up on expcecting him to look around and see what needs done, I either ask him straight away, leave a message for him to do on that day or set up some shores on marked days.



So just keep your pacience and... keep asking. As long as they do it it is still a good help!

Jackie - posted on 07/18/2009

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It might or might not get better. I've been married for 3 years, and I kind of see it as whoever stays home, does all the housework and the other one works. There are still times when the one who works should help out and not make the person staying home work even more. My husband stays home with our 3 kids. I go to work, when I get home, I play with the kids, fold the laundry that he washed during the day, i do baths and bed, he does the cooking and dishes and majority of the cleaning. I will straighten up usually everyday and on the weekends, he does the shopping, while I have the kids and we split the cleaning.

Aimee - posted on 07/17/2009

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WOW! I guess I'm in the minority to believe that it is a man's responsiblity to be engaged in his childs development as well as be equals as far as household expectations. Being a new mother, I feel like giving my son what he needs during the day is a full time job and is emotionally taxing. Just because he has a job doesn't mean his work is done. Sometimes I would like to go to work for a day and be responsible for only myself. I'm sure my partner would like to stay home some days as well. Everyone in the family should be working hard.

Kelly - posted on 07/17/2009

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I know exactly what you are saying, I can definetly relate! My husband and I have two children, one is three and the other is almost 10 months old. I've been a stay at home mom (who worked previously since the age of 16 full time) since my son was born three years ago.

My husband has had (until recently when he was laid off) a typical "9-5" job Monday through Friday and was gone all day everyday and only spent the weekends at home. I do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking care of the kids, bill paying..basically everything involving the kids and the home. Mind you, I don't mind doing these things because I love my family and I love taking care of them but lets face it, it can get very exhuasting and overwhelming at times.

The way I see it, is that just because the husbands work outside the home, that doesn't make them exempt from helping out at home. I realize that they work all day and at the end of the day they are tired, but the moms are just as tired at the end of their day also ...by the time the hubby comes home from work it would be nice to have a little break and take some "me"time and the husbands should understand that. Marriage is a 50/50 thing as it should be, and both people entered into parenthood together he's still the father of the kids and therefore has to help out regardless of the job he works during the day.

I had to have that "talk" with my husband several times and it started to get better and better as time went on and now that he's home day in and day out like I have been for the last few years (laid off from work) he now fully understands that it's not easy being a stay at home mom and in fact stated that it's easier to just work outside the home. He loves his kids but is now seeing for the 1st time how difficult it really can get. Now that he sees this and UNDERSTANDS it, he helps all the time now and told me even when he goes back to work he will help out more because now he understands how tiring and overwhelming running the household and taking care of two kids can be on a daily basis.

This job loss has been somewhat of a blessing for me, because it has opened his eyes and forced him into understanding that parenthood isn't easy all the time. I hope this has been somewhat of a help to you, and I hope things will improve because I feel your fatigue all the way from here :) Hang in there girl!

Sarah - posted on 07/17/2009

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actually i am suffering from the same problem. Yesterday i completed my 2nd year of marriage and i have a 9 month old baby boy.

My husband dosent help me at all , even i do online schooling too.

I feel u. :-)

Jaime - posted on 07/17/2009

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Guys are always like that unfortunately. It's very very rare to find a good guy that will help with a baby or even with other kids. The father of my youngest is not the father of my other three and he and the other kids do not get along. That's a challenge in itself and he also doesn't help with the baby unless I get onto him.

Angie - posted on 07/17/2009

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Hi Meagan Davidson,
My husband works 12 to 14 hours a day...6 days a week. Finally when Sunday comes around, I don't really want to be doing anything but be with him. I have a 1 year old little girl, chickens, horses, dogs, garden, yard work, house work...and dinner. When my husband does finally come home, he's exhausted...we do have a routine down...where he gives her a bath at night and ready for bed. (which helps out a lot) While he is doing that I finish dinner and dishes. My house is never really spotless, but lived in. Just the other day I mentioned to him about his dirty laundry, he puts his laundry on top of the hamper but never in it...and his side of the bed is a pig sty...granted I'm not the best at keeping my room clean...but it would help if he would care. I keep telling him that he grew up cleaning his room, so whats the difference now that he is married? The only time he is worried about how the house looks is when we are having company and then he is on my case...
Now the whole taking care of my daughter thing...he is pretty good about it, but I still have to tell him when she is hungry, thirsty, etc. Also he won't change a diaper.
I always hate when I have to tell him to do something...I also wished that my dear husband would jump up and get it done with out me asking.
I am very thankful that he goes to work so that I can stay home with my little one.

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