do your parents have the right to tell you not to have more children

Katherine - posted on 12/29/2009 ( 24 moms have responded )

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my mom doesnt want me to have any more kids, because of finances. I guess being a mother herslef she knows it does cost to have kids but does she have the right to make that decision for me? isnt this my family? anyway just wondering if anyone else had their parents frown upon their want for another baby.

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Leasia - posted on 12/31/2009

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No she does not have the right to say that. I remember calling my Dad to tell him we were pregnant with our third(we were trying for her!) and how devestated I was when my Dad's response was, "are you sure that's what you want?" No one has the right, it is up to you and your husband how many children you want to have...

Lindsay - posted on 12/29/2009

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As long as you are living under your own roof and she's not contributing financially, or you're not getting government assistance, it's ultimately your decision. She's entiitled to her opinion and since she's your mother, more likely to voice it. Maybe she's just trying to get you to think it through about whether you can truly handle another or not.

Jessica - posted on 08/12/2012

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Nope. Parents can give you all the advice they want, but it's up to you to measure that advice against your own judgement. You're an adult, the choice is yours to make, even if it turns out to be the wrong choice. Maybe it'll work out for you and you can prove your mom wrong, or maybe you'll be getting an "I told you so" in the future. It's still up to you, not her.

Melissa - posted on 12/07/2011

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My father poo-poos the idea of my having any more children....ever. Although, he pulled that crud with my first one and a week after he was born, he booked plane tickets for him to come down and spend a week with me and my son. LOL! I think parents are trying to make sure we don't have the same hardships that they went through. They want for us what they never had. I hope with our next one, my dad will see that babies are always a good thing and never convenient. I'm sure that your mom would probably be upset, but end up loving any more grandkids you give her anyway.

Heather - posted on 12/31/2009

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My parents don't want us to have another, but it has nothing to do with finances. I graduated from law school two years ago, I have only taken one bar exam (which I failed so I am taking it again in Feb.) since then because I was pregnant when I graduated and I wanted to not put that kind of pressure on myself to pass when I was pregnant or only a few months post-partum. My mom thinks that five grandkids are enough (three with my sister, two with me) and she thinks I will never try to get employment (which I have been trying I just haven't gotten any interviews) a job as a lawyer or keep taking the bar if I have more kids. So even though she doesn't want me to have anymore, her reasons are more selfish (she just doesn't want anymore grandkids) than there actually being any real reason to not have them. If you think you can swing another child (or many other kids) I would just do what you want to do. You don't need to have loads of money to have a happy family, frankly my family (my mom/dad/sister/etc) was happier when we were struggling to make ends meet than now when we have more than enough. So if you can put a roof over your kids head, food in their mouths, clothes on their backs, then I would say go for it.....kids don't have to have the latest/greatest toys/gear/etc. to be happy. Some people like the finer things in life and wouldn't have kids unless they could afford it, but its not necessary in raising happy, healthy kids. Good luck to you :)

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Bonnie - posted on 12/07/2011

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Don't know if you made a decision by now as this thread is old, but my mother tried to tell me not to have another. It's just the way she is. I am pregnant with my third and last child right now. She took it hard at first, but in no time she was happy and excited. Your mother can't tell you what to do. It is up to you and once it is done, it is done. She will learn to live with whatever you choose.

Jane - posted on 12/05/2011

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She has every right to her opinion, but no, she can't make that decision for you once you are over 18. It is up to you and your husband.

Pamela - posted on 12/05/2011

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My mom will be a grandma to 10 by the time we give birth. She has 4 daughters and she's bitter because we too wanted to raise families of our own (oldest has 3, next has 4 and I'll have 3). She's been very cold and bitter about this pregnancy.

My in-laws are more interested in the only-child super big house and trips to Mexico every other year as a lifestyle then more kids and fewer luxieries. They look down on us for having 2 let alone wanting and planning #3. I also get attitude for being a stay at home mom because it means less disposable income.

Well my husband and I are responsible for/in charge of our life together and our family. To us the joys of raising children is more important than having a big empty house. To us, having a stay at home parent is more important that bi-yearly trips to Mexico. To us, 3 kids is great and what we want. So we're not going to let my mom's bitter attitude ruin our experiences and decision and we're not going to let the snottier attitudes of the in-laws deter us from choosing the life that feels right for us.

It sounds like there is some question though as to if you can provide for another baby. If you aren't sure that you can't don't have another. Make your own decisions yes, but make responsible ones, only have as many as you can provide for. If I am misreading and you are confident you can provide then go for it.

Carlie - posted on 12/05/2011

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No. She does NOT have the right to make that decision for you. She DOES however have the right to her opinion, but ONLY if you asked her for it. Otherwise, she is NOT entitled to making that kind of decision. Do you know why? Because it's YOUR LIFE, not hers. That's it in a nutshell. You could be subtle about it and say something like this: "Hey mom, I totally RESPECT your opinion and advice regarding this situation-but I don't necessarily agree with it." I will take your advice into consideration when making my decision. Please understand that even though I may ask other people's opinion about this, it will ULTIMATELY be my decision, as it is MY LIFE we are referring to." If I have any other concerns, I will ASK YOU."
And leave it at that. This way she still feels like a "mother hen." Chances are, your mother just wants to protect you-still. That will never end, as you know. We call it "meddling." They call it, "protecting us from harm or future hurt-preventative medicine, if you will." Do what YOU want to do. Make that clear to all involved when or if you ask them. But also, reassure them that you have heard their opinion and you will take it into consideration when making yours. That should be enough for them. They should not ask for more from you. If so, then maybe you should not INCLUDE whoever it is in your "inner struggles"-and you can also subtly mention that as well: "I'm sorry you feel this way mom." I had been hoping for a more supportive reaction from you. However, I realize that everyone is entitled to their opinion, and even though I don't necessarily agree with yours, I will still consider it when making MY decision. And because it IS MY decision, I hope that you will RESPECT me enough to allow me to do so. Should I have any other questions though, I also hope I can come to you at any time for ADVICE." Thank you again for yours." Again, borderline subtly..........
Just remember what "meddling" means to them.....and try to soften it but remain firm when doing so.....!! Good luck....Follow your heart as well.....!! :)

Kirsty - posted on 01/26/2010

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No, I don't think so unless you are relying on her for financial help or heavy babysitting help. Whatever you can handle.

Kasie - posted on 01/26/2010

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My parents have told my husband and myself, that we should just be happy with the two little girls we have. When I had our second daughter, she came out at an angle, and long story short, I had a rough time. I still had her naturally, but I pushed for 2 hours, and I looked terrible. Also, 3 months before I had her, a family friend passed away during child birth. My parents try to use that as a reason we shouldn't have any more children. I think, if you want another baby, you should just go for it. When we are ready for another baby, I don't feel I should consult with my parents first. I'm 22 years old, married, own a home with my husband and are financially secure...I'm not a child who needs to ask for permission. Besides, I am a stay at home mom, if anyone needs to be deciding wether or not to have kids, it should be me...I'm the one who does all the child care!

Katherine - posted on 12/31/2009

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We recieve no support from my parents financially I have 2 boys already but my husband and I both want another, I personally feel God will never give us more than we can handle and when the time is right he will give us another child but I dont want her looking down on me for it because she is my mother and I respect and love her. But Im 26 and I stay home full time with my kids and I dont ask her to babysit so I dont see what the problem is, yes it can be hard at times financially but no one has ever gone with out anything they needed. I dont know, this is sooo exhausting....thanks for everyone's comments and advice.

Nadine - posted on 12/31/2009

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Even if she thinks you shouldn't as long as she isn't supporting you in anyway then she has no say in the matter. Your right its your family and your decision as long as she isnt financially supporting that decision. So tell her thank you for your OPINION on what you think is best for us but if we chose to have another child that is your choose not hers. Good luck

Erica - posted on 12/31/2009

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I once heard a pastor say " Don't EVER wait until you can afford to have a child to do so, because then you will never have any." My mother in law was upset when I found out I was pregant with my youngest, but I just told her that it wasnt up to her to and to get over it. After the baby is here they change their mind.

Danielle - posted on 12/31/2009

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well I am a young mother my self and although I do own my own home and what not my parent's don't want me to have another baby right now. I do agree with them though based on this factor.
bringing a child into the world when you are not financially able to support them you are bringing them up in a world of "sorry we can't afford it" a world of you being totally stressed out and although you don't mean it you risk taking it out on them. I don't think kids should have to worry about the financial burden that their parents are going through. i think that until you can fully support them and be able to give them somethings of luxury then you should probably hold off. I mean right now money is tight but, i pinch pennies to get my daughter a toy everynow and then when she is good. She deserves to have rewards and not have to go without just because of how I want to live my life. It isn't fair to the baby. So, until I can better afford to support my family, I will not be having any more kids. NOT to say that I am not going to have kids again, just not right now.
I think that is what your mother is trying to tell you. She wants the best of you and your children (her grandchildren) and i think she can see how having more would put a financial stress on you at this time. I am sure she would be over joyed if she felt you guys were alright off in every catagory of stability.
Maybe try listening to your mom's side... NO your mom can't make the final answer but, i'm sure as your mother she has some pretty good words afterall, she did raise you.
;)

Angela - posted on 12/30/2009

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Hunny I will tell you the gods honest truth very few ppl are ever financially ready to have kids and no she doent have the right to tell you to not have any more kids. She has the right to express her opinion on it but can she tell you no I forbid it?? Of course not. You are your own person the choice to have more children or not is between you your husband and God. Plain and simple.

Amanda - posted on 12/29/2009

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No, your parents don't have the right to make you stop having children.... But may I ask this, even if they insisted that you stop having children, would you really listen to them? It's your life, your family. And let me tell you, the minute they lay eyes on their new grandchild, they will love him/her!

Sierra - posted on 12/29/2009

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my parents havnt done this to me, but when my parents found out they were pregnant with my little sister just 3 months after having me, they told my fathers parents and their first reaction " we aren't going to help pay for you to have more kids!" it was very rude, and something they regret saying but nonetheless no one, in my oppinion, has the right to make your choices. if you want more kids then have more kids, if you dont then dont have any more.

Melissa - posted on 12/29/2009

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Quoting Lindsay:

As long as you are living under your own roof and she's not contributing financially, or you're not getting government assistance, it's ultimately your decision. She's entiitled to her opinion and since she's your mother, more likely to voice it. Maybe she's just trying to get you to think it through about whether you can truly handle another or not.



I could not agree more!!

Toni - posted on 12/29/2009

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hiya katherine, just do wat u want,

im sure your mum is just looking out for you but this is your choice to make dont let anyone tell u how many kids you shud have x

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