Does anyone have a problem with the young father of your baby?

Meleigh - posted on 06/12/2009 ( 26 moms have responded )

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I just was having some issues with the young father of my little 5 month old girl. He just seems to want to constantly do whatever he wants and I am just a built in babysitter... I mean I love being with her but he should just be "dad" when he is showing off to people... Does anyone have this issue? I love him but this is not fair to my daughter or I... the way I beleive is this is why people say have a baby young is hard because most of your youth has to be put on hold. I just dont know how I can get him to see this and that its ok and he has more the way it is now...rather than partying. please help

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Morgan - posted on 06/24/2009

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Sometimes guys dont realize there is a problem until you notify them.. Sounds stupid but sometimes you do have to spell it out for them. I have been married to a wonderful husband and father for 4 rs and hes great with our daughter when I am gne at school. But once I get home hes busy doing his own thing video hames whatever.. So I just tell him hey I know you have her all day but I am in school and I still need you help. I spell it out for him and 9 out of 10 times it works.. Just talk to him and try not to throw out accusations, stay calm explain your feeling and what exactly you want and need and he may come around.. Hopefully this works for you..

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Amanda - posted on 06/27/2009

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i had my son when i was 18 and my sons father used to be the same hardly ever spent time wit our son put alcohol before anything when my son was one and a half his father left now my son is 3 and his father rarely sees him it has been hard but now i have found some one new and its so much better my sons father took me to court and that was very hard to go through things get better tho hope every thing works out

Ashley - posted on 06/24/2009

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Calmly explain to him that the baby needs to spend time with him as well because if anything should ever happen to you or you're not around the baby needs to take comfort in his presence as well. Explain that he also needs to learn how to do everything and how to settle his baby, try to use the terms his baby and our baby a lot it can help bring it home.

Natasha - posted on 06/24/2009

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OMG this is the story of my life!!! I'm 20 in oct, My partner is 27 next month and we have a 4month old Baby Boy!!! My partner works long hours but by choice, as he has started a new job that's admin needs ALOT of work due to previous employee laziness!!! But when he is at home he spends hardly anytime with our son even alittle at night would be great, not for me, but for our son... Our son adores his father everytime i mention daddy he has a massive grin on his face but i feel they don't get enough bonding time!!! the only time i feel he wants him is when we go out so he can show him off!!! i love my partner and my son but It frustrates me as i do absolutly everything and am starting to feel like a full time babysitter... i may only be 20 and am younger than my partner but i'm alot more mature then him and sometimes feel like i'm looking after 2 children...

Meleigh - posted on 06/24/2009

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Thanks everyone... The reason I wrote about this was because it was an issue I was having and whether it is "serious" to some people or not everyone needs someone to relate too... I think thats what this site is for.. So I do want everyones feed back, but just because I'm not being beat doesn't mean noone can relate to me or I should'nt talk about my issues I'm going through... BIG thanks to everyone who has helped.. it really makes me feel better that other women my age are going through the same issue and I'm not stupid for loving this man and having faith in him.

Natasha - posted on 06/24/2009

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You can try to talk to him, but unfortunately he's going to do what he wants.But take it easy on him for now, he's probably freaking out inside. That's what my fiance did in the begining but now he's the best father. Just let him get it out of his system and hopefully he comes around.

Andzelika - posted on 06/24/2009

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and i was thinking i was alone. My husband is the same way. he go fishing, golf, playing games. and i am home with Ashley. when i told him that he have to stay more at home he told me to "get the life" I love him but sometimes i can't take it. i want to go out to only one night.

Rose - posted on 06/24/2009

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i agree.. Nicole, just because its 'not that bad' doesnt mean she's 'over-reacting'. everyone has issues and handles them differently. and to everyone else----> my other half is exactly the same! it has nothing to do with age. I'm 21 and he's 28 and we have a beautiful 6 month old girl. He should be the older responsible one right? Well not exactly. I really think women mature a lot quicker then men and can generally handle big life changes, like having a baby, much much better. Its harder to handle having a grown man who acts like a teenager. I'm sticking with it though... it's important to me that my little girl have her dad around. And hopefully with time he'll realize he needs to come through for us.

Jess - posted on 06/23/2009

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Everyone goes through rough times when there are challenges in their lives. He will come to realise on his own what he's missing out on if you decide to leave but in the meantime, maybe try to sit down with him and say if this isn't the life you want why are you hanging around. And if his response is it is well then explain to him that it takes two to be a parent and you would really like his help and that he may enjoy spending some time with his daughter. Whether he's young or not, he's the only one who knows if he really wants to be a father. Good luck and stay strong. :-)

Jess - posted on 06/23/2009

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nicol i dont think she was wanting negative feedback.. if u have an opinion like that dont bother writing it.

Nichol - posted on 06/23/2009

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maybe some counselling? i dont know where you live but there should be some resources in the community. good luck!!

Meleigh - posted on 06/23/2009

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Thanks for everyones help... It is something that its nice to be able to relate to other people. I don't feel that I am over-reacting because it isn't a situation that just came up, its something I am trying to work through and have been for a while.. I feel like its there it is just taking time... but its nice to have people who understand rather than just friends who are not in my postion. You guys all are right about it taking men awhile... I just had a really ba childhood with my father leaving and I WILL DO EVERYTHING in my power for my daughter to never have to go through that... She is 5 months so I just want me and her father to figure it out so she can have a constant...not us getting together...then breaking up..you knwo?

Brittany - posted on 06/14/2009

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I forgot to say the rest. My father is like your baby's father though. My dad left him when I was 6 and I didn't realize. I think it's more the person, not the age. Because my fiance is 21 and like I said he's great. My father is not 46 and on top of the rest of us (25, 23, 20, 18) he has an 8 yr old and a 4 yr old and he is still like your baby's dad. He doesn't take care of them at all. He's with her and she takes care of them and goes to school. He even whines when she asks him to watch them.

Brittany - posted on 06/14/2009

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I haven't been through this so far. My daughter's 7 wks and her father is amazing. Sometimes I think he's a better parent than me. We had planned for her. Tried for 4 yrs (thank god we didn't have her sooner though). I worried the entire time I was pregnant because all he wanted to do was play video games, fish, and hunt. I swear, in the 9 hours I was in labor he went from boy to man.

Stacy - posted on 06/14/2009

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well i deffknow what u are going through my first child who now is 41/2's father has never been around i had her when i was 19 and he was all excited and to this day i get nothing from him not one penny not a phone call nothing but the real person who is missing out is him u can never get back there childhood sooo when she grows up she will hate him but there is great guys out there who will take that father role i just got married in sept and my daughter calls him daddy n-e one can be a dad but it takes a real man to be a father

Sandra - posted on 06/13/2009

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I just watched the show "16 and pregnant" on mtv.com...it's kinda what your going through...you could watch it and see if anything on there helps...her fiance is the same way!

Heather - posted on 06/13/2009

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i went through and personally am going thropugh it again. i had my first at 16 and he did what he wanted when he wanted and now im 7yr older and i have a new man and he is teh same way. i hate it and i told him that since io know i can raise my kids on my own im leaving and he has seemed to straighten out a little bit but not much so its going ot take me moving out to set him straight. personally i feel we dont need men to help raise our babies. it helps but we dont need them we are strong enough to do it ourselves. you need to tell him how you feel and what his options are and then go from there. i have 4 girls and 2 of tehm medically needy and i do it veryday by myself. hey be strong and it will all work out in the end.

Cathelijn - posted on 06/13/2009

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I Don't think it has anything to do with age! My husband is 35 and does NOTHING! He wants to go out and do his own thing and thinks I should be at home because she is my baby and he is just the father... Ow I am working hard on finding a solution at the moment and there might only be one! He likes to show off how good he is infront of the family carrying her around giving her bottles but as soon as the front door closes behind them he hands her back... I have given up arguing about it.. I know it doesn't help you much but just to let you know you are not alone if you ever want to chat/vent I am here...

Nichol - posted on 06/13/2009

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over-reacting....there are way worse situations you could be in, like an abusive situation. he is young and will do what he wants and you cant change that. accept it or find someone who wants to settle down.

[deleted account]

My little one isn't here yet, but I definitely have issues with the father. He's not ready. He bounces back and forth between wanting to be a part of my life to clamming up whenever conversation turns to the baby. No idea what's going to happen, but it is so, so frustrating. He never gives a straight answer and when he does, I can't trust that he'll follow through. So, I don't know. I'm preparing myself to do it alone.

Amy - posted on 06/13/2009

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My fiance and I have a 4 1/2 month old son. At first he did so much to help me especially since I had a csection and was very sore. But as soon as I got on my feet again he slowly started slacking. We live together and he plays with my son but its like he gets bored of him. He'd rather put him in his crib and watch tv or get on the computer. When he cries I have to sit there and stare at him and he just looks at me like aren't you gonna do it. I have to have frequent talks with him about reminding him that it takes two. He says it makes him feel like hes slacking as a dad and I tell him if he remembers to step up more then he won't feel like that because I won't have to say anything to him. Its a constant battle.

Julie - posted on 06/13/2009

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My Fiance and I sometimes have that problem. I find by telling him how i feel slowly but surely he comes around and realizes hes not being the father he should be, but when he is around hes awesome with my son, so i guess its just a matter of talking your problems out... it never hurts and besides communication if a key fact to a great working relationship with anyone.

Chloe - posted on 06/13/2009

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my other half is exactly the same, hes 21 and we have a 4 and half month old baby boy, at first he was really good but now it seems the novelty of having a baby has well and truly worn off, like you im the one left at home looking our son on my own every night while he goes out with his mates and generally treats the place like a hotel. you can try to talk to him as i have many times but dont expect him to listen, i think its something they have to realise on their own, hopefully!!

[deleted account]

How young is he?



My husband and I had our daughter when we were 17 and 18 when we had her (we are 23 now)

Have you told the dad how you feel or anything?? thats going to be the only way he knows what your feeling...let him know your not ok with all the partying and he needs to spend more time with his family

Amber - posted on 06/12/2009

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Yes my husband and i got married 2months before ourfirst children were born.(twins) He said he would be a great dad not like his he would help etc. well rite after they were born my parents helped me with them and he stayed out and went to a friends house all the time i never got out. We lived with my parents for 6 months then when we moved out i thought he would get better he didnt he still wanted to go hunting and hang with his friends instead of being at home with his children. We went 2yrs trying to fix all this. I kicked him outso many times and he always said he would change it just took him a little longer. Women are instant parents men take forever we have been married 5yrs and have 4 kids under the age of 5. He still has his times where he doesnt want anything but have it the way before kids. He has gotten better with helping and doing stuff with them but men are just hard headed. It may take him a while but he will get there and yes it is frustrating and you will get pissed but never give up on him hell come around especially when she says daddy they always melt i think its then that they relize they are a parent. I dont know if this helped but good luck. You are doing a great job and it may feel like you are a single parent for a while till he comes around. Sorry i couldnt give you teh answer u wanted

Taylor - posted on 06/12/2009

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I personaly never went through it but my mom did with my father ,he partyed all the time and only came around when he felt like it and he thought he was too young to be tied down. and she had me at 18 and he was 19 and they split. but she wishes she would of at least worked some thing out. And she said to tell him how you are feeling and what you want him to do and you are a young women to but if he doesent take the hint,then she said that she would ether kick him out and tell him to grow up , no matter how much you love him the love for your daughter is most important!! and your own sanity and happiness is also just as inportant!! if you did kick him out maybe he will see what he is missing out on as he is out parting rather then being a good father to your precious little girl you have. And remember that she will always need you at least in her life. Any guy can make a baby but it takes a real man to step up and be a father.my mom knows it's hard and heartache and she cryed a lot but it is worth it in the long run for your self and you little girl. but what ever you chose i hope it works out!!

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