Does anyone think I am wrong?

His - posted on 10/11/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Ok this is the first time I ever post anything so I will try not ramble on and on. My son's father and I have had a very up and down relationship for almost 4 years. We have a son together that just turned 18 months. Recently, I will say almost four weeks ago, I found out that he was cheating on me for a few months, that he didn't want to be with me and has been lying to me for a very long time. It was a hard blow, but I don't want the way I feel towards him to get in the way of his relationship with our son. I do believe every child needs their father no matter the relationship between the parents, but I do believe the absent parent should be consistent and make a huge effort to be in their child's life, no matter if they're male or female. So long story short. I found out he had the girl he was cheating with, that now they're in a "relationship", well he had my son around her the last time when I specifically asked him not to haver her around our son. I am not jealous that he moved on, I am still hurt but my reason for asking him to do that is because she's brand new. I don't know if they're going to last and if I do not bring men around my children, why should he? It's bad enough he sees him every 2-4 weeks but now he wants to split time up with him and her. Am I wrong for asking him to respect my wish of not having her around him? I mean they have been together for about 3 months 2 of which he was cheating on me with her.

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13 Comments

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Kimberly - posted on 05/08/2013

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You have every right to ask him for that respect and honestly if he was a real man you wouldn't have to. My boyfriend has other kids and we were together for a good six months before he let me meet them and even then he never left me alone with them. It was about two year into our relationship before he allowed me to get close to the kids. I completely understood his stand and never tried to push the issue with him. He was protecting his kids and now having one of my own if he and I were to ever break up and I decided to date again they would not meet my daughter for quite a while. Good luck to you!

Jordan - posted on 05/07/2013

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My father was never around when I was growing up and then he married my step mom, who I was very hesitant around because she wasn't.. well... momma. I believe you have every right to feel nervous with your son around a new woman. My mom always told me growing up,"I may not have like your step mom, but I knew she would never harm you or your sister and that put my mind at ease." I would talk to your husband and tell him how you feel and if that doesn't work face her yourself. You have every right. Get to know her, if you can stand it, I know it's all new. Good luck and I hope everything works out.

Kourtney - posted on 05/06/2013

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I have the same issue except the father tells me that this is not going to last long, that he would never live with her or marry her, and that he doesn't love her! My question is, if that is the case, then why involve her in our childs life? All I ask is to meet her, and he refuses to do it!

Sarah - posted on 10/15/2012

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I understand your desire to not have people who won't be permanent around your child. But, legally, you don't have a leg to stand on about it. It's sort of sucky, but there it is. I will say that if you don't have a legal custody document and set visitation times, you should have those things set up. They protect you and your child in the event he ever goes weird and decides not to bring the baby back, or gets unreasonable and starts wanting to have the baby all the time, or whatever...

Tracy - posted on 10/12/2012

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On a moral level, you have every right to not want her around in order to protect your son from every woman that comes around. UNFORTUNATELY, on a legal level, you have no right on this matter. All you can do is ASK that he behave a certain way and hope that he is man enough to put his child first. It might help if you can put a time frame on it - such as if he's been dating someone (anyone) for XXXX amount of time, then it should be ok to start bringing them around your son. But, again, he has every legal right to ignore your request no matter how compromising and reasonable you are.



It completely sucks, but it's the way things are. I went through this with my ex (son's father). Always new women - one that tried to kill herself in front of the children - but as long as the father isn't a danger, the law doesn't care. There was the one I really liked because she was great with the kids and always called him an idiot and yelled at him for not doing things for the kids. I wanted him to keep her, but she was gone too. :(

Angel - posted on 10/11/2012

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I also agree with amanda! Its very toufh foe xhildren, and I do the sme ive dated men beaides the two yer relationship I had, but they didnt meet my child bc I refuse to confuse her. Yes she knows who daddy is amd ues hea very involved in her life but I also feel if it isnt serious enough ur children need not to be involved. I also agree ro sit him down and try to explain this, hopefully hell umderstand. Uea bringinf her over n seeinf how she is culd help but in another sense anyone can put on a front that there a good person n turn around and be complete oposite! Be careful hun!

Amanda - posted on 10/11/2012

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My son is going to be five in a month. I haven't dated since me and my ex-fiance broke up, well he walked out. It can be hard on children as they form bonds with people easy and when that person stops coming around they don't know why. All they know is they like that person and want them around. I have thought long and hard about this one when I do decided to start dating again, as my break up was messy, I feel he wont meet my son right away. As moms who have been through a bad bread up we tend to read people better and know if they want a serious relationship with that said person or not. For me though if I was dating someone for a few years and we broke up, my son being older, I would ask him to maybe take him out once a month so he doesn't feel abandoned if said ex was up to it. Its hard cause men don't think that way they think with the wrong head. My friend is doing this. She broke up with her ex about two years ago, since then she has dated and introduced 7 men into her sons life. He is more draw back and has trouble putting words together because after the fourth or fifth he shut down. I think you need to sit down with him and tell him why you don't think this is a good idea, but if he does insist on her being around tell him you want her to come over with him so you can get to know the women who is around your son.

His - posted on 10/11/2012

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Thank you ladies. I feel the same way. Sure I'm mad as hell at everything that has happened but little by little I'm moving past it & fixing myself so that in the future I don't make this same mistake by loving the wrong person. I can accept a new relationship, I've done it with my oldest sons father but both he & I have a different relationship then me & current bd. We actually get along & can communicate like adults. I tried to talk to him him but he just gets upset or lies about the whole thing like he's not responsible for any of this. I'm so big on not letting my children meet anyone I date unless it's serious & I believe he should at least do the same. But knowing him he won't. This is a game to him & it's sad because I can look at my son now & know in my heart he'll be another fatherless child 😔. Oh I give it to all us single parents. The things we do & sacrifice to raise happy, stable, loving, compassionate children!

Angel - posted on 10/11/2012

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I completely unserstand where your coming feom, my daughter is five and I can honestly say I believe sme1 brand new in a relationahip should wait to have them around ur child. He needs to fill her out as do u, c what kind of person she is and if she is safe to be around tour son. I personally in the five yrs of my daughters li5e have not brought any men but one in he life, but I was also with that man for two years. I believe its to soon to bring another person into your sons life. Hes very young and very impressionable. I believe he shuld wait! Try stressing the issue more, let him know why you feel this way and make it clear IT HAS NOTHING TO DO W%TH JEALOUSY!!! But the well being od your child, its a cruel world out there and to randomly bring diff pple in kids life I feel is wrong n unsafe, whos to say this woman isnt crazy and trys to hurr your son.....if he cant agree id tell him you have to cut his visits!

Ashley - posted on 10/11/2012

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i completely understand. they have not been in a relationship very long, and he should not be introducing females to his son unless he thinks it will last and they are at the point of knowing they are going to stay together and going to be married. introducing other males/females to your children early in a relationship is not good because there's a 99% chance it will not work out and the child will be confused and maybe even hurt. he needs time with just him and his son, not some strange woman to share it with.

Denise - posted on 10/11/2012

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I don't think that this is wrong because you are asking him to not bring any females around your child, your baby is very young and this could effect him. I could understand if this was a more serious relationship. She obviously doesn't have good moral choices since she decided to be with your ex while ya'll were still together. He should respect this. First what he did was wrong and I think this is going to make you a very strong woman and I hope that you keep your head up. He has enough time with that other girl and should focus on spending time with his child when he can. I will have you in my prayers. Hope the best for you and your child.

His - posted on 10/11/2012

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I completly understand what you're saying if they are together, which is fine with me but I just feel she's brand new and shouldn't be meeting my son. If he breaks up with her or whoever else after that, will he introduce all of them to our son. Just like my older son's father. We broke up five yrs ago and he introduced one girl to my oldest and why because it is a serious relationship. I don't want to be in his relationship I just don't feel it's right children meet the new partner if it's not something serious.

Shanna - posted on 10/11/2012

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I feel for you. Personally I think I would be a bit jealous of the other woman being around my son. As for advice, I think that if she is with your ex at the same time your son is then there is nothing you can really say that would make him agree to your opinion. However, if he is leaving your son with her when he is not around that is not okay and he should be able to respect your wishes that this doesn't happen. You do not know this woman nor trust her, she should not be alone with your kid. I know I would be uncomfortable with it.

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