does my partner really still find mypost baby body still atractive?

Ami - posted on 06/30/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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i used to be a perfect size 6. my body was amazing i thort an got told. me and my partner wer only together for 2months before i got pregnant. and now im a size 10 and weigh 9and a half stone i breast fed an my breasts are saggyer and my nipples have changed i have stretch marks on them and on my bum and i feel hideous..i hate myself and cant see how he would still find me attractive. but he says he does but i cant belive him.i obbses over outher atractive women and accuse him of looking at them and imagine that he must want 2 be with them sexualy and not me. why would he want to stay with me he is still young and attractive. and could easily get with any of those women. i trust him not to cheat but i still cant help it. its in my head do you feel like this ? and how do you stop ? please help

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Kylie - posted on 06/30/2009

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give yourself some time you gave birth less than 2 month ago your body will take at least a year to recover from pregnancy and child birth. be thankful you have a beautiful healthy baby and a partner who loves and respects you. i felt the same way after my first too i had a perfect young body then felt like my baby had ruined it. I was embarrassed about how different my vagina was and though my hubby was lying when he told me he liked it and found me attractive. the best thing about being a young mum is your body will bounce back it takes about a year after stopping breast feeding for your boobs to recover and the stretch marks fade. please don't worry, stay active, try to be positive because you are amazing and so is you body, just give it time.

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Charlie - posted on 06/30/2009

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i know exactly how you feel !! i put on a lot of weight when preggers , my man used to always say how he loved my stomach so much and now ive had a baby its all gross and i am so self concious about it , although i doubt he really cares , i know i am my own worst enemy when it comes to my body , its tough but i found going to the gym has made me feel so much better not just the fitness and weight loss but the endorphins produced when excercising ive had a couple of weeks off the gym now and have started to feel bad again so i guess i should go for a run ! lol dont beat yourself up about it your body has just done the most amazing thing and produced you both a beautiful child he is probably amazed at what you have done and appreciates your body more !

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my husband tells me constantly that i look beautiful and he doesnt understand why i still feel like lump lol. i went from 130/size 7 and now im 155/ size 9.PLUS my boobs wont go back to normal! lol ...but strech marks fade and your wieght will go down but you have to work at it , and i knoooow its hard to get our post baby bodies up to work out when we feel/look like crap and our kids are attached to our hips but thats why we have the daddies! hand them babies off and take a walk or a run or a couple laps around the pool (bonus is you'll get tan which makes you look skinnier lol ... i dunno why but b/c of that revalation im addicted to self tanner lotions.. OH and plus they hide stretch marks!!!) it takes time, im STILL workin on it and its been a year! (started at 175 down to 155!!!!) its totally worth it

good luck!

Toni - posted on 06/30/2009

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I think we all have felt like this at some point. I was a size 7- canadian sizes sorry- 29inches .. now im a size 11- 31 inches... and alot of my clothes dont fit. It was hard to go out and accept that I had to go 2 sizes bigger to even have a chance of fitting into anythin...my boyfriend tries to encourage me, tells me im beautyful too.. and I do try my best to believe him- to save my sanity! Im there with you about the strech marks.. I hate them.. but they are the mark of my baby.. and that I was able to have one.. so when I think of it that way.. its not as bad. I think our boyfriends/ husbands stay with us because we are still beautyful to them, not only that but we share a bond with them that other women dont...weve had a child together and thats a crazy life changing experience! Dont think too much about him and other women- not good for u!!! just focus on cherishing and building your relationship with him if your really worried!

Nicole - posted on 06/30/2009

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I had the same proportions as you: size 6 pre-pregnancy, size 10 after baby. I don't know what 9.5 stone is, but I gained 50lbs while pregnant. I also breastfeed, and also have saggy boobs full of stretch marks. My stomach also has stretch marks. You cannot compare yourself to other women who've never had kids, it's like apples and oranges! It's almost as bad as comparing yourself to celebrities. I felt a little bad after having my baby, when things were a little softer than before, and I mourned for the loss of my "perfect" body. But focus on what your body can do instead of what it looks like. Your body is amazing: it created and nourished a whole new person! I consider my stretch marks and C-section scar badges of honor, same way a daredevil may consider his scars badges of honor. Most men find their partners more attractive after giving birth to their children because of what we went through. And men like "chunkier" women, women are the ones who think men prefer sticks! My husband loves to grab my "baby belly". If your partner is telling you're hot, believe him!

Lauren - posted on 06/30/2009

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Ami,
I know exactly how you feel honey. I knew my husband 6 months b4 I got pregnant. I was just out of high school and was very toned. I weighed 110 and was proud of my body. I am now down to my original weight but not toned like I used to be. I had gained 50lbs during my pregnancy. I too have bad stretch marks on my boobs, hips, butt, and inner thighs. I feel VERY insecure about them also. My breast are a tad saggy too from breast feeding and one is a little smaller than the other. My advice to you is if he cheats on you or leaves you because you don't look the way you used to, then he is not the kind of guy you want anyway. Although men [most] are ' visual,' if he loves you for you and isn't a shallow guy, he shouldn't mind the changes your body went through. You gave him his beloved child and that should be all that matters. He's naive if he expected for your body to just bounce back and be exactly like it had been. I hope I could help you! -Lexy

Katy - posted on 06/30/2009

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I felt like that after having both our kids, but my husband has a thing for chucky girls, so I got used to not worrying so much after a while. If he's an honest man, and he's telling you he finds you attractive, just remind yourself of that periodically and eventually you'll KNOW it and not just be told it. There isn't much you can do about the breasts, except maybe a lift, but if you plan on having more don't waste your time until after your done. But if your not happy with yourself, start working out. Even though my husband likes a thicker girl, I am not happy with all the weight I've put on, so I'm making MYSELF happy and working out and losing weight. Once you're happy with yourself again, you'll feel more confident with him loving your body, even it it never gets back to pre-pregnancy, feeling good about yourself is what counts.

T_cjones108 - posted on 06/30/2009

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i feel the same way! i asked my hubby and hes tells me iam perfect :D and he tells me often that i look good and he also noticed i have lost more weight! just watch what u eat exercise and dont sweat it! u just gave him the most priceless gift and all men know it changes a womens body!

Ericka - posted on 06/30/2009

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First of all, he may love your body more now because it's the price YOU paid for giving him the greatest gift in the world! I understand how you feel though. Even if he does look at other women, he is with YOU. My guess is he wouldn't trade you for anything, and if he would, then he's not the one for you anyway! My boyfriend still kisses my "saggy" belly and tells me he loves it cuz it gave him his perfect little boy! It's most likely you with the problem, not him, and that is understandable. Work out, swim, jog, do what you can, but, be aware, your body may never be "perfect" again. Surgery can help later if you feel that strongly about it. Just remember, You will have one (if not two) people who will love you and your body unconditionally. Your baby will always love you no matter what your belly looks like! ;)

Clare-maree - posted on 06/30/2009

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Your body is the amazing creation that carried and protected your precious baby!! My partner prefers my body post-baby then pre-baby for that reason plus most men love the curves anyway... it's only us girls that obsess about it!!

Christina - posted on 06/30/2009

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I deal with the same thing everyday. How can my husband still find me attractive when I was smokin hot before pregnancy? The answer is simple. Your husband loves you. surely he is not that shallow of a guy that he wouldn't want you because you have "baby belly" If he is indeed that shallow, then you marriage was doomed from the get-go. Don't accuse him and get mad at him because you THINK he may be looking at other girls. have more confidence in yourself!! You are a beautiful sexy woman who has given him a child! What is more sexy than that? There is more to wanting someone than just their outer appearance!

Christina - posted on 06/30/2009

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I deal with the same thing everyday. How can my husband still find me attractive when I was smokin hot before pregnancy? The answer is simple. Your husband loves you. surely he is not that shallow of a guy that he wouldn't want you because you have "baby belly" If he is indeed that shallow, then you marriage was doomed from the get-go. Don't accuse him and get mad at him because you THINK he may be looking at other girls. have more confidence in yourself!! You are a beautiful sexy woman who has given him a child! What is more sexy than that? There is more to wanting someone than just their outer appearance!

Christina - posted on 06/30/2009

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as hard as it is to believe, you are your own worst critic. You see things that others, esp your partner, do not. My advice:don't nitpick. your body IS different, but he doesn't see anything wrong with that.

Ashley - posted on 06/30/2009

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Ami-
I felt the same way!! My husband has been amazing through everything, and even though I haven't lost all of my baby weight, he still loves me for who I am and he always supports me no matter what. I gained over 80 pounds when I was pregnant with my daughter, and now she's a year old and I know that it feels like the weight will never go away. Just make sure you always feel that you're beautiful, and everything will fall into place. I know that doing this is easier said than done, but trust me! It works!

Ashley

Keira - posted on 06/30/2009

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I also feel this way. I am up 30 pounds from my prepregnancy weight. Last summer I worked so hard to get down to a size 4, and felt good about my body for the first time since high school...now, I am a 12 and feel like I have let myself down. My husband suggested we go back on weight watchers (which we did last year) and start to look into gym memberships together. His support and constant reassurance that he loves me just the way I am now doesn't make me feel any better about my body, but it does help me get through the days knowing that he is going to help me do whatever it takes to help me feel better about myself. It also helps that many of the women in my life have also just had little ones, so I'm not the only new mom struggling with post-baby body issues...

Good luck, and try not to get too down on yourself. You just did a beautiful thing, building a human being with just your woman-ness.

Ami - posted on 06/30/2009

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thank you ..youve given me somethng to think about. in time im sure i will feel beter about myself ..its just getting there x

Robin - posted on 06/30/2009

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It's hard, but-he IS with you. Pregnancy changes your body, any grown man should know that, so he was probably expecting you to gain a bit of weight ^^ It took me awhile to come to terms with my new body as well, but now I'm pretty much okay.



Being insecure and accusing him of wanting to cheat will only drive a wedge between you two. Best thing to do would be to sit down and talk to him calmly, tell him how you've been feeling, and then let him say his side. Just remember that love doesn't know a size ;)



For what it's worth, if that's you in your profile picture there-I think you're lovely.

Whitney - posted on 06/30/2009

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Yes, I felt like this. I gained 50 lbs when I was pregnant and it took a year to lose the weight. I think it's more of an issue we have about ourselves. If he truly loves you, what you look like shouldn't be the main concern especially after going through child birth. I know hearing that doesn't change things but it's the truth. Even after getting back to wearing my old clothes, my body is much different. What someone else had told me is that we should wear these changes as pride to reflect that we have gone through one of the hardest things someone can go through. Confidence is what is the most attractive thing and it takes time to feel back to yourself. It is a normal thing for you to feel this way but know it does get better. My son is now 20 months and makes me run everywhere with him. Just try to work on believing what your partner says and for me it was finding confidence in realizing there are so many more things more important than your body image. Good luck and I hope this encourages you!

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