Does society think mid-twenties is too young to start a family?

Orangemamabear - posted on 05/29/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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***Disclaimer - I have no issues with anyone who chooses to start a family later in life for any reason***

Anyone else feel like our society thinks twenty-somethings are way-too-young to be having kids? Years ago, it was the norm for our parents to start families earlier, but the trend has definitely shifted in our generation, as people get married later and put off having kids longer.

I'm 24 and not trying to get pregnant yet, but would like to try by the time I'm 25, 26 at the latest. I have already been married for a couple of years (boy, did people judge me for that too). However, I've already heard comments about how I'm "way too young" and "should wait till I'm 29" from friends, family and strangers, whenever the vague topic comes up. I'm working full time and very responsible. I'm way past the partying stage anyway. Anyone else feel judged for wanting to start a family before 30?

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Orangemamabear - posted on 05/30/2013

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Personally, I have known so many thirty-somethings with fertility issues and I have already been diagnosed with PCOS so I expect I may have fertility issues myself. I understand why people wait - waiting for the right guy or a certain amount of financial stability, but I don't think waiting is the right choice for everyone across the board.

I definitely look younger, I get comments like "you look like your 12" -- even though I don't look THAT young. I know my close family and friends knows who I am and will support me when the time comes. I just wish the fringe people - cousins, coworkers, random connections, didn't feel empowered to social norms to judge me. But I guess it really comes down to ignoring those opinions I don't value.

Jodi - posted on 05/29/2013

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Personally, I married too young the first time. I really did. I didn't have a child until I was 28, but I was living with my husband by the time I was 21, married by the time I was 23. I would not personally recommend it. My marriage broke down before I was 30 (it started breaking much earlier than that). In hindsight, looking at all the evidence with a much more mature and objective mind, I should never have married him. But I ignored the signs. It happens to many people. So on that basis, I would actually be a little concerned if my kids started having children at younger age. Unfortunately, the statistics aren't great. This then contributes to a larger number of single parent homes, which statistically are a societal problem.

So when you ask if society thinks twenty-somethings are too young, I think, in general, society is speaking from experience. For me, under 25 is something I wouldn't encourage. Nothing against any mothers who are under that age, because I KNOW there are plenty of great young mothers, and it isn't about age, but unfortunately, it IS also about stability, poverty, and all those other societal issues.

I work with many children from broken homes, and while divorce and breakup can happen at any age, statistically, more children of younger mothers are in single parent homes and living in poverty/difficult circumstances.

I wouldn't call it judging your parenting abilities. And it is just a generalisation, but quite honestly, it is probably a fairly accurate one for most people. It may or may not apply to you.

MissMommyMay - posted on 05/29/2013

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I have a son and I am 26 years old. I feel judged all the time. But i am the same exact age my mom was when she had me and i was her thrid child! I do not understand it sometimes.

Michelle - posted on 05/29/2013

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I had my first at 26 but looked a lot younger. I had one guy go on a rant that us young ones only wanted to have babies so we didn't have to work, etc. When I told him I had been working full time for the last 10 years in 3 different countries and had already been married for 3 years he quickly shut up.
I had my first at 26, 2nd at 29 and my 3rd at 35. It was so much easier in my mid 20's than my mid 30's! I do have more patience now though.

Danicia - posted on 05/29/2013

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yup! I feel like that I've been judged for being 23 (married since I've been 20) and have a 1.5 year old daughter. as my daughter gets older I honestly care less about other peoples' opinions. I have a life to live, a child to raise, a husband that is wonderful, and don't need to worry about their opinions :) surely they have better things to think about than me! lol everyone has their own timeline on how they want their life to play out, who am I to judge someone for how they live their life when their life has no affect on mine? the quote "haters gonna hate" sorta sums up my opinions of the judgers ;)

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