Don't know what to do with stepson?

Becca - posted on 09/12/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi, I have a 8 year old step son who lives with me & his father & younger sister. Any way he's had problems (not going into too much detail but he has adhd) he's always had behaviour issues and has never really liked to listen to me or bond with me although I've tried so many times, I have been in his life 7 years yet I feel like he hates me! I can understand as he feels I took his dad away from his mum although that's not the case she had already moved out when I met his father. Anyway we've not long found put we are expecting another baby, now ever since we've told him this he's been extremely violent towards me, kicking me, slapping me, throwing things at me etc... he's quite a strong boy and he's had me in tears no end of times he's actually told me he doesn't care about the baby and it makes me wonder is that the reason he's trying to hurt me to hurt the baby. His dad is aware and we've gave him punishment etc (being grounded & having privileges took away) but he still doesn't care. Sometimes I just feel to take our daughter and unborn child and live some where else away from him as I'm getting quite resentful towards him. I can't look at him in the same way as some of the things he says and does to me really hurts. I'm stuck on what to do, not only am I concerned for my child's safety I'm also concerned on their genral well being. Has anyone else dealt with a violent 8 year old, how do I handle this. Can I add I'm his prime carer his dad works all day & his mom ain't around.

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Skaldsircha - posted on 09/12/2014

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Becca, hun, 25 years ago I was in a similiar situation as an elder child. From my perspective back then I was jealous, I saw the time I had with my mother and father being stolen away by the new baby. I was angry, and I had previously been abused by a very violent babysitter, although I didn't remember my hospitilization just scraps of faint mermories I couldn't understand at all in my 20's. Also your resentment towards him could be keying him into the fact that maybe you have cut your time with him significantly since the possibility of the new baby and he is reacting very negatively to it. A child that screams he doesn't care, is a child that is screaming that he's badly hurt emotionally and cares very deeply, He sees this as a deep and personal rejection from the both of you toward him. He doesn't connect his violent actions and behavior with your fear and distancing, The worst punishment is the one you are constantly inflicting by removing yourself from his life. Involve yourself, and teach him not to throw toys, get him involved in Ballet or Soccer, or Boyscouts so he can start a personal support network of friends.

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