dont know what to do about daughters father

Frances - posted on 09/01/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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he has seen her a total of 10 times in 2 years. and everything he does see her he is drunk or worried about getting high and only stays a few mins. this last time i took her over there he is passed out on tha couch drunk and they have to wake him up and someone carries him outside on thier back, he wants me to take him to tha store and we go in and he starts to steal some beer. tha lady even locked us in and refuses to sell him anything. he made a big scene. it was so embarassing. then i take him back home and he gets her our of tha car and when she starts crying wanting me he pulls her away from me. she hasnt seen him in 7 months and doesnt know who he is. so i take her from him and put her in tha car seat and me and him get into it. what would u do in that situation where everytime ur babys father is drunk or only spends 10 mins with him/her and tha whole time worries about getting high

12 Comments

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Miranda - posted on 09/08/2009

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Quoting frances:

i really appreciate every ones advice. i have made up my mind to not let him see her. if he wants to take me to court and get visitation then i will do everything in my power to make sure its supervised visitation. i do love my daughter and dont want her to think why doesnt my dad ever see me and when he does he is drunk or high. it breaks my heart and again ill do whatever i have to do to keep her away from that. thanks again for ur advice


I'm really happy to hear that. I wish you the best of luck, hope it goes smooth (well, as smooth as this type of thing can) and I know you will be much happier this way. It'a all for the best. Good Luck Mommy!!!

Frances - posted on 09/01/2009

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i really appreciate every ones advice. i have made up my mind to not let him see her. if he wants to take me to court and get visitation then i will do everything in my power to make sure its supervised visitation. i do love my daughter and dont want her to think why doesnt my dad ever see me and when he does he is drunk or high. it breaks my heart and again ill do whatever i have to do to keep her away from that. thanks again for ur advice

Sarah - posted on 09/01/2009

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get a family assistant worker to set up times and places where he can have visitation with her and the worker if you stay away t will make it easier the woker will tell him f hes drunk or on any drugs that he cant see hs daughter --- might make him snap out of it otherwise youve done your best its not about you and hm its about him and his daughter

Jamie - posted on 09/01/2009

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Um, I wouldnt let him see her unless it was court ordered and in a supervised setting.

September - posted on 09/01/2009

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I would suggest that you don't let him see her anymore. It's not healthy for you or your daughter it sounds like. Yelling in front of your child is harmful in many ways. In my opinion your main focus right now should be to provide a safe and healthy environment for your child so that she is able to thrive on life. Being a Mom is the most wonderful gift of all. Keep being the great Mom that I'm sure you are :) Good luck and best wishes!!

Christy - posted on 09/01/2009

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i wouldnt be there for him and do things for him if he doesnt even see his own kid... i have a 3 1/2 year old who doesnt even know her real daddy and he only saw her 2x when she was 5 months and that was it... he goes out partying n gets drunk every nite too... hes in a different state but i would sotp doing things for him n stop letting him see his kid until he realizes that he has a kid to take care of..

Kim - posted on 09/01/2009

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ı feel very sorry for u. ıf ı was u ı would tell hım he cant see her whıle he ıs drunk ıts not faır on your baby or u. u shouldnt have to put up wıth ıt make hım choose between the beer and hıs baby or ur baby wıll grow up thınkıng ıts ok to behave lıke hım

Miranda - posted on 09/01/2009

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Right now your daughter's safety is the most important thing and not her relationship with her dad. If you want to still let him see her, like Krysta said, set up dates at a public place so he is less likely to make a fuss and never talk down about him. later that can only make things worse. Or you can just tell him he can see her when he cleans up and until then he is to have nothing to do with either of you. Or of course you can just end it for good and get him out of your life forever! If you need the money file for child support and do everything all legal like. There are so many options for you so you just need to find what works best for you. I know it's going to be hard but I know you can do it!! I wish you the best of luck and let us know how it goes!!

Alicia - posted on 09/01/2009

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I would keep him away from my child because all that is going to happen is your child is going to be the one who gets hurt. No child should see anyone act like that father or not. I have older brothers and thay are into drugs and they will never meet my daughter and I don't care if it hurts them. I have to make sure my daughter is always in safe hands. And believe most mothers whould agree with me. I think you should keep you and your daughter away from her father for both of your well being. One daughter will one day thank you.

Christina - posted on 09/01/2009

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frances, i hate to say it please cut all ties with this guy. your baby & you do not need to be around this type of person its unsafe & unhealthy for the both of you. if he gets caught stealing & you have your baby they will take her away from you. the 10 mins he spends with your baby isnt worth it. i know you can find a better man who will be more than proud to be with the both of you. do what you gotta do girlie. but please think of the safety of your baby girl & keep your head up.

Krista - posted on 09/01/2009

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I wouldn't take her to see him, you shouldn't be on his turf. Try setting up dates and times when he can come and visit her, on your term. make sure to tell him that he cannot come drunk to spend time with his daughter. I do not think it is your job neccessarily to make sure she knows him, that would be entirely up to him. And as she gets older, she will get to know him and be able to make her own estimation of him. Just be sure you don't talk badly about him, no matter what! When he fails her, be sympathetic, not judgemental. You don't want her idealizing him.

Krista - posted on 09/01/2009

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I wouldn't take her to see him, you shouldn't be on his turf. Try setting up dates and times when he can come and visit her, on your term. make sure to tell him that he cannot come drunk to spend time with his daughter. I do not think it is your job neccessarily to make sure she knows him, that would be entirely up to him. And as she gets older, she will get to know him and be able to make her own estimation of him. Just be sure you don't talk badly about him, no matter what! When he fails her, be sympathetic, not judgemental. You don't want her idealizing him.

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