explaining to my 3 yr old about relationship with father

Ciara - posted on 08/26/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My daughters father and i have not been together most of her life the first yr of her life he was in prison when he came home we tried to work things out for a couple months, it did not work out. We have kept our relationship very civil, he just recently went back to jail for 8 months she took it very hard and started wetting the bed at night shes been potty trained for over a yr and a half, now as we are eating dinner she will ask why her dad doesnt love her mom, or why i dont have the same last name as her. She gets to visit and go out with her father and his girlfriend every sunday he gets to come home for the day ,this past weekend she went to disney she told her fathers girl friend "I dont like you, you are disgusting" he asked me if i teach her that honestly i would never teach my daughter to say something mean to someone like that. i sat her down and asked her why she said that she told me that "she kissed daddy and daddy no kiss her he kiss mommy". I dont know how to explain to my 3 yr old that her father and I will never be back together without crushing her hope that it might happen one day.

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Denikka - posted on 08/26/2013

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Put it in terms that she understands.
If she likes colors, take 2 colors that are nice on their own, but look kind of gross when mixed (like orange and purple). You and her dad are like those colors. You don't mix well.
Or, food is another thing you can use. Two things that she likes on their own, but taste gross together. Mix a little and let her try it.

Just explain that people are like colors/foods. Each one is their own shade/taste and sometimes you think that 2 will turn out really pretty/tasty, but once you start mixing them, it doesn't work out so well. You and her dad just don't mix well. You're good on your own, or with other people, but if you're together, you feel icky inside, because you don't mix well. Her dad has found someone else that makes him feel happy inside, like 2 colors/foods mixing together and making something pretty/yummy. Explain that you still like daddy, and you're friends, but friends get to stay their own color/flavor without mixing them together.

I'm totally pulling this out of the air (might be from the lack of sleep :P), but it seemed like it may fit your situation. I know my 2.5yr old would probably understand, at least to some extent, and it gives you something to go back to if/when she forgets.

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