Faking Grandma?

Megan - posted on 06/30/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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What do I do when my son's grandma on his dad's side likes to fake injury so I have to drive almost 2 hours with my son and boyfriend just to go see her because she won't come to our town? The other month she said that she had "fliud around her heart" and had to have sugery to remove it, but she was out of the hospital and laughing, talking, and running around the Very Next Day. And now she called my mom to tell her that she has a brain tumor that is to big to operate on, her lung cancer is back, and 3 of her 4 heart vavles are completly closed up. But then when she called my boyfriend she told him that it was a very small tumor and leaking vavles in her heart and they don't know if she has her cancer back or not. I know from taking CNA classes at the nursing home where I work that if she really has everything that she says she does, she wouldn't be living anymore, or she would be in emergency surgery, but I can't seem to convice my boyfriend that something is not right. Any advice on how to handle her? I'm always expected to drive the 2 hours to see her, she only comes to us when she has something else to do around this area. My son is 10 months old and she's only made the effort to come see him 3 times. I've had to go there every other time.

9 Comments

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Mel - posted on 07/04/2009

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i would just not go and see her. my MIL lives 10 mins down the rd and has never been to see us i always have to go there. she has only been down here a few times on weekends when my FIL is home and thats is and brianna is 15 months now. the advice i got fomr here and friends was just stay home with the baby and if my partner wants to go see her that is fine but make her come here if she decides she can get off her back side and do so considering she does not work.

Laura - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Jocelyn:

there has been some great advice given from these other ladies, so i don't have much to add, except to start faking your own injuries! if she calls and says she can't come down but that you have to, tell her some crock and bull story of your own :) maybe this weekend you think you have the swine flu, or your broke your big toe so you cant drive properly. or you are having a bad reaction to a new brand of hair dye!



haha! that is a brilliant one! If you don't want to drive all that way then refuse, i know ur fella won't like it but explain it's not fair on the baby to drive all that way, u don't mind visiting every now and again, but relationships work both ways. He probably doesn't wnt to believe his mum is fibbing so he won't let himself believe it. I wish u alot of luck.

Jocelyn - posted on 07/01/2009

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there has been some great advice given from these other ladies, so i don't have much to add, except to start faking your own injuries! if she calls and says she can't come down but that you have to, tell her some crock and bull story of your own :) maybe this weekend you think you have the swine flu, or your broke your big toe so you cant drive properly. or you are having a bad reaction to a new brand of hair dye!

Victoria - posted on 07/01/2009

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Get her to pay for the driving classes so he can drive himself. Tell her the baby is too young to be traveling that much and can't keep driving him. If she really wants him there, she'll pay for the classes. It sounds like she's jealous of all the attention he gives you.

Megan - posted on 07/01/2009

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I've tried telling him to go by himself, but he can't/won't find anyone to take him there. He got in a wreck about a year ago and got a DWI and his license taken away and doesn't have the money for SATOP classes. I told him that driving drunk was his own stupidity and I don't think I should be the one paying for his mistakes, so I refuse to help him with the classes.
I've tried talking to Chad about it, I've showed him my CNA books that have chapters about all the stuff she says is wrong with her, and the LPN that I work with has told me everything about it, and that it's not possible for her to actually be alive right now, if all this stuff was really wrong with her. I've told him what she said and he still doesn't seem to believe me. He says that he doesn't care what the books or the nurses say, his mom is always right. I've even told him to go to the hospital with her, and talk to the doctors about it, but he said that his mom doesn't want him at the hospital because it's "too heartbreaking" to see his mom hooked up to machines. I told him that if she was really that sick, she wouldn't care what she looked like, she would want her kids there with her. But nothing I have said or done seems to work.
She never tries to talk to me. She hasn't liked me since the day she met me. According to her I'm a bad mother because I don't run my son to the ER everytime he coughs or sneezes. So I can't talk to her about any of this stuff because she won't listen to anything I have to say unless I say it through Chad.

Staci - posted on 06/30/2009

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I kind of have the same issue. I was just blunt about it so she would take the hint. I told her that my little girl was way to little for the travel time, I also told her that the roads go both ways, she has stopped bothering me about driving there and when she feels the urge to see her she now comes here

Missy - posted on 06/30/2009

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Hey hun!!!

Wow! That is way messed up! You should have a sit down talk with your boyfriend about it, and you should also have a talk with her. When talking to both of them, don't accuse her of lying. Instead, let her know that you child is very young and it is hard on the both of you to keep driving so far away to see her, and that you are no longer able to keep coming up there. If you accuse her of lying, she will get defensive and so will your boyfriend....and that can tick you off and can cause probs. I hope everything works out for you! :

Rebecca - posted on 06/30/2009

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Oh my goodness I totally understand, my husband's mother is exactly the same!! She lives 2 and a half hours away and always expects us to come there with our 6 month old. He was born in mid December (by c-section) and by January she was bugging us and bugging us to take our little one month old out in the bitter cold to see her. We saw her twice this weekend at my husband's sister's who is 40 minutes away because SHE demanded two bbq's be thrown not one (one for her side) and all she did at the end was bug us as to when we are coming to see her. We see her in 3 weeks at a wedding in london but no she wants us there. She has been her 3 times also and is a teacher who should be retired but is off now and still she wants us to take our son who doesn't travel well screams in the car and is avery poor sleeper all the way to see her, it drives me crazy. My husband also won't stand up for her, keeps saying this is what family does, it is causing us a lot of stress in our relationship so I totally get where you are coming from, so so selfish these women are, how do they have kids and not remember what it was like, ARGH ARGH ARGH! Hope it gets better for you, but my heart goes out to you I know it's not easy especially when you just want to protect your child and they just want what is best for them

Colleen - posted on 06/30/2009

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Your boyfriend needs to back you up. You are right if she really was having all these health issues she would be in the hospital. Driving two hours everytime (i don't know the frequency that you visit) is not fun with a 10 month old. My advice if you can't get your boyfriend to believe you that she is fake is to just let him go and see her you and baby can stay home if it is something really then you can drive out.

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