Family issues and holidays/birthdays

Dayna - posted on 11/23/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )




I literally feel like my son's family is pulling me in two. I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how to split my time up on christmas and thanksgiving. I want everyone to have a part of my son's firsts but recently, my boyfriend (The Father) and I have been arguing. Even though we have disagreements we can still put our differences aside for our son. But why can't anyone else seem to do this. My mom hates his mom because of an argument that I had gotten into with my BF. Now she refuses to even be in the same room as the other grandma. If I bring up spliting holidays then she goes crazy. How am I supposed to split my son's First thanksgiving into three houses and his christmas into 3 houses and still make everyone happy? I have no idea what to do for his birthday. I really need some advice on what to do.


Kacey - posted on 11/24/2010




Ok I feel the same way as you... awww the stress. At the moment I'm living with my MIL and FIL and this Christmas we are having 3 Xmas for my son who is 5 months. When our house is built my rule is Christmas and Birthdays at our house!!! Don't like than don't come.. They need to realize that they are making stress for you and if your children are so important to them then they need to get over being so immature they are adults.. Its too hard on the children and yourself!!! I hope something works out for you :)

Patricia - posted on 11/23/2010




Hello. I know how you feel. Mine isn't really the grandparents, but more other members of the family. My husband decided last year that we were going to start doing Thanksgiving at our house on Thanksgiving. We schedule our Thanksgiving with others on other days. My mom does the week before and my husbands family does the week after. As for Christmas we do the same thing and always have even before our little one was born. We do Christmas day on our own - We use to go to his families for Dinner, but have stated doing our own on Christmas. My mom does the weekend before Christmas and usually we celebrate with is family the weekend after Christmas or around New Years. My husband decided now that we are a family with a little one that we would do our holidays and celebrate with the others on other days. They all do theres on the Holiday themselves and I think it is the best for all of use. As far as his birthday went, I was going to do 2 birthday parties - one for my family and one for his, but when people were busy the weekend we were doing to do my families, I decided that I was only going to do 1. I invited everyone to it. In addition, I told everyone if you can't be civil, I don't want you hear. I told them I was sorry, but it was my sons day and if you can't be in the same room and just ignor each other, then that is how I felt. We had a few not show. It hurt really bad that they didn't show up, but I guess that was their decision, not mine. Hope this helps good luck with everything.

[deleted account]

i would say stay at your own house for christmas day, go to one grandparents christmas eve, and the other boxing day. for his birthday, i would just tell them to suck it up and they only have to be in the same house (or area depending on where you throw the party) for a few hours for the sake of their grandson, so they should do it. as for thanksgiving, i live in canada, and its not nearly as big a holiday here as it is in the states, so maybe do the same as on christmas and go to one house on sunday and one on monday or something? i know its hard... my in-laws HATE my parents because my dad and husband got into a fight right before our wedding. but theyve made up, but his parents are still all snooty whenever i talk about my parents, its like they think theyre better than them or something idk its all really petty.
and if you do think of a solution and its not good enough for them, they bully for them, he's your son, and therefore its your decision no one else's what he does for the holidays. good luck!


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Maribel - posted on 12/10/2013




if I were you I would have thanksgiving n xmas at home if the family want to come over fine if not so be it cant make everybody happy . thy can come different hours .. too

idk how simple you are but I keep it traditional at home jumping house babies love it & a food buffet ... along with the nice theme,

Lady Heather - posted on 11/24/2010




Yeah, we were having issues with people being picky about where we spent our time so we just started hosting everything. We tell everyone that they are all invited. Whoever comes, comes. So it's nearly always my family because his family doesn't want to stay with us if anyone in my family is. I have no idea why. But since we always invite them, they can't really complain.

Meilan - posted on 11/24/2010




Hi! I'm sorry you're in this situation! I can't say I know how you feel, as really we only have my mother and family to celebrate with. But if I were you I would host any event you want and you invite EVERYONE you want. If they're adults they'll all show up and behave. The one's that don't are just petty.
Good luck!

Sarh - posted on 11/23/2010




Honestly, have it at your house! You should not have to run around w/baby and try to make time for everyone. Personally, if they can't get along for a few hours to be w/their grandson, then they are immature. They need to get over it. My aunt (like a second mother to me) and my fiancee had a falling out when I was pregnant w/our son, they both grew up and got over it. Now we go out to her house about once a week to once every other week.
Our house is not all that big, for Thanksgiving we are going to my grandma's house for lunch, my mom, uncle, grandma, and great grandma will all be there along w/us and I'm sure a few other family members. After lunch at grandma's we are going out to my Auntie Lisa's house, there will be her husbands side of the family and my family of four (myself, fiancee, son, and daughter), my aunt (that my fiancee had the falling out with), my dad, cousins, grandma, etc... His family does not do anything for Thanksgiving, but if they did we would probably go out there first thing in the morning for breakfast or something.
For Christmas, we open presents and have breakfast at my dad's house (married to the "aunt" my fiancee had the falling out with... don't ask, my family is difficult to explain. lol.) on Christmas Eve morning. That is when "Santa" comes to their house for my little cousin. We then go to other aunts and uncles houses. Then on Christmas day, "Santa" brings gifts for my almost 5yr old and now my son (his 1st x-mas), my mom, dad, aunt, and whoever else would like to come over (lol) comes to enjoy the experience w/us. We then go upstairs to where my mom lives, my little brother opens his gifts, we have breakfast/brunch and all visit, then we go to other peoples houses for the remainder of the day. Our holidays are really busy and if I couldn't call my mom or ask her ok, now where, what time do we have to be here, etc. I would so be lost! haha.
For his birthday, have ONE party! Invite everyone, whoever decides not to come then their childishness has cost THEM that experience! If they would like to have YOU over to their house or somewhere on a later date then that is on them. You should not have to throw more then one birthday party for your son, yes, he would love it, but it is not realistic. Maybe go out to lunch with which ever mother doesn't want to be part in what you plan.

I hope I don't sound harsh and I'm sorry if I was rude in any way, but this is how I would do it. Sorry if the post is long, I thought maybe letting you know what we do on the holidays would help you figure out how to split up the day...

Good luck! :)

Danielle - posted on 11/23/2010




I know what you mean about the holidays and birthdays! For our sons first Thanksgiving and Christmas we went to all 5 houes in 1 day! By the time those days were over we were all tired/cranky and we still had to unload the food/gifts from the car. This year we told them we weren't doing that lol. For Thanksgiving we are only going to 2 houses-we decided who ever called us 3 weeks+ prior to Thanksgiving is where we would go (only 2 families called). For Christmas we are going to go to one house Christmas eve day, another Christmas eve night, another Christmas day, and again Christmas night. The 5th family is hosting a party the weekend before Christmas so that made it a lot easier.

I would just try to split it up as best you can, and if they can't deal w/ that, then just don't go to their house/area.

For the birthday we had 2 parties becasue of how big are families are. One on the day of (Fri) and one the day after. It took a little bit more effort, but it worked for us...
Hope what we do might give you some ideas, and Happy Holidays!

Eryn - posted on 11/23/2010




When we had our first daughter we told both parents that we were going to celebrate Christmas at our house by ourselves, just our little family. From there we tell them that we will see each family but you need to let us know because its first come first serve. We have done the split the holidays before with a baby and pregnant with another and I refuse to do that again. Good luck and enjoy the holidays as best as you can! Remember you are mom and have final say as to where you take your son!

[deleted account]

Don't worry about making them happy. If they can't be adults and get over their differences that's their problem. Tell everyone that you will have ONE birthday party at YOUR house (or location of your chosing) and it's up to them to come or not. Same with the holidays. Tell them you plan to enjoy Christmas day with your little family at YOUR house and if they want, they can come by. Do what's best for your son. In my opinion that means doing what will keep him from be stressed and put in the middle of all this silliness.

Brie - posted on 11/23/2010




you figure out what you want to happen and then do it... if one or the other doesn't show up its their problem... they will regret it... but if some little squabble gets in the way of them sharing family time and your sons first holidays then they are seriously screwed in the head... they need to pull up their big kid underwear and get over it... seriously...

Sarah - posted on 11/23/2010




It is absolutely ridiculous to expect you to travel here there and every where else with a baby. I can't even begin to imagine how cranky my kids would be if I had to pack them up to take them somewhere 3 different times in one day. If you are able to, offer to host a holiday and invite everyone over. Especially his birthday.
Or suggest doing holidays on different days. My in laws are really anal about most holidays but luckily, my parents are more laid back. My brothers and I are able to do holidays on the real day with our in laws then we all get together at my parents a week or so later. Everyone's happy and the kids are especially happy that Christmas lasts 2

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