Fears of Having a second child

Amber - posted on 06/11/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I used to be afraid to have a second child but recently have wanted to try again. now my husband has the same fears i did. Part of me would love to just have my daughter and give her the world but i think she would enjoy someone to always be around to play with her. Plus i think about what if something happend to her farther or i and she would have no one to go thru it with. Its hard to imagine that i could love another child the same. i dont want my daughter to feel neglected. i know these are silly fears. how was transitioning into a second child for those that have more than one child?

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I was the same way. My daughter was 9 months old when I got pregnant again (unexpectedly) and I felt horrible. I felt like she was going to be jipped from her father and I. And the thought of having enough love for two, just had me all scared. I thought there was no way possible I could love my second like I love my first. I even told my husband when I was pregnant that I didn't know if I loved the baby I was carrying. I really felt like I wasn't going to be a good mom to him or love him as much as our first. Trust me I felt horrible for feeling this way toward him, I cried alot about it. BUT......as soon as I gave birth to my second, I felt the same love for him as I did my daughter. I couldn't believe the love that just overcame me. I didn't love one more than the other, it was just more love. It really was unbelievable to me, b/c I really didn't know how I could have enough love for the both of them, but GOD truely gives us more love to give. Now I can't wait to have a third b/c my love will grow more. Of course you'll have more work with the more children you have, but its so fun. Its fun to see them interact, to see their different personalities, holidays are so fun with 2 little ones running around. Your daughter will be so grateful for a sibling. I was an only child until I was 12 and I wanted a sibling so bad. My mom was medical unable, but after praying every night as a little girl, GOD gave me the mircale of a sister. Good luck, I am sure your husband will come around as you did.

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Amie - posted on 06/11/2009

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The hardest transition is going from one to two. After that it's not so bad, you've already gone through the hardest hurdles and learned how to deal with them. From doing it all whilst losing sleep, to handling the jealousy of the other sibling(s).
I have 4 kids. I wasn't overly concerned about loving my 2nd, 3rd of 4th as much as I love my 1st. I love them all completely but all for different reasons. They are all different people. You love your family, do you love them all the same way and for the same reasons? Probably not. =)
Your daughter will probably feel jealousy and like she's being neglected no matter how hard you try for her not to feel that way. After all she's gone from being the center of attention to having to share that with a newborn who needs constant attention. She will be ok though. There will probably be a period of time too where she prefers dad over mom but that too will pass. Mine all did that with each addition to our family but with each addition the time it took for them to adjust shortened. We knew better how to handle it for the most part.
Our youngest is 2 months old and while we still get the odd hiccup of jealousy and hurt feelings it's not a constant thing. They all help with baby when they want to and they also have each other (and friends in the neighborhood too) to play with to distract each other when I or my hubby need to take care of our littlest one. We take them out individually as much as we can so they get one on one time without distractions, we also do family outings. It's made us all closer as a family.
The hardest part will be the 1st year and adjusting to a new routine and getting it down pat. Once you've got that though all will be fine. =)

[deleted account]

I thought the same way you did. Would I love another kid as much as I love my first one? The minute I had my second girl, I could tell a huge difference in their personalities. My oldest got quite jealous at first, but after awhile she wanted to help and this was HER baby! It is easy to love my second one just as much because she is so different that I can't compare them. They are absolutely best buds and love each other very much. It isn't quite a matter of loving them equally, but loving them period. They are both so different that I can't help loving both of them differently (not less or more). I would recommend trying for a second! You will be glad you did.

Sarah - posted on 06/11/2009

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i never thought i'd have another baby after my 1st, but i have two now and it's the best thing ever!!! i am SO glad we decided to have another baby, when i see my two beautiful girls playing together, or sneak in at night and see them sleeping in their room, it just fills my heart!! you may wonder if you will love another child as much......you will. your heart just expands to fit them both in. my eldest LOVES her baby sister and although they do fall out (never thought a 4yr old and a 1yr old could fall out, but they do haha!) they love each other SO much!
it's easy with two because they entertain each other and comfort each other, and i LOVE sitting on the couch with girls cuddling me from either side!!
hands down the best decision i ever made!
i wish you all the best! :)

Timmi - posted on 06/11/2009

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My husband and I had the same thoughts, but seeing how other only children are raised, (not saying they are bad kids, all the one's I know are spoiled, and feel things are entitled to them, yes most of that is the parenting. But I think it's easier to give into one child then more than one) We ultimately wanted our daughter to have a sibling to play with and share memories. So we're pregnant with our 2nd due in August. So far my 3 year old seems pleased with getting a baby. I think as long as you make them feel loved and involved they'll be happy too. We are also putting our daughter in pre school so that she has something fun to look forward too, and makes her feel like a big girl, so hopefully she doesn't regress too much.

Melonie - posted on 06/11/2009

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for me it was sooo easy! My little girl loves her brother (except when he is buggin her!) and we are about to have another little boy now and she is super excited about this one to. I just made sure that i involved her in everything we did, changing the dipers, giving baths, ect. and set a time aside just for her. that seemed to help us. good luck!

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