Feeling Bad

Tiffanie - posted on 06/22/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )




hi there. I went out for the first time with my friends in almost 2 years. I had an awsome time but I feel so bad that I'm leaving my children. 4years, 20 months and 3 months with thier father. I know going out is a good thing and to socialize eith adults, but still feel awful. My hubby goes out 2 times a week sometimes 3 . He is always telling me to go out but like I said I feel bad I don't know y. Need help thanx


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Betty - posted on 08/12/2009




You shouldn't feel bad at all. You see your family every day. They will be ok.

Ri - posted on 08/12/2009




Agree its so normal to feel that way....mine are 6 and 3 and feel that way when I go out it gets better....when your littlest one gets older. I think you feel that way because your littlest one is still just a baby. Honestly believe it will get better!

Tiffanie - posted on 08/12/2009




Thank You everyone for ur help. I now go out once a week out for coffee with a girlfriend for a few hours. We go out every wensday now and I look forward to going out and relaxing.

Lisamarie - posted on 08/12/2009




If your husband is telling you to go out, then go out. We all need to be around people our own age. It wont make you a bad mother. I know it makes you feel bad, but you shouldn't. Try to have fun and not think about feeling bad about having fun. I find myself regretting having kids if I don't go out with my friend at least once a month. That's not good at all. So I go out, even if its going to my best friends house just to talk to her.. Im away from my house, and not surrounded by my kids. I can breathe and relax .. goof off with my girl,, ya know? just relax when you are out and about with your girls..

Kate - posted on 06/22/2009




Totally normal! And if you don't go out, that's fine too. There are ways to give yourself a break without leaving your kids, if staying with them is what you want and will make you happiest. I've only left my daughter once in 12 months. We're fine with it, even though some people can't believe I go without a "break." Just do what feels right!

Amanda - posted on 06/22/2009




I can relate, I left my daughter (1 month old) with my mom for a half hour while we went to visit my husband,s family. I paced around, kept checking the clock and texted her every 5 minutes, I can only hope that the guilt and paranoia goes away as the baby gets older

Heather - posted on 06/22/2009




I completely understand the mom-guilt...it's hard to put yourself first when you've got little ones around. However, it's important to. I went out with friends for the first time since my son was born 11 months ago, and while I felt bad and guilty about leaving him with my parents for close to 4 hours, I know that when I got back, I felt refreshed and recharged. I think it's important to get out and have some me-time every so often so that you don't burn yourself out. Everyone needs a break. It's okay to put yourself first once in a while, and as long as you have someone you love and trust to leave your children with, over time, the guilt will subside (at least I'm hoping it will!) Plus, your husband probably enjoyed having some one-on-three time with your children, and it will further strengthen his relationship with them.

Maggie - posted on 06/22/2009




sounds like my life only i have one 21 month old. i had to train myself not to feel bad. i know that she is safe with her father, or babysitter. took me awhile but i feel better now when i go out with my friends. Work yourself into it. No one is saying you have to go out as much as your husband, but going out at least 1 or 2 times a month will benefit you and your children.

Stephanie - posted on 06/22/2009




i feel the same way ! I love being with my friends but sometimes i say no just cause i feel like i should be home with my family you know? Even though its hard you have to do things for yourself . Its not just good for you its good for everyone!

Deidre - posted on 06/22/2009




Having time to yourself is definitely a good thing and it is totally normal to feel guilty about it. I went out for the first time w/o my daughter when she was almost 1yr old (was 11 1/2mo). I had been out here n there w/o her to the grocery store or during the day with my hubby with a friend watching her but I was gone after her bedtime for about 4hrs and it felt great! I can honestly say I don't think I would have been able to do it prior to that though. I felt tremendously guilty leaving her while she was awake for abotu 1 1/2hrs to go out with the hubby. So I suggest going out for a couple hours after the kids are in bed to enjoy some time to yourself.

Sara - posted on 06/22/2009




It's that darn Mommy Guilt. I suffer from it too! I'm kind of hoping maybe it will lessen over time, but I don't think so. I have realized that I need to have some sort of social life. I get together with a group of friends every other week for some wine and food and gossip, I have to force myself to have a regular outing with adults, but i know it's good for me and that my husband takes good care of our baby. Gotta make time for yourself, but I think we all know and feel where you are coming from!

Alicia - posted on 06/22/2009




the only time i get to myself is half hour at hairdressers every 8 weeks for a quick trim! even then i still get texts asking how long im going to be! x

Kelly - posted on 06/22/2009




It is okay to feel bad that just means you are a loving mother. I have been a mother for 10 years know. I got pregnant when I was 18 so I had no partying time. Just remember that you are only going out for a couple of hours and not for weeks at a time like some people do. You choose to come home to your children. I don't go out and if I do it is to go shopping for food. I don't have a life outside of my hubby and child. Be thankful that you have that time away to treat yourself. Your husband must be so awesome to let you go without him and the kids. If I tried that I get you don't love me anymore from my hubby. So girl all I can tell you is don't feel guilty because the happier you are the happier everyone in the house will be. It lets you put balance back in your life. Hope this helps. Just go out have a little fun and when you come home enjoy your family even more than before.

Christy - posted on 06/22/2009




I think its completely normal the way U R feeling. I felt the same way after my daughter was born. My husband didnt even want to go out for the first few months. When my daughter was like 3months old my sister and a couple friends dragged me out and I fought the tears the entire time. I thought I was a terrible mother for leaving my child. It did get better...especially since I had to go back to work. UR NOT at all a bad mother or person for wanting to go out. Like U said U need to have YOU time. U have to take care of UR self otherwise UR no good to UR children. Thats what I always tell people. I really beleive that. There is a difference between going out every night and going out once a week. Even if U only wanted to go out once a month or something U should still have time for yourself to be someone other than mommy. I hope this helped some!! Good luck !!!

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