fight between wife and hubby? help

Melissa - posted on 10/01/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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I need to know. and my answer to this is no. but would like to know what every else thinks

a few nights ago there was a huge fight between me and the hubby,

now i pushed him first,

is it right for a guy to lay there hands on a women if they hit him first??????????????

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Christie - posted on 10/01/2009

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I've been in a similar situation. But it esculated and the police were called, on my husband. Now I started it, so I share blame, but he scared the shit out of me. He didn't hit me, but restrainted me and it scared me. We both went to counselling (his was court ordered, but we both agreed we need to go). Now when we argue, I'm the one that gets emotional to the point that I just can't think. So I stop the conversation and say that I need 15 minutes. I go for a walk (driving while your angry isn't usually good), cool off, and think about what it is I'm trying to say. When I get back, as long as he is ready to talk calming too, we finish our conversation. This has worked for every single fight for us. So to answer your question, no he shouldn't lay a hand on you. However, if you feel like your going there, you might want to talk to someone, there may be a underlying reason why you are going to that bad place.

Andrea - posted on 10/01/2009

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NOOOOOO and melissa you have no right either .....by doing that your breaking the respect in the relationship completley and if thats gone there is nothing left

Billie-Ann - posted on 10/01/2009

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i was taught that if you dish it out you better be able to take it doesn't matter if it is to a man or a woman. but i also grew up being very mean to my best friends brother and pulled the "i'ma girl you can't hit me card" all the time. that's when my mom made that rule. if i ever push or hit my husband or any other guy for that matter i would expect a reaction. why push him in the first place if you don't want him to lay his hands on you? it's just asking him to do something to you. don't do it to him if you don't want him to do it back.

[deleted account]

I'm mixed on this one... I have this conversation with every guy I date. Some guys say they will stand there, and only block because they were taught not to lay a hand on any woman by their mothers.

However, I've known others that say their mothers taught them that women are sneaky and cunning and therefore, block once. But if the woman doesn't stop, phase 2 is "restraint" to calm them down.

I've only had one guy ever "restraint" me.. and I was quick to leave. .. However, I don't hit, because that's disrespectful to another human being, even if it is a man. Don't you think?

Theresa - posted on 10/01/2009

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Um no, but it's not right for the woman to hit the man either. What's the golden rule? Treat others the way you want to be treated? Next time either one of you gets so mad that you're about to lay hands on each other, just hold your hands up, say, "I just can't talk or think clearly about this right now, I think we both need some space to calm down before we talk about this further." Then walk away. Drive away if you have to, go to a friend's house, go to your mother's, just go somewhere else to get some distance from the situation. Usually, once you've had a chance to calm down, you may find that the thing that made you so angry to begin with was small.

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Sky - posted on 10/04/2009

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No. Unless you are trying to KILL him he should just walk away. Even though you shouldn't push him either.. in most cases the man is much stonger and its not a fair "fight".. but its best for noone to hit anyone.

[deleted account]

HE IS A MAN, ABSOLUTELY NOT. HE CAN ONLY SUBDUE YOU IF YOU ARE HARMING HIM OR SCARING YOUR DAUGHTER. REMEMBER SHE WILL REMEMBER THIS STUFF FOREVER. IT WILL MAKE HER AGGRESSIVE AND AFFECT HER SELF ESTEEM

Nadiyah - posted on 10/01/2009

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No he should just walk away, it is not ok. But u should not hit him, because when women hit men people don't seem to get that mad, but if he hits u then people call him a wife beater. marriage is hard enough, dont hit each other, has he hit u before even when u dont hit him, because then u have a budding problem.

Jessie - posted on 10/01/2009

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I dont think its ok for a husband or wife to hit eachother EVER. Part of the reason why most people get married is because they are comfortable with and love eachother, you arent going to be comfortable with someone who gets violent with you. The best bet is to find alternate means of expressing yourself which arent violent or harmful

[deleted account]

I've always been taught that if you dish it out, you should be able to take it too. BUT, I would never hit to begin with, nonetheless with children around! My husband would NEVER hit me and I have the same respect for him! If you fight, make sure your kids don't see it or hear it! They always think it's their fault!!!

Kelly - posted on 10/01/2009

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I don't think it's right for either of you to touch each other in a violent way. I understand that you can get so frustrated at times you just push or throw something..I get that trust me but that only breeds more physical things out in both you and him in my opinion. But even though you pushed him, that doesn't give him or any man to lay their hands on a woman. That is completely and totally 100% unacceptable. Lets face it, most times women are the "weaker" sex when it comes to the physical part and it's unfair of a man to take advantage of that fact and push their spouse around. To me, I see it as a power trip like, "look at me, look how strong I am, you pushed me now I'm going to show you what you get." That's pathetic and cowardly. If he wanted to do the right thing after you had pushed him, he just would have walked away.



Any other man I've seen where his spouse started hitting him or whatever the case, yes layed their hands on her but just to try and get her to stop ...not hurting her and if it didn't work they walked away.

I hope you are o.k. and he didn't hurt you.

Ashley - posted on 10/01/2009

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The answer is no for both of you. It would be the best idea for you both to go to counseling to figure out how to talk things out without using violence. Especially since you have children. You never want your kids to see that. I know from experience that once it happens the first time, it will happen again unless you both get help for it. I was in a relationship where he would hit me once every few months and I would believe that it would never happen again. Then it started being once a week and ended up being everyday before I got out of the relationship. We didn't try counseling but it does work. and it doesn't matter who hit who first, even though its wrong! If he will hit you back he would hit you first! Good luck with everything. I wish you the best. Keep your kid(s) in mind when making your decision. God bless.

Ashley - posted on 10/01/2009

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no its not right for a man to put his hands on a woman!! but if you pushed him first you crossed that respect line first which is y he showed the same respect you showed. I was in an abusive relationship for over a year and i learned that a man that puts his hand on a woman is nothing but a pussy and not much of a man. he shouldn't be fighting with you like that is there's a child in the house either!! Push him to talk with you instead of fighting, it will probably save ur relationship!!

User - posted on 10/01/2009

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No, i dont think so!

i dont think it is right for a woman to hit a man either though.

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