First time mom with a lot of questions

Delilah - posted on 12/27/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My son is 1month an very fussy besides having gas an this is at nite time and sometimes during the day on top of that he's very congested I tried the steamy bathroom Vick,nasal drops they only work for a lil while it really scares me at nite to hear him breathing like that the doctor sad it's normal and it can last long on top of that when I put him down he fusses a lot iti say I should let him CIO but I give in am I spoiling him by doing so I just want my baby to be content when I put him down he also doesn't. Sleep in his playpen or bassinet how can Get him off the bed with us thank god for my child father an my sister cuz its been a real roller coaster for me even though he needs a lil work I'm so scared to leave him with his father when I have stuff to do I'm afraid when he starts really fusin he won't know what to do so I'm never comfy out what should I do guys?

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Denikka - posted on 12/27/2012

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It's normal, I think, for first time moms especially, to feel a bit uncomfortable leaving their baby with someone else. Even the baby's dad. You kinda have that feeling that they won't know what to do or that you would handle whatever situation better. Cause you're mom :P
That's normal :) Maybe try letting dad watch the baby while you're still in the house. It'll help you feel more comfortable. Let him know that you're going to have a long soak in the tub, or you're going to go read for an hour or whatever, and that you're off the clock. Anything happens with baby, it's his problem for the moment :P
That way, you're still there if something really serious happens, and you can listen in (but stay out of the room!) and feel comfortable. Staying out of the room is very important. I know how bad the urge is to just jump in if you don't feel something is being done up to your standards :P Dad will make mistakes. He will feed peaches before turkey, he will let baby cry a little longer than you would, he may not notice a wet diaper as quick as you might.
But you know what...it's okay :) Dad has to learn too :) and he doesn't have all those wonderful *mommy instincts* to fall back on, he's got to learn it the slow way :)

Other than that, I noticed you said you were worried about spoiling your child by holding him too much. Especially at 1 month old, you cannot..I repeat CANNOT!!! spoil a child of that age by holding them too much. Physical touch is just as much a need as food or a clean diaper. If your son is grumbling or crying and you holding him makes him stop, then that's quite possibly what he needed.
That being said, you don't HAVE to hold him all the time. Letting him cry sometimes is not going to harm him. You don't HAVE to pick him up at every little squeak. If you need a moment to collect yourself, or go to the bathroom, or something like that, don't feel guilty for not immediately running to pick baby up. A few minutes of crying is not going to harm him. But if you want to hold him, or feel that's what he wants/needs, feel free to hold him as much as you want :)

As for sleeping in your bed and not in his playpen/bassinet, I'm assuming that you actually want him out of your bed?? Co sleeping is a viable (and SAFE when done correctly) option.
If you really want him out of your bed, but he won't sleep in his bassinet/playpen, you could try a side car type bed. It's generally viewed as a type of cosleeping, but baby is on a separate bed that's just pushed up against your bed. At that age, I would suggest a 3 sided crib or something like that. You can google it and you should be able to come up with more information :)
Placing him in his own bassinet is going to require some crying. I don't think I have ever heard of any technique where baby is not at least slightly upset to be moved away from mom or have any kind of major change in the bedtime routine.
Really, when it comes to babies sleeping, you really just need to find and go with what works for you.
Best of luck :)

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