first time seeing dad in 2 months,going with him to his house for the first time and only 14 months old

Christina - posted on 05/03/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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my 14 month old hasn't seen her father in over two months and before that it was only once a week. now he is suppose to be picking her up for the first time this Tuesday for a four hour visit at his house. this is a first for me as well since my oldest daughter's father had nothing to do with her. what do i do if she starts getting very upset when he comes to get her? what right do i have? we have joint custody with me being primary caregiver.. his name is not on the birth certificate.. i am the one that went back to court to change the existing court order that stated he had reasonable access/reasonable notice. thus giving him the right or so he thought to come and go whenever without any structure or routine for her... i feel that structure and routine is important for a child of any age...thus being the reason i wanted to change the order so i could set up scheduled visits for her to spend with her dad...in doing so, it took the courts just over two months to get it going and for some reason he, her dad, chose to stay away. I am concerned with how she may react to going with him... there is no new court order in place yet..stating that he has this specific parenting time..my question is if she is too distraught about going with him, do i have the right to say no she isn't going with you yet, why don't you for the first couple of weeks visit her in her own home for the first hour, that way it gives her time to get use to, comfortable with you before she goes with you..... by the way i live in Nova Scotia, Canada.

2 Comments

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Amie - posted on 05/03/2009

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It is perfectly reasonable to ask him to spend the time in your home with your daughter. He can't go to the court and say otherwise, you're not telling him no you can't see her. You're asking him to make it easier on her and visit in your home so she can adjust to him again. He still has access that is the main thing and he can not force you to let him leave with her. That would be him being unreasonable, it's all about what's best for the child. You could even offer to go places with them, meet him somewhere with her for the transition period or have someone else there that she does know.

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I think she will be fine eventually with him. I doubt he will keep her for the full 4 hours if she is upset the whole time. If your instincts tell you to make him stick around for a bit before he leaves with her, then follow your instincts. As long as you have her best interest in mind, you have every right as her mother.

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