For the family? Crazy babby daddy. In Need of Opinions!!! Help!

Paris - posted on 01/18/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Im a young and recently single mom. My baby is 5 months old and has Downs. His father was in his life for the first 3-4 months. I broke up with him because he acted as if everything else was a priority. Within the little time we have been together I feel like I been through hell and back. I really depended on him to be the man he needed (and said) to be when I got pregnant. He failed to get a job (ever), and also failed in supporting me through my pregnancy. Told me all kind of things, we gone be living together, we gone raise our child. We had major plans, he failed to be that man, that father figure type he said he would be. Not only this but he treated me as if my feelings didnt matter with verbal abuse and lack of attention. We lived together most of the time (at our moms), was with each other everyday and all. I was just miserable with him. Now he's claiming if i give him another chance he'll be different, he says hes changing he started a new job he's claiming he realizes where he went wrong. and most importantly he refuses to let me go. I thought i was strong to not give in, but lately i been thinking about him alot. and the fact that im young and its my first kid, im thinking about the family that i've always wanted and how i only ever wanted was for us to raise our son and start this new life together. but my baby daddy is crazy. i also ended it because i caught a domestic violence charge. and its some more drama with his other baby mama. we got trust issues he has a anger problem and we had lack of communication. he is not open to me. he has a short temper we disagree more than we agree. and he has no patience what so ever. but he tells me he is working on all of this and i should give him another chance. i have so much resentment for him. but i love my son and he needs a dad/father figure in his life. and his dad wants to be there but i wont let him cause of our issues. should i risk myself one last time for a "family?"

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Jodi - posted on 01/19/2014

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If you live in different states, who moved away? Did he move to another state? In which case, you just try to encourage visits with his child as much as possible. How far away is he? You still don't have to actually LIVE together for him to spend time with your son.

Michelle - posted on 01/19/2014

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Then you either move or he does so you can co parent effectively. Like Jodi said, you don't have to be together for your son to have his Father in his life.
If you aren't too far away from each other then you work our a schedule for your son to see his Dad regularly.

Paris - posted on 01/18/2014

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I know but we live in different states. So Im just like, where do we go from here.

Jodi - posted on 01/18/2014

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Okay, I think you are mistaking your relationship as being the relationship between father and son. Your son CAN (and should) have a relationship with his father even if you aren't "with" him. You don't take a man back in YOUR life just because you want your child to have a dad. Regardless of whether you take this man back, your child has a dad....always, and that dad can be in his life. He doesn't have to be in your bed to do that. You just need to learn to separate the two.

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