Friend comparing our kids is driving me crazy

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 06/27/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi, I have a friend who has 3 beautiful girls aged 4 through 9. They are honestly some of the sweetest, loveable, well behaved kids I have ever had the pleasure of being around. My friend has struggled with weight her whole life and her 3 girls do also( im assuming they are all between 15 to 25lbs overweight). My friend has finally got to a weight she is comfortable with and she works her hiney off to feed her kids healthy and find creative ways to keep them physically active. The children are all healthy and very fit despite the extra lbs. She is by no means a lazy parent and I honestly believe genetics are the factor concerning the weight issues. The problem I have is that she is constantly comparing our kids. She says how beautiful my daughter is and how lucky she is that she inherited her fathers miracle metabolism. She feels her kids will hurt the same way she did as a child and might feel inferior to my daughter!! I tell her that I'd be lucky if my daughter turned out half of the beautiful person her three girls are becoming and they have do many beautiful qualities to make them feel confident. She says she worries her daughters won't be close to my daughter bc they won't want to be compared to " the pretty girl" all the time. This is very distressing to me bc I feel she is remembering how she felt as a child and assuming her kids will feel the same. Her mom made her feel unloveable and unworthy for being overweight which I believe hurt her self esteem way more then the actual weight . I explain to her that she teaches her kids differently then she was raised and they should have zero problems feeling like strong and confident women. I'm stressed out that she might be right and it saddens me to think of our kids not growing up together as me and her did. She never says this in front of the kids but it makes me very uncomfortable hearing her compare kids. I always reassure her that her kids are beautiful girls but I just don't know what to say to get her to stop comparing kids and to realize her girls can feel differently about weight issues then she did and might not matter to them at all. Any advice ?

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Tina - posted on 07/12/2013

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You're know you're doing everything right being the reassuring friend. That's really all you can do.

These girls will more than likely be fine for the simple reason they do have a parent that worries and cares. Just keep reminding her she is doing a great job and that she too is a lovely woman and she is doing everything she can to give them a good life and to teach them a healthy lifestyle. The girls will be fine. All you can do is what you're doing and reassuring her

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