Friends deserted you???

Ally - posted on 05/27/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I am turning 21; I have been engaged for 3 years now and I had my son in 2007 finally getting married this summer! Slowly losing my friends and unfortunatley some of them are in my wedding party! I have had nothing but problems since i got pregnant i lost many because they said that i was too young and i was ruining my life! Now my wedding is almost here and I have no help from my friends AKA Bridal Party! Does anyone out there feel the same way??? What do you do in this istuation??? I dont wanna seem despert but where do you meet new friends with a baby???
Thanks

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[deleted account]

It really does suck when you are going through such and amazing time in your life and the people you care about are deserting you. I know exactly how you feel. I had a few friends that stopped talking to me almost right after I told them I was pregnant. Those so called friends are nothing but @$$holes pardon my language but it really ticked me off and made me cry a lot because I felt I was doing a good thing with my life, and the people that I valued didn't think so. It's hard to go through loosing a friend especially when it doesn't make sense as to why they are deserting you. Children are amazing and I think they make you a better person so why wouldn't you want to be friends with someone who has a kid. It's stupid and childish of those people to leave you. I'm sorry it's happening to you especially so close to your wedding.

Hayley - posted on 05/28/2009

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I know that feeling all too well... im 22 in a few days and even tho most of the people i concidered friends had kids too.. most of us young mums just didnt want to be friends anymore because i couldnt go out because my son comes first and i wouldnt leave him with just anyone, and now its even worse because all of my family have deserted me so i feel completely alone.. i do have my partner and 2 close friends but i dont see them often because they are busy.
I didnt realise how common this really is.

Good Luck with the wedding Ally... enjoy your day

Nikki - posted on 05/28/2009

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I found many friends left me once i had Emma they thought I wouldn't have a life anymore but in fact I do-- I got my daughter involved in swim lesson's at Swimtastics and also go to mom and baby classes offered by your local hospital. I have meet new people and its not always kid related we go out for dinner and do stuff with kids as well as without.



It took me awhile to get over the fact that my friends left me thinking i was a different person. Im still the same fun person it's just a few changes need to be made but that doesn't mean i cant go out. I got over it and found that the friends who left i have made new friends or people who i knew before i had a child now that i have a child i do more with them since we have kids in common. (hope that makes sense). In a way it helped me see who my true friends were old and new a like

Tori - posted on 05/28/2009

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Hiya huni. I am 21 and have been with my partner for 7 years. We have a little girl of 10 months and I seem to notice my friends take little or no interest anymore. I do see them but not as often and kind of gets me down. I also want to meet mummy's who understand everything. Congrats on getting married if they were really friends huni they would be there for you no matter what xx

[deleted account]

Whoa...what terrible friends! I mean, after I had kids, I lost a few friends, but mainly because they were just drinking buddies, and not true friends. How awful that people you thought mattered are so quick to pass judgement! To meet new friends, you may want to join a mommy-and-me class (swimming, yoga, etc.), or, if you go to church, see if they have a mother's group. Good luck with the wedding. The important this is that the people that matter are there.

Ciressa - posted on 05/28/2009

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Wow, I didnt realize this happens to so many young moms. The same thing happened to me when I was 16, I thought at the time it was just because I was pregnant, and as soon as the baby came, they would all start coming around again, but that wasnt the case, because my priorities were completely different than those my age! I was (and kind of still am) in the same boat as Amy, too mature for those my age, but moms with kids my age think I'm too young, even though now I'm 25. People on the outside dont realize what we go through, and I think that because we have it harder, we are better in the end. I know that I have been through more than most moms twice my age. I have nothing to prove to anyone, just because I'm young, doesnt mean I cant be a great mom. Actually it made me want to be a great mom that much more (always trying to make my point)!!!! =) I feel that alot of girls (and women) are petty, and still think were in high school, playing stupid games of who is better than who. Its rediculous! I'm sure your wedding will work out fine, the same thing happened to me, but you know, I just realized in the end that my wedding was for me, my hubby, and my daughter; and as long as we were there, and the love was there, and we had our family; that was really all that was important. Things like this really make us realize who our real friends are =)

Amy - posted on 05/28/2009

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i no excalty what you mean. I had my son (Jordon now 3) when i was 17 and suddenly found myself as a complete outsider!!! Having to grow up fast i was too mature for my old friends but not mature enough for mums at my boys baby group. i would love some ideas as i am 21 now also planning my wedding (though slowly) and its depressing not to be able to have some friends to help me through it. Why dont you join your sons pta at his nursery? at least then you could have somthing in comon with them. if you have any other ideas i would welcome them.

Beki - posted on 05/28/2009

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hey there, i'm sorry to hear you feel like that, i sort of know how you feel because my bast friend has basically dropped me since i had the baby. I made loads of effort to try and see her. call and text her etc but she always cancelled on me at the last minute with really questionable excuses. I think being pregnant is a time where you really discover who your friends are. Luckily i have a set who still come round and see me and we go out together.

First of all maybe remind your friends that even though you are a mom it doesnt mean that you can't go out at all, perhaps invited them for a lunch date or something.

Secondly of all i would definately try and join your local baby club, you could ask your health visitor about it, cus there you can meet other mums in the area and you have the oppourtunity to make new friends!

Take care x

Felecia - posted on 05/28/2009

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I am sorry to hear that this has happen to you as well I know how hard it is!! I am 21 years old and I had my first child at 17!! I to this day only have one friend and I believe I am losing her.. I would tell you to hang on to your family cause honesty thats all you got (if they are around)..I am alone 95% of the time because I have no friends or family and let me tell you ITS HARD!! I have a boy who just turned 4 and a 6 1/2 month old girl (who I breastfeed).. About meeting friends I am really no help there I pour every thing I have into my kids.. I have went out as far as talking with strangers in wal-mart with kids but seems I end up always finding the parents who dont really give a crap about their children, so I end up losing touch with them any way.. But I do wish you the best of luck.. Like I said hang on to your family and also watch who you befriend!! Congrats on your wedding I hope you have a wonderful life together!! God Bless xoxo

Melissa - posted on 05/28/2009

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Oh my gosh this must be so hard on you I never did go though this with a wedding but that is not fair treastment to you at all..I kind of went through the same thing I was 18 but 100% ready and happy. I had 2 friends but surprisingly my husbands friends came to the rescue they always invited me to guys night made sure I had preggers food and stuff to do if I got sick of sitting with the boys.. I guess women are just better at being selfish surprisingly the guys were first at my delivery the nurses were so shocked how great they were they went to one of our fancier restaruants and got me like 200.00 take out for my first mean after my baby so I wouldnt have ospital food but after I had the baby things were differant I was invited but didnt want to take my baby I wanted to be home and oddly enough I didnt want my husband around either I actually wanted him to go but for the next 2 years until I went back to work I had nobody now that my old friends have had babies and have gotten married they are coming back its nice for my son to have all these babies around him I am just sad my daughter didnt have that. I know how lonely it can be and when you like pick up the phone to say good news and your only calling family or your husband it can be lonely. Just try to meet people who have the same lifestyle as you even if you go to the park and try to pick up some mommies for friends lol My daughter mad eme most of my friends as shed just run up to them and thier kids and start chatting they loved it



Hope this helps ya

Ally - posted on 05/27/2009

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Hey thanks so much, Its nice to know that people actually care! I haven't had that feeling in a while! Thanks so much!

Charlotte - posted on 05/27/2009

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Oh man, I'm sorry. It's sad that your friends are doing this to you. They probably feel they don't have much in common with you anymore, and this apparently is a problem even for moms who have babies in thier 30s that they end up not spending much meaningful time with thier childless friends. People who don't have kids don't understand and aren't very interested in talking about things like pregnacy, labour & delivery, breastfeeding, introducing solids, developmental milestones, etc, etc.



I think you would very much benifit from meeting other moms in your community who have kids near the same age as yours. For me, I found I met other moms at a mom's group drop in called Best for Babies, and also in the nursery at my church. There are many other groups, classes, and drop-ins in my community, so I'm sure there must be some in your area as well unless you live somewhere very remote. Some things I havn't tried but that would probably be good ideas are mom and tot swim and yoga classes.



I find I just love to talk to other moms about our babies and stuff like that. It really gives you something in common with other ladies, so it's kinda easy to build a friendship, so long as you don't get involved in arguments over parenting philosophy or some such. I really hope things go well for you.



And congrats on your upcomming wedding! :)

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