Friendship issues

Tahlitha - posted on 04/06/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I am a single mother. I fell pregnant while living in Cebu, Philippines. The father of my son cheated on me and now my son has a little brother who is one month and 20 days younger then him. I moved back to Australia when I was 4 months pregnant. But one of my friends is having a melt down because I don't want to go partying/clubbing and that all my plans revolve around my son ... its just making it hard for me...has anybody else had this problem?

13 Comments

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Jeramie - posted on 04/08/2010

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I am the only one of my friends who is married or has kids, and my recreational life now consists of going to the park or the mall with my daughter. Having kids definitely changes friendships. try inviting your friends to daytime activities and explain that you can't take your child to do the things you used to always do with your friends.

Sheryl - posted on 04/08/2010

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yeah and they are no longer my friends cause my kids are my world and some people just don't understand what happens when you have kids things change. so i would just set her down and have a talk and till her sorry but this is your new life.

[deleted account]

That's the way it usually goes when you have a family. I lost my so called 'best friend' when i met my husband & got pregnant. She was upset because i wasn't spending every second with her anymore. All she wanted to do was go clubbing & stuff. I hadn't cared for it in a long time, but i went with her anyways just to make her happy. I stopped doing it when i met my husband & she hated it. After i got pregnant she still wanted me to go out with her! I tried to tell her that i had more important things going on in my life than partying, but she didn't get it. So in the end i had to end the friendship bc she was making me feel horrible for not doing what she wanted to do. I have to say that i am a lot more stress free now that i don't feel like i have to try to make her happy. Everyone has always told me that you lose friends when you start growin up & they don't. You see the world differently & have different priorities.

Amber - posted on 04/08/2010

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when i got pregnant with my first i went from a huge circle of friends to just my husband who worked two jobs. it was absolutly awful and i was a complete mess. all ic an tell u is it gets better and either your friends will come around and love u and your baby or you will make new friends who will be more accepting and maybe even have babies of their own.
it gets better, i promise

Caitlin - posted on 04/08/2010

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When I got married and had my kids, I had nothing in common with my old friends and we grew apart. Sadly, now I'm pretty friendless, but i'm sure i'll meet some new people soon enough that are my age (ish) and understand why my priorities changed. For now i'm mostly friends with my husbands old friends, because they are all older and have children.

Jasmine - posted on 04/08/2010

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i know how you feel, some of my friends thought they were better than me because i had a baby at 18, it sucks but just keep doing what you are doing ♥

Ashley - posted on 04/07/2010

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Yes we live in germany currently and I am 20 years old, I have no friends because my life evolves around my child (and now preggers with #2) and well since i don't go clubbing and drinking they stopped talking to me all together. Which yes it gets lonely but if a friend can't understand the my priority is my children first and respect that then they shouldn't be my friends. I hope it gets better!

Jenifer - posted on 04/06/2010

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I do not have any of the same friends I had before I got pregnant, when I became a mom then it seemed like I was only friends with moms. Life changes, do what you need to do for yourself and your child.

Melisa - posted on 04/06/2010

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Your life should revolve around your son! Don't feel guilty and let it add more stress to an already stressful situation. Your being the best mom you can by being there for your son rather than going out clubbing. Being a mum doesn't mean you need to neglect your friends at all, your lifestyle just changes quite a bit, and there is nothing wrong with that.

I don't have this problem with my friends, but I have it with my partners friends. I guess this is what happens when you're the first of all your friends to have a baby.

Anna - posted on 04/06/2010

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Yes ma'am. Among other problems. You need to do whats best for your family. If they were true friends, your new life as a mom wouldnt be an issue. I dont party but I have friends who are very supportive and love my daughter. Sometimes you just have to let go and distance yourself. If they come back around, then thats cool. If not, move on. Being an adult and making good and selfless decisions is hard, but its the right thing to do.

Traci - posted on 04/06/2010

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Just talk to her explain that thats not your lifestyle anymore, that you can join her once in awhile (if yuo'd like to ) but as mom you have other things that matter more, if she's a true friend she will understand and make time for doing other activities but sometimes some people don't until they are int he situation themselves, and unfortunately some people dont even get it then and still continue on with the constant party even when they're parents! If things dont work out, its sad but you will meet plenty of new friends, kids have a way of bringing parents together !!

[deleted account]

I think when your situation changes and your friends dont it can put a strain on the friendships - it may just be that you need to spend a bit of time finding new friends who are in a similar place to where you are (that doesnt mean you need to cut your other friends loose - just create a situation with with people who can support you in different ways)

Josslyn - posted on 04/06/2010

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Yup. we're on the slow go chill stage, sets in when you becoming a mamma, keep doing what you are doing, it's what's best for baby, everything else will sort itself out, even if it means losing and gaining some friends along the way.

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