Giving Me Problems...

Samantha Kami - posted on 06/01/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Ok, so I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but my 20-yr-old sister is constantly putting down my parenting skills.



A little about her VS me::



*She lives at home, rent-free......my parents told me I had to start paying rent at 18 or move out, so I have been on my own for almost 5 years



*Has no children of her own.....I have one and one in the oven



*Pays no bills, and as a consequence of that, uses her money to buy pricey things that I couldn't dream of affording.......My husband and I pay over $2,000 in bills per month and STILL are making it.



*Drives a fanatstic new car--paid for by my mum and dad......we drive a 12-year-old piece of CRAP that doesn't even have A/C



and now the most-important fact about HER:



*she just wrapped up her second year in college where she is studying to be a psychologist.



She will be with me and my son and say things like, "I'm gonna teach him to say 'you're bad Mommy!' " and "Babies don't love you, they don't know what love is...that's what my human development teacher said!". And "you don't have any business having another child, you don't have enough money!"



Less than 2 weeks ago, I was at my parents' home with my son, and she never came outright and said that *I* should have my kids taken away, but she made up a little scenario that sounded just like my life and then said, "moms like that should have their children taken away and the state should mandate they not have more kids. they're just irresponsible!"



When I told her news of my 2nd pregnancy she asked, "why would you do that? are you just gonna have Mom raise this one too???"

My mother watches my son less than 4 hrs per week. The ONLY time she has him is when I have to go to work at 6 a.m. and my husband is not yet home (he works the over-night shift). She also tries to tell him he should get a new job (although no one else will pay him as much as he makes now!).....makes fun of our marriage because he is significantly older than I am.....AND she tries to "make" me change the way he looks (he's an old punk....he has a long mohawk and a beard which *I* happen to like and after all, *I* am his wife, right????!!!!!!)



I know comments like this shouldn't bother me, but the only time either of my parents have stood up for us is ONCE when my dad ripped her a new one over a comment she made to him about me having no business being a mother. It just hurts. and it's rude.



Any advice?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Megan - posted on 06/01/2009

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from what i see your sister has no respect for you or your child! She might even be secretly jealous of you independence - No descent phycology professor would teach a class that babies do not know love... and even if one did it is bs. There is no 'real' need for human tough if you cannot feel love.. yet babies thrive only when they have loving interaction! Your sister obviously has low self esteem if she has to say such hurtful things about you. I think you need to cut her out as much as possible so she doesn't damage your family. She is an adult and she is acting childish. As long as you are doing what is best for your babies ****- her and her opinions!

[deleted account]

Quoting Samantha Kami:

I haven't talked to her since that day 2 wks ago and I don't intend to ever again until she gets her shit straight.



my sister and i got in a fight at her wedding in July 2007, we stopped all communication and recently just started talking to eachother in Sept  2008, which was actually on accident! (i called my parents house, she answered and i thought she was my dad! whoops! haha) The fight was over something as stupid as pictures on the internet (i put pics of her wedding up on my myspace before she did and she got her panties all up in a bunch over it) but let me tell you from experience, it was the hardest year of my life, and it seemed to last a lifetime!!! i dont take back my comment about telling her to keep her pie hole shut... yadda yadda, but if she wants to act immature and tell you how to raise your children when in fact she has none of her own then she needs to get her shit together, and get a life before telling other people how to run theirs.

[deleted account]

i too have been on my own for about 5 years. I left my parents house before i turned 18. I agree with the 2 previous posts. My mother told me and my husband when we were pregnant with our first child that "2 mentally retarded people could raise a child better then you could" my mouth damn near hit the ground as i NEVER would have seen something like that come out of my moms mouth!! to top it off we were both in the military at the time, had steady paychecks making over $3,000 a month combined, and our rent was at the time was $1,200 a month, but the military gave us $1,800 a month just for rent so we pocketed that extra $600. that gave us over $3,600 to use for all of our bills, which never exceded more then $600 a month. we ended up loosing that child and she was told any more remarks of that sort and she wouldnt see any of our kids...EVER! i know now that my family puts down and makes shots at my husband at any chance they get about how he is a bad father, he doesnt deserve to have kids and that he will end up like his bio dad and leave me and my son and never look back. but this is all behind his back. when they see him face to face they dont have the balls to say anything because they know he will put them in their place. but if my sisters were to say anything like that to me or my son, they would never see me or him again. as for her saying you dont have enough money to have another child, i do think that anyone needs to be financially stable before thinking of having children, but we all know surprises happen! any good parent would make sacrifices for their little ones, i know i gave up a lot to be able to support my family when my husband was dischaarged from the military and i was the only one bringing in the money. he was going to school full time and was the primary caregiver for our son. like Amie said, i would tell her straight out to keep her pie hole shut until she learned how to live on her own out in the world keeping her head above water...WITHOUT mommy and daddys help.

Amie - posted on 06/01/2009

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There are two sides to every story as Amanda said but quite honestly if my sister EVER had the gall to try and say any of that to me I would rip her a new one myself. If she continued she knows I would smack her. No one is ever going to tell me I'm a bad mother or that my kids should be taken away or that I shouldn't be having more. Especially a self centered brat that has mommy and daddy paying their way through life. Raising a family is hard work, time consuming and eats through your money like crazy. It is all worth it though. =) I'd tell her to keep her yap shut until she starts paying her own bills, moves out and figures out how real life works. Good grief.
You and your hubby are doing an excellent job from the sounds of it! Don't let her get you down, if getting in her face doesn't work I'd ignore her and see her as little as possible. No need to add stress to yourself or have your little ones exposed to such a negative person.

13 Comments

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Charlie - posted on 06/08/2009

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WTF im sorry i know shes your sister but that girl is POISON ! and you dont need poison like that around your family , if my sister ever said that to me or my child or rang CPS i would disown her she sounds like a spoilt little brat who is making up shit , where is she learning about psychology ? off the back of a cereal box ? seriously no one would ever say a baby dosent feel love , do your parents know about the cps call ? if not they should its just wrong and they as grandparents should not be letting their immature daughter be causing so much shit between you and your child .

User - posted on 06/07/2009

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Is There Anyway You Can Get Your Mother To Go To Your House And Watch The Kids Or Having A Friend Watch Them...Cause If My Sister Was Doing That I Would Find Anyway Possible For To Never See Them Again.......
And If Your Sister Every Has A Kid She Better Realize That Pay Back Is A Bitch!!!!!!!

Samantha Kami - posted on 06/07/2009

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OMG. Seriously. The bitch just called CPS on me... said I was ABUSING my son. They came out. Saw it was all a lie. I am so angry. We're trying our best to keep Rorik away from my sister (who is no longer "his aunt") but it's hard because with our schedules sometimes my mom has to watch him for an hour or so in the a.m.'s...... dude, i wanted to KILL her. but i think it's just better to keep my kid(s) far away from her..... like Nikki Sixx says "Tomorrow, You'll Have To Live With The Things You Say, Tomorrow, You'll Have To Cross The Bridges That You Burned Today!"--Sixx AM "Tomorrow"

Mel - posted on 06/01/2009

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well i would be telling your sister she is not seeing you and your child anymore that is so wrong on so many levels and so very manipulative and bitchy the way she is acting. your parents being that un supportive is really cruel my mother used to do that kind of thing treat me different to my brother. Its really hard when you see your parents treating other siblings in a different and better way to you but it definately makes you the better person if you ignore it. it sounds very much like you are better off without them in your life. i do hope it all works out

Samantha Kami - posted on 06/01/2009

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when we had my son, we were not at all financially stable. I was told I would never be abl;e to concieve and then all of a sudden, along comes Rorik. So, we changed our lives. we both have better jobs now and live in a 3-BR house instead of a 1 BR apartment. we decided to have another child because we wanted to have one before my hubby turns 45 and we want the kids to be less than 4 years apart in age. We are by no means rich, or even well-off, but we live within our means and more than adequetely provide for our children. They may not get the priciest toys or most fashionable clothing, but right now they don't care about that crap anyway! and when they do, they will have everything they NEED and a little of what they want. I don't want to raise my kids to be unappreciative brats (ahem, like my sister!) or to think that they can have everything they want.



We grew up dirt poor. MUCH worse than my husband and I are now. I believe my sister and I took 2 different things from this::



I took it as a means to get creative. To learn new ways to save, make my own, or do without. Because of this I am a (moderately talented) artist and I do body piercing as a side job.



My sister took it as that when my parents did get money, she is entitled to live a semi-posh life because she didn't have everything she whined for growing up.



When we were growing up, we were both aware of the financial struggles....she threw fits. I wouldn't even open my mouth about it if i was hungry.



I dunno. we're so different it's scary

Samantha Kami - posted on 06/01/2009

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Her BFF from high school is more of a sister to me than she is. Ber is helping me plan my 2nd shower along with our "other sister" Kalyn.



I try not to allow my "real sister" to ever see my son. I have gotten in her face. I have tried everything, but she just slams her bedroom door shut or walks out the door and leaves in her shiny white car.



So, I have decided that though biologically, she is my children's aunt, as far as I am concerned, the only "Aunts" my children have are my husband's sister, and my "sisters" Amber and Kalyn. In fact, if my unborn baby is a girl her middle name is going to be Kamberlyn (for Kami (me) Amber, and Kalyn). I haven't talked to her since that day 2 wks ago and I don't intend to ever again until she gets her shit straight. It just hurts so much and then, on top of that my mother is constantly at her defense.



Oh, and Amanda, about asking her WHY she does anything.....she won't talk to me. Apparently she even lies to her therapist (which, BTW---my parents pay for that, too)

Amanda - posted on 06/01/2009

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she should not be telling your kid stuff like that.

There are 2 sides to everything and maybe she has a reason for being that way. Have you tried talking to her about it?

Amanda - posted on 06/01/2009

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she should not be telling your kid stuff like that.

There are 2 sides to everything and maybe she has a reason for being that way. Have you tried talking to her about it?

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