Grandparent trying to assume role as parent

User - posted on 10/16/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi everyone I was just wondering if I could get come input about a situation I'm having that is causing me to be very depressed and causing my mother and I to fight and not to mention my daughter's father and I, keep in mind that my mother is currently living with me because she had lost her apartment she had about a month ago. My daughter is 17 months old and she doesn't have the most perfect sleeping schedule. Some days she sleeps till maybe 12 noon or sometimes later and she is going to bed around 8:30pm every night and a lot of the time she won't go down for naps like she used too. My issue is is that to me it feels like my mother is trying to take my role as mother away from me or trying to control me, I completely understand a grandparent having opinions but when it starts to mess with my parenting that's where I draw the line. Everyday we get in arguments about how I should be raising my daughter. This morning I had an argument with her telling her that I didn't want to wake her up until I had a shower and cleaned up a little. My mother believes she should be getting up at about 8:30am in the morning but the issue is is that my daughter rubs her eyes all day, yawning and is obviously tired throughout the day. She is completely healthy I made sure to ask a doctor about it and they told me that it's alright for her to sleep a little long then usual and that I should consider myself lucky. My mother is always criticizing what I feed her, when I put her to bed, when I get her up. I always try to get her to bed by 8:30pm, but my mother never wants her to be put to bed until around 11:00pm-12:00am because some days she gets home so late she never gets to see her, but I really don't see how that's my problem, my problem is making sure my daughter gets to bed on time. The part that makes me the most upset is that this morning after arguing with her and my mother leaves the house only 5 minutes after she left my daughter woke up because she heard us arguing and I haven't even had time to use the bathroom or have a shower. Then when she gets home later and I mention to her that right after she left my daughter woke up all she will say is "Oh that's good!" in a happy/sarcastic tone. Umm no it's not considering that my daughters father and I already had a discussion the night before and agreed to make small changes everyday to her sleep schedule to see if we could get her up earlier, we agreed to get her up at 11:00 am today to start. My daughters father and I are getting massively upset with this because we are having no say as to when our daughters gets up, goes to bed and then even when we feed her she always has to know what we feed her and if she doesn't like it she always has to say something. I didn't realize it was possible to feel like a prisoner in your own home. Advice must appreciated fellow parents, I know a lot of you have probably dealt with similar situations.

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Emmeline - posted on 10/16/2014

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I have found that a parent never stops being a parent. Your mom's probably trying to be a good mother, by doing what she did with you when you were a child. You may have to (as kindly as possible) stand up to her. You could say, "Mom, I know you're trying to help, but this is how her father & I decided to do such & such. It's our job as parents— what you raised me to be. Now you enjoy being a grandmother & let us take care of this." Let her know the doctor. says it fine & that these sleep patterns change. She may just want to feel that she has a valuable voice & place in life still. You mentioned she just moved in, she probably feels a little small for having to do this. Listen to her advice & thank her sincerely. Some of her advice may be good & you can even try it, but do what you & the father have decided is best for your child. You may find her way's not too bad or that what you're doing is perfect for now.

Best Wishes & Blessings!

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