Grandparents taking over and OVER stepping boundaries!

Mandi - posted on 09/01/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I just want to know am I the only mother in the world that has a a over controlling grandmother? She has got my son to the point he wont come home (we live right behind one another) She has completely taken over what do I do? I cant afford to move, but I want to be my sons mommy.... Shes always contradicting me if i say his toy is going back to the store or hes not getting somin for misbehaving she always says " oh nanny will buy it, ill get you another one" Shes always telling him shes goanna die soon (she did the same with me when I was a child) and stuff like that and nannys not goanna be here long. He RUNS down the hill soon as it gets dark because he cant leave his nanny alone at night. She has even backstepped his development. We had him potty trained ages ago...now he refuses to poop in a potty he can ONLY poop off her back porch. My papa is always saying oh you can take him home when hes older hes jus a baby let us raise him we will take good care of him, you can have him when hes ten then he will b ready to live with you. Im not a bad person Im perfectly capable of raising my son. Im going crazy watchin them get all the moments that are mine, my son constantly runs to them they have made him dependent on them I try to make him be a 5 y/0 not a 1 y/o that cant do ANYTHING for hisself. My granny still hand feeds him and has back stepped all the development we did WHAT DO I DO? I just hope someone somewhere understands and can give me some kinda hope

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Medic - posted on 09/02/2011

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He's your son...keep him at home with you. It's that simple. Tell them last time you checked you birthed him and they had their turn now its yours. YOU can keep him in your house and you DO NOT have to let him go over there. Tell them its your rules or he wont be over there.

Audrey - posted on 07/19/2013

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Mandi, you do not mention a father, so it sounds like you are raising your son alone. I want to tell you something I hope you remember. I am a grandparent who has been accused of over-stepping boundaries by my adult children. We are not mind readers. If there is something you don't like, have you ever approached her and told her? Don't get on the computer and whine about it---DO something positive. Offer to treat her to lunch. Tell her she did a good job with YOU and YOU want to show her what a good job YOU can do with your child. You are wasting time by complaining to a bunch of bloggers who will only say what you want to hear maybe--"Oh, you get away from her" Tell he to go away!" "get a court order to KEEP her away"
Be grateful she wants to be involved and tell her that you feel very strongly about boundaries--impress her with the fact that she may just want to be helping, but it is making you feel like she doesn't think you know what you are doing. You refer to her as granny----if she if YOUR grandmother, then she is probably older and thinks she is helping. Good luck. Don't hurt her, you do not know what it feels like to be in her position, as she doesn't know---maybe she had no one to help her. I don't know what the situation is. But the conversation belongs at someone's kitchen table, not on a blog. I mean that with sincerity, you will understand that one day. Give her a break.

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Medic - posted on 09/29/2011

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I am SO happy for you. It is hard at first but once everyone takes you seriously it gets easier.

Mandi - posted on 09/29/2011

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Im glad to knwo im not the only one out here that has the taken over problem ... Ive thought i was forever! Alll of the advice I got from all of u helped my son now stays home and everyone knows their place in his life :) thanx alot everyone!!!!!!

Sierra - posted on 09/23/2011

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My Boyfriends sister was the one taking over everything for me. I know that it is a tough situation and it is hard to tell a family member that they will not have contact with your child. My little girls aunt was the main babysitter while we were at work. And i told her no solids whatsoever. At 2 weeks she was given cereal behind my back and at 2 months she was being given jar baby foods and icing. and who knows what else. I was so mad i cried my eyes out. She took that precious memory of my first child away from me. I know exactly how you feel girl. I know its hard but you HAVE to set limits. hope it gets better for you

Medic - posted on 09/23/2011

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No none of that is normal. She is playing games with your sons head and its not healthy.

Mandi - posted on 09/22/2011

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I've stood my ground with her, and she still doesnt understand. She thinks its funny that he wants her over me, bc they let him do whatever he wants when he wants n they have money so it just sux :( She sees nothing wrong with him jus staying with her allll the time. She tells him stuff like "oh u dont love nanny no more, or nannys goanna die soon" I mean is this normal?

Montana - posted on 09/03/2011

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Used to have the same kinda problems. My MIL lives 2 doors down. I stood my ground and over the years I think she has come to respect me as a parent. These things take time :)

Mariah - posted on 09/03/2011

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I can to but it wasnt they're grandmother it was MINE LOL can u believe it it didn't bother me that much but now it really does it seems that i can't do nothing for my baby girl she doesn't really care about my son but my girl she cares and i take care them the most of my ability if i can't afford it then i make away always but it still not good enough i moved out on my own and she really haven't seen my own house how can a 19 year old with 2 kids a job and bills say that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SOME CAN BUT SOME CANT I CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jessica - posted on 09/02/2011

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i understand where you are coming from. my in laws would constantly tell me i need to do this or that all the time when i had my daughter. it pissed me off so bad cuz im not an idiot! she is my daughter and i will raise her how i see fit! i appreciate their advice but im the parent not them! sometimes you just have to lay down the law and let them know how they are affecting you. so my husband and i told them we are the parents and if we need their advice we will ask for it otherwise backoff. we have not had a problem since. so many people but in thinking they are helping because they have gone through it and are experienced but it doesnt necessarily mean they have to try and control everything! honestlt if i were in your situation i would not put up with it.i would tell them to back off he is YOUR son not theirs and that is fine if they want to visit and see him but they are not the parent you are. it is tough love. they may be old but they either need to back you up or they cant see him. i understand this must be hard as they are family and all but you are the parent and you cant let them just take your son like that! he is your baby! it sounds to me like you are an excellent momma and you dont need them trying to take your son from you! thats not right! have a talk with them and explain how you feel and let them know what will happen if they dont listen! i wish you the best of luck! :)

Ashleyy - posted on 09/02/2011

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I can totally relate to that. My daughter stays with my grandparents while I work and go to school. Yes they are amazing to have around and I love she doesn't have to get up and get around early to go to daycare. But OMG! Everything I do is somehow wrong! I try to discipline her and they just baby her. She rarely ever listens to me anymore and it's so much worse when we're out in public. She's the baby of the family yes but she's 2. I try to explain to them that I don't want her to be completely depended on them or a brat when I'm trying to correct her. I know it's hard bc they are family but I finally had to tell them that I'm her Momma and I think I am perfectly capable of taking care of her. It's been a little better since we had our talk. Now I think they see where I'm coming from. Hopefully you can figure something that works out for all of you.

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