Having kids 5 years apart or more

[deleted account] ( 11 moms have responded )

My husband and I eventually want to start trying for another child, and our daughter is about to turn 5, and we want to know what the difficulties will be with a 6 year old (by the time it probably happens) and new baby? What are will the advantages be? We replay these questions in our head a bit.

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Hdlb123 - posted on 12/20/2009

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We have a 7 year old, an almost 2 year old and a 5 week old. I find its easier to have the big age gap then the small one. When your second child was born and our DD was 5 1/2 she knew how to be gentle, was old enough to get her own snacks/drinks, and she was going to kindergarten so we got half a day alone everyday which was relaxing with a new baby. The drawbacks that we found were that we still had to get her to school everyday, there was no sleeping in after a rough night because she still had to be up and out the door. She also had dance class and swim lessons, so I had to pack the baby up alot and take her to her activities, as well as packing baby up to help out at school functions. And they fight now, oh how they fight. Its the 7 year olds pre-teen attitude mixed with a toddler who wants to do what she wants to do and doesnt like the word NO. Somedays they get along wonderfully, other days we have to keep them seperated.

Alicia - posted on 12/19/2009

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I have a 5 1/2 year boy and I just had another boy 2 weeks ago and so far my oldest has kept away from his brother. At this time it is a very good thing since the oldest has been very violent at school for the last 4 month.He is going to see a behavior specialist this coming monday and hopefully they can help because I want my boys to be best friends some day!!

Good luck ttc

Chelsea - posted on 12/20/2009

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My daughter will be 6 in January, and my youngest will be one on Dec 26th...

My oldest is more independent; she's always helping around the house, picking up toys, getting diapers and wipes, playing with the baby, feeding her if I need to get things done.... A HUGE HELP...When my oldest wants HER time, and my youngest still wants to play it is a huge fight...she's picking her up, and removing her from her room, or yelling at her. The only negatives I see with this 5 year age gap is attention needing to be spread evenly, and not putting to much responsibiltie on my oldest. YOU"LL BE FINE I PROMISE! and I am 23 :)

Helen - posted on 12/20/2009

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Hi, i have a just under nine year gap between my boys. During the pregnancy my eldest did seem pertubed by the arrival of a rival (fueled by my ex husband,his dad, saying I wouldn't have any time for him and that his stepdad wouldn't want him once he had his own child). I spent many sleepless nights worrying about what it would be like. As it turned out I came home the day we had my son coming for his weekend visit, so I left stepdad to go collect him and tell him his little brother was home. It couldn't have been better, he ran into the house, forgot about Mummy and kissed his brother. He loves to help with his brother, playing with him even giving him his food if someone calls at the door and I can't.

[deleted account]

Dependson the child. My best friend is 8 years older than her sister. There were jealousy issues with the attention a baby requires but this can be helped by involving your older child in the care of the new addition. It worked out very well later on especially once the older one has passed through their teens and the younger one entered them in that we were able to talk to her frankly about teen issues such as drugs and sex and we were taken more seriously than the parents were and so she managed to avoid some of the adolescent mistakes the rest of us made. However this is just one example - others may not have grown up so close but again it really depends on the individuals involved :)

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Kelly - posted on 12/20/2009

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My daughter is 7, my son is nearly 6 months .
The downside is that the 7 year old knows she can guilt trip us , if we were to let her , and since she is more able to look after herself (to an extent of course) she misses out a little bit , I make sure my husband looks after our son in the evening so I can focus on her .
The positive is how good she is, how helpful (she can even change his nappy , sorry , "diaper") and how excited she is by him .
Oh and of course, shes at school during the day , so I get to spend hours just with him

Alana - posted on 12/20/2009

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I have a 8yr old a 6yr old and a 9 week old and i love the age gap the to older kids are so helpfull and loveing toward the baby and during the week they are both at school so i get to give the baby my full attention without the worry of excluding the older two. I was worry at first how my 6yr old would go with the new baby because he was very time demanding but he has been great. Hope this helps you good luck for when you start trying for that next bundle of joy.

Tabitha - posted on 12/20/2009

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I have a 6 yr old a 3yr old and a 3 month old. I think these are really good ages b/c my 6yr old helps out tremendously with both of his siblings. He will take his 3 yr old sissy to play if Im busy with the baby at the moment or he will play with the baby if I am busy doing other things. Sometimes I feel he is taking on too much but he insists he wants to help! My daughter isnt jealous of the baby she just gets upset sometimes that she cant be as involved with her little bro as her big bro can. I let her get diapers, bring his bottle, sit on the floor and hold the baby etc. I am truly blessed!

[deleted account]

Thank you everyone. That was a bit helpful for me. I like the idea of my daughter helping out, to a point. I don't think we will have a jealous problem, Samantha keeps asking for a sister or brother, and she is very caring, but that could of course change once a new baby would arrive. She will be 5 this coming January, and i doubt we will have a baby in 2010..So she will be 6 by the time a new baby arrives. And in kindergarten. Thanlfully. So Mommy and Baby will have time alone. Thanks everyone.

Kimberly - posted on 12/19/2009

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We have a 5 year old little girl and have a 5 month old baby. The advantages are how helpful our daughter wants to be. She is also old enough to understand how to be gentle. There aren't any real disadvantages until they get older and I'm sure it goes for all sibilings. We also have a 10 yr old, the 10 and 5 yr old fight like they're only a couple of years apart.

Chrystal - posted on 12/19/2009

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Hi I have a gap of five years between two of our kids and it was great my daughter loved helping mommy and could help by bringing my diapers and blankets. She also was old enough to be able to play alon when it was mommy and baby time it help out a lot.

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