having to go back to work but not wanting to back

Sam - posted on 02/15/2010 ( 22 moms have responded )

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i am on 12months unpaid maternity leave. i was planning to go back after 6mths but applied for 12mths in case it was necessary. well my daughter is now almost 7mths i have not returned to work, and i am feeling like i couldn't bring my self to leave my daughter at all. what did other mums do and how did you manage with only one income?

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Monica - posted on 02/17/2010

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I had to go back to work this week... and my little one is only about six weeks old. To feel better about my decision, I reminded myself that a LOT of parents go back at 6wks (that is why daycares start taking them at that age) and that I can't be a stay at home mom forever... I would have to start working eventually. It helped the most to know I am not alone in feeling guilty.

Adriane - posted on 02/16/2010

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same here with me and my almost six mth old... i am envious and also kind of sorry for my friend who is going back to work already after two weeks... i know i need to find a job but even going out job hunting leaves me feeling deprived of those sweet smiles and even the fussy hungries... i just keep thinking of all the things i can buy for him and how the financial strain is hurting him cause it stresses me out and i find the drive to keep looking.

Sarah - posted on 02/16/2010

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I have three kids and I had to go back to work six weeks after I had them. It is definately hard to go back to work but I had to in order to help provide for our family. It sucks because I wish I could stay at home but we wanted to live in a good neighborhood. We still buy things as cheap as possible but we still wouldn't make enough money if only I worked or my finace worked. If you can work out a way so you can stay home I say do it. If you can't maybe you can work part time. Good Luck!

Alice - posted on 02/16/2010

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hi sam, i felt the same way!! i absolutely didnt not want to go back once my maternity leave was going to be up. but i knew i needed to help bring money home. so i started looking for quit a while. i finally found a legit work at home team and its just let off so much stress for my man & I. i pick what and how many hrs i wrk in a day, and they we actually "work at home" i never have to leave my house to collect $$ form people or stock or sell or do inventory. and it was 100% risk free. so i descided to givie it a try. and i barly cost me anything to get it started . so i feel like a career mom but still not leaving my lil munchkin with someone else. i love it. well tell me if want to know more. i totally here for you if need be. =)

Elizabeth - posted on 02/15/2010

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I took 12 weeks unpaid leave when my son was born but knew I wouldn't be able to leave him for 12 hours everyday with some stranger.(My job required that I work 50+ hours a week.) I talked to my partner and we agreed that I would take 3 or so years off to raise him. My son is only 3 months old and let me tell you its been hard. We lost the family insurence through my work and we don't have any money for eating out/going out but its so worth it. When you look back at their childhood you'll have so many memories, you'll really be there 110% for your kids and you'll really have an impact on the person they become because you'll be the one actually raising and teaching them, not some paid employee who couldn't care less how they turn out in the long run. You have to stick to a really strict budget if you want it to work though, buy clothes from goodwill and thrift shops, re-use, re-use, re-use! Breastfeeding helps alot because you don't have to buy bottles and formula and breastfed babies make less waste so you'll go through less diapers and get sick less often so you'll save money on doctor visits. Shop at stores like sam's club or Aldi. Skip taking expensive vacations and things like that. Overall just really cut back, have a plan in place and you can make it work. There is actually a stay at home mom group on circle of moms and they have tons and tons of tips. Hope this helps and good luck!

Ashley - posted on 02/15/2010

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When my husband and I learned that we were expecting it was a no brainer for us that I would stay home with our daughter. I was only making 30k at the time and with the cost of daycare for an infant it wouldn't have been worth it, I basically would have been working to pay for the daycare costs. I stayed home for about 8 months, but the economy and my husband's sales in the auto industry took a dive. Not to mention that we hadn't thought out a budget or cut back on much of anything. As embarassing as it is, we had that "it'll all work out SOMEHOW" mentality. What I would suggest is creating a budget NOW, before it is too late. I'd start off with a budget that includes your bills now as they are, and THEN do a budget showing where you could cut back. It's going to be important to have at least a couple months worth of pay sacked away somewhere too- because in the event you have to go back to work it may be difficult to find a job right away. I went to work at a daycare making only 7$ an hour when my daughter was 8 months old, but I got to bring her for free. I worked there for a couple of months before I landed a great job that could really help provide for my daughter. If it comes to you going back to work, look into a relative or close friend to watch your child. Privately run daycares or in home daycares are going to be much cheaper. The point is to have a plan, and then a backup plan. I waited around too long to go back to work and we ended up losing our home to foreclosure. OUCH! Best advice is to PLAN, PLAN, PLAN!

Danielle - posted on 02/15/2010

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i am a single mum and so i hd no choice but to go back to work when my daughter was 10 months old!...IT started as only 1 day a week, then by the time she was 15months it was 2 days and then over christmas it was 3 days a week...it KILLS ME!!!!!..but we need the money for rent and everything.

i have recently gotten a traineeship at my daughters childcare which is part time ( so over 2yrs) I have only been working 3 days a week and for only 4hrs a day! i hear my daughter in the other room and get to "spy" on her a lot...However i will soon be doing 5 days a week and from 9-4...i dont know how i will go.

Because my daughter is only 20months i will not b able to be in the same room as her..i have to wait until she is old enough to understand that im not there to look after just her....It will b hard on her being in daycare for 5 days a week. actually i HATE it. but i know i am building a future for me and my daughter...and hopefully sooni will b able to be in the same room with her.

Talk to you husband and do a budget and see if u can afford the one income. Although maybe going back part time wouldnt be a bad thing?...i know my daughter has benefited soo much from going to daycare 2 days a week. Being a single mum she is soo attached to me and visa versa. She is scared of other people and very shy!..Since daycare she has made some great friends :)..and is more outgoing:)..she also gets a break from mummy which i think she secretly LOVES,lol

Babette - posted on 02/15/2010

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It's hard, you will have to make a few sacrafices like cable, going out new clothes all the time etc. But to be honest it's all worth it and your little girl would rather see her mummy everyday then anything else money can buy. Also, i made some extra cash on the side by selling online. The extra money always helps out.

Niki - posted on 02/15/2010

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Its all about budgeting, couples living off 2 incomes is a fairly recient thing, for hundreds of years it was normal for one person to work and one person to stay at home with the kids. modern people have just gotten used to spending money on luxuries and crap that we actually really dont need. Whats really important is spending time with your kids so they dont grow up being raised in some chidcare centre by a stranger - she needs you. There are place that provide free budgeting servaces if you look around that will be able to help a lot.

Terra - posted on 02/15/2010

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I had to go back due to the money situation after 5 weeks. It was really really hard. I still dread leaving him during the day but I have my sis-in-law watching him now that helps alot. I did have a different sitter for a month and needless to say that didn't work out at all. I ended up leaving early for the first couple of weeks to go see him which helped cause the sitter didn't know when I would be there. I also called atleast 3 times a day and put pictures all around the office. There is no doubt that it is hard going back to work and leaving your little one...but if your family is in need of you to work due to money you do what you have to do or cut back majorly.

Rachel - posted on 02/15/2010

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my son is just inder 8 months old and i am dreading going back. hes starting to try and walk and i'm afraid to miss all his first. but alas we need the extra income. so i'll be going back soon.

Lisa - posted on 02/15/2010

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i cant wait to see more rplys to this cause im in the same boat my little girl is 7 months i have to go back but dont want to.... but i spose i have to go back for some sanity but ive got so use to being a house mummy i dont want to



good luck with your choice

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This is something you NEED to discuss with your husband! You not working will put the financial burdens squarely on his shoulders and you both need to be on the same page in regards to budgetting and what not! My s/o would LOVE me to be home 24/7 but this is not financially possible as having done so for 18 mos of our first born and then 6wks for our 2nd he fails to put himself on a budget and we have ungawdly outrageous credit card debt because his income covers our bills but he wont give up his internet, blockbuster acct, we have 3 cars...crap like that! Since he wouldn't bend on his spending (smokes & drinks, along w/a fried food addiction i swear!) it was more stressful for me to not work then to stay home, plus I really needed to get out of the house, my PT weekend job is my "break" from the kids/spouse/housework. As nice of an option it is to have a inhome daycare this would also not be possible because it would seriously drive my husband nuts! He wants to come home and relax w/his family not everyone else's kids...if you have the space that it could allow your spouse down time away from the hectic life of a daycare then maybe that would work for your family...

So I would say talk it over w/your spouse. Write down all you bills, entertainment money, etc... and make a mock budget and then be REALISTIC about whether or not you are ALL going to be able to stick to it on a long term basis...also consider that spending crap loads of time @ home gets pretty dull! What if you want your child to take a class or you guys do extra curricular activities while you're home all day doing "nothing" ... I could stay home forever if I had an unlimited income that would allow me travel expenses and entertainment fees for taking my kids to the zoo or museums, but this isn't w/in my budget and being home w/"nothing" to do was OMG boring! Also take in to consideration that when you eventually go back to work, say in a few years while your kid goes to school or something, you taking a considerable amount of time off work being unemployed does NOT look good on your resume! Becoming a SAHM for an extended amount of time makes you unhirable! Bosses don't want to see that you put your family before your work to the extent that you would if you had years of SAHM service under your belt! They want to think you will be there for the company no matter what...being a mom @ times sucks in the job industry!!! It also means that your skills are rusty and out dated! So frankly I would recommend you work PT or go to school if you plan on being a SAHM!!! Good luck with your decision!

Elena - posted on 02/15/2010

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I was eligible for 6 weeks paid and then an additional 6 weeks unpaid. I ended up taking the additional 6 weeks unpaid because I was just not ready to leave my daughter and return to work full time. It was hard financially only having 1 income. You really have to budget and cut back in areas. As hard as it was to return to work, it was a must. I have a schedule worked out where I work mornings and my fiance stays home with the baby, then he goes to work at night. **Money Saving Tip: Look into getting a membership at a wholesale club such as BJ's, Cosco, or Sam's Club. These places will save you a ton of money on baby essentials like diapers, formula, wipes, etc.**

Cardhia - posted on 02/15/2010

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I was on unpaid leave for 6 months and then realized that I couldn't leave my son in the care of someone else. I was hard for a while only having 1 income but then I figured I would open my own home daycare since childcare is the field I worked in. Once I did that everything was great. I am able to be with my son and he still gets that interaction with other children. I hope you find something that works for you, good luck!

Chantelle - posted on 02/15/2010

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have you ever considerd a night job? i'm a in home care worker. so i go to work at 10pm and sleep till 7am. all my job is is to be there just in case something happens i can assist my client out.so we still have two incomes and i can still be with my son.

Sarah - posted on 02/15/2010

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I always knew that I wanted to be a stay home mom before I had kids. The first few years things were REALLY tight. We cut back on pretty much anything that was not a need. We did not eat out much, did not go out much (we got creative on how we would spend our time together), I would look for sales or garage sales or consignment stores for things instead of paying full price for something, we cut back on anything that we could. It is amazing where you can find money sometimes. What you think you need sometimes is not really a need. As time has gone on I have started doing day care ($ is nice, but I started more out of a love her kids and a way for my kids to have playmates). If staying home is something you really want to do, you will find a way. There are many people that even in today's world live only on one income (and that income is not a huge income).

Michelle - posted on 02/15/2010

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I know exactly how you feel. My son is now 3 mons and I had to go back at 8wks. It was really hard, but I have the insurance for the family through my job so there weren't many options for us. If you do end up going back, make sure whoever watches your daughter is someone you trust (we are doing daycare). After having him in daycare for a month, it's still the best part of my day going to pick him up and having his teacher tell me all about his day. I also found that although I was upset about leaving him and completely overwhelmed between working during the day and doing all the mom/wife things at night, it really does get better. I remind myself every day that I am working to make it better for my son. I hope this helped.

Areeba - posted on 02/15/2010

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i think that most mums dont want to go back to work after having kids but this country is very expensive. i am on mat leave at the moment and i will go bk in april by that time my son will be 8 months. i am going bk part time n i will see how it goes. i just no that i will be working for him and to provide him with a secure future. you have to be mentally strong. dnt worry ul b fine gud luck

Shannon - posted on 02/15/2010

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I am actually in the same boat right now, except I quit my job in this horrible economy to be with my daughter. She is three months old now and I have no desire to go back until she's in pre-school. I sent my son to daycare when he was sixteen months, but because I had a limited amount to spend on daycare to make working worthwhile, I used private sitters. After three different private sitters I don't want to go back unless I can afford the best daycare out there. However, this is an unrealistic wish for me. I've only been out for three months and our finances have increased so now I must go back even if it's on the weekends and evenings when my husband is home. I'm not sure what to do yet, though. If you are surviving financially even with the one income, I would do it. It will be over before you know it and there are always things you can do to pick up some income. You could sell Avon or Premier Jewelry and stack coupons when you go grocery shopping. Let me know if you figure something out because I could use a tip in this area as well!

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