He wants more....

Danielle - posted on 08/14/2010 ( 20 moms have responded )

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I just had my daughter 6 months ago and my hsubands already talking about having more kids. I have no problem with it i just dont want to have anymore right now. Maybe in a couple years, ooorrrr I get promoted and we have a little more money, but not now. And he's not talking one or two more, he's talking about as many as it takes to get two boys. I know eventually he'll be liek "we really have to stop" and he loves both of his daughters. I dont know if its cuz he's a only child, and wants a big family cuz he never had that, or if he's just being selfish.
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Amalia - posted on 08/24/2010

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I'm from a big family I have 9 sisters and 1 brother in total lol..so I have no desire for a big family but my fiance wants a big family as he is an only child and he loves my daughter as his own but he wants atleast 6 lol..tbh i cant see that happening any time soon but yeah some guys are like that..even though its usually the women who want big families

Rachel - posted on 08/24/2010

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I have a very different take on this... I am the mama who wants to raise every mistreated child out there, and I only wanted to adopt children. My husband said that he wanted at least two biological children of his own. We got pregnant the same day we got married (haha) and then EXACTLY two years later, had our second boy. I love how busy they keep me and how excited Sebastian is about his little brother, but I still had my tubes tied after two horrific c-sections. We are now looking at becoming foster/adoptive parents when the boys are a little older and we are a little more stable in our lives. All in all, it is up to the both of you to decide how many children you want, and also how you get them, a factor that a lot of mamas overlook. My husband is very agreeable on having a big family, knowing that that is what I want, and that I have taken care of his wants also. He now says, the more the merrier, as long as I don't have to be pregnant again, LOL. I feel that in a family situation, you should always come to a middle ground on the whole family thing, but also be joyful that he loves you and your child that much to want another one so soon... You must be doing a great job! Good luck to you!!

Sasha - posted on 08/24/2010

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I respect the number of children my husband wants to have. It's something we've discussed and we've (luckily) agreed upon 2. I know my body, I know what I'm capable of and what I'm willing to go through. I know what is involved in carrying a child and giving birth to one. I would never have a child if I wasn't ready (emotionally, physically, mentally, financially) just because my husband wanted one (much as I love and respect him). I think it's important we communicate in a marriage and respect each others' desires but I also think that as the father doesn't actually carry the child and give birth to her/him then he doesn't have the right to demand anything of us that we are unwilling to endure. Having said that, if you feel strong enough and want another one then I wish you all the very best. We're hoping to have number 2 sooner rather than later (my son is 8 months old now) to group them together :)

Lauren - posted on 08/24/2010

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tell him if he wants another child so bad to go and have the kid himself. and don't try to wait it out for 2 boys, i know somebody who was waiting for a girl and had 5 boys u just have to take what god gives u and go with it

Terry-ann - posted on 08/24/2010

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your body needs time to heal so dont rush it doctors say it take about two year before ur body is fully ready.however ppl do have kids right after the other.my husband told me when i was in the hospital in pain that hes not putting me through that again but know pain over n thing hes talking about another,i told him no cause the pain too hot......... lol.but maybe the next 5 year

Tash - posted on 08/23/2010

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i would have waited if i knew that i would get post natal depression with my second son. we have a 13 month old and a 5 week old both boys and i have found it very hard this time around, wait for at least another year or so. we want more but now i have put my foot down and said not for another 5 years and that will be the last child.

Bernadette - posted on 08/22/2010

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there is one advantage to having kids close together - they become such good friends and do so much together. My sister and I were only 2 and a bit years apart, and we each had a permanent playmate. Our older sisters were great, but of course they grew out of the things we were interested in long before we did, so without each other we wouldn't have had much to do. And we are still very close.

I also have another baby on the way - it is due right around my daughter's second birthday, and I've very excited that they are going to be close in age because they will get to grow up together. At this stage, I am hoping it's another girl so that they can have the kind of friendship I have with my sister, but even if it's a boy doesn't mean they won't have that special bond. I'm not saying that you should have them that close together, just making a different point of view that I think is worth considering.

Stifler's - posted on 08/21/2010

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He may be joking. I have a 6 month old and 2 months after he was born people were asking when we're having the next one. I want them all close together but I've put the foot down on having a football team. You have the power in this situation though, just say no if you don't want another one yet. He can't make you have another baby.

Tiffany - posted on 08/21/2010

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Well, did you talk about numbers of kids before having the two you already have? What was his idea then?
And if he did tell you he wanted a big family, then I dont think he's being selfish, because you knew what he wanted up front. But if hes just springing this on you now, I think thats selfish.
Do you want a big family? or are you good at settling with 2 or 3 kids?
And if you wanna wait a few yrs before having more, you are MORE than entitled to do that. You, in reality, are the one carrying that child and birthing that child and nursing that child when it's born. He is not. So its all well and good for him to suggest 10 kids, but he needs to have the blessings of the one growing and pushing otu those 10 kids before he'll get them :)

Becky - posted on 08/21/2010

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It's not selfish at all to want more kids. For anyone. Having kids is one of the most self-LESS things, in my opinion, someone can do. They take a lot of time, energy, and money away from things adults would sometimes prefer to be doing, and makes nights on the town and spontaneous trips (not to mention spontaneous sex) quite difficult, if not impossible at times. So really, to me it says he loves being a dad. :)

Like someone else already said, this is a very personal decision and can only be made between you and your husband. So take the ideas you've learned here, decide how you REALLY feel about the situation, and sit down and have a talk with your hubby. Present your side of the matter, offer your opinion on what you should do from this point, and then ask for his feedback.

Blessings!

Kelina - posted on 08/21/2010

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Is he talking like he wants top have one now or he would like to have more eventually? It can be really hard on your body to have babies too close together and can have negative long term effects on your health. So if he's talking like he wants another one right now just let him know that. And let him know that you do want more kids just not right now. You want to enjoy the ones you have. And he has to be able to support that many kids. Why don't you sit down and have a good talk with him about more kids and see where he really stands and make sure he knows how difficukt it will be to have that many kids, and what he;s prepared for financially etc. Hope it goes ok!

Victoria - posted on 08/21/2010

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He is being selfish, not only is he being selfish but he is being a bit irresponsible. You are absolutely right though... you have to make sure the time is right for you. And also it isn't too great for you to have another baby so soon anyway, your body would benefit from a little time to get back to normal. I have a seven month old son and a six year old. We've decided we want another (just the one more!) but not for a couple of years, because that's what is right for us.

And the bottom line is it is YOU that has to carry another child, so you have to have the final say if you don't want another right now. Don't be talked into it, it's too big of a decision to just give in to - stand your ground!

Carla - posted on 08/21/2010

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Bless, i was like that 2, i want more but not right now, when my son is about 16months i would like to have #3 and would love a girl, i only want 3in total and if they are all boys then so be it good luck

Didi - posted on 08/21/2010

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The size of your family is intensely personal and one you can only make with your husband. Sounds like you and hubby are not on the same page when it comes to family size. I suggest having a serious talk about how many children he wants, how many you want and what is actually realistic. I would love to have 7 children (love being pregnant, love infants) but my hubby only wants three to four. In actuality, we'll have as many as we can afford.

Jennifer - posted on 08/20/2010

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Tell him you want more too, eventually. But I wouldn't rush into it if you don't feel like you are ready. Being pregnant isn't simple, neither is birth... your body needs time to recover. I had a c-section (unexpectedly) so I was advised to not even consider a baby for atleast 18 months. After that hell, I told my doctor I didn't want anymore. But I know will, eventually and my husband is okay with that.

Alycia - posted on 08/20/2010

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I would suggest waiting a couple years. I have a friend who just had her second baby exactly one year and two weeks after her first was born - she is going crazy since her husband works and she stays home. It's hard having two so close together - emotionally and physically. Also, think about the cost of having two children in diapers - not cheap!

My daughter just turned one and I want to have another baby so badly, but I know it's best to wait until our daughter is 2-3 and potty trained.

It doesn't sound like he's being selfish, just wants kids. Talk to him about how you feel and the pros/cons of having another baby now. Good luck!

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Uugh my husband is the same way! I told him all he has to do is show up for the main event, he doesn't have to participate in all of the hard work that goes into getting the baby here. I told mine we need to relax and enjoy the one we have and when we are both ready in every way for another we will start trying. Sometimes they forget you cant snap your fingers and a baby appears!

Bonnie - posted on 08/14/2010

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In a way you are very lucky. Usually it is the husband that only wants one or two and the wife is upset about it. At the same time, your child is only 6 months old and I would want to wait longer if I were you. Not just because your child is very small, bhut also because pregnancy and giving birth takes a toll on your body. You should have a gap in between.

Alysha - posted on 08/14/2010

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a big family is great but we decided on sticking with what you can fit in a mini van, so 3-4 kids. I know two couples who have 4 girls, so I would suggest not waiting out for boys. A princess can go fishing and build a fort too! :) have fun!

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