HELP

Natalie - posted on 04/29/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )

39

27

1

My 9 month old son is now screaming when you lay him down for nap and when you lay him down for bed time. He screams for what seems like forever. How long is a reasonable amount of time to let him scream or should I not let him scream? I need some advice.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

14 Comments

View replies by

Jennifer - posted on 05/05/2011

29

41

1

its separation anxiety and this should help him realize your not leaving him there forever by himself.

Jennifer - posted on 05/05/2011

29

41

1

if that doesn't work then when you are doing house work or something lay him in there and walk away but come back every3-5 min to show him your not leaving him. and then at bed time he will be more comfortable with you leaving him there.

Jennifer - posted on 05/05/2011

29

41

1

honeslt i just let my child scream eventually they will get tired and go to bed... the problem is everytime he screams no matter how long you wait if you go up and get him he thinks OH THIS IS HOW I GET MY WAY lol so just let him cry i know that sounds really mean but unless there is a reason he is crying like hes sick or soemthing he will be fine.

Natalie - posted on 05/05/2011

39

27

1

Thanks ladies, I think we have a system now. I lay him down and let him cry for about 30 minutes, and he seems to relax and go to sleep.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/02/2011

12,224

26

264

Yeah, he's definiatly having problems self soothing. Our son needed to be rocked to sleep, and would whine making these 'ehhhh eh' noises for an HOUR before finally being rocked to sleep. I mean it was bad... even at 5 months old we had to try something new as I got muscle spasms and couldn't rock him (and he didn't respond to our glider rocking either?!) it was aweful. So my boyfriends mom told me about how she watched a special yearrrrs ago and trained her 2 year old (my bf at the time) to self soothe and it was a pain becasue he was old enough to climb out of bed and tear his room apart in the process.. so earlier really is best! Ummm.. we started this with our 5 month old and he's been doing SO much better, no more whining, nothing! It's awesome :D



They say it usually takes a week, but it took 1 day for us and a few minor follow throughs during nap times here and there.



The method says to make sure all of your childs needs are taken care of, then to lay them down for their normal bedtime and of course they will cry. They are tired, sleepy and cannot get there by themselves yet. They need to learn and this is a process of helping them learn without needing things like a pacifier or you rocking them. Once in the crib, walk off (i used a baby monitor to hear he was ok though from another room) and he cried for 15 minutes before he got hystarical. So i went back in and i did have to pick my son up, which they say not to do, but i had to calm him and the typical -just rub his back- suggestions werent doing it because he kept trying to roll over and throw a tantrum.. but he was truly upset so i held him for a few minutes until he hit a normal kind of upset... he would get calm for a minute then start to whine again and so I figured that was the calmest he was getting, so back in the crib he went. Another 15 minutes of crying, 5 minutes of quiet play with a lone cry inbetween (he didnt get really really upset again, so that was good) and then he played quietly for 15 more minutes before falling asleep on his own.......... and that's all it took for us. 1 night.



So the method says to put them down, let them cry for 20-30 minutes, go back in and rub them, comfort, but do not pick up. Then leave and wait another 10.. and then another 10.. until they fall asleep......



They say it takes a week usually, and we've had to do this a few times for his naps. To let him cry. It is very hard, and you have to make sure everything he needs is taken care of, but your son is definiatly old enough to learn, and its better early before he walks and it's harder. :)



Just don't let him get hystarical and trust your instincts. Do what works for you. I read about this method for 2 months and heard about it from my mother in law for a while before I finally just was up, awake, late one night and he started to fuss before bed. I was awake, confident and not totally exhausted enough to try it and it worked. So do what makes you comfortable and I hope it works out for you :)

Alexis - posted on 05/02/2011

46

17

0

Umm....I wouldn't be much help on this one. As soon as my almost 6 month old son starts to cry I go and get him and bring him back to my bed. But I want to try to stick out the training him to sleep in his bed, so from what I've read and watched via Supernanny she recommends that you put them in their crib and sit next to the crib so they can see you until they fall asleep. Then the next night sit further away, and the next night sit by the door. But if he screams for what seems like forever I would personally comfort him. Try just by touching him and soothing him with your voice. You can also try playing some soft lulliby music that may calm him down. But if neither of those work, then try picking him up to comfort him and then put him back down. If not I have friends who have let their children just scream and cry for hours and hours. Soon he will tire himself out with his screaming and fall asleep, as I am told. But I just don't have the stamina do that that to my little one just yet. Oh they do close the bedroom door while the baby is screaming. As long as he is in his crib and there is nothing he can grab that will hurt him just let him cry if nothing else works. My friend tried to ensure me that it only took a week of screaming until their child stopped.
GOOD LUCK with however you try to handle it!!!!

Delia - posted on 05/02/2011

57

46

0

My 1st son did the same thing.. It's hard to listen to them scream and cry. When he first started I had heard that you should check on them after 5 minutes but I found that if I went in there after 5 minutes it would just escalate when I had to leave the room again.. So I started doing it every 10 minutes and I would go in lay him down rub his back for a minute then tell him in soft tones its ok mommy still here or it's ok mommy's just in the living room then I stretched it to 15, 20, 25 mins and so on until I didn't need to keep going back in.

Katie - posted on 05/01/2011

17

10

0

I went through this with my son at that age! It took about 2 weeks, but the BIGGEST thing that helped is about a half hour before bed, we start talking about bedtime. Things such as Luke, its getting close to bedtime, are you getting sleepy? Then when we are at bedtime, we take him into his room, tell him its bedtime, give him kisses and his paci and say goodnight. We havn't had a problem since. It took about 2-3 weeks to figure this out. One night, I was set and determined to let him "Cry it out" and after 45 minutes, he threw up on himself, so then, it was a bath and cuddling.... I was home alone because my husband was working. 2 hours later, Luke and I are laying on the floor together, both of us crying. My husband walked in the door picked up Luke and he went right to sleep!! I was SOOO fusterated! The next night after 20 minutes I called my mom. She gave him his bottle in his bed and left!! (Im totally against this!!) He cried for 10 minutes and went to sleep... Alot of trial and error. He does fine now, we have a bedtime routine. He has his milk, we snuggle on the couch then walk to the bathroom brush his teeth then say our good nights and toss the blanket on and he's out! Good Luck! I PROMISE it will get better! Just find what he needs!

Natalie - posted on 04/29/2011

39

27

1

I do read to him and he is fine at this point. There are times he is asleep in my arms and the second I lay him down he starts screaming. I might try going in there every few minutes just to see how he does. He never did this before just got worse just recently.

Melly - posted on 04/29/2011

203

42

43

Do you read him books? Maybe you could make him lay down, you sit on the floor next to the cot so you are at face level with him, and read a book, Even if he's crying, I've found with Liam whenever he has a bit of a tantrum, if i talk loud (so he hears me over his crying) and then i lower my voice to nearly a whisper, he stops the crying to listen what im saying. Then I can return to my normal voice. Another alternative to letting them cry it out completely alone is put him to bed, leave the room and let him cry for say 5 minutes (shorter or longer if you want) go in to his room shhh him, and say its time for sleep now good night.. leave the room (if he cries again go in after say 8 minutes (whatever time you chose the first time make the second time a bit longer) go back in say the exact same thing again (shhh him, and say its time for sleep now good night..) go back out, if still crying go back in after 10 minutes (I think you get the picture, just lengthen the amount of time each time between going back in, and say the same thing). That may work for you (you can only try).

Natalie - posted on 04/29/2011

39

27

1

Thats my problem is the scared petrified cry that he is afraid that I left him for good. I tried sitting in his room and he either continues to scream or he stands up and laughs and thinks we are going to play. I dont know what to do.

Melly - posted on 04/29/2011

203

42

43

If he is crying when you are still in the room, then he's at the seperation anxiety stage. In my opinion only, I dont think its right to walk off and let my son cry himself to sleep, he cries because at that age he doesnt understand if you are coming back or not, if i let him cry himself to sleep then he thinks I have abandoned him. I dont have an issue with sitting in my sons room for 30 minutes while he falls asleep. Remember as I said this is my opinion only, and I dont know for a fact that how I did things is right, but my son is no longer 9 months old, and has no issues going to bed, and i can not see that it did any harm whatsoever. The suggestion of slowly moving out of the room is a good one. Start near his bed, and slowly move to the door every few minutes. Then the next night do the same, but start not as close to his bed as the night before. I agree though that self soothing is important for them to learn, but in my opinion only, my son seemed to learn that at a much younger age, but when he got to 9 months the seperation anxiety kicked in. It was also a different cry to his younger one. The younger cry, where I had no issue letting him cry to sleep, it wasnt an urgent/scared cry, but the one that started around 9 months was like he was absolutely petrified that he was alone and I wasnt there. Anyway it's entirely your decision, and what you are comfortable with doing. Good luck with your son :)

Natalie - posted on 04/29/2011

39

27

1

It is hard to hear them scream, he usually does not have anything to cry about, he has clean diaper and has full tummy, and is not in any pain. He has learned to stand in his bed and just scream. I have tried to stay in the room and he still screams whether I am there or not. I just didnt know if 30 minutes of crying was too much.

Jamie - posted on 04/29/2011

68

1

10

If there's no reason for him to cry (hungry, dirty, hurt or sick) then I'd let him cry until he falls asleep. Does he cry even if you stay in the room? If not maybe you can start by sitting near him and slowly start moving closer to the door as he gets used to it. I know it's hard to let your baby just cry but they have to learn how to soothe themselves.

I don't think my daughter ever even made it to 30 minutes of crying before she either calmed herself or fell asleep.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms