HELP! Any advice on non-physical dicipline, PLEASE!!

[deleted account] ( 18 moms have responded )

I have 3 Boys ages 4 and under...So yes....I need HELP!!! Any advice from anyone would be ideal. I do spank them but I would rather not...advice anybody?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

E Victoria - posted on 03/31/2010

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Joi- You can do this (make a chart) with your daughter for not talking back. I have it on a chart called Things To Work On; on this chart I have try new foods, listen to mommy, saying nice words (this would be for the no talking back), and a few others.

E Victoria - posted on 03/31/2010

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Your welcome! =) You could use a whiteboard w/ erasable markers, so you can use it over and over and won't have to buy stickers and paper. If you really want to be creative you could use felt sp? material as the chart and felt sp? material as the reward marker. Or use a chalk board if you have one.

Tracie - posted on 03/27/2010

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We have two boys ages 4 and 6 and a daughter who is 9 we like to come up with creative punishments such as making them stand in the center of the room and hug for 5 mins for fighting or another one is we make them stand on the wall it's like timeout with a twist they have to stand against the wall and hold their arms out in front of them this one seems to work best when they refuse to pick up after themselves they get one min for how ever many years the are. It seems to work with my boys so far. The main thing though is being consistant with whatever punishment you choose. Consistancy is the key to making disapline work

E Victoria - posted on 03/26/2010

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time outs help, just be persistent w/ them, put a timer on, so they'll know when they can get up, if they don't sit there the whole time out, put them back and tell them the time is going to start over...the time shouldn't be too long, from what i heard make them sit there for a minute to their age, like a 4 year old would sit there for 4 minutes, now it would be difficult if they are all in trouble and one get's done before the others, soo i would put them in different places, make sure there are no toys or anything for distractions.



In the mean time to change their behavior, so you don't have to do time outs. I'd make a chart for each of them. I do a chart for my daughter for her behavior and another chart for her chores, if she's good she gets a sticker for listening, being nice, helping, stuff like that, after she gets a full week of stars she gets a reward, it's not much it would be something from the dollar store and she really loves that. At the end of each day, if she gets all her marks for good behavior that day she gets a treat after dinner, like a piece of candy or brownie, whatever would be considered a treat. She's done really well, she's 3 and knows that she has to have good behavior to get rewarded. I think your boys would like that, it will help them understand what they are doing is good and they won't be rewarded for bad behavior. You could have them put stickers on their charts themselves to get them involved. You could tell them the reward ahead of time, that helps persuade them to behave. Like I tell my daughter, that we're going to go to the library tomorrow, but you need to get all your stars first. She'll try really hard to get her stars. They are so young like my daughter, so go a little easy on them, because they will probably do something naughty. When they do something bad, put them in time out and say they won't get a star for doing what they did. Explain why what they did is wrong when they are in time out or after wards. Also explain why they got their stars when they get rewarded.



I don't know the affect this is going to have in the long run, like if she thinks this will continue forever; I don't really know how long I'll do this. I think it's good for children to be rewarded for good things. I think I'll probably update the charts to how well she does in school instead of her behavior. It's worth a try, good luck.

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Cyndi - posted on 01/22/2013

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Sticker chart withthe behavior you want from them. Make sure yiu follow through with the reward at the end of the week :-)

Erin - posted on 04/07/2010

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Put a reward system in place it works great for kids of any age just about, just make sure the rewards are age appropriate. Take things away, like cartoons, toys, shorten time for favorite activities lots you can do. Once they get accustomed to earning things the more likely it is that when they get older they think things through before rushing into bad ideas.

Tammy - posted on 04/07/2010

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i have 4 kids, ages 13, 7,6, and 5 so i totally get it. like you, i'm not comfortable spanking kids personally, so i put them in the corner. its good if you have a little stool for them to sit on so they dont get tired but make sure that they face the wall without turning around, no fidgeting, nothing...for however long. having a timer helps. and each time they do it, add time to it.

Joi - posted on 04/07/2010

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Thank you E Victoria I Have started the chart and so far it seems to be working

Joi - posted on 03/31/2010

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OMG!!! I was just about to talk about this I have a 5 year old and I dont do any physical discipline she is not a "bad" child she just "back talk" a lot and I dont want to spank her becasue of that but I do need help on what to do when she does, so she will know what is and isn't acceptable.

[deleted account]

@ E Victoria Garcia....thanks so much that is a great idea! I never thought about the chart thing but I would help especially with my oldest son who is about to start school in august. Thanks so much!

Melissa - posted on 03/27/2010

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I'm in the same boat as you except I have 2 boys,3&4yrs old.I don't spank I guess you can I'm a screamer,which gets me no where.lol.I've tried the time out in the corner or in there room.If I have to hold the door shut for a few min,I do so.Then I will try to talk to them about what they did wrong,sometimes it works others it doesn't.They continuosly fight over things,and are wrestling all the time which it's all fun until someone gets hurt.I'm not into spanking,but they have been spanked 1 or 2 times,but no results.I guess they be more consistant with the time outs but some days it's so exausting.I hope u find a way to help your problem,If anything works let me know,I could probably use that advice too!!lol

Donna - posted on 03/27/2010

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I have a 2 yr old who's never had physical dicipline an he is a really good child, but when he is naughty I did try the naughty step which didn't really work for him so I tell him im gona count to 3 an I want him to stop what ever it is he's doing wrong by the time I reach 3. And it does work every time. Perhaps take away a toy or use a chart with stickers for when there good? You have got your hands full good luck!! x

Teanna - posted on 03/27/2010

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take everything out of thier rooms except thier bed and clothes. And I mean everything including the things they enjoy looking at on the walls so that when you put them in thier room for punishment there is absolutly nothing to distract them from thinking about why they are in there and after a reasonable amount of time you tell them they can come out and make them tell you why they were in thier room if they can't put him back in his room for another couple min. Oh but when you put him in there to begin with make sure he knows he has to tell you why he went in there in order to have the privelage to come out. So after he is able to tell you why he was put in his room simply explain to him why what he did wrong is not ok and help him brainstorm things he can do otherwise the next time he wants to do something wrong. I would leave everything out of his room for a couple weeks or how ever long it takes for them to be able to focus on thier behavior enough to respect your words.

[deleted account]

Hi. My recommendation is gender-specific. Boys don't learn a thing from timeout. Girls are dependent on social interaction, and time out is torture for them. Boys, you take toys off them. The are more likely to figure out you mean business if suddenly the Matchbox cars or the Playstation are put away than if they have to go sit on a step and think about how their behaviour effects others. Dont send them to their room, that's like saying, ok go have fun with all your stuff on your own without having to share!

That is what i have learned as a childcare provider and from my qualifications in Child Services. Obviously you would tailor that approach to suit individuals in the family.

Jackie - posted on 03/26/2010

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i have two boys ages 1 & 2 nd i also have a sepson who is 3. they can be okay foabout an hour before all the fighting oftoys start..if they dont share I tell them , I will take everything away, but if that doesn't work..put them in time out the my boys already know what in means..lol..sit them somewhere all i different areas for about 5 minutes and they will start to listen..

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