Help! daughter is asking for a dad!?

Iiz - posted on 01/06/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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In July I finally introduced my 7 yr old daughter and 9 year old son to my boyfriend. I've been dating my bf for almost 3 years and we made our relationship official 6 months ago. I was hesitant about introducing them because this is the only bf of mine they'd meet. I decided to because our relationship is serious and he wanted to meet them. I just want to say he's great! We are very lucky. My issue right now is that my daughter kept asking me why she doesn't have a dad. (FYI father of my kids has been out of their life since she was 3 yrs old) she doesn't remember 1 thing about him. He has not made an effort to see them so why would I tell the kids about him? He went off started another family in another state and that's that. My answer to her was simply that all families are different, some have 2 moms, 2 dads, just a mom or dad, other only have grandparents and no parents. She seemed to drop it after a while. But now that we have all been spending more time with my bf she is asking if he is going to be her dad. I don't know exactly how to respond to this. I would love to hear your thoughts. Anything would help! If more details are needed please ask. Thanks!

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Chet - posted on 01/07/2014

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I think that all you can do is to be honest in an age-appropriate way. Sympathise with her feelings and be truthful about the situation. It's okay to tell kids you don't know what the future will bring, but you can assure of things you do know (I love you, boyfriend enjoys spending time with you, etc).

I would hope though, that you and your boyfriend both see this relationship as very stable and long term and that your boyfriend is interested in being a positive influence in your children's lives. Otherwise, it was probably a mistake to introduce him to your kids.

I would also make sure that your boyfriend knows about your daughter's questions and feelings and that you're on the same page with how you're responding to her on this topic.

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